How the Shaytaan has a share in people’s children

Is it true that if a person does not say “Bismillaah” before having intercourse, the Shaytaan shares with him in that?

Praise be to Allaah.

With regard to the Shaytaan having a share when one does not say Bismillaah, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“share with them wealth and children (by tempting them to earn money by illegal ways usury, or by committing illegal sexual intercourse),”

[al-Israa’ 17:64]

 Al-Qurtubi said: i.e., give yourself a share in that… 

“children”: it was said that this means the children of zina (fornication, adultery). This was the view of Mujaahid, al-Dahhaak and ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas. It was also narrated that he said, this refers to the children whom they killed and against whom they committed other crimes. It was also narrated that he said, this refers to when they call them by names such as ‘Abd al-Haarith, ‘Abd al-‘Uzza, ‘Abd al-Laat, ‘Abd al-Shams [i.e., names meaning “slave of…” referring to their false gods]. And it was said that this refers to their initiating their children into kufr so that they make them into Jews or Christians, as the Christians do with their children when they baptize them with water. This was the view of Qutaadah. 

The fifth view was narrated from Mujaahid who said: If a man has intercourse and does not mention the name of Allaah, the jinn wraps himself around his penis and has intercourse along with him. This is what is referred to in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): 

“with whom no man or jinni has had Tamth [sexual intercourse] before them”

[al-Rahmaan 55:56] 

Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 10/289 

Ibn Katheer said: 

“ ‘share with them wealth and children (by tempting them to earn money by illegal ways usury, or by committing illegal sexual intercourse)’

[al-Israa’ 17:64 – interpretation of the meaning] 

‘children’: al-‘Awfi said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas, Mujaahid and al-Dahhaak: this means the children of zina. ‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: this refers to their children whom they used to kill from folly, without knowledge. Qutaadah said, narrating from al-Hasan al-Basri: by Allaah, he had a share with them in their children by making them Magians, Jews and Christians, so that they followed a religion other than the religion of Allaah and gave a share of their wealth to the Shaytaan. This was also the view of Qutaadah. Abu Saalih said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: this refers to when they give their children names such as ‘Abd al-Haarith, ‘Abd al-Shams and so on. 

Ibn Jareer said: The most correct view is that every child who is born of a woman concerning whom a sin is committed by giving him a name which Allaah dislikes, or by initiating him into a religion other than that with which Allaah is pleased, or by committing adultery with his mother, or by killing him, or by burying him or her alive, or other actions which involve sin and disobedience towards Allaah, all come under the heading of the Shaytaan having a share in that with the one to whom the child is born, because in the aayah ‘share with them wealth and children’ Allaah did not specify one meaning to the exclusion of any other. Every case where Allaah is disobeyed and the Shaytaan is obeyed is a form of his sharing in that. 

What he said is sound. Each of the salaf pointed out some aspect in which the Shaytaan has a share. It was proven in Saheeh Muslim (2865) from ‘Iyaad ibn Himaar that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah said, ‘I created My slaves as pure monotheists (haneefs), then the shayaateen (devils) came to them and diverted them from their religion and forbade them that which I had permitted to them.’”  

In al-Saheehayn (al-Bukhaari, 3271; Muslim, 1434) it is narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When any one of you want to have intercourse with his wife, let him say, ‘Bismillaah, jannibnaa al-shaytaan wa jannib al-Shaytaan ma razaqtana (In the name of Allaah. Keep the Shaytaan away from us and from what You bestow upon us).’ Then if it is decreed that they should have a child, the Shaytaan will never be able to harm him.” 

(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/50-51) 

al-Tabari said: 

The most correct view is that every child who is born of a woman concerning whom a sin is committed by giving him a name which Allaah dislikes, or by initiating him into a religion other than that with which Allaah is pleased, or by committing adultery with his mother, or by killing him, or by burying him or her alive, or other actions which involve sin and disobedience towards Allaah, all come under the heading of the Shaytaan having a share in that with the one to whom the child is born, because in the aayah ‘are with them wealth and children’ Allaah did not specify one meaning to the exclusion of any other. Every case where Allaah is disobeyed and the Shaytaan is obeyed is a form of his sharing in that is giving Iblees a share in that 

(Tafseer al-Tabari, 15/120, 121) 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di said: 

“share with them wealth and children”. This includes all kinds of sins that have to do with their wealth and children, such as withholding zakaah, failing to give kafaaraat (expiation) and to give people their dues, not disciplining and  training children to do good and give up evil, taking wealth unlawfully or spending it unlawfully, or using earnings gained from haraam sources. 

Indeed, many of the mufassireen said that also included in the Shaytaan’s share of wealth and children is neglecting to say Bismillaah when eating, drinking or having intercourse; if one does not say Bismillaah when doing those things, the Shaytaan has a share in them, as was mentioned in the hadeeth. 

Tayseer al-Kareem al-Rahmaan, p. 414  

I say: with regard to the Shaytaan sharing in intercourse when a person fails to say Bismillaah, we have mentioned above the hadeeth narrated by Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) and the comment of Mujaahid (may Allaah have mercy on him). 

Conclusion:

 The correct view on the meaning of this aayah is that it should be interpreted in the ways mentioned above, for there is no contradiction between these meanings. Each of the salaf mentioned one aspect of its meanings, and there is no contradiction between them. The basic principle in such a case is that the aayah should be interpreted according to all its meanings. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: 

The differences among the salaf concerning tafseer are very small. Their differences concerning rulings are greater than their differences concerning tafseer. Most of the differences narrated from them in saheeh reports have to do with variations, not contradictions. These are of two types: 

The first is that each of them expresses the meaning that he has in mind using words that differ from the words used by others, each referring to a different aspect of the same thing… This is similar to the case where different words are used to refer to a sword: al-saarim (that which parts or cuts off) and al-muhannad (made from Indian iron).  And it is like the names of Allaah, the names of His Messenger, and the names of the Qur’aan.  All of the names of Allaah refer to One; calling upon Him by one of His Most Beautiful Names does not contradict calling upon Him by one of His other Names. Rather it is as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Say (O Muhammad): ‘Invoke Allaah or invoke the Most Gracious (Allaah), by whatever name you invoke Him (it is the same), for to Him belong the Best Names’”

[al-Israa’ 17:110] 

Each of His names refers to the same Essence and to the attribute referred to in that name. So al-‘Aleem (the All-Knowing) refers to His Essence and His knowledge; al-Qadeer (the All-Powerful) refers to His Essence and His power; al-Raheem (the Most Merciful) refers to His Essence and His mercy… 

The second kind is when each of them refers to a specific meaning by way of giving an example or drawing the attention of the listener to an example, not in a precise and exclusive sense. This is like when a non-Arab asks what the word khubz (bread) means, and someone shows him a loaf of bread. He is referring to a type, not this specific loaf. 

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 13/333-337

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

what should do when your wife refuse to have sex?

His wife is not very interested in intercourse so he resorts to masturbation
I am a man of a strong desire. I like to have intercourse everyday. When I try to start it with my wife, she refuses for weak reasons like saying she is tired or lazy to make ghusl or because she wants to delay it to next day. So I have intercourse with her only twice a week. I cannot be patient. So I have to masturbate by my hand fearing to fall into adultery. Although I know it is haram, I masturbate about three times a week while my wife is beside me and she knows what I am doing. My wife cares a lot about beautifying herself and using perfumes, but she becomes annoyed if I ask her for sex. Am I sinful to masturbate by my hand? If yes, then does my wife share in this sin?.


Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The husband has to treat his wife kindly, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

Part of living with one’s spouse honourably is having intercourse, which is obligatory upon the husband, as much as is sufficient to satisfy her, so long as it does not harm him physically or distract him from earning a living.

The wife is obliged to obey her husband if he calls her to his bed, and if she refuses then she is sinning, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (32370 and Muslim (1436) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: She has to obey him if he calls her to his bed, and this is a duty that is obligatory upon her. … If she refuses to respond to his call, then she is being disobedient and wilfully defiant. … as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/145, 146).

But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse. If she has an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse.

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Both slave women and free women are enjoined not to refuse the master or husband if he calls them for intercourse, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and likely to be harmed by intercourse, or observing an obligatory fast. If she refuses with no excuse then she is cursed. End quote from al-Muhalla (10/40).

Al-Bahooti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time, so long as that does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm her; he does not have the right to enjoy her in that case, because that is not part of living with them honourably. But if it does not distract her from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. End quote from Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/189).

The wife whose husband is harming her by having intercourse too often may come to some agreement with her husband concerning a specific number that she can put up with, and if he does more to such an extent that it is harmful to her, then she has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi (judge), who may determine a specific number and oblige both husband and wife to adhere to that.

Secondly:

Masturbation is haraam, because of evidence that we have quoted in the answer to question no. 329.

There is no sin if the husband is masturbated by his wife’s hand, because it is permissible for him to enjoy her; the same applies if he ejaculates outside the vagina, because of the general meaning of the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5,6].

This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 826.

If the wife will be harmed by intercourse, she will not be harmed if her husband enjoys her in other ways, so she has to allow him to do that.

Both spouses have to tackle this problem in a kind, loving and frank manner; and each of them should understand the rights and duties that they have, because most marital problems stem from ignorance of that.

Some husbands are keen to satisfy their own desires, and they hasten to do that without caring about their wives or paying attention to their right to pleasure, so the wife finds no enjoyment in it and is put off by it, and it becomes a problem and a burden for her.

Hence we say: Strive to create love and affection between you and your wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings; avoid that which will harm her or hurt her. Tell her of the shar’i ruling concerning this issue and help her to follow it, and do not put her off, and be moderate in your approach, and you will get what you want.

May Allaah help us and you to obey Him and seek His pleasure.

And Allaah knows best.

Husband and wife taking a bath together and looking at private parts

Can husband and wife take a bath together and look at each others private parts? I have been told by some people that while having intercourse with ones wife, the room should be completely dark and one cannot take all the clothes off while copulation. Is it true?
May Allah guide us to the right path.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is permissible for a woman to see all of her husband’s body and for a man to see all of his wife’s body, with no need to go into details, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And those who guard their chastity (i.e., private parts, from illegal sexual acts), except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for then, they are free from blame; but whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors.” [al-Mu’minoon 23:5-7]

(Fataawa al-Mar’ah by Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 121).

Al-Bukhaari reported in his Saheeh (no. 250) that ‘Aa’ishah said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)and I used to bathe from one vessel.”

Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath: “Al-Daawoodi interpreted this to mean that it is permissible for a man to look at his wife’s ‘awrah and vice-versa. This is supported by the report narrated by Ibn Hibbaan via Sulaymaan ibn Moosa, who was asked about a man looking at his wife’s private parts. He said: ‘I asked ‘Aa’ishah, and she referred to this hadeeth.’ This is evidence in this matter. And Allaah knows best.”

I say: as for the words that some people attribute to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), that it is makrooh (disliked) for a man to look at his wife’s private parts, this is not saheeh. This includes the reports narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas and Abu Hurayrah according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “When any one of you has intercourse with his wife, let him not look at her private parts, because this causes blindness, and let him not speak, because this causes muteness.” Ibn al-Jawzi said: “(This is) mawdoo’ (fabricated).” (See al-Mawdoo’aat by Ibn al-Jawzi, 2/271-272).

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/3801/bath

Marrying after Zina (adultery)

Two people got married in accordance with sharee’ah and as enjoined by Allaah, but before marriage they used to get together and be intimate with one another like man and wife. What is the ruling on their marriage; is it valid or invalid? What is the expiation for what they used to do?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Zina (fornication, adultery) is a serious crime and a major sin which takes away the quality of faith from a person, and exposes him to punishment and humiliation unless he repents. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”

[al-Isra’ 17:32]

and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing adultery” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2475) and Muslim (57).

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man commits zina, faith comes out of him and hovers over him like a cloud, then when he stops, faith returns to him.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4960) and al-Tirmidhi (2625); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has told us of the punishment that those who commit zina will receive in their graves before the Hour begins, and that they will be punished with fire. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1320).

Because of the abhorrent nature of this crime, Allaah has decreed that the punishment for it should be stoning to death if the person is married and flogging if he was not married.

The one who is faced with any such thing should hasten to repent to Allaah and do a lot of good deeds, in the hope that Allaah will forgive him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse ___ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]

“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)”

[Ta-Ha 20:82]

They must also conceal themselves with the concealment of Allaah, and not tell anyone about that, The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Avoid these filthy things that Allaah has forbidden. Whoever has done any of them, let him conceal himself with the concealment of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 663.

Secondly:

It is not permissible for a man or woman who has committed zina to get married until after he or she has repented, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”

[al-Noor 24:3]

If they had both repented to Allaah before getting married, and they regretted the haraam things that they had done, then their marriage is valid. But if they did the marriage contract before they repented, then the marriage is not valid and they have to repent to Allaah and regret what they have done, and resolve not to do such a thing again, then they should make a new marriage contract. This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 85335.

And Allaah knows best.


Islam Q&A

The importance of foreplay

Question: My husband does not like foreplay, kissing on the mouth, or much of anything of that sort, but I would like him to have a desire for these things with me. I have told him several times in a humble way, but I am very shy to tell him again and I feel embarrassed to ask him.

He is religious, though, and may listen to religious advice. Are there any sunnahs that he can read, about playfulness with one’s wife, in regards to the intimacy that leads to intercourse? I am hoping that by understanding and following our Prophet’s (SAWS) example, my husband will not feel shy anymore, inshallah.

Answer: In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Foreplay between the spouses before actually engaging into sexual intercourse is immensely important (especially for the wife) and a vital ingredient for a happy and prosperous marriage, that which should never be neglected.

The husband should sexually arouse his wife before having sex. It is indeed unselfish on the husband’s part that he fulfils his sexual needs and desires, whilst his wife remains unsatisfied and discontented. Failure in satisfying the wife can have terrible consequences on one’s marriage.

It should be remembered that, just as Islam has given the husband his right of sexual intimacy, and extreme emphasis has been laid upon the wife to obey her husband in his request for sexual intimacy, at the same time, Islam also recognizes a woman’s need of love, affection and foreplay. It is quite common in men to demand their sexual rights, but they should also see whether they are giving their women their rights in bed.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) also encouraged foreplay between the spouses.

Sayyiduna Jabir ibn Abd Allah (Allah be pleased with him) narrates: “I was in the company of the messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) in a battle……The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said to me: “Did you marry?” I answered: “yes”. He said: “A virgin or a non-virgin?” I said: “A non-virgin”. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Why not a virgin so that you may play with her and she can play with you?”… (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 1991)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) also stated:

“Every game a person plays is futile except for archery, training one’s horse and playing with one’s wife”. (Sunan Tirmidhi, Musnad Ahmad, Sunan Ibn Majah).

Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said: “One of you should not fulfil one’s (sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal, rather there should be between them foreplay of kissing and words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55)

Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him) reports in his famous “Tibb al-Nabawi” that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay. (See: al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah)

There are many ways and methods that can be exercised during foreplay, and it is best that we leave this to the mutual understanding of the spouses, as each individual differs from another in exactly what arouses and stimulates him/her, although the prohibited acts must be avoided.

However, as the questioner has asked about kissing, I would like to end the article on a few notes with regards to it.

Kissing one’s spouse is also of utmost importance during foreplay and also in general. It is a Sunnah of our blessed Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).

Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss one of his wives and then leave for prayer (salat) without performing ablution (wudu). Urwa says that I asked A’isha: “It must have been you?” (Upon hearing this) A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) smiled.”(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 86, Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 181 & Sunan al-Nasa’i, no. 170))

Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) says: “The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss me before leaving for prayers, and he would not perform an ablution.” (Sunan al-Darqutni, 1/49 and others)

The above two narrations indicate the recommendation of kissing one’s spouse. They also show the importance of greeting the wife when entering the house with a kiss and departing with a kiss. This was the Sunnah of the beloved of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). Thus, it is inappropriate for husbands to leave the home in a hurry without even greeting the wife in a proper manner with hugs and kisses, and then entering the house with the first question on whether the food is cooked or not, or whether had someone called, etc…

Passionate kissing (or French kissing) is also the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).

Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss her whilst he was fasting (m, refer to the fiqh of kissing during fast) and he would suck her tongue.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 2378)

Allama al-Munawi (Allah have mercy on him) states:

“Foreplay and passionate kissing before sexual intercourse is an emphatic Sunnah (sunnah muakkada), and it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise.” (Faidh al-Qadir, 5/115, See: Hadith no. 6536)

In conclusion, it is important that your husband fulfils your right of foreplay and kissing. It is not something that he should be shy or reluctant about. Some individuals regard practices related to foreplay to be “inappropriate” and consider abstinence from such activities to be from piety (taqwa).

However, this is totally incorrect, for who can possibly be more pious, pure and God-fearing than the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), yet not only did he encourage foreplay, etc, but practically engaged in it with his wives, as we have learnt from the many narrations quoted above.

Thus, it is not a sign of piety to abstain from such activities, for there is no place for monasticism (rahbaniyya) in Islam. It is a practical religion where one may fulfil his/her needs in a permissible way. Explain to your husband in a kind and gentle manner, that prosperity in this world and the hereafter lies in following the example of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).

And Allah Knows Best

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
Darul Iftaa, Leicester, UK

Love which ends in marriage – is it haraam?

Is love that ends in marriage haraam?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: The relationship that develops between a man and a non-mahram woman, which people call “love” is a combination of haraam things that transgress shar’i and moral limits.

No wise person will doubt that this relationship is haraam, because it involves a man being alone with a non-mahram woman, looking at her, touching her, kissing, and speaking words filled with love and admiration, which provokes desire.

This relationship may lead to things that are more serious than that, as is happening nowadays.

We have mentioned a number of these haraam things in the answer to question no. 84089.

Secondly:

Studies have shown that most of the marriages that are based on prior love between a man and woman fail, whereas most marriages that are not based on haraam relationships, which people call “traditional marriages”, succeed.

In a field study done by a French sociologist, the conclusion was:

Marriage is more likely to succeed when the two parties did not fall in love before marriage.

In another study of 1500 families, undertaken by Professor Isma’eel ‘Abd al-Baari, the conclusion was that more than 75% of love marriages ended in divorce, whilst the rate among traditional marriages – those which were not based on prior love – was less than 5%.

We can mention the most important causes of this outcome:

1- Emotion blinds one to seeing faults and dealing with them, as it is said: “Love is blind”. One or both parties may have faults that make them unsuitable for the other, but those faults only become apparent after marriage.

2- The lovers may think that life is an unending journey of love, so we see that they only speak of love and dreams, etc. They never speak about the problems of life and how to deal with them. This notion is destroyed after marriage, when they are confronted with the problems and responsibilities of life.

3- The lovers are not used to debate and discussion, rather they are used to sacrifice and compromise in order to please the other party. Often they have arguments because each party wants to compromise and please the other. Then the opposite happens after marriage, and their arguments lead to a problem, as each one is used to the other agreeing with him or her, without any argument.

4- The image that each lover has of the other is not a true image, because each party is being kind and gentle and trying to please the other. This is the image that each is trying to present to the other during the so-called “love” phase, but no one can carry on doing that throughout his or her life, so the true image appears after marriage, and leads to problems.

5- The period of love is usually based on dreams and exaggerations that do not correspond with the reality that appears after marriage. The lover may think that he is going to bring her a piece of the moon, and he will never be happy unless she is the happiest person in the world, and so on.

But in return, she is going to live with him in one room and on the ground, and she has no requests or demands so long as she has won him, and that is sufficient for her. As one of them said, “A small nest is sufficient for us” and “A small morsel is sufficient for us” and “I will be content if you give me a piece of cheese and an olive”! This is exaggerated emotional talk, and both parties quickly forget it after marriage, and the woman complains about her husband’s miserliness, and his failure to meet her needs. Then the husband begins to complain about having too many demands and too many expenses.

For these reasons and others, we are not surprised when each party says after marriage that they were deceived and that they rushed into it. The man regrets not marrying So and so who was suggested to him by his parents, and the woman regrets not marrying So and so whom her parents approved of, but in fact they rejected him because of her wishes. So the result is this very high rate of divorce for marriages which people thought would be examples of the happiest marriages in the world!

Thirdly:

The reasons mentioned above are real, and have happened in real life, but we should not ignore the real reason for the failure of these marriages, which are based on disobedience to Allaah. Islam can never approve of these sinful relationships, even if the aim is marriage. Therefore they cannot escape the just divine punishment, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur’aan nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship”

[Ta-Ha 20:124]

A hard and difficult life is the result of disobeying Allaah and turning away from His Revelation.

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if the people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwa (piety), certainly, We should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth”

[al-A’raaf 7:96]

Blessings from Allaah are a reward for faith and piety, but if there is no faith or piety, or only a little thereof, the blessing will be reduced or even non-existent.

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”

[al-Nahl 16:97]

A good life is the fruit of faith and righteous deeds.

Allaah indeed spoke the truth when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“Is it then he who laid the foundation of his building on piety to Allaah and His Good Pleasure better, or he who laid the foundation of his building on the brink of an undetermined precipice ready to crumble down, so that it crumbled to pieces with him into the fire of Hell. And Allaah guides not the people who are the Zaalimoon (wrongdoers)”

[al-Tawbah 9:109]

The one whose marriage is based on this haraam foundation must hasten to repent and seek forgiveness and seek a righteous life that is based on faith, piety and righteous deeds.

Please also see the answer to question no. 23420 for more information.

May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/84102/love%20making
And Allaah knows best.
Isam Q&A

Addicted to pornography

I have a friend who uses the internet and goes to pornographic websites. What is the shar’i ruling on that, and how can I help him to keep away from such things?.
Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible to look at pornographic pictures that show the charms of women, either on internet web sites or in newspapers or magazines etc. That is because looking at them is a means of enjoying them and knowing the beauty of the woman in the picture.

This may also be a means that leads to something haraam, so it is also regarded as haraam, because the means come under the same rulings as the ends.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 2424.

Many people take the matter of looking at pictures of non-mahram women lightly, on the grounds that these are just pictures and are not real. But this is a very serious matter, because it inevitably tempts a man to try to look at the woman directly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them”

[al-Noor 24:30]

Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Rasaa’il Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 1/268
You can help your friend to keep away from these things by always advising him and making him fear Allaah, and reminding him that Allaah is always watching him and that nothing is hidden from Him. And remind him of the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon him, such as giving him eyes with which to see things that will benefit him, and He has forbidden him to use them to look at things that He has forbidden. Remind him that Allaah will question him about that, hence Allaah concludes the verse referred to above with the words (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what they do”

[al-Noor 24:30]

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart of each of those ones will be questioned (by Allaah)”

[al-Isra’ 17:36]

If a wise man thinks about it, when he is looking at these haraam pictures, he will realize that there is nothing behind these glances but loss, pain and sorrow, because he cannot really get what he sees in these pictures.

The poet spoke the truth when he said:

“When you give free rein to your eyes, this will cause great pain to your heart.

You will see what you cannot have, and you will feel frustration because you do not have some of what you see.”

So it is clear that there is nothing to be gained from these pictures except the wrath of Allaah, and wasting time and money on things that are not pleasing to Him, and tormenting yourself.

The Muslim has to seek chastity by means of marriage, and try his best to achieve that.

He should also give up bad company who may have a bad effect on him and encourage him to go to these bad web sites.

He should also keep himself busy with things that will benefit him in both religious and worldly terms, such as memorizing the Book of Allaah, attending gatherings of dhikr, and going to useful websites that contain sound knowledge.


Islam Q&A

Masturbating........

I have a question which I am shy to ask but another sister who has come to Islam recently wants an answer to and I do not have an answer (with dilals from the Qur'an and Sunnah). I hope you can help and I hope Allah will for give me if it is inappropriate but as Muslims we should never be shy in seeking knowledge. Her question was "Is it permissible in Islam to masturbate?".
May Allah increase us all in knowledge
Praise be to Allaah.

Masturbation (for both men and women) is haraam (forbidden) in Islam based on the following evidence:

First from the Qur’aan:

Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):

"And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7 Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor.

"And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty.

Secondly, from the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him):

Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066. The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done.

There are additional evidences that can be cited to support this ruling on masturbation, but due to the limited space we will not go through them here. Allaah knows what is best and most correct.

As for curing the habit of masturbation, we recommend the following suggestions:

1) The motive to seek a cure for this problem should be solely following Allaah’s orders and fearing His punishment.

2) A permanent and quick cure from this problem lies in marriage as soon as the person is able, as shown in the Prophet’s hadeeth.

3) Keeping oneself busy with what is good for this world and the hereafter is essential in breaking this habit before it becomes second nature after which it is very difficult to rid oneself of it.

4) Lowering the gaze (from looking at forbidden things such as pictures, movies etc.) will help suppress the desire before it leads one to commit the haraam (forbidden). Allaah orders men and women to lower their gaze as shown in the following two verses and in the Prophet’s hadeeth (interpretations of the meanings):

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is all-aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) ..... " 24.30-31

Allaah’s messenger said: "Do not follow a casual (unintentional) look (at forbidden things) with another look." Al-Tirmidhi 2777. This is a general instruction by the Prophet to abstain from all that may sexually excite a person because it might lead him/her to commit the haraam (forbidden).

5) Using one’s available leisure time in worshipping Allaah and increasing religious knowledge.

6) Being cautious not to develop any of the medical symptoms that may result from masturbation such as weak eyesight, weak nervous system, and/or back pain. More importantly, feeling of guilt and anxiety that can be complicated by missing obligatory prayers because of the need to shower (ghusl) after every incidence of masturbation.

7) Avoiding the illusion that some youth have that masturbation is permissible because it prevents them from committing illegal sexual acts such as fornication or even homosexuality.

8) Strengthening one’s willpower and avoiding spending time alone as recommended by the Prophet when he said "Do not spend the night alone" Ahmad 6919.

9) Following the Prophet’s aforementioned hadeeth and fast when possible, because fasting will temper one’s sexual desire and keep it under control. However, one should not overreact and swear by Allaah not to return to the act because if one does not honor one’s promise, one would be facing the consequences of not living up to one’s oath to Allaah. Also, note that medication to diminish one’s sexual desire is strictly prohibited because it might permanently affect one’s sexual ability.

10) Trying to follow the Prophet’s recommendation concerning the etiquette of getting ready for bed, such as reading well-known supplications, sleeping on the right side, and avoiding sleeping on the belly (the Prophet forbade sleeping on the belly).

11) Striving hard to be patient and chaste, because persistence will eventually, Allaah willing, lead to attaining those qualities as second nature, as the Prophet explains in the following hadeeth:
"Whoever seeks chastity Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks help from none but Allaah, He will help him, and whoever is patient He will make it easy for him, and no one has ever been given anything better than patience." Bukhari:1469.

12) Repenting, asking forgiveness from Allaah, doing good deeds, and not losing hope and feeling despair are all prerequisites to curing this problem. Note that losing hope is one of the major sins punishable by Allaah.

13) Finally, Allaah is the Most Merciful and He always responds to whoever calls on Him. So, asking for Allah’s forgiveness will be accepted, by His will.

Wallahu a’lam. And Allah knows what is best and most correct.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/329/masturbating

Breast enhancement surgery

I am a young woman who is about to get married, but I suffer from the problem of having a small chest. Is it permissible for me to use creams that help to enlarge the breasts?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If the aim in enlarging the breasts is to increase beauty, that is not permissible, because it is changing the creation of Allaah. If the breasts are so small as to cause you embarrassment and distress, then there is nothing wrong with enlarging them in ways that will not cause you harm, such as using creams and so on.

Treating that with creams is easier than having surgery which involves anaesthesia or uncovering the ‘awrah in the event that there is no specialized female doctor available.

What we have mentioned about differentiating between beautification and removing faults is the general guideline with regard to cosmetic procedures. Please see the answer to question no. 47694.

There follow some of the comments of scholars on this issue:

The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas were asked:

I am a young man, eighteen years old. Four years ago my breast became prominent and that was accompanied by some pain. After a while, the pain went away, praise be to Allaah, but the prominence remained. This prominence of my breast is obvious even under clothing. I asked the specialist about that and he said that this can easily be removed by means of cosmetic surgery. Is it permissible to have this surgery? Please note that this problem causes me embarrassment in front of other people.

They replied: It is permissible for you to have cosmetic surgery to remove this prominence if it is thought most likely that the surgery will be successful and that the harms will not outweigh or be equal to the benefits.

And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions. End quote.

‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz, ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afefi, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (25/62).

They were also asked (25/59): one of my colleagues had gotten married, praise be to Allaah, but he came to me and said that his wife wants to have cosmetic surgery on her face and breasts, because her nose is large and wide, and she wants to reduce it by means of the easy methods that modern science has developed. Is there any doubt about this surgery or is there any sin involved? Please note that not doing it may lead to psychological distress because this fault appears so prominently on her face.

They replied: If the situation is as described, and there is the hope that the surgery will be successful and will not lead to a greater or equal harm, then it is permissible to do it in order to achieve the desired purpose, otherwise it is not permissible.

And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions. End quote.

‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz, ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afefi, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about some cosmetic procedures such as straightening the nose, liposuction, breast reduction or enhancement, and so on – what is the ruling on these procedures? What are the guidelines, may Allaah bless and reward you and benefit others through you.

He replied: With regard to the beautification that you mentioned, beautification is of two types. The first type is done to remove faults and the second type is done to increase beauty. The first type – removing faults – is permissible; if a person’s nose is bent, it is permissible for him to have surgery to straighten it, because this is removing a fault. The nose is not normal, rather it is bent, so he wants to straighten it. The same applies to a man who has a squint; this is undoubtedly a fault, so if he wants to have surgery to correct the fault, it is permissible and there is no reason why he should not, because this is removing a fault. If a man’s nose is cut off due to an accident, can he have a prosthetic nose installed? An incident of this type occurred at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The nose of one of the Sahaabah was cut off in battle and the man had a nose of silver made, but the silver tarnished and developed an unpleasant smell, so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave him permissible to have a nose made of gold, so he did that. Hence we say: is it for beautification or to remove a fault? Removing a fault is permissible. The same applies if the lip is cleft (harelip); it is permissible to join the two sides because this is removing a fault.

With regard to the second type, which is increasing beauty, this is what is not permissible. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed women who file their teeth for beauty, i.e., they file them and make gaps between them for the purpose of beautification. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed that, and he cursed women who put on hair extensions by adding hair to their short hair and so on.

It remains for us to examine whether an operation to enhance or reduce the breast is permissible or not. This is a kind of beautification, unless the woman who has small breasts wants to increase them so that they can hold more milk, i.e., if her breast is too small and cannot hold enough milk to satisfy for her child. In that case we may say that there is nothing wrong with it. But for the purpose of beautification it is not permissible. This is the guideline with regard to cosmetic surgery. Cosmetic surgery is of two types: the first is removing faults and there is nothing wrong with that; the second is increasing beauty and that is not permissible. End quote from al-Liqa’ al-Shahri (50/8).

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/108860/breast

Kissing the wife in front of children

What amount of affection can a husband and wife display in front of their children . Can they hug, kiss lightly, hold hands in front of their children?.
Praise be to Allaah.

The Islamic ruling on this matter is as follows:

Firstly: If this hugging and kissing is of the type that takes place between husband and wife when they are alone, then it is not permissible to do it in front of the children whether they are little or big. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Let your slaves and slave‑girls, and those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask your permission (before they come to your presence) on three occasions: before Fajr (morning) Salaah (prayer), and while you put off your clothes for the noonday (rest), and after the ‘Isha’ (night) Salaah (prayer). (These) three times are of privacy for you; other than these times there is no sin on you or on them to move about, attending to each other. Thus Allaah makes clear the Ayaat (the Verses of this Qur’aan, showing proofs for the legal aspects of permission for visits) to you. And Allaah is All‑Knowing, All‑Wise.

59. And when the children among you come to puberty, then let them (also) ask for permission, as those senior to them (in age). Thus Allaah makes clear His Ayaat (Commandments and legal obligations) for you. And Allaah is All‑Knowing, All‑Wise”

[al-Noor 24:58-59]

Ibn Katheer said: Here servants and children are commanded not to intrude upon the adults of the household at these times, lest the man be in a position of intimacy with his wife and so on. (3/401).

If children are obliged to seek permission lest they see something of that which takes place between husband and wife, then what about doing such things openly in a deliberate manner? Look at the etiquette that was observed in the household of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and how the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) transmitted the details of his life.

The following was narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning that:

It was narrated from Kurayb the freed slave of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas told him that he stayed overnight with Maymoonah, the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who was his maternal aunt. He said: I lay my head on the end of the pillow and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his wife placed their heads on its side. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) slept until midnight, or shortly before or after, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) woke and started to rub the sleep from his eyes with his hands. Then he recited the last ten verses of Aal ‘Imraan…

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4571; Muslim, 763.

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: This indicates that it is permissible for a man to sleep alongside his wife without being intimate with her in the presence of one of her mahrams, even if he has reached the age of discernment. Al-Qaadi said: In some versions of this hadeeth it says: Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I stayed overnight with my maternal aunt one night when she was menstruating. Even though the isnaad of this version is not saheeh, it contains a very interesting idea, because Ibn ‘Abbaas would not have asked to stay overnight on a night when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) may have wanted to be intimate with his wife, and his father would not have sent him there unless he knew that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have no need to be intimate with his wife – because it is well known that he would not have been intimate with her when Ibn ‘Abbaas was there sharing the same pillow with them and he was watching to see what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did, and he did not sleep or he only slept a little.

Sharh Muslim, 6/46

In addition, doing such things openly is an action that is contrary to honour and decency.

Al-Maawardi said: Honour and decency means making sure that one’s deeds befit the circumstances so that no deeds may appear abhorrent or blameworthy.

Adab al-Dunya wa’l-Deen, 392.

The negative effects that such behaviour has on the children’s upbringing is sufficient reason not to do it, for children are created with the natural instinct to imitate their parents in all their affairs. So there is the fear that one of them may try to do that out of ignorance and a lack of understanding of what he is doing, and this is bad enough. Moreover there is no guarantee that small children talk to others about what they have seen, and it is obvious that this will cause embarrassment and loss of geerah (protective jealousy)

Secondly: If the affection that the husband and wife show in front of the children is of the kind that is usually shown, namely compassion, kindness and care, which will fill the house with peace and respect and happiness, especially on occasions such as Eid etc, that is permissible.

Showing that kind of affection will have an effect on the children’s peace of mind and will make them sense that there is mutual understanding and harmony in their family. There is nothing wrong with showing that kind of affection, but only as much as is necessary and without doing anything that is forbidden. And Allaah knows best.


Islam Q&A

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/31773/kissing

why it is forbidden to have intercourse with wife when she is menstruating

What is the wisdom behind the prohibition on having intercourse with one's wife when she is menstruating or bleeding following childbirth? If the reason for the prohibition is the blood because it is impure, then is it permissible to have intercourse using a barrier like a condom?. What is the wisdom behind the prohibition on having intercourse with one's wife when she is menstruating or bleeding following childbirth? If the reason for the prohibition is the blood because it is impure, then is it permissible to have intercourse using a barrier like a condom?. Islam Q&A

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has forbidden men to have intercourse with their wives in the vagina at the time of menstruation.

The Qur’aan clearly stated the reason for this prohibition, which is that menstruation is adha (a harmful thing). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses”
[al-Baqarah 2:222]

Scientific studies in this field have disclosed to us some of the harm that is referred to in this verse, but they have not managed to describe all the harms that are referred to in the Qur’aanic text.

Dr. Muhiy al-Deen al-‘Alabi said: “It is essential to refrain from having intercourse with a menstruating women because doing so leads to an increase in the flow of menstrual blood, because the veins of the uterus are congested and prone to rupture, and get damaged easily; and the wall of the vagina is also susceptible to injury, so the likelihood of inflammation is increased, which leads to inflammation in the uterus and in the man’s penis, because of the irritation that occurs during intercourse. Having intercourse with a menstruating woman may also be off-putting to both the man and his wife, because of the presence and smell of blood, which may make the man impotent (i.e., uninterested in sex).

Dr. Muhammad al-Baar said, speaking of the harm that may be caused to the menstruating woman: The lining of the uterus is shed during menstruation, and the uterus is scarred as a result, just like when the skin is flayed. So it is vulnerable to bacteria and the introduction of the bacteria that are to be found at the tip of the penis poses a great danger to the uterus.

Hence the penetration of the penis into the vagina at the time of menstruation is no more than the introduction of germs at a time when the body is unable to fight them.

Dr. al-Baar thinks that the harm is not limited to what he describes of the introduction of germs into the uterus and vagina which is difficult to treat, rather it also extends to other things, namely:

1. The spread of infection to the fallopian tubes, which may then become blocked, which in turn may lead to infertility or ectopic pregnancy, which is the most dangerous kind of pregnancy.

2. The spread of infection to the urethra, bladder and kidneys; diseases of the urinary tract are usually serious and chronic.

3. Increase of germs in the menstrual blood, especially gonorrhea germs.

The menstruating woman is also in a physical and psychological state that is not conducive to intercourse, so if it takes place it will harm her a great deal and cause her pains during her period, as Dr. al-Baar said:

1. Menstruation is accompanied by pains, the severity of which varies from one woman to another. Most women experience pains in the back and lower abdomen. For some women the pain is unbearable and has to be treated with medication and painkillers.

2. Many woman suffer depression and stress during their period, especially at the beginning, and their mental and intellectual state is at the lowest level during menstruation.

3. Some women suffer migraines just before their period starts, and the pain is severe and causes visual disturbances and vomiting.

4. Women’s sexual desire decreases, and many woman have no interest at all in sex during their periods. The entire reproductive system is in a state that is akin to sickness, so intercourse at this time is not natural and serves no purpose, rather it can cause a great deal of harm.

5. A woman’s temperature drops during menstruation, as does her pulse and blood pressure, which makes her feel dizzy, exhausted and lethargic.

Dr. al-Baar also mentions that the harm is not only caused to the woman by having intercourse with her, rather the man is also affected by this action, which may cause infection in his reproductive system which may lead to sterility as a result. The severe pains suffered as a result of this infection may be even worse than the sterility it causes.

And there are many other harmful effects, some of which have not yet been discovered, but Allaah has referred to them when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they are purified (from menses and have taken a bath)”

[al-Baqarah 2:222]

Allaah has described it as adha, a harmful thing both for the wife and for the husband, and other harmful effects about which Allaah knows best.

Thus it becomes clear that the prohibition on intercourse at the time of menstruation is not just because of the blood, rather it is for many reasons as stated above.

The Muslim must also obey the command of Allaah, for He is the Creator and He knows best what is good for His slaves and what is harmful to them. He is the One Who says “keep away from women during menses”, so even if the reason behind this is not clear, we must still submit to the command of Allaah Who has commanded that a man should not have intercourse with his wife during this time.

See al-Hayd wa’l-Nifaas wa’l-Haml bayna al-Fiqh wa’l-Tibb by Dr. ‘Umar al-Ashqar.

Tawdeeh al-Ahkaam by al-Bassaam, 1/362.

However it is permissible for a man to be intimate with his wife, without having intercourse (at the time of menstruation).

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/43028/sex%20during%20menses

Maldivian girls forced to have sex during menses

Do you know why am writing this post. It’s very sad that many Maldivian girls have faced a similar situation mentioned in the below article.
A few months back I met a Doctor who is working in IGMH, he told me about a shocking trend in Maldives.
Many girls came to IGMH to consult doctors because their “vaginas” have “some problem”, because of which they faced problems in urinating and severe bleeding. Most admitted that they have been forced to have sexual intercourse during menses.

Many Maldivian girls, who are married, faced this difficult situation. Their husbands forcing them to have intercourse while they are in menses, which is strongly forbidden in Islam and which has a lot of health risks associated with it.
For some girls, this is intolerable, against human nature; others went tolerate it for the sake of their marriage, till health risks were arisen.
Read the following paragraphs carefully. It seems like cry of a Maldivian girl who has faced this bitter situation.

Question: I recently married and my husband has on several occasions had intercourse with me during my menses. Despite my refusal he still would not listen, due to which I am greatly distressed. I am also greatly concerned about the future because I am sure he would do the same. I would like to ask you, that if he attempts to do so again, do I have the right to forcefully stop him or not? Will I be sinful for not doing so?
In the state of menstruation, it is permissible for the husband and wife to lay together, kissing and caressing is also allowed. However, to fulfil ones desires to the extent of having intercourse is strictly prohibited. It is also mentioned in the Holy Qur’an:
“O Muhammed, they ask you concerning menstruation. Say: it is an impurity, so keep away from women in their menstruation and do not approach them till they are purified.” (Surah Baqarah)
In a Hadith, the Prophet has mentioned:
“That person who has intercourse with his wife whilst she is menstruating or that person who has intercourse in the unnatural place (anus) or that person who goes to a fortune teller, he has refuted that religion which has been revealed to me.” (Tirmizhi)
Therefore in light of the Qur’an and Hadith, to have intercourse during menstruation in not only strictly prohibited, but a major sin. It has been mentioned in another Hadith:
“That person who has intercourse with his wife whilst she is menstruating should give half a dinar in charity.” (Tirmizhi)
In our terms fifty pence or something to its value.
Furthermore, intercourse during menstruation for both man and woman results in many severe illnesses. This fact has been acknowledged by doctors past and present.
If the Husband in an uncontrollable desire forces his wife to have intercourse even though she is menstruating, it is obligatory for her to refuse. If she does not do so, she will also be sinful. If the woman refuses despite the insistence of her husband, she will not be sinful, rather she will be rewarded for abstaining from sin and causing her husband to do so too. From those sins which Islam has classified as ‘major’, one of them is having sexual relations in the state of menstruation. If the husband due to his overriding passions finds it difficult to control himself then during the days of menstruation, separate sleeping arrangements should be made. Furthermore, both parties should continue to repent for this sin thus far.

Answer From: Shaikh Nazeer Ahmed Qasmi – Head Mufti, Darul Uloom Rahimiya, Bandipora, Kashmir:

When is anal intercourse permissable?

Please help me for finding the truth.In Bukhari sharif hadesh no-4170 & 4171,said that anal sex is halal/jayaj.But you said (in mail a & q)that its haram.Now i'm confusied.
I want to know what's the truth?Is anal sex haram or not?please response my quetion
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

There are many saheeh ahaadeeth which show that anal intercourse is haraam, such as the following:

1 – It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage has disavowed himself of that which was revealed to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” Narrated by Abu Dawood (3904); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

2 – It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will not look at a man who has intercourse with a woman in her back passage.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1165); classed as saheeh by Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eid in al-Ilmaam (2/660) and by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

3 – It was narrated that Khuzaymah ibn Thaabit (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah is not too shy to tell the truth” three times. “Do not have intercourse with women in their back passages.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1924); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

And there are many similar ahaadeeth. Al-Tahhaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Sharh Ma’aani al-Athaar (3/43): The reports concerning that reach the level of tawaatur. End quote.

Hence the views of the scholars are based on these ahaadeeth.

Al-Maawardi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Haawi (9/319):

Because that is the consensus of the Sahaabah. It was narrated from ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas, Ibn Mas’ood and Abu’l-Darda’. End quote.

It says in al-Mughni (7/32):

It is not permissible to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage according to the majority of scholars, including ‘Ali, ‘Abd-Allaah, Abu’l-Darda’, Ibn ‘Abbaas, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr and Abu Hurayrah. This was also the view of Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab, Abu Bakr ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan, Mujaahid, ‘Ikrimah, al-Shaafa’i, ashaab al-ra’y and Ibn al-Mundhir.

We have discussed this in some detail previously on this site; please see the answers to questions no. 1103 and 52803.

Secondly:

Some people imagine that it is permissible to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage. They understand from the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223] that Allaah has permitted everything in this verse, even intercourse in the back passage. This misinterpretation is reinforced for them when they read the hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh – and perhaps this is the hadeeth referred to by the questioner – in which it says: It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Jews used to say that if (the man) had intercourse from behind, the child would be born with a squint. Then the verse “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223] was revealed.

But this is a misunderstanding of the verse. Allaah says “so go to your tilth when or how you will” which means that all variations of intercourse are permitted, so long as it is in the place of tilth, i.e., the vagina, not the back passage. So it is permissible for a man to have intercourse with his wife from behind or from in front or lying on their sides so long as it is in the place of tilth and not the back passage.

The evidence for that is Muslim’s report (1435) of the hadeeth of Jaabir quoted above about the reason for the revelation of this verse, in which it says: If he wishes, when she is lying on her front and if he wishes when she is not lying on her front, so long as that is in only one opening.

In Abu Dawood’s report of the same hadeeth (2163) it says: It was narrated that Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir said: I heard Jaabir say: The Jews say that if a man has intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind, the child will have a squint. Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223].

In Sunan al-Tirmidhi (2980) in a report which he classed as hasan, it was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: ‘Umar came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, I am doomed! He said: “Why are you doomed?” He said: I changed my direction last night. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not say anything. Then this verse was revealed to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. So approach from the front or the back, but avoid the back passage and the time of menses. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

These ahaadeeth and reports explain what is meant by the verse. So it is not permissible for the Muslim to go beyond that and understand it in ways that are not indicated by the reports or by linguistic usage.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Zaad al-Ma’aad (4/261):

The verse indicates that it is haraam to have intercourse with her in her back passage for two reasons. The first is that it is permitted to have intercourse with her in the tilth, which is the place of birth, and not in the anus which is the place of filth. The place of tilth is what is referred to in the verse “then go in unto them as Allaah has ordained for you”. [al-Baqarah 2:222].

The second reason is that Allaah says “when or how you will” i.e., however you wish, from the front or from the back. Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “go to your tilth” means the vagina. End quote.

Thirdly:

Perhaps the question is also referring to what al-Bukhaari narrated from Naafi’ from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him): “so go to your tilth when or how you will”; he said: “He may approach her from …”

Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari (8/189):

This is how it appears in all the texts. It does not mention what comes after the word “from”. End quote.

And he quoted what is mentioned in some reports elsewhere than in Saheeh al-Bukhaari, that Ibn ‘Umar said: He may approach her in her back passage.

But the scholars answered that in two ways:

1 – That it was a mistake on the part of some of those who narrated it from Ibn ‘Umar, and they understood from it that it was permissible to have intercourse in the back passage, when in fact he was narrating that it is permissible to have intercourse with one's wife in her vagina from behind, based on what is mentioned in saheeh reports from him that he regarded it as haraam to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage. And al-Nasaa’i narrated in al-Sunan al-Kubra (5/315) with a saheeh isnaad that Ibn ‘Umar was asked about that and he said: Would a Muslim do that?!

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Tahdheeb al-Sunan (2/146):

It is narrated in a saheeh report that he interpreted the verse as referring to intercourse in the vagina coming from the back, which is what was narrated from Naafi’. Those who thought that Naafi’ improved of intercourse in the back passage are gravely mistaken; rather what he meant was having intercourse from the back in the vagina. Thus they were confused when they thought that when he said “from the back” he meant the back passage; but what he meant by that was coming from the back but putting it in the place of intercourse, namely the vagina. Those people were confused when they understood the words of Naafi’ “from the back” as meaning “in the back (passage)”. End quote.

The second answer is:

That this was ijtihaad on the part of Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) about the meaning of the verse. The Sunnah and the views of all the Sahaabah indicate that it was an incorrect ijtihaad. Abu Dawood (2164) narrated, in a report that was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, that Ibn ‘Abbaas said:

Ibn ‘Umar – may Allaah forgive him – imagined, and this was a tribe of the Ansaar who had been idol-worshippers, along with this tribe of the Jews, who were people of the Book, and thought that they (the Jews) were superior to them in knowledge; they used to follow their examples in many of their deeds.. The people of the Book did not have intercourse with their wives except on their sides, and that was most concealing for the woman. This tribe of the Ansaar had adopted that from them. And this tribe of Quraysh used to make the woman lie in whatever position they wanted and enjoy them in various ways. When the Muhaajiroon came to Madeenah, one of their men married a woman of the Ansaar, and he went to do that with her but she objected and said: We have intercourse lying on our sides, so do that or keep away from me. Their problem got worse until news of that reached the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]., i.e., from the front or the back or lying, meaning the place of birth.

This could support the reports that Ibn ‘Umar used to say that it was permissible to have intercourse in the back passage, but then perhaps he came back to the correct view, after Ibn ‘Abbaas or someone else explained to him the reason why this verse was revealed and what its correct meaning was. Hence it is proven – as stated above – that he said that it was haraam, and he said: Would a Muslim do that?!

To conclude: Islam forbids this action, and there is nothing to indicate that it is permissible. The one who thinks that there is anything in the Qur’aan and Sunnah to indicate that is mistaken.

And Allaah knows best.


Islam Q&A

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/91968/anus

What constitutes intercourse?

What is meant by intercourse? Is any kind of foreplay regarded as intercourse?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Not all kinds of foreplay are regarded as intercourse; rather intercourse is when the tip of the penis disappears fully into the vagina. If that happens, then intercourse has taken place; if no penetration occurs or if only part of the tip penetrates but not all of it, then this is not intercourse. This is what is indicated by the ahaadeeth:

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man sits between the four parts (arms and legs of his wife) and has intercourse with her, then ghusl is obligatory.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 291; Muslim, 525.

The phrase translated as “[has intercourse with her]” is a metaphor for inserting the penis into the vagina. This was stated by al-Haafiz in al-Fath.

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man sits between the four parts (arms and legs of his wife) and the one circumcised part touches the other, then ghusl is obligatory.” Narrated by Muslim, 349.

Al-Nawawi said in Sharh Muslim:

With regard to the phrase “and the one circumcised part touches the other, then ghusl is obligatory”: the scholars said: what this means is when your penis disappears into her vagina; it does not mean touching in a real sense. That is because the circumcised part of a woman is above the vagina, and the penis does not touch it during intercourse. The scholars are unanimously agreed that if he places his penis on the circumcised part and does not enter (the vagina), then no ghusl is required, neither for him nor for her.

The fact that what is meant is what we have mentioned and that what is meant by touching is the two parts coming in line with one another is indicated by the other report, “when the two circumcised parts meet” i.e., coming in line with one another.

It says in al-Majmoo’ (2/150):

The obligation of ghusl and all other rulings that have to do with intercourse are subject to the condition that the tip of the penis disappears completely into the vagina, and they are not dependent on more than that. None of the rulings have to with part of the tip disappearing only. End quote.

Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath:

What is meant by touching and meeting is coming in line with one another, which is indicated by a report narrated by al-Tirmidhi. It does not mean touching in a literal sense, because that does not happen when the tip of the penis disappears. End quote.

Al-Shawkaani said: The ahaadeeth mention the words coming in line with one another, meeting, touching, but what is meant by meeting is coming in line with one another.

Al-Qaadi Abu Bakr said: If the tip of the penis disappears into the vagina, then ‘meeting’ has taken place. End quote.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

It is well known that the site of circumcision is above the tip. As that is the case, then it cannot touch the site of circumcision of the woman until the tip has penetrated. Hence it is stipulated that for ghusl following intercourse to be obligatory, the tip must disappear. It is narrated in some versions of the hadeeth of ‘Abd-‘Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas: “When the two circumcised parts meet and the tip of the penis disappears, then ghusl becomes obligatory.” End quote. Narrate by Ibn Maajah, 611; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 11/323

Based on this, what is meant by the one circumcised part touching the other and the meeting of the two circumcised parts is when the site of circumcision of the man comes into line with the site of circumcision of the woman, and that happens when the entire tip of the penis disappears into the vagina. If the tip of the penis disappears into the vagina then intercourse has taken place and ghusl is required.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Foreplay with wife using finger

Is it permissable for the husband to insert his finger into his wife's vagina and to fondle it during intercourse. Praise be to Allaah.

I do not see any reason not to do that, so long as it is done with the left hand.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr.
Islam QA
For the original link go to
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/21676/finger