Islamic Views on Lovemaking

Complete solution for addiction to masturbation and pornography

2011-10-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

Thisis a delicate subject and some people have strong opinions about it.Therefore please, if interested in the subject, read the whole articleto understand the point.

Teen Years
Thehuman mind during the teen years, due to physiological changes, isconstantly reminded of sex and sexuality. At this age a human'ssexuality is the most active. It is very important that Muslimteenagers learn how to deal with it, and it is our duty to teach themon this important subject.

Required understanding: Who are the best believers? What does being Muslim really mean?
BeingMuslim means submitting to Allah. True Muslims are those who havecompletely, totally, devoted their lives to Islam. Their only wish isto serve Allah. They spend all of their everyday lives doing what theybelieve is Allah's wish. They live for Islam. They have let go of theirego, of their 'personal lives', they know their owner, their master andtheir guide is Allah. You might ask, "THIS IS SLAVERY!". Yes it is. Weare Allah's powerless slaves. Do you think otherwise?

The best Muslims during the Prophet's times were those whose only desirewas avoiding the fire of Jahannam and entering Jannah. This is whatthey thought about most of their waking time, as Surah Al-Imranmentions:

Those who remember God (always, and inprayers) standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and thinkdeeply about the creation of the heavens and the earth, (saying): "OurLord! You have not created (all) this without purpose, glory to You!(Exalted be You above all that they associate with You as partners).Give us salvation from the torment of the Fire. [Quran, 3:190]

This is the type of humans that Islam aims to create.

Incontrast, most unguided people are obsessed with gratifying theirdesires. They eat, please themselves in different ways and sleep, asthe Quran says, just like animals.

Islam's Ruling on Masturbation

Thelate prominent scholar Sheikh Mustafa Az-Zarqa, may Allah bless hissoul, has analyzed the issue of masturbation in detail and, afterdiscussing the different views of scholars and jurists regarding it,issued the following fatwa:

“The only legaltext used as evidence for the prohibition of masturbation is Allah’ssaying describing the believers: “Those who guard their sexual organsexcept with their spouses or those whom their right hands possess, for(with regard to them) they are without blame. But those who cravesomething beyond that are transgressors.” (Al-Mu'mun: 5-7)

Commentingon this verse, some scholars hold the view that this habit(masturbation) falls under the category of those who seek fulfillmentof their sexual desires outside the framework of marriage, and as suchthey are deemed transgressors. Those scholars put masturbation underthe list of the forbidden categories of sexual fulfillment since itconstitutes transgression of boundaries. This view is held by theShafi`ites (followers of the Shafi`i school of Fiqh).

Is it haram or not then?
Itis haram. Masturbation is not allowed and it is a sin. You might have agood reason, but it will still be a sin, just like the way you can havea good reason for stealing.
Some people say(including a scholar) that semen is something that needs to excreted. Idon't think this is correct. Because a male's body does thisautomatically when he has too many sperms. He will have what is knownas a wet dream, which is a perfectly normal and acceptable thing.
Problems that stem from masturbation

ToMasturbate is to fall short of Islam's high morals. The best believerswould never masturbate since they have completely devoted their livesto Islam. They welcome pain and hardship since they know it is betterfor their future. And resisting sexual temptations is a great act ofself-discipline and contribute greatly to a person's spiritual growth,and there will sure be great rewards for it in the Hereafter.
Masturbationedges on sin. And as humans in a situation like this, we can never besure if our actions are according to Islam or we have transgressed.
Masturbationcan obsess a person's mind with sex. Some teenagers report on onlineforums that all they think about during the day and night is sex. Howcan someone like this help the world become a better place?
Masturbation will make the person lose self-respect.
For a male, losing semen can cause problems. To quote one of their readers: "I didn't masturbate until I was 17years old. I didn't exercise much and yet I had this amazing 8 pack. Istarted masturbating about 1- 5 times a day and my 8 pack turned into avague 4 pack. I noticed muscle loss in other parts of my body as welland I started having back problems and my eyes started getting reallydry." The problem could have been caused by the high frequency. A bookcalled The Garden of Fertility says typically a man needs 36 hours toreplenish ejaculated sperm [copyright 2004, Katie Singer]. I expectwhen a man ejaculates more frequently than is healthy, his body will gointo overdrive, trying to compensate for the lost semen by burningmuscle protein to create energy. And for the dry eyes, I have read thattears and semen share some components. Since the body gives priority toprocreation, the amount of fluid in the eyes and/or the helpfullubricants inside the fluid decrease.
Masturbation can causethe individual to miss prayers, since a male cannot pray afterejaculation until he makes ghusl (takes a shower). This can beproblematic when he lives with parents, who might embarrass him byasking why he showered twice in one day.
For females, inserting a finger or anobject into the vagina can break the hymen.

Pornography
Muslims are not allowed to invigorate their sexual appetite so that they have to masturbate.
Thebest Muslims are those who dedicate all of their time to serving Allahby (but not limited to) doing useful work, learning about Islam,socializing with people, and making a living. A Muslim must also takecare of his or her mind and body's needs. One should eat and enjoy foodwhen hungry. But watching porn is like swallowing a pill that induceshunger after you have eaten. It traps the person in a vicious cycle ofnever ending desire, exhausting the person's body and mind.
As mentioned earlier, it is the unguided nations that are only after gratifying their desires. Islam is the opposite of this.

Punishment for watching pornography
Watchingporn is, as I said, like taking a hunger pill. By watching porn one isrejecting all of Islam's great teachings, transgressing on Allah'slimits, and accepting to descend the ladder of enlightenment to thedarkest pits of ignorance. That is what a Muslim is not, that is whatIslam came to stop people from doing.
By watching porn aperson doesn't just commit one crime, rather a plethora of others. Suchas wasting time, weakening relationships, abusing the body and mind,letting life pass one by, forgetting the Day of Judgment, and mostimportantly, ignoring Allah's existence. Therefore, watching porn, eventhough it is a simple act in itself, indicates critical deviation fromIslam's teachings.
From this study I haverealized that watching porn is not the problem, it is a symptom ofdeeper problems. A well educated Muslim knows that the purpose of lifeis not chasing pleasures, it is accomplishing Islam's missions.

Solution
About resisting temptation

Researchersfrom Duke University, the University of Southern California, and theUniversity of Pennsylvania found that asking college students abouttheir vices actually causes them to stop resisting temptation. "Wedemonstrate that asking consumers to report their expectationsregarding how often they will perform a vice behavior increases theincidence of these behaviors." Resisting temptation is difficult whenyou think about that which you're trying to resist!

It'sa self-fulfilling prophecy: the study participants thought they'dsuccumb, so they did. Resisting temptation was difficult because oftheir thought processes.

Resisting the temptation to shop

Regardingpurchasing power, these researchers found that even seemingly kind orharmless questions about advertised products lowers consumers' will.That is, even a few gentle questions leads people to purchase productsthey wouldn't normally buy - which makes resisting temptationdifficult. The more they talk about the product, the more they giveinto their desires and the less they resist temptation. In fact, theLaw of Attraction came alive and their thoughts became action.

Notsurprisingly, these results were especially evident in people with lowself-control. The lower your self-control is, the more trouble you'llhave resisting temptation.

To resisttemptation, turn temptation around. Instead of thinking about noteating chocolate chip cookies, focus on eating fresh fruit or veggies,or going out for a walk or run. Your focus will go far in resistingtemptation. Instead of focusing on not gambling, think about other waysto spend your money. Those other ways will help you resist temptation.Instead of thinking about not surfing the internet, consider thebenefits of sleeping all night long or spending time with family orfriends. The more you learn about resisting temptation, the easierit'll get.

From Resisting Temptation on Suite101.com

Toapply this to masturbation, Muslims should spend their time servingAllah. By focusing on working for Islam, the thought of masturbationwill leave their minds.
How to serve Allah
Whatkinds of things can you do to serve Allah? I know that each of us isdifferent, and some of my suggestions might not work for you. That iswhy you have to get creative. Use that brain!

Submityour soul to Allah. Tame your mind. Learn to think like this;"Everything, every second of my life, is meant to serve Allah. I ammade for serving Allah. What is the best thing I can do right now toserve Allah?" This will reprogram your brain to start working forAllah's favor, not your own personal one.
Educate yourself inIslam. Start with books about Islamic belief, not Shari'ah ! Shari'ahwon't do you much good if you do not have a strong moral and spiritualbase that can allow applying it. It is like wanting to play a CDwithout a CD-player. The first thing you should do is read books oncorrect Islamic thinking.
Follow Islam to thefullest. Don't miss fajr prayers. Pray all of the prayers on time.Train your self-discipline. It is like a muscle, the more you train it,the stronger it gets.
Read Qur'an.
Start learning Arabic.
Starta blog on Islam. Make some friends. This will help you feel moreaccountable to your actions. Write about your growth in Islam. (But asa commenter pointed out, getting online is dangerous in itself becauseof all the tempting things we are shown on most websites. So it mightbe a good idea to stay away from the internet until you have enoughself-discipline to resist temptation.)
Don't give up. I've readthat a person needs 21 days to start a new habit. Spend all of thistime teaching your brain the fact that you are Allah's servant, notyour own personal desires'. And...
You will be sure to succeed. If you follow the teachings of this study follow, it will be impossible for you to fail.
Islamis not an easy religion. Giving up masturbation and resistingtemptation is very hard too. Islam is very challenging. There is no'beating' it. There are always higher grounds to conquer. But it is funand will make you a strong, mature person. I wouldn't trade the senseof working for a higher purpose (the highest purpose!), the sense of having a great mission, for all the money and power in the world.
Tell your friends about this page.

Conclusion
Masturbationand porn are both parts of the darkness that Islam has come toenlighten. We have to devote our souls, our selves, totally to Islam.We have to stop thinking from a "me" perspective, we should trainourselves to think from an "Allah's servant" one.

Medical benefits of female circumcision

2011-09-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

Could you explain me what is the medical benefit of girl’s circumcision?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Just as Allaah has created mankind, He has also guided them that which is best suited to their interests in this world and in the Hereafter, so He sent them Messengers and revealed Books to guide mankind to what is good and urge them to follow it, and to teach them what is evil and warn them against it.

Islam may enjoin or forbid something and the people – or most of them – may not be able to see the wisdom behind this command or prohibition. In that case we are obliged to obey the command or heed the prohibition and to have certain faith that the laws of Allaah are all good, even if we cannot see the wisdom behind them.

Circumcision is one of the Sunnahs of the fitrah, as is indicated by the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "The fitrah is five things – or five things are part of the fitrah – circumcision, shaving the pubes, plucking the armpit hairs, cutting the nails, and trimming the moustache." narrated by al-Bukhaari (5889) and Muslim (257).

Undoubtedly with regard to the Sunnahs of the fitrah, some of the wisdom behind them is obvious, and that includes circumcision. There are clear benefits to it which we should pay attention to and understand the wisdom behind it.

Circumcision is prescribed for both males and females. The correct view is that circumcision is obligatory for males and that it is one of the symbols of Islam, and that circumcision of women is mustahabb but not obligatory.

There are reports in the Sunnah which indicate that circumcision for women is prescribed in Islam. In Madeenah there was a woman who circumcised women and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her: “Do not go to the extreme in cutting; that is better for the woman and more liked by the husband.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (5271), classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

Female circumcision has not been prescribed for no reason, rather there is wisdom behind it and it brings many benefits.

Mentioning some of these benefits, Dr. Haamid al-Ghawaabi says:

The secretions of the labia minora accumulate in uncircumcised women and turn rancid, so they develop an unpleasant odour which may lead to infections of the vagina or urethra. I have seen many cases of sickness caused by the lack of circumcision.

Circumcision reduces excessive sensitivity of the clitoris which may cause it to increase in size to 3 centimeters when aroused, which is very annoying to the husband, especially at the time of intercourse.

Another benefit of circumcision is that it prevents stimulation of the clitoris which makes it grow large in such a manner that it causes pain.

Circumcision prevents spasms of the clitoris which are a kind of inflammation.

Circumcision reduces excessive sexual desire.

Then Dr al-Ghawaabi refutes those who claim that female circumcision leads to frigidity by noting:

Frigidity has many causes, and this claim is not based on any sound statistics comparing circumcised women with uncircumcised women, except in the case of Pharaonic circumcision which is where the clitoris is excised completely. This does in fact lead to frigidity but it is contrary to the kind of circumcision enjoined by the Prophet of mercy (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “Do not destroy” i.e., do not uproot or excise. This alone is evidence that speaks for itself, because medicine at that time knew very little about this sensitive organ (the clitoris) and its nerves.

From Liwa’ al-Islam magazine, issue 8 and 10; article entitled Khitaan al-Banaat (circumcision of girls).

The female gynaecologist Sitt al-Banaat Khaalid says in an article entitled Khitaan al-Banaat Ru’yah Sihhiyyah (Female circumcision from a health point of view):

For us in the Muslim world female circumcision is, above all else, obedience to Islam, which means acting in accordance with the fitrah and following the Sunnah which encourages it. We all know the dimensions of Islam, and that everything in it must be good in all aspects, including health aspects. If the benefits are not apparent now, they will become known in the future, as has happened with regard to male circumcision – the world now knows its benefits and it has become widespread among all nations despite the opposition of some groups.

Then she mentioned some of the health benefits of female circumcision and said:

It takes away excessive libido from women

It prevents unpleasant odours which result from foul secretions beneath the prepuce.

It reduces the incidence of urinary tract infections

It reduces the incidence of infections of the reproductive system.

In the book on Traditions that affect the health of women and children, which was published by the World Health Organization in 1979 it says:

With regard to the type of female circumcision which involves removal of the prepuce of the clitoris, which is similar to male circumcision, no harmful health effects have been noted.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

In the book on Traditions that affect the health of women and children, which was published by the World Health Organization in 1979 it says:

With regard to the type of female circumcision which involves removal of the prepuce of the clitoris, which is similar to male circumcision, no harmful health effects have been noted.

Is love before marriage better?

2011-09-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage?

Praise be to Allaah.

The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.

If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:

The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”

But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.

Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.

So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.

The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.

Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.

With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)

But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

I have a major problem controling my sexually urges

2011-08-16T20:47:00.000-07:00

As Salaam Alaikum
I have a serious problem. I have been muslim for a couple of years. I have a major problem controling my sexually urges. Before I was muslim I had no sex whatsoever and was a virgin. But recently I have been doing some haraam things. On 3 occasions I have payed for oral sex from prostitutes. This is all I have done. My penis has never been in a women's vagina. Is this zinnah? Am i still a virgin? Am I still muslim? What can I do to stop? Please help me!
jazaakum Allahu khirun

Praise be to Allaah.

There is no doubt that what you have done is a kind of zinaa (unlawful sexual activity), although it is not the worst kind, so you must repent sincerely to Allaah, give up this sin, regret what has happened and be determined never to go back to it. Avoid bad friends and bad places, lower your gaze and keep your distance from women to whom you are not related (non-mahram). If you repent to Allaah, He will accept your repentance. You are still a Muslim, but you have committed an act of disobedience towards Allaah by doing this sinful act, so come back to your Lord and seek His forgiveness for what you have done. Do more good deeds to expiate for and cancel out your bad deeds, do those things that will help you to remain chaste, and hasten to marry according to Islam. Finally, we will leave you with a story from which you may learn a valuable lesson:

Ibn Mas’ood reported that a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him that he had kissed or touched a woman, or something similar, as if he was asking how he could expiate for this (according to another report: a man had done something with a woman that fell short of actual intercourse. He came to ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, who regarded it as something very serious; then he came to Abu Bakr, who regarded it as something very serious. Then he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)). Then Allaah revealed the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “And perform al-salaah at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e., small sins). That is a reminder (advice) for the mindful (those who accept advice).” [Hood 11:114]. The man asked, “Is this concerning me, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said: “It is concerning whoever of my ummah does this.” (Reported by Muslim, may Allaah have mercy on him, in his Saheeh, 4963).

According to a report narrated by ‘Abd-Allaah, a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I fondled a woman in the furthest outskirts of Madeenah but I did not actually have intercourse with her. Here I am, judge me as you wish.” ‘Umar said to him: “Allaah had covered you, you should have covered yourself (i.e., you should not have spoken of it).” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not reply at all, so the man got up and left. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent a man to follow him, call him and recite to him the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “And perform al-salaah at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e., small sins). That is a reminder (advice) for the mindful (those who accept advice).” [Hood 11:114]. A man who was present said: “O Prophet of Allaah, is this just for him?” He said, “No, it is for all the people.” (Reported by Muslim, 4964).

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

He committed zina with her and she got pregnant; can he marry her while she is pregnant or should she abort the foetus?

2011-07-24T07:15:00.000-07:00

One of my wife's divorced Muslim friends is not married and is pregnant. She wants to know if it is haraam for her to have an abortion or whether she should keep it (she is 4 weeks pregnant). The man who has made her pregnant also wants to marry her. Can she get married while she is pregnant ? There is no chance that anyone else is the father.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

It is permissible for the one who committed zina to marry the woman with whom he committed zina if they are no longer regarded as zaani, which is after repenting sincerely. If she is pregnant, it is not permissible to do the marriage contract with her until her pregnancy ends, and the child is not to be named after the zaani according to the majority of scholars. Some scholars are of the view that the illegitimate child is to be called after the zaani if he acknowledges him. See the answer to question no. 33591

In Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah it says: What is required of both of them is to repent to Allah then to give up this crime and regret what has happened in the past of committing immoral actions, and they should resolve never to go back to it and they should do a lot of righteous deeds in the hope that Allah will accept their repentance and turn their bad deeds into good deeds. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse __ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful

71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance”

[al-Furqaan 25:68-71]

If you want to marry her, you have to wait until it is established that she is not pregnant by waiting for one menstrual cycle before doing the marriage contract with her. If it turns out that she is pregnant, it is not permissible for you to do the marriage contract with her until after the pregnancy ends, in accordance with the words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that a man should not irrigate the crop of another with his water.

End quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, Majallat al-Buhooth al-Islamiyyah, vol. 9, p. 72

Secondly:

It is not permissible to abort the foetus in order to get rid of the shame of zina.

And Allah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Is zinaa intercourse only?

2011-06-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

I need further information about the verse interpreted here about adultery. Adultery, according to the Hudood I read, require penetration. Is that true of Islamic law?
Are married persons, or single for that case, indulging in immoral acts that do not include penetration (but maybe oral sex), exempted from this punishment?
Secondly, is there a forgiveness for adultery? Or for what I inquired in my previous question.
I'd be greatly obliged to recieve an answer, because this issue has confused me for a long time.Praise be to Allaah.

Zinaa, in Arabic, means immorality, and is used with two meanings in shar’: a general meaning and a specific meaning.

The general meaning includes that which carries the punishment (hadd) and that which does not carry it. Islam does not give the name of zinaa only to that which carries the punishment, which is just one of many types of zinaa. Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “I have never heard any better definition of ‘small faults’ [al-Najm 53:32] than that which Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘Allaah has decreed for every son of Adam his share of zinaa, and there is no way to escape from it. The zinaa of the eye is a glance, the zinaa of the tongue is speaking, and the zinaa of the mind is wishing and hoping; then the private part either acts upon this or it does not.’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 11/26; Muslim, 4/2046).

Al-Bukhaari included this hadeeth in a chapter entitled Baab zinaa al-jawaarih doon al-farj (Chapter on the zinaa of faculties other than the private part).

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Zinaa is not always associated with the private part itself, but may involve other faculties such as the eyes and so on.” Ibn Battaal (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Looking and speaking are called zinaa because they lead to real zinaa. This is why he said that the private part either acts upon this or it does not”

Zinaa is one of the forbidden deeds, one of the most serious major sins (kabaa’ir) after shirk and murder. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):

“And those who invoke not any other god along with Allaah, nor kill such life as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse – and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace; except those who repent and believe and do righteous deeds, for those Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [al-Furqaan 25:68-70]

“And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a faahishah [anything that transgresses its limits – a great sin], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allaah forgives him).” [al-Isra’ 17:32]

Imaam al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The ‘ulama’ said that the phrase And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse is more eloquent than merely saying ‘Do not commit zinaa’, because the meaning is, Do not even come close to zinaa.” This means not doing any deed that may get close to zinaa or lead to it, such as being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, looking, going to evil places, speaking in a haraam manner to a woman to whom one is not related, thinking about and planning immoral acts, and so on.

‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: “I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), ‘Which sin is worst in the sight of Allaah?’ He said, ‘To make any rival to Allaah, when He has created you.’ I asked, ‘Then what?’ He said, ‘To kill your child for fear that he will eat with you.’ I asked, ‘Then what?’ He said, ‘To commit zinaa with the wife of your neighbour.’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 8/492; Muslim, 1/90).

All religions are agreed that zinaa is haraam; no religion allows it. The punishment for zinaa is the most severe of punishments, because it violates people’s honour and lineages.

The sin of zinaa may be of varying degrees, and the gravity of the offence depends on the nature and circumstances of the deed, although all zinaa is haraam, a major sin and an act of immorality. Zinaa with a mahram [i.e., incest] (Allaah forbid) or with a married woman is far worse than zinaa with a woman to whom one is not related or with an unmarried woman, because it involves violating the rights of the husband, contaminating his bed, attributing a child to him that is not his, and other kinds of offence and harm. If her husband is a neighbour, the crime of being a bad neighbour is added to the offence; if her husband is one's brother or relative, the crime of breaking family ties is added. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: He will not enter Paradise whose neighbour is not safe from his evil actions.” (Reported by Muslim, 1/68). There is no evil action worse than zinaa, and if the husband is absent for the sake of Allaah, such as in worship, seeking knowledge or jihaad, then the sin is compounded. Buraydah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The wives of the mujaahideen are as sacred and forbidden to those who stay behind as their own mothers. There is no man of those who stay behind who is entrusted by one of the mujaahideen with the care of his family and then betrays him (by committing zinaa), but he will be detained on the Day of Resurrection, and (the one whom he betrayed) will take as much of his good deeds as he wishes. So what do you think?” (Reported by Muslim, 3515). If the adulterer is married, the sin is greater, and the punishment is stoning, and if he is an old man, the sin is greater and the punishment is as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) mentioned in the hadeeth about the three whom Allaah will neither look at nor praise on the Day of Resurrection, and who will have a painful punishment.” (Saheeh Muslim, 156). If the deed is also committed during a sacred month or in a sacred place or at a time which is special in the sight of Allaah, the sin is compounded.

The fuqaha’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) stated that the basic act of zinaa which carries the punishment is illegal sexual intercourse, whereby the two “circumcised parts” [i.e. genitals] come together and there is penetration of the tip of the penis, because this is actual penetration (which carries the prescribed hadd or punishment).

A person must avoid evil deeds and everything that can lead to them. Allaah has commanded us to avoid the traps of the Shaytaan, because if a man takes one step in that direction, his shaytaan and his own ego (nafs) will keep urging him to do evil until he commits immoral deeds.

One should think about how serious it is to touch a woman to whom one is not related, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained: “If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with a piece of iron it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman whom it is not permissible for him to touch.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045). This refers to the punishment for touching, so how about worse deeds, such as embracing and kissing, and even worse kinds of illicit activity? The Muslim qaadi is empowered to stipulate an appropriate punishment for every proven action other than actual intercourse; in the case of intercourse, the punishment set out by Islam is one hundred lashes and a year’s exile for one who is unmarried, and stoning for one who is married. This is the punishment in this world, and the punishment in the Hereafter is far more severe.

One of the important principles which the salaf (may Allaah have mercy on them) pointed out is that the sincere believer who truly hopes for Allaah and thhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gife Hereafter should not look at whether the sin is major or minor, or whether is carries a punishment (hadd) or not. It was reported that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “There is no major sin if one asks for forgiveness, and there is no minor sin if one persists in repeating it.” Someone else said: “If you want to disobey Allaah, do not think about the smallness of the sin, think about the greatness of the One Whom you are disobeying.”

With regard to the matter of repentance from zinaa, please refer to the book "I Want to Repent, But...", …”, under the heading Books on this website. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

photo: Lhohi

Her husband had intercourse with her and he did not know that she was menstruating

2011-05-13T10:26:00.000-07:00

What does my husband have to do in repentance if he has intercourse with me and I discovered aftter we were finished that my period had come ?

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man has intercourse with his wife and does not know that she is menstruating, then there is no blame on him. It says in a hadeeth narrated from Abu Dharr al-Ghifaari that the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Allaah will forgive my ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, al-Talaaq, 2033; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah, 1662).

But the wife should tell him of her situation and let him know that she is bleeding in menstruation, because a man may not realize that and he may have intercourse with her whilst she is menstruating, which is haraam according to sharee’ah. In that case the sin is on her. Menstrual blood is something that is well known to women, and when it starts the woman is considered to be menstruating.

If what happened happened without either party knowing, then they are not sinners, because they did not know and they did not do it deliberately. And Allaah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
Islam QA

Zina of heart,tongue and eyes

2011-03-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah

Al-Salaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmat-Allaahi Wa Barakaatuhu (Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings)

Allaah has commanded us to lower our gaze and has forbidden us to look at women because of the great evil and mischief that result from that. For looking is the harbinger of zina (unlawful sexual relationships) – Allaah forbid. Hence it says in the hadeeth that Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina, which will inevitably catch up with him, and the zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking; the heart wishes and hopes and the private parts confirm that or deny it.” [Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Qadar, 6122].

So if a person lowers his gaze and refrains from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden, how could he be motivated to commit immoral actions? What the Muslim must do is to keep away from everything that may lead to immorality, whether that is looking at women, or thinking thoughts that provoke and increase desire. Whoever does those things will only make more worry and distress for himself, to no avail.

As the poet said: “If you let your gaze wander, this will cause you a lot of heartache.

You will see things that you will desire but you are unable to acquire them, yet you are unable to bear that with patience.”

“How many looks have been fatal to the heart of the one who looked, as fatal as an arrow, but with no bow and no string.”

And it was said that being patient in lowering one's gaze is easier than trying to put up with the pain that comes afterwards.

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)” [Al-Noor 24:30]

“And let those who oppose the Messenger’s (Muhammad’s) commandment (i.e. his Sunnah legal ways, orders, acts of worship, statements) (among the sects) beware, lest some Fitnah (disbelief, trials, afflictions, earthquakes, killing, overpowered by a tyrant) should befall them or a painful torment be inflicted on them” [Al-Noor 24:63]

This is a command from Allaah to His believing slaves to lower their gaze and refrain from looking at that which is forbidden to them. So they should not look at anything except that which they are permitted to look at, and they should lower their gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things. If it so happens that a person’s gaze accidentally falls upon something forbidden, he should quickly avert his gaze. [Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/282]

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts” [Al-Ahzaab 33:53]

It was narrated that Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allah said: “I asked the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) about a sudden glance, and he commended me to avert my gaze.” [Narrated by Muslim 2159]

Al-Nawawi said: What is meant by a “sudden glance”? It is when a person’s glance unintentionally falls upon a non-mahram woman. There is no sin on him for the first glance, but he must avert his gaze immediately. If he averts his gaze immediately there is no sin on him, but if he continues looking, then he will be a sinner, because of this hadeeth, for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded him to avert his gaze, and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [Al-Noor 24:30]

There are means which help a person to lower his gaze, and we ask Allaah to help you to do them:

1 – Bearing in mind the fact that Allah is watching you, that He sees you and is with you (by His Knowledge) wherever you go. It may be secretive glance of which your neighbors is unaware, but Allaah know of it. Allah Says (interpretation of the meaning): “Allah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal” [Quran – (Ghaafir 40:19)]

2 – Seeking the help of Allah, beseeching Him and calling upon Him (du’aa) Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And your Lord said: Invoke Me {i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything, I will respond to your Invocation. [Quran – (Ghaafir 40:60)]

3 – You should know that every blessing you enjoy comes from Allah, and requires that you should give thanks, Part of the gratitude for the blessing of sight means that you should protect it from looking at that which Allah has forbidden. Is there any reward for good, other than good? [cf. Al-Rahmaan 55:60]

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah [Quran – (Al-Nahl 16:53)]

4 – Striving with your self and training yourself to lower your gaze and be patient in doing so, and not giving up. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah’s religion — Islamic Monotheism)” [Quran - (Al-Ankaboot 29:69)]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allaah will make him patient…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1400)

5 – Avoiding places where a person feels he will be exposed to the temptation of looking, if he can manage to avoid them, such as going to marketplaces or malls, and sitting in the street. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of sitting in the street.” They said, “We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk.” He said, “If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights.” They said, “What are the rights of the street?” He said, “Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2333; Muslim, 2121).

6 – You should realize that you have no choice in this matter, regardless of what the circumstances are and no matter how great the temptation or motive to do evil, and no matter what emotions and overwhelming desires stir in your heart. You must lower your gaze and refrain from looking at haraam things in all places and at all times. You cannot use excuses such as the environment being corrupt or justify your mistakes by saying that there is a lot of temptation around. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error” [Al-Ahzaab 33:36]

7 – Doing a lot of naafil acts of worship, because doing a lot of them whilst also regularly doing obligatory acts of worship is a means of protecting one's physical faculties. According to a hadeeth qudsi, Allaah said: “… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory (naafil) works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (Al-Bukhaari, 6137)

8 – Remembering that the earth on which sin is committed will bear witness. Allaah says: “That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil)” [Al-Zalzalah 99:4]

9 – Remembering the angels who are recording your deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of mankind) to watch you, Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your deeds),They know all that you do” [Quran - (Al-Infitaar 82:10-12)]

10 – Bearing in mind some of the texts which forbid letting the gaze wander freely, such as the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [Al-Noor 24:30]

11 – Avoiding looking unnecessarily, so that you only look at what you need to look at, and you do not let your gaze wander right and left so that it falls upon something the effects and fitnah of which cannot be got rid of quickly.

12 – Marriage, which is one of the most effective remedies. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1806; Muslim, 1400).

13 – Fasting – because of the hadeeth quoted above.

14 – Doing obligatory acts of worship as Allaah has commanded, such as prayer. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahshaa’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)” [Quran - (Al-‘Ankaboot 29:45)]

15 – Remembering al-hoor al-‘ayn, which will give you a motive to be patient in avoiding that which Allaah has forbidden, hoping to get al-hoor al-‘ayn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Companions of Equal Age” [Quran – (Al-Naba’ 78:33]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “… If a woman of the people of Paradise were to look out over the people of this earth, it would light up everything in between and fill it with fragrance, and the veil of her head is better than this world and everything in it.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2643).

16 – Bearing in mind the shortcomings of the one who is looked at and the filth and waste material they carry in their gut.

17 – Being ambitious and focusing on nobler things.

18 – Checking on yourself from time to time and striving to make yourself lower your gaze whilst realizing that everyone makes mistakes.

19 – Thinking of the pain and regret that will result from this looking, and the effects of letting one’s gaze wander.

20 – Understanding the benefits of lowering one's gaze, as mentioned above.

21 – Bringing up this topic in meetings and gatherings, and explaining its dangers.

22 – Advising your relatives, telling them not to wear clothes that attract attention and show their attractions, such as how they dress, wearing bright colours, how they walk, speaking too softly, etc.

23 – Warding off passing thoughts and whispers from the Shaytaan before they take hold and are acted upon. Whoever lowers his gaze after the first glance will be saved from innumerable problems, but if he keeps looking he cannot be certain that seeds that will be difficult to remove will not be planted in his heart.

25 – Being afraid of a bad end, and of feeling regret at the point of death.

26 – Keeping company with good people, because you are naturally affected by the characteristics of the people you mix with, and a person will follow the way of his close friend, and a friend will pull you to follow his way.

27 – Knowing that the zina of the eye is looking, and that should be sufficient to put you off. Adapted from an essay entitled Ghadd al-Basr (Lowering the Gaze) by a student of sharee’ah.

We ask Allaah to guide us all. And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

And Allaah knows best.

Showing affection infront of kids

2011-01-30T13:50:00.000-08:00

In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāh wa-barakātuh.

As part of the tarbiyah (proper upbringing) of a child, parents must teach their children about love, kindness, and affection. The children will learn these characteristics when they see how their parents care for them, hug and kiss them, and always look out for their best interests. Such actions towards the children will instill these noble characteristics in them, as well.

Furthermore, the children will also observe the love between their parents in the way that the couple behaves with gentleness and kindness towards each other. It is not necessary for the parents to display physical acts of affection in front of the children. Children are smart enough to recognize the love and affection between their parents without ever needing to see them engage in physical acts of affection.

In fact, the parents should avoid displaying physical acts of affection, such as intimate hugging and kissing, in front of their children in order to instill the principles on hayā’ (modesty, shame) in them. Rather, they should focus on their akhlāq (character) and behavior with each other, as well as with the children.

And Allāh knows best.

Haram Relationships

2010-12-20T03:46:00.000-08:00

Pre-marital relationships (boy/girlfriends) are strictly Haram (forbidden) in Islam. For non permissible males to have a relationship with non permissible females is one of the major sins in today’s era.

Unfortunately we see this western influence spreading like an illness amongst the Muslim youth. As barriers of work and study have been relaxed by parents, as they would like to see their children prosper, it has brought its evils with it.

In today’s youth the most common of sins after missing prayers, disobeying parents, cheating and lying is harram relationships, freely mixing with opposite sex and pornography. All that starts from online media to the physical act of sins.

Allah Subhana Watala says:

“Tell them (O Muhammad): ‘My Lord has only forbidden indecent acts, whether open or hidden [Quran 7:33]

Allah Subhana Watala says:

“Tell them (O Muhammad): ‘My Lord has only forbidden indecent acts, whether open or hidden [Quran 7:33]

Keeping Sins A Secret

2010-12-10T04:18:00.000-08:00

From among the teachings of Allah's Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him) is to keep sins a secret matter. If someone commits a sinful act which is against the Commandments of Allah, or is against the moral character, or is such an act that may cause harm to one's honor, then he should keep it a secret and seek forgiveness from Allah in the darkness of night.

The Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings be upon him) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O Fulan! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Sahih al-Bukhari]

Zayd ibn Aslam narrated, 'At the time of the Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings be upon him), a man admitted that he had committed fornication, so the Messenger of Allah asked for a whip. He was brought a broken whip, so he said: "Better than this." Then he was brought a new whip..., he then said: "Lesser than this.' So, he was brought a whip that was used and had thus become soft, and the Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him) ordered that he be whipped with it (a hundred times). He then said: "O People! It is time for you to refrain from transgressing Allah's limits. He who commits some of these filthy acts (such as fornication), let him hide under Allah's cover, for whoever admits what he has committed, we will establish Allah's Book as regards him (by applying the warranted punishment for this sin)." [Musnad Ahmad]

Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud related, 'A man came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.' Umar Ibn al-Khattab then said: 'Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret?' [Sharh Muslim]

Similarly, if one becomes aware of somebody else's sin, he should keep it a secret.

Allah's Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him) said: "He, who relieves a hardship of this Dunya (word) for a believer, Allah will relieve (from him) a hardship of the Day of Resurrection; he who makes easy an indebted person, Allah will make it easy for him in the Dunya and the Hereafter; he who covers a Muslim (meaning his mistakes and shortcomings), Allah will cover him in the Dunya and the Hereafter..." [Muslim]

Abdullah Ibn Umar related, "The Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings be upon him) once rose above the podium and then said with a loud voice, "O those who have embraced Islam only with their tongue, while Iman has not yet entered their hearts, neither harm Muslims, nor mock them, nor try to expose their mistakes, for he who follows (searches for) the errors of his brother, Allah will follow his errors, and he whom Allah follows his errors, He will expose him even if he was in the middle of his home." [Sahih al-Jami]

Imam an-Nawawi writes, 'This Hadith indicates that following and then exposing people's mistakes only occurs by the hypocrites and those whose Iman is so weak, that it did not yet fill their hearts..."

Exposing sins lead to humiliation and embarrassment, which ceases the possibility that the sinner might someday regret his mistake, seek forgiveness from Allah and purify his soul from sins because one of the things that prevent one from committing sins is the fear of humiliation. However, if the sinner knows that the people are already aware of his sins, then he does not experience the shame and distraction which he used to feel before and this might encourage him to commit sins openly!

Secondly, when sins are repeatedly mentioned in gatherings, etc. the fear of committing sins vanishes from the people's hearts. First the sin will become easy on people's tongue and gradually he, who does not feel any shame in mentioning the sin, will not find it difficult to even commit the sin. This is how, sins spread in the society!

So, if someone becomes aware of his brother's sins and realizes that nobody except him has seen him committing the sin, then he should keep the sin a secret. He should not encourage people towards sins by exposing his faults. Allah, the Exalted, has not only condemned committing sins in the Quran but He has also condemned those people who mention sins in public. He said:

"Verily, those who like that Fahishah should be circulated among those who believe, they will have a painful torment." [Noble Quran 24:19]

Meaning, those who like to see evil talk about them (the believers) appear. [Tafsir Ibn Kathir]

Allah says:

"Allah does not like that evil should be uttered in public except by him who has been wronged." [Noble Quran 4:148]

Ibn Abbas commented on this verse, "Allah does not like that anyone should invoke Him against anyone else, unless one was wronged. In this case, Allah allows one to invoke Him against whoever wronged him...Yet, it is better for one if he observes patience." [Tafsir Ibn Kathir]

Today sins have become widespread in the society because we have forgotten the teachings of Allah's Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him), who discouraged people from revealing one's mistakes and sins as well as others. As a result, people have lost the fear of committing not only minor sins but even major sins - Moreover, we find people proudly attributing sins to themselves!!

Today, there are also many novel channels through which sins are propagated in the society; like such book, magazines and television programs that mention the crimes of others, illicit acts, and immorality under the name of creating awareness among the people. These programs which are meant to help the people against the crimes are in reality, helping the crime to spread fast in the society! Crimes, which were previously unknown to people have become common offense! It is therefore necessary for the Muslims to avoid all such avenues which may lead to the destruction of our Muslim Ummah.

Compiled by Shawana A Aziz

ShareIslam

Islamic Perspective on Sex

2010-12-04T05:37:00.000-08:00

Islam considers sex an essential human need which need not be suppressed, rather satisfied in a proper manner. It is not something looked down upon disdainfully and a thing a person must refrain from.

Islam has set certain laws by which it is controlled and through which one can satisfy this need. One is not to satisfy this in an animalistic or lustful uncontrolled manner; it should be satisfied through marriage.

The ultimate goal of marriage in Islam is to achieve psychological and emotional stability for both spouses.

Allah says:

(They are Libas (i.e. body cover, or screen or Sakan [i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with them]) for you and you are the same for them.) (2:187)

Islam safeguards the individual and society by forbid- ding everything which excites the sexual desire for fear that a person would commit fornication or sodomy either willingly or forcefully (i.e. rape).

This of course would result in illegitimate children proliferating in society, who have no parents to raise them morally. They would then emerge in society as a group who harbor animosity and hate towards others. Also, diseases would spread across society.

Allah says:

(And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily it is a Fahishah (a great sin and an evil way that leads one to Hell).) (17:32)

http://www.thekeytoislam.com/en/islamic-perspective-on-sex.shtml

POLYGAMY

2010-08-05T01:36:00.000-07:00

It is left to the societies and individuals , within the freedoms and prohibitions laid down by Islam, to regulate their conduct as they may desire. What is important to note is that it takes a woman, in addition to a man, to make a polygamous marriage; for no marriage in Islam can never take place without her consent. And the first wife can also claim a divorce if she cannot live with the situation. Hence it is entirely within the power of individuals virtually to eliminate polygamy without recourse to law.

Polygamy is permitted by the Qur'an; though it is not enjoined, as some people apparently believed. Justice is enjoined, as far as is humanly possible, otherwise one should remain monogamous. Thus, disadvantages of a polygamous marriage are recognized, but not to the extent of prohibiting it legally. This legal provision can be properly understood only in the context of Islam's position on two important issues, as already explained. Firstly, that the family is the cornerstone of human society and any extra-marital sex is completely prohibited. Married life is the most desirable way of life - Islam wants a woman to be a wife and never a mistress. Both man and woman have to make some sacrifice to make a success of family life. Secondly, Islam's law is for all times to come and should therefore, as far as is practical, cater for all possible social and individual situations. Legal provision, like a total ban on divorce or polygamy may indeed result in far more serious consequences than they may solve. Even in countries where polygamy is illegal, it may be argued, monogamy is fairly rare, so sex outside marriage is considered as polygamy, as it should be.

From: Shariah: The way of Justice by Khurram Murad

Problems that stem from masturbation

2010-06-11T03:29:00.000-07:00

To Masturbate is to fall short of Islam's high morals. The best believers would never masturbate since they have completely devoted their lives to Islam. They welcome pain and hardship since they know it is better for their future. And resisting sexual temptations is a great act of self-discipline and contribute greatly to a person's spiritual growth, and there will sure be great rewards for it in the Hereafter.Masturbation edges on sin. And as humans in a situation like this, we can never be sure if our actions are according to Islam or we have transgressed.
Masturbation can obsess a person's mind with sex. Some teenagers report on online forums that all they think about during the day and night is sex. How can someone like this help the world become a better place?
Masturbation will make the person lose self-respect.
For a male, losing semen can cause problems. More on this at semenloss.info. To quote one of their readers: "I didn't masturbate until I was 17 years old. I didn't exercise much and yet I had this amazing 8 pack. I started masturbating about 1- 5 times a day and my 8 pack turned into a vague 4 pack. I noticed muscle loss in other parts of my body as well and I started having back problems and my eyes started getting really dry." The problem could have been caused by the high frequency. A book called The Garden of Fertility says typically a man needs 36 hours to replenish ejaculated sperm [copyright 2004, Katie Singer]. I expect when a man ejaculates more frequently than is healthy, his body will go into overdrive, trying to compensate for the lost semen by burning muscle protein to create energy. And for the dry eyes, I have read that tears and semen share some components. Since the body gives priority to procreation, the amount of fluid in the eyes and/or the helpful lubricants inside the fluid decrease.
Masturbation can cause the individual to miss prayers, since a male cannot pray after ejaculation until he makes ghusl (takes a shower). This can be problematic when he lives with parents, who might embarrass him by asking why he showered twice in one day. I haven't found rulings that would require females to shower after masturbation, but it is required to wash the body's sexual fluids off before one can pray, so some cleaning is necessary.
For females, inserting a finger or an object into the vagina can break the hymen.

Taken from islamonline

help me!?...My wife is not beautiful and it is disturbing my sleep!!!

2010-04-29T20:35:00.000-07:00

I have been married for a few years. During the first two years I was happy with my marriage and I loved my wife, but after that I started to feel that I disliked my wife. That is not because of religion, because she is religiously committed and has a good character, praise be to Allaah. Rather it has to do with her beauty, because she is not beautiful enough to keep me chaste and make me lower my gaze. I am afraid of mistreating her because I do not feel happy with her and sometimes I frown at her for no reason. The problem is that I cannot marry another wife because I am not financially able. I thought of taking a loan in order to marry but then I would be living in poverty because of the loan. I have thought a lot about divorcing her and letting her go in kindness and replacing her with another, but I have children from her and she loves me a lot. I have thought about this a great deal and it is disturbing my sleep, because I do not know what to do. What should I do, may Allaah reward you.

Praise be to Allaah.

My dear brother, I appreciate your confidence in me and I ask Allaah to make us and you strong and steadfast, and to guide us. With regard to your question, I offer the following comments:

1 – The problem you have is not with regard to marrying a second wife, or divorcing your wife. The problem, as you mention, is a financial problem. So long as you are not able to marry another wife, then you should keep the wife with whom Allaah has blessed you.

2 – Whenever you are able and have the financial means, and praise be to Allaah that He has permitted plural marriage to you… In my opinion that is easier for a woman to bear than divorce, especially since you have children from her.

3 – Try to look at the matter from a different angle. You may find many positive things in her, and beauty is not everything, believe me. How she behaves and treats you… and many things which are ultimately more important than appearance. For with time you will get used to her appearance, and how she behaves will be what matters…

4 – Imagine that you find a very beautiful woman and marry her… then she starts to treat you in an arrogant or impolite manner… or she treats you and your family badly… what would you do?!

5 – You should be objective and not burden yourself with more than you can bear. Look at the matter from different aspects. “it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’ 4:19 – interpretation of the meaning]. And remember the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Look for one [a wife] who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!”

May Allaah help you, protect you and make you steadfast in following the path of goodness and truth.

Answered by Ahmad al-Muqbil

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pls read this. Kissing on the mouth among women

2010-04-21T03:45:00.000-07:00

I have an important question which I hope you will answer. Please excuse us for this question, but we need to explain it to you so that we may avoid something haraam.
It has become very common among girls who claim Islamic sisterhood to kiss one another in an exaggerated fashion, such as kissing on the mouth or elsewhere, and they claim that this is part of complete love. When we explain to them that it is haraam, they say that there is no shar’i evidence to show that it is haraam, and that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to bite the tongue of Zayd ibn Haarithah, and that they are prepared to stop doing this if they are shown any shar’i evidence that it is haraam.

Praise be to Allaah.

In order to establish a shar’i ruling, it is not essential that there be a text which speaks specifically of it in a Qur’aanic verse or a hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). There is no end to issues and new matters. Hence Islam has set out basic principles which cover thousands of issues and explain their rulings. These major principles include the principle of sadd al-dharaa’i (blocking the means). In I’laam al-Muwaqqi’een, Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned ninety-nine texts from the Qur’aan and Sunnah which point to the soundness of this principle. What is meant by “blocking the means” is that everything that is a means that leads to falling into something haraam is also forbidden, even if it is permissible in principal.

It is well known that Islam closes the door to things that lead to immorality, whether it is zina or perversions thereof such as homosexuality or lesbianism. Among the ways in which it has closed the door to that are the following:

Forbidding men to look at women and vice versa, forbidding a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman or to shake hands with her, forbidding a woman to travel alone, and so on. Another example is the way in which Islam closes the door to perversion and immorality that may occur between males or between women, so Islam forbids a woman to look at the ‘awrah of another woman, or a man to look at the ‘awrah of another man; it forbids sleeping in one bed beneath one cover; and it forbids looking, touching and kissing if that is done with desire, even between one woman and another, or between one man and another.

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should look at the ‘awrah of another man, and no woman should look at the ‘awrah of another woman. No man should lie down with another man beneath a single cover, and no woman should lie down with another woman beneath a single cover.” Narrated by Muslim (338).

The scholars have also clearly stated that this applies even between mahrams (close blood relatives). They have stated that it is forbidden for a father to kiss his daughter on the mouth and that it is even more forbidden for a brother to kiss his sister on the mouth, let alone other relatives.

Imam Ahmad was asked about a man kissing a woman who is his mahram. He said: If he has come from a journey and he does not fear that there may be any temptation. Ibn Muflih said: But he should never do that on the mouth; it should be on the cheek or on the head.

Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah (2/256)

Imam Ahmad has mentioned the following limitations with regard to kissing mahrams:

1 – There should be a special reason for it, such as having come from a journey.

2 – There should be no risk of fitnah (temptation).

Ibn Muflih (may Allaah have mercy on him) has explained an important point which is that there should be no kissing on the mouth, rather it should be on the cheek or head, because kissing the mouth has to do with desire, not the kissing of emotion such as that of a father or brother. This is clear to anyone who thinks about it.

In al-Iqnaa’ (3/156) it says:

There is nothing wrong with one who has come from a journey kissing his female mahrams, so long as he does not fear that there may be any temptation, but he should not kiss on the mouth, rather it should be on the forehead or head. End quote.

In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (13/130) it says:

It is not permissible for a man to kiss the mouth or hand or anything else of another man, or for a woman to kiss another woman, or to embrace or touch their bodies, etc, if that is done by way of desire. There is no difference of opinion among the fuqaha’ on this matter …

But if that is not done on the mouth, and it is done by way of respect and honouring, or to express emotion upon meeting and parting, then there is nothing wrong with it. End quote.

If these are the words of our scholars and imams with regard to kissing mahrams such as a daughter, then how can they allow non-mahram females to kiss one another on the mouth on a daily basis, with no reason such as travelling or a lengthy absence?
It should be noted that we cannot find the hadeeth mentioned in the question about the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) biting the tongue of Zayd ibn Haarithah, and we do not know where this comes from.

In al-Tirmidhi (2732) it is narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: Zayd ibn Haarithah came to Madeenah and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was in my house. He came to him and knocked at the door, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stood up and embraced him and kissed him.

But this is a da’eef (weak) hadeeth, which was classed as such by al-Albaani in Da’eef al-Tirmidhi.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

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My wife is not very interested in intercourse.

2010-04-19T22:56:00.000-07:00

I am a man of a strong desire. I like to have intercourse everyday. When I try to start it with my wife, she refuses for weak reasons like saying she is tired or lazy to make ghusl or because she wants to delay it to next day. So I have intercourse with her only twice a week. I cannot be patient. So I have to masturbate by my hand fearing to fall into adultery. Although I know it is haram, I masturbate about three times a week while my wife is beside me and she knows what I am doing. My wife cares a lot about beautifying herself and using perfumes, but she becomes annoyed if I ask her for sex. Am I sinful to masturbate by my hand? If yes, then does my wife share in this sin?.
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The husband has to treat his wife kindly, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

Part of living with one’s spouse honourably is having intercourse, which is obligatory upon the husband, as much as is sufficient to satisfy her, so long as it does not harm him physically or distract him from earning a living.

The wife is obliged to obey her husband if he calls her to his bed, and if she refuses then she is sinning, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (32370 and Muslim (1436) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: She has to obey him if he calls her to his bed, and this is a duty that is obligatory upon her. … If she refuses to respond to his call, then she is being disobedient and wilfully defiant. … as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/145, 146).

But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse. If she has an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse.

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Both slave women and free women are enjoined not to refuse the master or husband if he calls them for intercourse, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and likely to be harmed by intercourse, or observing an obligatory fast. If she refuses with no excuse then she is cursed. End quote from al-Muhalla (10/40).

Al-Bahooti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time, so long as that does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm her; he does not have the right to enjoy her in that case, because that is not part of living with them honourably. But if it does not distract her from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. End quote from Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/189).

The wife whose husband is harming her by having intercourse too often may come to some agreement with her husband concerning a specific number that she can put up with, and if he does more to such an extent that it is harmful to her, then she has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi (judge), who may determine a specific number and oblige both husband and wife to adhere to that.

Secondly: Masturbation (for both men and women) is haraam (forbidden) in Islam based on the following evidence: First from the Qur’aan: Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): "And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7 Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor. "And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty. Secondly, from the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him): Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066. The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done.

There is no sin if the husband is masturbated by his wife’s hand, because it is permissible for him to enjoy her; the same applies if he ejaculates outside the vagina, because of the general meaning of the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5,6].

If the wife will be harmed by intercourse, she will not be harmed if her husband enjoys her in other ways, so she has to allow him to do that.

Both spouses have to tackle this problem in a kind, loving and frank manner; and each of them should understand the rights and duties that they have, because most marital problems stem from ignorance of that.

Some husbands are keen to satisfy their own desires, and they hasten to do that without caring about their wives or paying attention to their right to pleasure, so the wife finds no enjoyment in it and is put off by it, and it becomes a problem and a burden for her.

Hence we say: Strive to create love and affection between you and your wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings; avoid that which will harm her or hurt her. Tell her of the shar’i ruling concerning this issue and help her to follow it, and do not put her off, and be moderate in your approach, and you will get what you want.

May Allaah help us and you to obey Him and seek His pleasure.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Why does Islam forbid lesbianism and homosexuality?

2010-04-19T03:52:00.000-07:00

Could you please tell me that why is a homosexuality a sin in islam? I know it’s a great sin but my question is why? I haven't able to find the real reason why? So، if you could can you also tell me that what Allah has says in Quran or in hadith about it. Please let me know as soon as possible.

Praise be to Allaah.

The Muslim should not doubt, even for an instant, that what Allaah has prescribed is wise. He should know that there is great wisdom in what Allaah has commanded and what He has forbidden; it is the straight path and is the only way in which man can be safe and at peace, protecting his honour, his mind and his health, in accordance with the natural disposition (fitrah) with which Allaah has created man.

Some heretics have tried to attack Islam and its rulings; they have denounced divorce and plural marriage and permitted alcohol. Those who look at the state of their societies will see the state of misery which those societies have reached.

When they rejected divorce, murder took its place. When they rejected plural marriage, men started to take mistresses instead. When they allowed alcohol, all kinds of shameful and immoral actions became widespread.

They (gays and lesbians) both go against the natural disposition (fitrah) which Allaah has created in mankind – and also in animals – whereby the male is inclined towards the female, and vice versa.
Whoever goes against that goes against the natural disposition of mankind, the fitrah.

The spread of homosexuality has caused man diseases which neither the east nor the west can deny exist because of them. Even if the only result of this perversion was AIDS – which attacks the immune system in humans – that would be enough.

It also causes the breakup of the family and leads people to give up their work and study because they are preoccupied with these perversions.

Since the prohibition has come from his Lord, the Muslim should not wait until medicine proves that harm befalls the one who does that which Allaah has forbidden. Rather he must believe firmly that Allaah only prescribes that which is good for people, and these modern discoveries should only increase his certainty and confidence in the greatness of Allaah’s wisdom.

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

Both of them – fornication and homosexuality – involve immorality that goes against the wisdom of Allaah’s creation and commandment. For homosexuality involves innumerable evil and harms, and the one to whom it is done would be better off being killed than having this done to him, because after that he will become so evil and so corrupt that there can be no hope of his being reformed, and all good is lost for him, and he will no longer feel any shame before Allaah or before His creation. The semen of the one who did that to him will act as a poison on his body and soul. The scholars differed as to whether the one to whom it is done will ever enter Paradise. There are two opinions which I heard Shaykh al-Islam (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrate.”

(al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, p. 115).

2. Lesbianism means one woman doing to another something like that which a man does to a woman. Homosexuality means having intercourse with males in the back passage. This was the action of the accursed people of the Prophet of Allaah Loot (peace be upon him). In sharee’ah terminology it refers to inserting the tip of the penis into the anus of a male.

What is mentioned concerning these actions in the Qur’aan and Sunnah:

A – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And (remember) Loot (Lot), when he said to his people: ‘Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the ‘Aalameen (mankind and jinn)?

Verily, you practise your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds (by committing great sins)’”

[al-A’raaf 7:80-81]

B – “Verily, We sent against them a violent storm of stones (which destroyed them all), except the family of Loot (Lot), them We saved in the last hour of the night”

[al-Qamar 54:34 – interpretation of the meaning]

C – “And (remember) Loot (Lot), when he said to his people: ‘Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the ‘Aalameen (mankind and jinn)?”

[al-A’raaf 7:80 – interpretation of the meaning]

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And (remember) Loot (Lot), when he said to his people: ‘You commit Al‑Faahishah (sodomy the worst sin) which none has preceded you in (committing) it in the ‘Aalameen (mankind and jinn)’”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:28]

D – “And (remember) Loot (Lot), We gave him Hukm (right judgement of the affairs and Prophethood) and (religious) knowledge, and We saved him from the town (folk) who practised Al‑Khabaa’ith (evil, wicked and filthy deeds). Verily, they were a people given to evil, and were Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah)”

[al-Anbiya’ 21:74 – interpretation of the meaning]

E – “And (remember) Loot (Lot)! When he said to his people, ‘Do you commit Al‑Faahishah (evil, great sin, every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse, sodomy) while you see (one another doing evil without any screen)

Do you practise your lusts on men instead of women? Nay, but you are a people who behave senselessly.’

There was no other answer given by his people except that they said: ‘Drive out the family of Loot (Lot) from your city. Verily, these are men who want to be clean and pure!’

So We saved him and his family, except his wife. We destined her to be of those who remained behind.

And We rained down on them a rain (of stones). So evil was the rain of those who were warned”

[al-Naml 27:54-58 – interpretation of the meaning]

These verses refer to the punishment that befell the people of Loot. With regard to the rulings on them:

F – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning]:

“And the two persons (man and woman) among you who commit illegal sexual intercourse, hurt them both. And if they repent (promise Allaah that they will never repeat, i.e. commit illegal sexual intercourse and other similar sins) and do righteous good deeds, leave them alone. Surely, Allaah is Ever All-Forgiving (the One Who forgives and accepts repentance), (and He is) Most Merciful”

[al-Nisa’ 4:16]

Ibn Katheer said:

“The words of Allaah ‘And the two persons (man and woman) among you who commit illegal sexual intercourse, hurt them both’ mean, those who commit immoral actions, punish them both. Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), Sa’eed ibn Jubayr and others said: By condemning them, shaming them and hitting them with shoes. This was the ruling until Allaah abrogated it and replaced it with whipping and stoning. ‘Ikrimah, ‘Ata, al-Hasan and ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Katheer said: This was revealed concerning a man and woman who commit fornication. Al-Saddi said, it was revealed concerning young people before they get married. Mujaahid said: it was revealed concerning two men if they admit it bluntly; a hint is not sufficient – as if he was referring to homosexuality. And Allaah knows best.”

(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/463).

G – It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him): “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘There is nothing I fear for my ummah more than the deed of the people of Loot.’”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1457; Ibn Maajah, 2563. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 1552).

H – It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “… cursed is the one who has intercourse with an animal, cursed is the one who does the action of the people of Loot.”

(Narrated by Ahmad, 1878. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 5891).

I – It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Whoever you find doing the deed of the people of Loot, kill the one who does it and the one to whom it is done.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1456; Abu Dawood, 4462; Ibn Maajah, 2561. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 6589).

And Allaah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Ooh!! I'm wondering !!Will men in Paradise have intercourse with al-hoor aliyn?!!

2010-04-18T01:24:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering will the men from amongst the human race that enters paradise, will they have sexual intercourse with the "HOURIS" women in the paradise .

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has prepared for His believing slaves in Paradise that which no eye has seen, no ear has heard and has never even crossed the minds of men, such that even the person who has the least blessings in Paradise will think that he is the most blessed among them. Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The lowest of people in status in Paradise will be a man whose face Allaah turns away from the Fire towards Paradise, and shows him a tree giving shade. He will say, ‘O Lord, bring me closer to that tree so that I may be in its shade… Then he will enter his house [in Paradise] and his two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn will come in and will say to him, ‘Praise be to Allaah who brought you to life for us and brought us to life for you.’ Then he will say, ‘No one has been given what I have been given.’” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 275)

Among the blessings that Allaah has prepared for His slaves are al-hoor al-‘iyn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“So (it will be). And We shall marry them to Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes”

[al-Dhukhaan 44:54]

“They will recline (with ease) on thrones arranged in ranks. And We shall marry them to Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes

[al-Toor 52:20]

Al-hoor al-‘iyn are extremely beautiful, such that the marrow of their shins will be visible from beneath their garments. Every man who enters Paradise will have two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn. Allaah says, describing them (interpretation of the meaning):

“Therein (Gardens) will be Khayraatun‑Hisaan [fair (wives) good and beautiful];

Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinn and men) deny?

Hoor (beautiful, fair females) guarded in pavilions;

Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinn and men) deny?

With whom no man or jinni has had Tamth [opening their hymens with sexual intercourse] before them.

Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinn and men) deny?

Reclining on green cushions and rich beautiful mattresses.”

[al-Rahmaan 55:70-76]

“And (there will be) Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes (as wives for Al-Muttaqoon – the pious).

Like unto preserved pearls”

[al-Waaqi’ah 56:22-23]

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The first group will enter Paradise looking like the moon on the night when it is full, and those who follow them will be like the brightest shining star in the sky. Their hearts will be as one, and there will be no hatred or jealousy among them. Each man will have two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn, the marrow of whose calves can be seen from beneath the bone and flesh.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 3014)

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘Going out and coming back for the sake of Allaah is better than this world and all that is in it. And a spot the size of the bow of one of you in Paradise – or a spot the size of his whip – is better than this world and all that is in it. If a woman from among the people of Paradise were to look at the people of this earth, she would light up all that is in between them and fill it with fragrance. The veil on her head is better than this world and all that is in it.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 2587)

A man will have intercourse in Paradise with his wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn and his wives from among the people of this world, if they enter Paradise with him. A man will be given the strength of a hundred men to eat, drink, feel desire and have sexual intercourse. It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer in Paradise will be given such and such strength for sexual intercourse.” He was asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, will he really be able to do that?” He said, “He will be given the strength of one hundred (men).” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2459. He said, (it is) saheeh ghareeb).

It was narrated from Zayd ibn Arqam that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man among the people of Paradise will be given the strength of a hundred men for eating, drinking, desire and sexual intercourse. A man among the Jews said, ‘The one who eats or drinks needs to excrete!’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him: ‘The excretion of any one of them will be in the form of sweat which comes out through his skin, then his stomach will reduce in size again.’” (Narrated by Ahmad, no. 18509; al-Daarimi, no. 2704)

The mufassireen said concerning the phrase “busy in joyful things” (Yaa-Seen 36:55 – interpretation of the meaning):

‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood and Ibn ‘Abbaas (mayAllaah be pleased with them both), and Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyib, ‘Ikrimah, al-Hasan, Qutaadah, al-A’mash, Sulaymaan al-Taymi and al-Oozaa’i said concerning the aayaah (interpretation of the meaning),

“Verily, the dwellers of Paradise, that Day, will be busy in joyful things” [Yaa-Seen 36:55]

they said, (it means) they will be busy deflowering virgins. Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said, according to a report narrated from him, that “busy in joyful things” means listening to stringed instruments. Abu Haatim said: he misheard the phrase iftidaad al-abkaar (deflowering virgins) and thought it was samaa’ al-awtaar (listening to stringed instruments). In fact the correct phrase is iftidaad al-abkaar (deflowering virgins). (Ibn Katheer, 3/564)

With regard to children, the scholars differed as to whether children would be born as a result of this intercourse or not. Some said that there would be children if the man wants them, but the pregnancy and birth would take just one hour. Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If the believer wants a child in Paradise, the pregnancy and delivery will take only an hour, then the child will be the age that the man wants.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2487; al-Daarimi, no. 2712; Ahmad, no. 11339; Ibn Maajah, no. 4329). And Allaah knows best.

We ask Allaah to admit us to Paradise and to keep us far away from the Fire. May He bless us with the highest Firdaws, for He is the One Who is Able to do that. Praise be to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Sex-change operations

2010-04-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

Is it permitted for a person to change his sex from a woman to a man or vice versa? Please give evidence from the Qur’aan and Sunnaah
Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for a person to change sex from male to female or vice versa. The Muslim has to be content with what Allaah has decreed, for He has placed him in a suitable position. He does not know – perhaps if he was female that would not be good for him, or if she was male that would be bad for her. Similarly, there are some people for whom nothing but poverty is good, and if Allaah made such a person rich it would be harmful for him; and there are others for whom nothing but richness is appropriate, and if they became poor that would be harmful to them. Some women wished that they could be men who would fight in the way of Allaah. This was just wishful thinking, but Allaah revealed the prohibition of that wishful thinking in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “And wish not for the things in which Allaah has made some of you to excel others. For men there is reward for what they have earned, (and likewise) for women there is reward for what they have earned” [al-Nisaa’ 4:32] If mere wishful thinking is forbidden, then how about taking action based on that? If the Muslim is forbidden to change the creation of Allaah in minor cases, so how about changing sex altogether? Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr Changing one’s sex is a kind of tampering with the creation of Allaah and following the way of the Shaytaan who vowed that he would misguide the sons of Adam in this way and in others, as Allaah tells us that he said: “and indeed I will order them to change the nature created by Allaah” [al-Nisaa’ 4:119 – interpretation of the meaning] We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Differences between semen (maniy) and urethral fluid (madhiy)

2010-04-08T07:28:00.000-07:00

some times when i wake up in the morning, i find some wet coming out. Please don't take it as a wet dream, or urine, becuase the sticky stuff comes out usually just after i have woken up in the morning. Most of the days i have to wash my under wear just becasue of that, and sometimes i wash my pants too. I read it somewhere that if its not semen, just that sticky stuff than we don't need to perform ghusl, and only wuzu is enough to offer prayers. If it is then what about the clothes?. The same stuff comes out during some salacious situations also, though i try to stay away from all that kind of stuff. The first difference: qualities Semen in the case of men is a thick, white liquid, and in the case of women it is thin and yellow. (Translator’s note: the word maniy is used to refer to the fluid secreted by either male or female at the time of orgasm). The source for these descriptions of maniy come from the hadeeth of Umm Sulaym (may Allaah be pleased with her), who asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about a woman who sees a dream like a man sees (i.e., an erotic dream). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman sees that, she should do ghusl.” Umm Sulaym said: I felt shy when I heard that. She asked, “Is that possible?” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How else would the child resemble his father or mother? The water of the man is thick and white, and the water of the woman is thin and yellow. Whichever of the two prevails or comes first decides which parent the child will resemble.” (Agreed upon. Saheeh Muslim, 469). In his commentary on Saheeh Muslim (3/222), Imaam al-Nawawi said, concerning the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “The water of the man is thick and white, and the water of the woman is thin and yellow”: “This is an important criterion in describing maniy. This description applies when a person is healthy, and in most cases. The scholars said: when a man is healthy, his semen is white and thick, and gushes out in spurts accompanied by feelings of pleasure. After it has come out, it is followed immediately by a feeling of being drained and exhausted. Its smell is like that of palm tree pollen, which in turn resembles the smell of dough… (the colour of semen may change for a number of reasons, including the following): … If a person is sick his semen may become thin and yellow, or his testicles may become slack or soft, with the result that the emission of semen is not accompanied by any feelings of pleasure. If a man engages in intercourse too frequently, his semen may become red and resemble the juice that comes from meat, or may even contain blood [‘ameet???]. There are three distinguishing features of semen, the presence of any of which is sufficient for it to be classified as semen: firstly, its emission is accompanied by feelings of pleasure and is immediately followed by exhaustion; secondly, it smells like palm tree pollen, as stated above; and thirdly, it gushes out in spurts. Each one of these three characteristics is sufficient for it to be defined as semen; it is not necessary for all three features to be present. If none of them are present, the substance cannot be described as semen and in all likelihood it is not. All of the above applies to the maniy of men; in the case of women, their maniy is thin and yellow, although it could become white if the woman is strong. It has two distinguishing characteristics, either of which is sufficient to class the substance as maniy: firstly, it smells like the maniy of men, and secondly, its emission is accompanied by feelings of pleasure and is immediately followed by exhaustion.” Madhiy, on the other hand, is a sticky white fluid that is emitted when a person is thinking of or desiring intercourse. Its emission is not accompanied by feelings of pleasure, it does not gush out in spurts, and it is not followed by exhaustion. This may happen to men and women alike, although it is more common among women. This is the comment of Imaam al-Nawawi in his commentary on Muslim (Sharh Muslim, 3/213). The second difference: what should be done after emission of either type of fluid When maniy is emitted, a person must perform ghusl to clean himself from sexual impurity (janaabah), whether this happened during intercourse or otherwise, whether he was awake or it happened because of an erotic dream. Madhiy, on the other hand, means that a person only needs to do wudoo’. The evidence for this is the report of ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: “I was a man who used to experience a lot of urethral discharge, so I told Miqdaad to ask the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about it. So he asked him, and he said: ‘It requires wudoo’.’” (Agreed upon; this version was narrated by al-Bukhaari). Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (1/168), “Ibn al-Mundhir said: ‘The scholars agree that passing stools or urine, the emission of madhiy or passing wind are all things that invalidate tahaarah (purity) [i.e. they mean that wudoo’ must be renewed]’.” The third difference: whether they are taahir (pure) or naajis (impure) Maniy is taahir according to the most correct opinion among the scholars. The evidence for this is the report of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to wash the maniy (from his clothes) then go out to pray wearing the same clothes, and I could see the spot where he had washed it.” (Agreed upon). According to a report narrated by Muslim: “I used to rub it (semen) thoroughly from the garment of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), then he would pray in it.” According to another version: “I would scratch it from his garment with my nail when it had become dry.” It is proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to leave it without washing it when it was wet; it was sufficient just to wipe it with ‘ood (a kind of aromatic wood) or something similar, as was reported by Imaam Ahmad in his Musnad (6/243) from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to remove maniy from his garment with a twig of adhkhar (a kind of tree), then pray in that garment, and he would rub it from his garment once it was dry, and would pray in the same garment.” Ibn Khuzaymah reported it in his Saheeh, and Shaykh al-Albaani classed it as hasan in al-Irwa’ (1/197). Madhiy (urethral discharge) is naajis (impure), because of the hadeeth of ‘Ali quoted above, in some versions of which it is reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded him to wash his penis and testicles and do wudoo’, as was reported by Abu ‘Awaanah in al-Mustakhraj. Ibn Hajar said in al-Talkhees: “There is nothing at fault in this isnaad.” So madhiy is naajis and the penis and testicles must be washed, as it nullifies tahaarah. Ruling concerning clothing on which there is semen or urethral discharge As maniy is deemed to be taahir, if it gets on a person’s clothes it does not make them impure, and if he prays in those clothes there is nothing wrong with that. Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (1/763): “Even though we say it is taahir, it is better to rub it, but if one prays (in those clothes) without rubbing it, this is acceptable.” In the case of madhiy, it is sufficient to sprinkle water on it, because of the difficulty of doing otherwise. The evidence for this is the hadeeth narrated by Abu Dawud in his Sunan from Sahl ibn Haneef, who said: “I used to experience a lot of urethral discharge, and I used to do ghusl a lot. I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about it and he said: ‘It is sufficient for you to do wudoo’ (to purify yourself) from that.’ I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, what about when it gets on my clothes?’ He said: ‘It is sufficient for you to take a handful of water and sprinkle it on your clothes wherever you think (the madhiy) is.’” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi. He said: This is a saheeh hasan hadeeth, and the only other hadeeth about madhiy that we know is the hadeeth of Muhammad ibn Ishaaq). The author of Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi (1/373) said: “This may be taken to prove that if madhiy gets on one's clothes, it is sufficient to sprinkle water on it; one does not have to wash it.” And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

He wants to photograph his wife naked so that he can look at the pictures when he is away!

2010-03-27T05:25:00.000-07:00

Can a husband video tape his wife while she is naked or showing off her body parts, so he can watch the video when he is away or when she is not there, and get the pleassure that way for time being rather than watching something else which might be haram.

Praise be to Allaah.

The action mentioned in the question is one of the most abhorrent of actions. It is haraam in and of itself and because of what it leads to. As for it being haraam in and of itself: a woman in principle is entirely ‘awrah and it is not permissible to take her picture in the first place, even if nothing appears but her face and hands, so how about if what appears is more than that. What if the picture shows her most private ‘awrah? Undoubtedly this is more abhorrent and sinful and leads to greater punishment.

The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:

Is a picture of a woman in her passport or elsewhere ‘awrah or not? Is it acceptable for a woman, if she refuses to have her picture taken, to delegate someone to perform Hajj on her behalf, because she cannot get a passport for that reason? And what is the limit of covering for women according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah?

They replied:

She does not have the right to allow her face to be photographed, whether in a passport or otherwise, because it is ‘awrah, and because having her picture in a passport or elsewhere is a cause of people being tempted because of her. But if she cannot travel for Hajj without doing that, then she is granted a concession allowing her to have her picture taken so that she may perform the obligatory duty of Hajj, and it is not permissible for her to delegate someone else to do it on her behalf. The entire woman is ‘awrah according to the evidence of the Qur'aan and Sunnah, so what she is required to do is to cover all of her body before non-mahrams, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers …”

[al-Noor 24:31]

“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts”

[al-Ahzaab 33:53]

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood. Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (1/718, 719).

In the answer to question no. 13342 we quoted Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzan as saying:

Taking pictures of women is not permitted at all, because of the temptation and evil that results from that, in addition to the fact that taking pictures is forbidden in and of itself. So it is not permissible to take pictures of women when traveling or for any other reason. The Council of Senior Scholars has issued a statement that this is haraam. End quote.

The husband has no excuse for taking pictures of his wife naked because he is her husband. That does not make it permissible for him to do this abhorrent act, and his being away from his wife is not regarded as an excuse for him, because it is haraam to take pictures of women in the first place – we have quoted fatwas of the scholars concerning that – and because of the evil consequences to which it leads. Among the consequences to which keeping pictures of one’s wife when she is naked or immodestly dressed may lead are the following:

1. The husband’s belongings may be stolen or he may lose or forget the picture in a public place, so the picture may be spread far and wide and it may fall into the hands of fools who would make use of the picture to cause more evil and corruption.

2. He and his wife may get divorced, in which case she would become a stranger (non-mahram) to him, in which case it would not be permissible for him to look at her after the divorce which makes her a stranger to him.

3. The husband may use it against his wife. There have been many such cases where the husband uses such things against his wife to make her give up her financial rights or fulfil his haraam desires or keep quiet about his abhorrent actions, and all of that happens because he possesses pictures or a video of her when she is naked or semi-naked.

4. The husband’s looking at a picture of his naked wife when he is away from her will never extinguish his desire, rather the opposite is the case. It will inflame his desires and they cannot be extinguished – in most cases – except by doing haraam actions such as the secret habit – which is the least of them – or zina or homosexuality – Allaah forbid.

So his excuse for taking pictures of his wife and keeping them so he can look at them when he is away from her is unacceptable, and his action is a cause of him falling into haraam, because of the picture-taking itself, and because of the evils to which it leads.

It is not permissible for the husband to take a picture of his wife when she is naked or semi-naked. He should have the attitude of protective jealousy for his honour, and do whatever he can to protect his honour and not neglect it by doing such actions. Similarly, it is not permissible for the wife to agree to do that and she should denounce him and not respond to him.

Allaah has made each spouse a libaas (screen) for the other. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They are Libaas [i.e. body-cover, or screen, or Sakan (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with them) Tafsir] for you and you are the same for them”

[al-Baqarah 2:187]

The husband should pay attention to that: he is a screen for his wife, so how could he seek to uncover her by means of this action when the basic principle is that he should be a screen and conceal her?

The husband should not stay away from his wife and family a great deal, because he needs them and they need him. His wife needs him so that they can keep one another chaste, and the children need him to raise them and look after them. If the husband has to go away and the wife agrees to that, then he must fear Allaah, his Lord, and keep away from anything that may provoke his desire such as mixing with women, being alone with a member of the opposite sex or looking. He should do a lot of acts of worship, especially fasting, and he should choose righteous companions who will guide him to do good and encourage him to obey Allaah.

We ask Allaah to help him to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Virtue of pregnancy, giving birth and breastfeeding

2010-03-23T20:11:00.000-07:00

I recently came across some ahadith thatI had never heard before. The subjects which they are talking about are very important to me, so if you could please kindly tell me their status (if they are authentic). The ahadith are listed below, Jazak Allah khair for yor help. 1.The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said; "Homemaking (Allah-willing) raises the station of a woman to the level of those who make Jihad “ (Kanz) 2.The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "The birds in flight, the fish in the rivers, the angels in heaven and the animals in the jungles seek repentance for the woman who is obedient and submits to her husband." 3.The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "O women, the pious among you will enter Paradise before pious men. When the husbands will enter Paradise these women will be presented to their husbands after being bathed and perfumed. These women will be on red and yellow coloured conveyances accompanied by children (as beautiful) as scattered pearls." 4.Addressing Salamah (radhiallaho anha), the nurse of his son Ibrahim (radhiallaho anho), the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said, "Does it not please any one of you that if she conceives by her husband and he is satisfied with her that she receives the reward of fasting and vigil for Allah's sake. And none of the dwellers of Heaven or Earth know about the coolness of her eyes (a unique repose) she will get for the labor pains she suffered. When she delivers, not mouthful of milk flows from her and not an instance of the child's suck, but that she receives for every suck and mouthful, the reward of a good deed. If she is kept awake by her child during the night she receives the reward of freeing seventy slaves for the sake of Allah." The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) then said: "O Sallamah do you know which women are being referred to? Those who despite piety and enjoying a respectable position obey their husbands and do not belittle them.".

Praise be to Allaah.

This hadeeth was narrated by Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him):

Salaamah – the nurse of Ibraaheem, the son of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) – said: O Messenger of Allaah, you give glad tidings of all good to the men and you do not give glad tidings to women. He said: “Have your friends put you up to asking this?” She said: Yes, they told me (to ask). He said: “Doesn’t it please one of you that if she is pregnant from her husband and he was pleased with her, she will have a reward like that of one who fasts and prays qiyaam for the sake of Allaah. When her labour starts, neither the people of heaven nor the people of earth know what is hidden for her of delight, and when she gives birth, not one drop of her milk comes out and (her infant) does not suck once, but for each drop and each suck she will have one hasanah, and if he keeps her awake at night she will have a reward like that of freeing seventy slaves for the sake of Allaah? O Salaamah, do you know who I mean by this? It is the chaste and righteous women who are obedient to their husbands, those who are not ungrateful for kind treatment.”

Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Mu’jam al-Awsat (7/20); Abu Na’eem in Mu’jam al-Sahaabah (no. 7049); Ibn ‘Asaakir in Tareekh Dimashq (43/347); Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat (2/274) and others,

Via Hishaam ibn ‘Ammaar; Abu ‘Ammaar ibn Nusayr told me, from ‘Amr ibn Sa’eed al-Khawlaani, from Anas ibn Maalik.

Then al-Tabaraani said: This hadeeth was not narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) except via this isnaad in which Hishaam ibn ‘Ammaar is the only one who narrated it. End quote.

This is a fabricated, false hadeeth. Ibn Hibbaan ruled it to be fabricated (mawdoo’) in al-Majrooheen (2/34), as did Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat (Baab Thawaab al-Mar’ah idha hamalat wa wada’at, 2/273).

Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said concerning it:

A fabricated hadeeth, with clear signs of being fabricated. The problem with the hadeeth is al-Khawlaani. Al-Dhahabi said: He narrated fabricated reports. Then he quoted this hadeeth. It was narrated by Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat (2/274) from the report of al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat, and he said: Ibn Hibbaan said: ‘Amr ibn Sa’eed who narrated this fabricated hadeeth from Anas: he should not be quoted except by way of giving an example of a fabricated hadeeth. al-Suyooti agreed with him in al-La’aali’ (2/175). It was quoted via al-Khawlaani by Ibn Mandah in al-Ma’rifah (2/329/2) and also by al-Hasan ibn Sufyaan in his Musnad, and also in al-Fayd. End quote.

Al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah (no. 2055).

Anyone who wants to study the Prophet’s hadeeth concerning the virtue of a woman obeying her husband and looking after him should refer to the book by Imam al-Mundhiri entitled al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb. In part three (p. 31) he has a chapter entitled Targheeb al-Zawj fi’l-Wafa’ bi Haqq Zawjatihi wa Husn ‘Ashratiha, wa’l-Mar’ah bi Haqq Zawjiha wa Taa’atihi wa Tarheebuha min Isqaatihi wa Mukhaalafatihi (Encouraging the husband to fulfil his wife’s rights and treat her kindly, and (encouraging) the wife to fulfil her husband’s rights and obey him, and warning her against neglecting his rights and disobeying him).

In this chapter he compiled all the ahaadeeth that have to do with this topic, most of which are saheeh, but some of them are da’eef (weak). The one who wants to read only the reports which the scholars classed as saheeh may read the book called Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb by Shaykh al-Albaani (2/193), and read the same chapter from which the da’eef ahaadeeth have been excluded.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'

2010-03-09T10:37:00.000-08:00

Remember when you and your friend were always close and you could tell each other anything? You were the closest to each other and nobody else came between you two?
After some time, you noticed that this friend was acting a bit strange, and they weren't giving you the attention you usually had.. wassup with him/her? you asked yourself. This friend gradually started hanging out with you less and you never spoke to each other that much. They started acting a bit more 'kool' and they felt that you were oldskool..
What if it's a guy, or a gyal? you thought to yourself.. i've never seen them act this strange before.
Turns out, what you thought was right. They wanted to join the scene too and you were left behind, you're still a kid in their eyes but they've grown up. I'm hangin with the bad boyz now, or the 'thuggetez.'
You either had two options; you could do the same, or you could stay quiet and be a good practisin muslim right? Yeah man, you're bare shareef, that's what they all say... you felt uncomfortable with that, but you were scared about what the rentz [parents] would say, so you decided to stay on the back rowz for a bit.
Turns out, this mate that you had - they weren't interested in knowing you no more, they were with their crew and had their gyal/kuri or their thug with them. Man, why did this have to happen to me for.. you thought to yourself. Deep down inside, you were kinda jealous - how come this person got all the popularity, even though you were the 'good one.'?
A little time passed, a while later.. this friend came back to you. He/she was sad, but still you saw your friend was dressed the same way as his/her crew. Hoodie on, and rockiez.. or was it the big hoops and foundation?
"What's up?" you mumbled..
"Nothin much, u?" your friend said.
You were still kinda sad, confused and not sure what was goin on. You wanted to talk to him/her like the times before, but you knew that loads of things had changed now. What if things could get better? You weren't practisin full time, but you knew that dating was wrong, you knew that because you weren't allowed to talk to that gyal/guy on parents evenings when your parents came over to check up on your progress at school..
"I got sumthn to tell you yeah.."
You were confused, not knowing what to do or how to respond..
"Yeah?" you asked.. not knowing what tone of voice to use.
"It's about this person i got to know a little while back..."
You had noticed that your 'friend' had been hangin out with different people for quite a while now.. most weren't upto any good.
"Yeah, well it was this gurlthat i knew.." he said.
You didn't expect your friend to be like this just two years ago, subhan Allaah things really had changed a lot.
What am i supposed to say? you asked yourself..
"er..yeah? what about her?"
"I got to know this person some weeks back, that's what you gota do init to get known. When you got a gurl you get popular.. it was more like a dare if you get meh."
"Oh, ok.. b..but erm, you know its haraam right?"
"Look, i came to you for advice, so hear me out.. they don't understand what i'm goin thru man."
"Yeah..?"
You had noticed that your friend had been effected by these people a lot, the personality was much harsher than before and he swears a lot now too.
"She don't want to talk to me no more.. it wasn't even my fault..."
His face seems sad now, you can see it. Your heart sinks down..
"Who? who doesn't talk to you no more?"
You still care, you don't want your friend to get hurt. Was it the people your friend hung out with, or was it someone else? You had forgotten about the time he turned away from you, because deep down inside you wanted him to come back to talk to you, so you could be friends again.. like before.
Your friend didn't respond, you could see in his face that he actually wanted to control himself.. trying to control the tears from coming out. You knew what had happened, you didn't need to ask any more. Your friend was crying, you could feel his pain..
The heart beats faster.. a big lump in the throat, it hurts... You can't control the tears, they flood out no matter how hard you try to hold them in. Your head hurts. Whether you're a guy or a gurl, its the same.. if it's your first time - you're going to feel this pain. This is what your friend was experiencing.. the cold wind whipped the face, a harsh wind.
" [like when you've been running for so long and you need to rest, otherwise you get a sour/tangy feeling in your muscles
[if you want to get scientific: due to the lack of oxygen and building up of lactic acid]]
This is why you have to close your eyes (to ease that pain), and when you do this - the muscles push against your tear glands which are already building up on the amount of water being produced,[this is the reason for the pain.] and when you close your eyes [the muscles which are holding the tears relax] which releases the water & your eyes overflow with tears."
It doesn't matter what the people think now.. "I tried..i swear.. i really tried.. how can people..d-do this..?" he said.
You can't do nothing, all you can do is watch and make him feel that things will get better with time insha'Allaah. You have to reassure him, you're there for him.. You pass him a tissue, come closer to him.. and give him a hug.
When a person experiences love, their whole life changes and they feel two extremes:
1) a sense of joy which can get so extreme where you feel that you can accomplish anything.
2) the second extreme is feeling hopeless, exhausted and sad because the 'other half' isn't there.
The person usually experiences no.1 when they're with the person that they love or after they've met with them, and the person experiences no.2 if they haven't contacted them for a while, or if it had ended..
When a person really has fallen for a person, they feel that their whole life is surrounded around them. They may even obey that person in matters which contradict islaam, which obviously isn't the right thing to do.
There are 4 types of love in islaam:
1) Divine Love - which is specifically for Allaah alone. And none should be loved divinely more than Allaah.
2) Love for the sake of Allaah, which is love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the companions and the righteous etc.
3a) Love of the permissible: wives/husband, children, parents etc.
b) Love of food, water, clothing etc.
4) Love of any other deity besides Allaah, such as something which contradicts what Allah has ordered us to do etc. which isn't permitted.
1) The person has to have divine love for Allaah only, which is compulsory in islaam. It isn't permitted that a person's love for anything else goes against the commandments of Allaah.
2) We also have to love the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) more than we love ourselves - this is needed in order to perfect faith. [check tafsir ibn kathir Qur'an 9:24]
3) The 3rd love is a permissible love but it can either lead to sin [if the person disobeys Allah in order to please the creation] or it can lead to reward if the believer has the intention of pleasing Allah.
4) The 4th love is what stops a disbeliever from coming closer to Allah, it may be something else worshipped instead of Allah, such as an idol, a person, the persons desires etc. We should seek refuge in Allah from this.
Most people who fall into haraam love usually don't understand islaam properly. They might start off with desire, and gradually be played into falling in love with the person. However, one has to realize that no love is real, no love is really lasting - unless it is done for the sake of Allah. This is why love which is done while disobeying Allah is usually broken, ends up in hurt, and both people usually end up as enemies, or go down other evil after this, unless Allah saves them and blesses them in hidaayah (guidance.)
There was a lecture i heard last year, and in this lecture the brother discussed good and bad endings of people.
There was a man who was waiting to go on a date with his girlfriend, i think he was muslim. He was waiting for her somewhere, but for some reason - she was taking a really long time. He was so desperate to meet her, why was she taking so long? After a while, she came. He was WELL HAPPY! He got so happy, he fell down and.. prostrated to her. What? Yeah, he did that.. but guess what? He never got up after that again. He died in that state. May Allaah protect us. You know what's shocking? We will be raised on the day of judgement on the last position we were in.
Here's a good one though.
There was a woman who was getting prepared on her wedding day. The people were putting her makeup on her, her gel and all that women wear on one of their most special days of their life. She finds out its maghrib salaah (prayer.)
"I need to do my wudhu.."
"You've got your makeup on now, you can't do that now.."
"I have to pray salaah!"
She got up and ran to do her wudhu. She washed off her gel, her makeup. Starts praying maghrib salaah.
What's the last thing she does?
She moves her head to the side to finish her prayer; "Asalaamu 'alykum warahmatulah..." the angel takes away her soul.. that's the last words that come out from her mouth..
What will happen on the day of Resurrection? We'll be raised up on our last physical action that we did.
Ask yourself - What death do I want? Where do I want to die? How do I want to die?

Arguments with her husband – she is asking how to become a righteous wife

2010-03-05T11:36:00.000-08:00

I am a new muslimah and am fromthe U.S. I have been raised not to let a man controll me. Now the problem is that my husband is not from here and we tend to argue alot.I know more of the laws and common everyday things more than he does.His english is not that great, so, I have to explain to him sometimes and he is used to how his country and culture are, so, in public I tend to do the talking alot.This makes him mad sometimes but I feel it is the only way to get things done right most of the time. Now we argue alot and I don't know how to be the "wife" that I am supposed to be Islamically. I am still in the learning process, but that is were I have my biggest problem.How can I change that or try to make the problem better.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We praise Allaah for guiding you to Islam, which is the greatest blessing that Allaah can bestow upon His slaves.

We would like to tell you that Allaah has given you rights over your husband, and has enjoined upon you duties towards him. You can read question no. 10680 to find out more about this.

You have to do the duties towards your husband which Allaah has enjoined upon you. Islam regards the husband’s rights as great because of the husband’s great importance in building the Muslim household, and because Allaah has enjoined him (the husband) to look after his family’s interests and take care of them.

The Muslim woman should be wise in her dealings with her husband, because man – usually – is pleased with kind words and appreciates kind treatment. So if that comes from his life-partner, that will have a greater effect. The wise woman must also keep away from all kinds of behaviour that will offend her husband, and rid herself of every kind of action that annoys him, and try not to control him. The man has the role of qawwaam (protector and maintainer), and the responsibility is his. Making him feel that he is falling short in certain situations may make him angry and not treat his wife well. One of them said: “The best wife is the one who knows how to create harmony in her marriage and strikes a balance between obeying and respecting her husband and expressing her own strong personality.”

Your speaking to people on his behalf – because he does not speak your people’s language well – is permissible according to sharee’ah, but as stated above, you have to be wise in doing this. When doing these things you should not make him feel that he is lacking or that he is not important. Rather you should refer to him when speaking to the people, and consult with him, and do not make decisions in his presence without asking his permission. You should do that in front of the people to whom you are speaking so that he will feel that he is important. Try to make him feel that he speaks his own language better than you do, and that you complement one another; and you can help him to learn your language, and he can help you to learn his language.

This is what we advise you to do, and this is what may reduce his anger and stop him from behaving in this manner. It seems that it is only a matter of time, and you have to be careful in handling this situation until he becomes more fluent in your language and is able to do things himself, on his own.

Secondly:

In order to become a good wife, you have to learn what Allaah has enjoined upon you, so that you can do it. You have to know how righteous women behave, their attitude and the way they interact with their husbands. You will need to strive hard until you get used to it, but it is not impossible. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Knowledge comes by learning, and patience comes by trying to be patient. Whoever seeks goodness will be given it, and whoever fears evil will be protected from it.” Narrated by al-Daaraqutni in al-Afraad; this is a hasan hadeet, as was stated by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2328.

Some of these characteristics and attitudes are those of which a wise mother advised her daughter before marriage, which is comprehensive advice. We ask Allaah to help you to achieve this. That mother said to her daughter:

“O my daughter, you are leaving your house in which you grew up, and going to live with a man whom you do not know, a companion whom you are unfamiliar with. Be like a slave woman to him and he will be like a slave to you. Remember ten characteristics which will be a stored treasure for you:

The first and second are to be devoted to him and be content, listen to him and obey.

The third and the fourth are to consider his nose and eyes; do not let him see anything ugly of you, or let him smell anything but a good fragrance.

The fifth and the sixth are consider the time of his sleeping and eating, for hunger burns and disturbance of sleep causes anger.

The seventh and the eighth are to look after his wealth and to take care of his family and his dependents.

The ninth and the tenth are to look after his wealth and take care of his dependents.”

Thirdly:

The husband has to fear Allaah his Lord, and not transgress the rights of his wife. He should give her her rights as Allaah has enjoined upon him. He should realize that people vary, and that what he knows, many people are ignorant of, and what he is ignorant of, many people know. For him to have a wife who will translate for him and show him what will benefit him and how things are done is better for him than having someone with him whom he cannot trust. Knowledge can only be acquired by learning, and the way to learn is by striving and working hard.

Advise him to try to control himself at times of anger, and not to get angry unless you have transgressed one of the sacred limits of Allaah. This is the kind of anger that is regarded as praiseworthy.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Kissing wife in the street in front of people

2010-03-03T13:30:00.000-08:00

I am in alot of trouble. I can not ask local Iman because he is not good in his knowledge and i am embarassed to ask friends or family. You see, the problem is I got married recently and I think i might of committed zina with my wife. This is how, we were driving my sisters car and me and wife stopped the car in a quiet place and we kissed alot, quite alot. a man walked passed and he saw us, but we did not stop. i feel i have committed open zina. do we need to pay kafarah, or confess to our elders. my second very very important question is after kissing, i let out (we were both wearing clothes all the time mufti saab) sperm in my underwear. Now i feel very bad because this is my sisters car and she has been driving it after me. i can not wash the car seat as she will get suspicious and confront me. i do not want to lie, now she sits in the car sits on the floor to eat dinner, sits on the sofa, her and her children and i feel very very bad as to what to do. is the car and sofa and place were we sit not clean anymore, and my wife and i are arguing she blames me for worrying. i think she is a bad muslim, because she does not fear Allah, becuase she made me stop the car and kiss, i hate her for that. dear sir, i await your reply as i am disturbed by what has happened, i like to keep paak and clean at all times to please Allah.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Please note that you will never be able to live your life without sins and mistakes. This is the nature of man. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2499; Ibn Maajah, 4251; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. This hadeeth clearly indicates that man will inevitably commit sin, but what matters after that is what he does about his sin. The believer repents to Allaah from all his sins, gives them up and asks Allaah for forgiveness every time he commits a sin, and he regrets doing it and resolves sincerely not to do it again. If you do that, then understand that Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful; He forgives all sins for the righteous believer who repents sincerely and admits his sin humbly before Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Zumar 39:53]

The sin that you have admitted to is not zina with your wife! Rather it is kissing her in front of other people, because there is no zina with one's wife, rather zina is done with a woman whom it is not permissible for a man to touch. But in the case of a wife, it is permissible to touch her.

It is not permissible for a man or a woman to speak to anyone else of what happens between them in bed which no one else should see but them, because of the evils and temptations that result from that and because it opens the door to the shaytaan. This has to do with one who speaks about what he did with his wife, so how about one who does things in front of people where they can see him!

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his Fataawa (10/277) that kissing one’s wife in front of people is not permissible.

Secondly:

As for the expiation for this sin, there is no expiation except sincere repentance and firm resolve not to do it again, and true regret for having committed this sin.

As for confessing to your parents, there is no need for that. The sin that you have admitted to is a sin against Allaah, so confession should be made to Allaah. It is between you and Allaah and you should not tell anyone about it, but be sincere in your repentance to Allaah and Allaah will forgive you. Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

The fact that your wife is the one who told you to do this deed does not mean that she is not a righteous woman or that she does not fear Allaah. You also agreed with her to do it, and you did not stop even when that man saw you. So you should also shoulder your share of responsibility for what you did.

May Allaah help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Breastfeeding

2010-02-28T13:22:00.000-08:00

The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms…If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If ye decide on a foster-mother for your offspring there is no blame on you, provided ye pay (her) what ye offered, on equitable terms. But fear Allah and know that Allah sees well what ye do." (2:233)
Given the importance of breastfeeding in the Islamic religion, the low rates of compliance among Muslim women in North America are puzzling. Although a formal research study has not been conducted, it seems upon observation that the breastfeeding rate among Muslim women is actually lower than among the population at large. There are small pockets of "fundamentalist" Muslim women who are well educated and adamant about nursing their children under their chadors, and who often practice natural childbirth and home schooling. However, those mothers who nurse their babies past the age of one year are the exception rather than the rule. There seems to be a lighthearted attitude among the general Muslim populace towards the bottle-feeding of infants. It is not frowned upon, and it is rarely something people even question. Perhaps it is a lack of education about the benefits of breastfeeding, combined with an absence of a support network to assist the new mother. Perhaps it is a misunderstanding of the meaning of weaning.
Understood in the general sense, weaning means the gradual transfer from feeding the baby exclusively breast-milk to table foods only. This can happen sometime during the toddler period of life, usually between the ages of 1 and 3. Transferring the child to animal and vegetable foods before he even had any teeth, was not done by the early Muslims. The most likely option, if a mother declined to breastfeed her infant, was the employment of a wet-nurse for the child. For the newborn Muslim child, the intimate breastfeeding relationship is a right. It is beyond dispute that two full years of breast-milk provide a baby with long-term health benefits such as the prevention of ear infections and allergies, as well as providing a foundation of trust between mother and child. It has been proven that a bottle-fed baby will be a weaker child, and that breastfed babies often have higher IQ's and are more emotionally well adjusted.

In Islamic terms, weaning is a process that is administered by mutual consent, with the full intention of both parents who have decided that this is the best thing for the family. But in my conversations with sisters in various states who had given up nursing in favor of bottle-feeding, the sense is a feeling of powerlessness over the situation. These mothers often wanted very much to nurse their child. But somehow, they lost their chance. This tragedy is largely caused by a hospital system that does little to promote exclusive breastfeeding of newborns. In most hospitals, the new mothers receive free samples of formula to take home. This is a result of multi-million dollar deals between hospitals and pharmaceutical companies who pay the doctors to promote their products. This practice is highly unethical because little or no education about the dangers of bottle-feeding the infant is given to the new mothers. Many Muslim mothers, especially those who don't speak English well and therefore are not able to question the nurses, come home with their babies already addicted to the bottle. Although at this point, all is not yet beyond hope, coaxing a newborn child to breastfeed, after he has been bottle-fed even just once or twice, can be a big struggle. It may not succeed without the aid of a lactation counselor, because unfortunately, even the older generation of mothers and mothers-in-law lack the knowledge of how to breastfeed. Thus, the likelihood of bottle-feeding is very high among immigrant and minority women in the U.S.

So many women have given up nursing out of a feeling of powerlessness to get the baby to nurse. Because this is not a decision to wean, but rather the result of lack of adequate help, this situation cannot simply be dismissed under the heading, "there is no blame." Something is terribly wrong when Muslim women are giving up breastfeeding due to lack of education, counseling, and support. It reveals a stripping away at the postnatal rights of the Muslim woman to be in a state of rest for 40 days after childbirth. It also points to a fundamental lack of self-esteem in the mothers, that already at the age of 4 days old, she is allowing the child to make important decisions that will hurt him, rather than taking command of the situation and turning it around. If the child is rejecting the breast, the most common reaction is to try for a while, and then give up and give him a bottle. This teaches him that all he has to do is fuss and refuse to nurse, and he will be rewarded by a free-flowing bottle of formula. The only solution to this power struggle is for the mother to practice a bit of "tough love," to refuse to give the baby a bottle, even if it takes several hours for the baby to nurse willingly. (If the baby gets dehydrated, he can take water with a cup or medicine dropper). All this requires the support and help of the father and other family members, to allow the mother and child to be together undisturbed as much as possible for the first 40 days of the baby's life.

Many Muslim women manage to make it through those hardest days in the beginning and then give up breastfeeding after the baby is less than 6 months old. The most common reason given is, "I was afraid I wasn't producing enough milk." At this point, a lactation advisor could have told her to increase her own consumption of calories and to get adequate rest. Under no circumstances should she give the baby a bottle because this will only decrease her supply of breast-milk. But it is so rare for Muslim women to seek advice further than their doctors, who often do not give adequate help. Sometimes it is actually the doctor's advice to start feeding their babies solids at age 3 months that leads to problems. Only with independent research will a mother be able to compare the "fun" of spoon-feeding her infant versus the risks of premature rejection of the breast.

How can we help the Muslim women of today to understand that Allah has made her able to feed her baby with the milk of her body? She needs to read books about breastfeeding and understand fully the commitment she is facing. She needs encouragement to seek help from a LaLeche League Leader or midwife if she runs into problems getting help from her doctor. Help is available. Women who receive adequate counseling are often able to sustain nursing even after returning to work outside the home. Premature infants can and should be breastfeed for the best odds in life. In fact, women who have never even been pregnant can actually stimulate the production of breast-milk for a foster child through the use of a special infant feeding device. The ability to feed your child the best that nature has to offer is your choice. Only after a successful and long-lasting breastfeeding relationship can weaning the baby truly be done by mutual and conscious consent. It will not simply be a tragic mistake to look back on with regret.

By Maria Hussain( a freelance writer from New Jersey )

Sexual effects of alcohol

2010-02-23T10:16:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, the list of ‘bad’ effects of alcohol is much longer! Here they are:
Alcohol makes people far more likely to have unwise sex with the wrong person – and therefore to get pregnant, to catch infections, and to embark on affairs that cause marriage break-ups. In fact, booze is the main reason why in 2005, there is a massive demand for the ‘morning-after pill’ on Saturday, Sunday and Monday mornings.
Alcohol makes people fuddled, so that they don’t take proper contraceptive precautions.
Alcohol is bad for the unborn baby – so it should only be taken very sparingly in pregnancy. During 2008, there have been conflicting reports about how safe it is for pregnant women. Some authorities feel that during pregnancy it should be avoided totally. At present we don’t know whether alcohol taken on the night of conception could be bad for the baby.
Alcohol is a major cause of impotence (erectile dysfunction). A lot of younger males don’t realise this, because they think that booze boosts ‘horniness'. But as Shakespeare says in the Scottish play: ‘It increases the desire, but it takes away the performance.’
A lot of men who are hooked on alcohol develop permanent ‘Brewer’s droop’ – and often loss of interest in sex as well.
We do not yet know if excessive alcohol use can cause female sexual problems, but on the basis of probabilities it does seem likely that some cases of diminished libido are due to excessive alcohol consumption

His wife is not very interested in intercourse so he resorts to masturbation

2010-02-22T11:56:00.000-08:00

I am a man of a strong desire. I like to have intercourse everyday. When I try to start it with my wife, she refuses for weak reasons like saying she is tired or lazy to make ghusl or because she wants to delay it to next day. So I have intercourse with her only twice a week. I cannot be patient. So I have to masturbate by my hand fearing to fall into adultery. Although I know it is haram, I masturbate about three times a week while my wife is beside me and she knows what I am doing. My wife cares a lot about beautifying herself and using perfumes, but she becomes annoyed if I ask her for sex. Am I sinful to masturbate by my hand? If yes, then does my wife share in this sin?.
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The husband has to treat his wife kindly, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

Part of living with one’s spouse honourably is having intercourse, which is obligatory upon the husband, as much as is sufficient to satisfy her, so long as it does not harm him physically or distract him from earning a living.

The wife is obliged to obey her husband if he calls her to his bed, and if she refuses then she is sinning, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (32370 and Muslim (1436) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: She has to obey him if he calls her to his bed, and this is a duty that is obligatory upon her. … If she refuses to respond to his call, then she is being disobedient and wilfully defiant. … as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/145, 146).

But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse. If she has an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse.

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Both slave women and free women are enjoined not to refuse the master or husband if he calls them for intercourse, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and likely to be harmed by intercourse, or observing an obligatory fast. If she refuses with no excuse then she is cursed. End quote from al-Muhalla (10/40).

Al-Bahooti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time, so long as that does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm her; he does not have the right to enjoy her in that case, because that is not part of living with them honourably. But if it does not distract her from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. End quote from Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/189).

The wife whose husband is harming her by having intercourse too often may come to some agreement with her husband concerning a specific number that she can put up with, and if he does more to such an extent that it is harmful to her, then she has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi (judge), who may determine a specific number and oblige both husband and wife to adhere to that.

Secondly:

Masturbation is haraam, because of evidence that we have quoted in the answer to question no. 329.

There is no sin if the husband is masturbated by his wife’s hand, because it is permissible for him to enjoy her; the same applies if he ejaculates outside the vagina, because of the general meaning of the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5,6].

This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 826.

If the wife will be harmed by intercourse, she will not be harmed if her husband enjoys her in other ways, so she has to allow him to do that.

Both spouses have to tackle this problem in a kind, loving and frank manner; and each of them should understand the rights and duties that they have, because most marital problems stem from ignorance of that.

Some husbands are keen to satisfy their own desires, and they hasten to do that without caring about their wives or paying attention to their right to pleasure, so the wife finds no enjoyment in it and is put off by it, and it becomes a problem and a burden for her.

Hence we say: Strive to create love and affection between you and your wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings; avoid that which will harm her or hurt her. Tell her of the shar’i ruling concerning this issue and help her to follow it, and do not put her off, and be moderate in your approach, and you will get what you want.

May Allaah help us and you to obey Him and seek His pleasure.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Does a husband have to be patient with his wife all the time and not divorce her?

2010-02-20T22:33:00.000-08:00

We know that the wife of Nuh (as), and the wife of Lut (as) went to jahannam, may Allah protect us from his displeasure, amin. Is this evidence that brothers should patient with their wives all the time, and not divorce them? I have heard that the Messenger of Allah, (pbuh), divorced women. What is the difference between keeping a woman with bad behavior and counseling her, and getting rid of a woman with bad behavior?

Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly the wives of Nooh and Loot (peace be upon them) will enter Hell with those who will enter it, but they did not commit any obvious sin that would imply kufr, otherwise it would not have been permissible for these Prophets to have remained married to kaafir women, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]

Perhaps the wife of Nooh was concealing kufr, or perhaps, despite the fact that Nooh had been calling people to Allaah for so long, she was influenced by the call of her people when she saw that all of her people were following kufr, so she became doubtful and wondered how he alone could be a believer when all of these people were disbelievers, and they formed the majority of their nation. So her kufr may have been secret. The same applies to the wife of Loot, of whom they said that her only sin was that she told her people about his guests, i.e., she called them to come and commit obscene actions with them. This was her sin, but it is possible that she was also a kaafir in secret. Hence Allaah said (interpretation of the meaning):

“… except his wife, she will be of those who remain behind” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:32]

This is a summary of the response given by Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen, may Allaah preserve him.

It is permissible for a husband to divorce his wife so long as there is a shar’i reason for doing so, such as a lack of religious commitment, a bad attitude, lack of chastity, negligence, etc., even if she is not a kaafir. But if she is a righteous believer, let him keep her, even if he dislikes some of her characteristics, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her attributes, he will be pleased with another.” (Narrated by Muslim from Abu Hurayrah, 1469).

When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) wanted to divorce Hafsah, Allaah revealed to him: Go back to Hafsah, for she fasts a lot and prays a lot at night, and she will be your wife in Paradise. Al-Mundhiri said: this was narrated by al-Nasaa’i and Ibn Maajah. ‘Awn al-Ma’bood Sharh Sunan Abi Dawood, hadeeth no. 2283.

The husband has to strive to reform his wife and pray to Allaah to reform her. Allaah will reform a wife in whom there is some crookedness, if He wills, as He said concerning His slave Zakariya (interpretation of the meaning):

“… and [We] cured his wife for him…” [al-Anbiya’ 21:90]

Some of the mufassireen (commentators) said that she used to have a sharp tongue, i.e., her speech towards her husband was offensive, so Allaah reformed her.

A man may put up with the difficulty of keeping his wife in order to ward off a greater difficulty, which is that of separating the children and dividing the family. But if the harm caused by staying with one’s wife is greater than the harm caused by separating from her, there is nothing wrong with him divorcing her. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Men going to women for massage

2010-02-20T09:58:00.000-08:00

I pray daily five times. Sometimes my body pain and I will go for lady massage but not for sex. Is it a sin, if so what is punishment? I need further answer relating to the above.
Praise be to Allaah.

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uhaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows:

It is not permissible for him to give her a massage or for her to give him a massage. Something is bound to happen, especially if they are both young.

Islam came to close all the doors that may lead to temptation and provocation for one or both parties. Massage involves uncovering part of the body and direct touching, so it poses a serious danger of temptation and the provocation of desires. You have to look for male masseurs who can do this for you when you need it it, or let some of your family members learn how to do massage so that they can do that for you. May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

The punishment for zina (fornication, adultery) and how to keep oneself from going back to it

2010-02-18T00:04:00.000-08:00

The problem is that I am a young man of thirty years of age. I got to know a girl who is nineteen years old who used all kinds of means to get to know me and get close to me. Without much talk or discussion, she went with me to my flat and I had intercourse with her dozens of times. There was a moment when I felt that I was about to die and I wanted to repent. I went to my father and asked him to get me married, and in fact I got married to a righteous girl from a respectable family. My main aim in marriage was to seek a woman who was religiously-committed, and this is what happened, for she is religious and is the daughter of a respected shaykh.
But my problem has become worse. Despite the fact that I have been successfully married – in everyone else’s eyes – for over a year and a half, I suddenly realized that I still feel love for the first girl with whom I had intercourse, and I am not able to leave her. Since I got married, I have not touched her or gone near her, but not a day goes by without me getting in touch with her by phone, and I do not want to hide from you the fact that I masturbate with my hand while I am speaking to her on the phone. I feel as if I am trapped by this girl and now she is not after me as much as I am after her. When we meet I feel scared to touch her, because I fear going back to zina.
My problem is simply psychological, which is how to discipline [?] myself and convince myself to keep away from this girl for once and for all, even though my wife is more beautiful than her and is better and she does everything she can to keep me chaste. Hence I despair of myself and I do not know how to sort myself out, despite the fact that everyone around me describes me as being good-hearted, loving good for people, shedding tears for the calamities and needs that befall people; they say that I try harder to do good for people than they do themselves, happily and willingly, and without them knowing about that, following the words of the Messenger of Allaah, “A man who gives in charity and conceals it so that his left hand does not know what his right hand is giving.”
Please help me to that I can be content with myself and be a righteous person.

Praise be to Allaah.

We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and that of everyone who is distressed. From your question we may note the following:

1 – The fact that you have cut off the route to the Shaytaan, and are preventing him from continuing to tempt you, by getting married is something commendable, which points – in sha Allaah – to the goodness in your heart.

2 – In order for you to be sincere towards your Lord in your repentance, and so that Allaah may change your bad deeds (sayi’aat) into good deeds (hasanaat), you have to stop thinking about the first woman. Do not follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and do not get carried away thinking about her, let alone speaking to her on the telephone, let alone meeting her, let alone doing anything that is more serious than that.

3 – Since it was thinking of death that led you to leave the first woman and get married, you should never stop thinking of it. This is the best advice a person may be given, whether he is falling short in obeying Allaah, or he is doing something that earns the wrath of Allaah. This is what gives the one who is falling short the motive to strive, because when death comes, good deeds are no longer recorded. It also gives the one who is doing evil actions the motive to stop and give them up, because a person’s deeds are judged according to his last deeds. It is sufficient for you to think of one thing: what if Allaah were to take your soul when you were masturbating while talking to this woman? What if Allaah were to take your soul when you were having unlawful intercourse with her?

My brother, think about it. Do you want to come out of your grave on the day when mankind is resurrected, holding onto your private part? Do you not see the great difference between this and between being resurrected prostrating or reciting the Talbiyah (as on Hajj or ‘Umrah) or remembering Allaah?

4 – The way in which you describe yourself makes us feel that there is much that is good in you, so beware of losing the reward for this goodness by having a bad end. Beware of depriving yourself of the reward for these virtues by committing such a major sin that will bring the wrath of your Lord upon you.

5 – You have no excuse for this relationship, for you are married to a woman who – as you say – is more beautiful and is better than the first one, so why not thank Allaah for giving you a halaal means of satisfying your desires? Why are you not content with that which Allaah has decreed for you of permissible things?

Your sin in doing these haraam deeds is worse than if you were not married. You are not single, rather Allaah has blessed you with the means of satisfying your desires in a permissible way. So whenever the Shaytaan makes you think of her (the first woman), go to your wife and seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan.

6 – We give you the best advice, which is to make du’aa’. Get up in the latter part of the night and beseech your Lord, submitting yourself to Him and humbling yourself before His Majesty, asking Him to rid you of the problem. Turn to your Lord and call upon Him, for He is the best One to be asked – may He be glorified – and He does not turn away His slaves if they are sincere.

7 – Do you know that by thinking of this girl, getting in touch with her and meeting her, the Shaytaan may cause you to fall into that which you did before? I hope that you will not be over-confident and think that you will be able to resist, for the one who is ruled by his desires is weak, and whoever walks for a few steps with the Shaytaan will walk with him to the end. But you should know that you are incurring the wrath of the Compeller (al-Jabbaar) and that you are committing one of the gravest acts of disobedience against Allaah after shirk.

Imaam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: I do not know of any sin after murder that is worse than zina, and he quoted as evidence the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood who said: “O Messenger of Allaah, which sin is the worst?” He said, “Setting up a rival to Allaah when He is the One Who created you.” [‘Abd-Allaah] said: “Then what?” He said, “Killing your child for fear that he may eat with you.” [‘Abd-Allaah] said, “Then what?” He said, “Committing adultery with your neighbour’s wife.” And confirmation of that was revealed in the Qur’aan:

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment”
[al-Furqaan 25:68]

You must also understand the effects that zina has on the soul (or on one’s psyche). Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Zina encompasses all the characteristics of evil: lack of religious commitment, loss of piety, loss of chivalry, lack of protective jealousy (gheerah). You will not find any adulterer who is pious, or keeps his promises, or speaks truthfully, or is a good friend, or has complete protective jealousy towards his family. Treachery, lying, betrayal, lack of modesty, lack of awareness that Allaah is always watching, lack of chivalry, loss of protective jealousy from the heart – these are the effects and implications of zina.

One of the effects of zina is that it earns the wrath of Allaah because His sacred limits are transgressed. If a man were to do such a thing to any king, he would meet the direst consequences. Another effect of zina is the darkening of the face, and the grimness and misert of face that are apparent to other people. Another effect of zina is darkness of the heart and the extinguishing of its light, which is what causes the extinguishing of light in the face and the darkening thereof. Another effect of zina is the poverty that it leads to. Another effect of zina is the loss of respect towards the one who does it, and the lowering of his status in the eyes of his Lord and in the eyes of His slaves. Another effect of zina is that is causes him to lose the best of attributes, namely chastity, goodness and righteousness, and it earns him their opposites, namely immorality, evildoing, adultery and betrayal. Another effect of zina is that it causes him to lose the title of believer, as it was narrated in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No adulterer is a believer at the moment when he is committing adultery.” Another of the effects of zina is that it exposes one to the possibility of being one of the inhabitants of the oven (tannoor) in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw the adulterers and adulteresses. Another of the effects of zina is that it takes away the goodness which Allaah described as the attribute of those who are chaste, and replaces it with the evil which Allaah described as the attribute of the adulterers, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women)”

[al-Noor 24:26]

Allaah has forbidden Paradise to every evil person, and He has made Paradise the abode of the good, and no one will enter it but those who are good. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Those whose lives the angels take while they are in a pious state (i.e. pure from all evil, and worshipping none but Allaah Alone) saying (to them): Salaamun ‘Alaykum (peace be on you) enter you Paradise, because of that (the good) which you used to do (in the world)”

[al-Nahl 16:32]

“and its keepers will say: Salaamun ‘Alaykum (peace be upon you)! You have done well, so enter here to abide therein”

[al-Zumar 39:73]

So they will deserve the greeting of the angels and admission to Paradise because of their goodness. But the adulterers are among the most evil of creation, and Allaah has made Hell the abode of evil and its people. When the Day of Resurrection comes, the evil will be distinct from the good, and the evil will be piled up together, then it and its people will be thrown into Hell. No one who is good will enter Hell and no one who is evil will enter Paradise. Another of the effects of zina is the sense of alienation which Allaah instills in the heart of the adulterer, and this is like the alienation that shows on his face. For the one who is chaste has sweetness in his face and contentment in his heart, and whoever sits with him feels at ease with him. But the adulterer has signs of alienation in his face and whoever sits with him will feel uneasy. Another of the effects of zina is lack of respect, as his family, friends and others lose respect for him, and he becomes the most despicable thing in their sight; this is in contrast to the chaste person, who is blessed with dignity and sweetness. Another of the effects of zina is that people will regard him as a traitor and no one will trust him with regard to his wife or child. Another of the effects of zina is the foul odour that will emanate from him and be detected by everyone who has a sound heart; it will emanate from his mouth and body, and were it not for the fact that there are all the people have a similar odour, that smell would spread far and wide.

Another of the effects of zina is that he will feel uneasy and distressed, for adulterers are doing the opposite of what they are seeking. Whoever seeks the enjoyment and good things of life by means of that which Allaah has forbidden, Allaah will punish him by letting him get the opposite of that which he is trying to achieve. For that which is with Allaah can only be attained by obeying Him, and Allaah never makes disobedience towards Him the means of attaining anything good. If the immoral person only knew what delight, happiness, ease and good living there is in chastity, he would realize that the delights that he has missed out on are many times greater than those which he may have enjoyed, let alone the consequences in the Hereafter, when the chaste person will attain the reward of Allaah and will be honoured by Him. Another of the effects of zina is that he has exposed himself to missing out on the delights of al-hoor al-‘iyn in the beautiful abodes of the Garden of Eden (Jannaat ‘Adan). We have stated above that Allaah will punish those who wear silk in this world by depriving them of it on the Day of Resurrection, and He will punish those who drink wine in this world by depriving them of it on the Day of Resurrection. Similarly, those who enjoy forbidden images in this world will also be deprived of such in the Hereafter. Indeed, everything that a person gets in this world, if he indulges in it by permissible means, his share of it on the Day of Resurrection will be reduced to the extent that he indulged in it. And if he got it from haraam sources, he will lose out on it altogether on the Day of Resurrection. Another of the effects of zina is that zina leads to cutting the ties of kinship, disobedience towards parents, haraam earnings, mistreating others, neglect of one's wife and children, and it may even lead a person to shed blood unlawfully. He may seek help to commit zina by means of sihr (witchcraft) and shirk, and he may or not know that this sin inevitably includes other sins committed beforehand or alongside it, and that it leads to other kinds of sins that come after it. It is surrounded by a host of other sins that come before and after. It is the thing that is most likely to bring about evil in this world and the Hereafter, and the most likely to prevent good in this world and in the Hereafter. If a person falls into its traps and snares, it will be hard for sincere people to save him and for doctors to treat him; its prisoner cannot easily be ransomed, and its victim cannot be rescued. It also leads to the loss of blessings. If a person falls into this trap, let him bid farewell to the blessings of Allaah, for blessings may easily depart from a person and vanish. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“That is so because Allaah will never change a grace which He has bestowed on a people until they change what is in their ownselves. And verily, Allaah is All-Hearer, All‑Knower”

[al-Anfaal 8:53]

“But when Allaah wills a people’s punishment, there can be no turning back of it, and they will find besides Him no protector”

[al-Ra’d 13:10]

These are some of the harmful effects of this action.

Rawdat al-Muhibbeen, p. 360-363

We advise you to read a book by Ibn al-Qayyim which is very useful with regard to this topic. It is al-Jawaab al-Kaafi li man sa’ala ‘ala al-Dawaa’ al-Shaafi.

Finally, we ask Allaah to keep you safe and sound with regard to your religious commitment and your worldly affairs, and to help you put your affairs in order before you meet your Lord. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Sex Education in Islam

2010-02-17T05:56:00.000-08:00

At the time of the prophet, muslims men and women were never too shy to ask the prophet about all affairs, including such private affairs as sexual life, so as to know the teachings and rulings of their religion concerning them. As Aisha, the wife of the prophet testified, "Blessed are the women of the Ansar (the citizens of Madina). Shyness did not stand in their way seeking knowledge about their religion." (All except Termizi
The way the ladies asked the prophet-directly or through his wives is a proof that sexual matters were not taboo but were fully acknowldged and respected. "Shyness is part of the faith" as the prophet taught, but he also taught "There is no shyness in matters of religion" even entailing the delicate aspects of sexual life.

It is our firm belief that facts about sex should be taught to children in a way commensurate with their age as they grow up both by the family and the school. We emphasize that this should be done within the total context of Islamic ideology and Islamic teaching, so that the youth-beside getting the correct physiologic knowledge become fully aware on the sanctity of the sexual relation in Islam and the grave sin of blemishing such sanctity whether under Islamic law, or far more important in the sight of God. Provided the Islamic conscience is developed we see no reason to shun sex education (unfortunately the rule in many muslim countries), and we believe it is better to give the correct teaching rather than leave this to chance and to incorrect sources and to the concomitant feeling of guilt by the hush-hush atmosphere in which this is done.

Teaching about sex should also have its presence in the curricula of medical schools. We have done this in our medical school as part of the gynaecology and obstetrics program. We had no difficulty whatsoever with our religious and rather conservative men and women students, for the subject is given within an Islamic perspective.

Sex is an important area of marital life, and when people are in trouble they have only the doctor to resort to: and unless the doctor has had some basic teaching of sex, he or she will be quite helpless to help out. Sexual problems may manifest as strained family relations, psychosomatic symptoms or infertility. Medical treatment may affect sex such as some antihypertensive or antidepressant drugs. Sexual counsel is often a neglected aspect of managing such varied diseases as coronary thrombosis, diabetes, incipient heart failure etc. The role of lack of sexual education in some cases of infertility is well known. Surgery may influence sex in men and women. A carelessly repaired episiotomy, or colporrhaphy may have a devastating effect on marital happinnes. The psychological premath and after-math of the operation of hysterectomy is only too well known. On top of all of this, muslim women patients would wish to know the religious ruling on the multitude of gynaecological and obstetric situations relating to worship, and their reference is their doctor. It is therefore a religious, dictate that medical education preparing doctors who will cater for the needs of muslim communities, should equip them with the knowledge necessary to answer this need.

By Dr. Shahid Athar ( Shahid Athar, M.D., F.A.C.P., F.A.C.E. is a practicing Endocrinologist,= Clinical Associate Professor at Indiana University School of Medicine. He is author of Isla= mic Perspectives in Sex Education, (Kazi) which can be read at http://www.Islam-USA.com)

Is watching pornography with one's wife Permissible?

2010-02-12T11:28:00.000-08:00

Pornography is prohibited in islam. How big a sin is "watching" pornographic material with your wife once in a while?
Praise be to Allaah.
Watching pornography is forbidden, whether a person is married or not. The one who does that has to repent to Allaah. How can a person watch such things with his wife and he can he permit her to watch it too? Women are weak and are easily influenced; indeed watching such things may lead to problems between the spouses which may end up in divorce – Allaah forbid. Undoubtedly if a man approves of such a thing he is lacking in gheerah (protective jealousy), which is what distinguishes a Muslim from others, from kaafirs and duyooths (cuckolds) who approve of obscenity and immorality in their families. Moreover, watching such material makes one take the matter of immorality lightly and encourages promiscuity. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. Let the one who has committed such a sin beware of the punishment of Allaah; let him hasten to repent. He should be keen to look for anything that may help his wife to remain chaste, not for things that will encourage immoral actions. And Allaah knows best.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

SEX, VIAGRA, AND ISLAM

2010-02-11T00:00:00.000-08:00

The desire to have a better sexual performance for men is again, not a new preoccupation. Muslim Hakims (traditional physicians') have been working on medications for over one thousand years trying to achieve a magic love pill. Now that this "love pill" seemingly has arrived, wealthy Muslims' are ecstatic. Viagra which is sold around $10 per pill in the U.S.A., is being sold at $100 per pill on the black market in Saudi Arabia. Kuwait recently had allowed the sale at about $49 per pill officially. The grand religious scholar of Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Baaz has allowed it to be used by men if it does not cause any harm to the body.

Recently a visitor from Pakistan wanted to get some samples of Viagra, and I asked him why. He stated " that he wanted to give them as a gift to his boss". Obviously, he did not get the gift.

Sexual desire is a gift from God, just like all other desires that He has built in us. It is not our fault that we get aroused at sexual thoughts. These are built in physiology. In order to have a legitimate outlet for this built in desire, God has created mates for us.

Quran says, "He that created you mates from among yourselves that you can dwell in them in tranquility". (30:21)
Sex outside of marriage is not permitted in Islam.

Impotency is a disease and should be dealt with as any disease. To seek a cure for a disease is advised by Prophet Mohammed (P) who said that "God has created no disease unless he created a cure for it as well, except old age". Thus, before we physicians' start a new treatment, we either must find out the cause for impotency which could be vascular, neurogenic, infection, diabetes, or hormonal deficiency. To treat all the causes with one type of treatment would be wrong, and that is why many patients' on Viagra do not respond because they have not been screened properly to see if they would be good candidates. In addition, if the mental stimulation is not present before, then Viagra alone will not achieve the desired results as the brain is the most important sex organ.

The appropriate way for a man to deal with this is to see his physician for a thorough evaluation, hormone testing, and psychological testing. There is some suggestion that patient's who may have underlying coronary artery disease, who have not been actively involved in sex, should be screened first for coronary artery disease before using Viagra. About 20 men have died after sex while taking Viagra. It is not clear that any of these deaths were directly related to Viagra.

I see several social problems in the use of Viagra indiscriminately. It may lead to more sexual promiscuity and infidelity. Recently and old man in New York who used Viagra, left his wife and then went for a much younger lady. His wife sued the company. It is also being called "the party drug", or the "love pill", and it is being distributed by some of the night clubs. What is the difference between getting high on marijuana and cocaine, or on Viagra? Many women are also complaining that they are being subject to Viagra attacks by their husbands' and boyfriends even if they are not in a mood.

Sex is an expression and extension of love. In the absence of love, sex becomes a boring routine. Forced sex even in marriage is rape. Instead of trying to achieve potency, men should try to achieve love and respect for and from their wives. Prophet Mohammed (P), who was ahead of his time, had encouraged foreplay before intercourse saying "Do not attack your women like a wild beast, but send a message before". He also was known to have said, "Do not leave her before she is satisfied". Thus Islamic sexuality is based on nature and not attempting to achieve a quick result. The human body is a wonderful creation of God, but not a sex machine. It will not run better on a high octane oil or any potency drug.

By Dr. Shahid Athar ( Shahid Athar, M.D., F.A.C.P., F.A.C.E. is a practicing Endocrinologist,= Clinical Associate Professor at Indiana University School of Medicine. He is author of Isla= mic Perspectives in Sex Education, (Kazi) which can be read at http://www.Islam-USA.com)

If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent

2010-02-08T22:38:00.000-08:00

Remember that the rib is bent
The good Muslim husband should keep in mind that women of the world always come with their shortcomings - they are, at times, cranky, emotional, irrational, moody, sharp-tongued, gullible and prone to tattle. They have two hormones gushing in their bodies, as a result of which their moods and feelings swing between extremities like a pendulum. Put up with her irrational behavior - the unjust accusations, suspicion, complaining, crying, screaming, and shouting - for the sake of Allah. Remember that Allah made her that way - i.e. she's beautiful to behold; you can't do without her company; the house seems desolate when she leaves; but when she's with you, she will display her negative traits too. Be patient and overlook them.

Narrated Abu Hurairah [may Allah be pleased with him], Allah's Messenger [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] said:
"Woman was created from a bent rib. If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you will try to straighten her, you will break her."
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim]

Is LOVE Before MARRIAGE Better?

2010-02-06T23:53:00.000-08:00

What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage?

Praise be to Allaah.

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:
The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”
But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.
Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.
Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.
With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)
But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/23420

An invalid marriage contract must be done again, even if ten years have passed

2010-02-06T01:11:00.000-08:00

My question is that we know that a girl’s marriage without the consent of the guardian is invalid according to the shareeah. Then there are a lot of cases where the couple have eloped and got married. My question is, if the marriage is invalid, how do these people make it valid, lets say after 5 years of marriage or 10years of marriage and they have children now.
My other question is that if a couple runs away and gets married and then after certain period, lets say 2years or 4years the parents then give consent or come to acceptance of their marriage, then is the marriage valid.

How do some one make this marriage valid?

Praise be to Allaah.
If a woman gets married without the consent of her wali (guardian), her marriage is invalid and is not valid even if ten years have passed and even if they have children. It is essential to repeat the marriage contract after her guardian’s approval is obtained, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no valid marriage without a wali and two witnesses.” (Narrated by Ahmad and the authors of Sunan except al-Nasaa’i. See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558).

There is a stern warning against a woman who arranges her own marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman should not arrange another woman’s marriage and a woman should not arrange her own marriage, for the zaaniyah (adulteress) is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298).

With regard to the second question, which has to do with the approval of the wali; in this case it is essential to repeat the marriage contract, because the first nikaah was not valid. The couple must also repent sincerely to Allaah for what they have done, and Allaah is Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Marrying a woman who is not CHASTE

2010-02-05T04:40:00.000-08:00

I am in state of confusion. I am engaged, i love my fiancee however before engage, she used to act like Canadian girls which i knew but smoked cigarette etc while she was in high school I did not know. When we got engaged she told me that she loved and was crazy about this guy but never had a boyfriend, she used to hung around with rougth bad and black guys just like friends and she is virgin, she escaped so many school days and the reason is that she used sat with friend in the back of school or in their house watching Indian movies and used smoke because her friend led her to this path. HOwever, she stopped everything after we got engaged. But I did not liked these things she said and i start disliking her little by little because i thought she is lying to me. The quesiton is i always thougth to myself that a girl like her being so open to guys, wearing open cloths and her parenth did not care much how come she would not have a boyfriend(in this easthern society)it is impossible. As a result, everyday i start to hate(dislike) her and we had alot of fights. As a result, i used to worked in a restaurant and there, i meet a girl and right after a week i sleep with her for one night, i don't know how it happened but it did. I repent for my bad deeds because i see my fiancee is very sincere to me after we have engaged. My question is brother, what should i do, how i could solve this issue in my life. I really need help?.
Praise be to Allaah.
If the women was as you describe before you got engaged, then it is not permissible to marry her unless she repents sincerely for the sake of Allaah, not for the purpose of getting engaged to you. If you see that she has repented and regrets what she did, and that she is serious about keeping away from non-mahram men and avoiding being alone with them, then it is permissible for you to marry her.

My advice to you is to look for a righteous and chaste women, for a righteous wife will bring you happiness in this world and will be one of the means of your salvation in the Hereafter, because she will one day be the mother of your children, and she will guard your honour and your wealth, and in that way there will be the love, compassion and tranquility that form the basis of marital happiness. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy”
[al-Room 30:21]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are married for four reasons: wealth, beauty, lineage and religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3/242; Muslim, 2/1086.

According to another hadeeth: “This world is temporary pleasures and the best of the temporary pleasures of this world is a righteous wife.” Narrated by Muslim, 2668.

With regard to what you mention about what happened with that other girl, praise be to Allaah for having enabled you to repent. This is the bounty of Allaah towards you. You have to strive to control yourself and avoid the things which lead to such serious consequences.

We wish to point out that repentance must be for the sake of Allaah, not for the sake of your fiancée and so that she will be sincere towards you. So we advise you to renew your repentance and to pray for forgiveness and to make a promise to Allaah not to do such a thing again.

I also offer the following advice, and hope that Allaah will benefit you thereby:

1 – Lower your gaze and do not look at that which Allaah has forbidden.

2 – Keep yourself busy with reading Qur’aan and hadeeth, stories of the righteous, the scholars and ascetics.

3 – Beware of being alone with women who are not mahrams.

4 – Keep company with righteous people who will help you with religious and worldly matters.

5 – Beware of listening to music and songs, for they are a means that lead to zina.

6 – Strive to offer prayers regularly with the Muslims, and strive to observe all the essential parts of prayer with proper focus and humility, and having wudoo’, for it keeps one away from evil actions, and those who observe regular prayer are the ones who will succeed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Successful indeed are the believers.
Those who offer their Salaah (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:1]

May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good, and may He make things easy for you.
Islam Q&A

Why is it forbidden for a man and a woman who are not mahrams to have a relationship?

2010-02-03T23:13:00.000-08:00

Praise be to Allaah.

Islam forbids a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman (one who is not his wife or a close relative) even if he is teaching her the Qur’aan, which is the Book of Allaah, That is because the Shaytaan (Satan) would come between them. The Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan will be the third one present.” If this woman wants to hear about Islam and read about it in detail, she can look at books about Islam that have been translated into different languages, so she can take the language that she understands, then if she understands what attracts her to Islam, she can become Muslim. If she does not understand something and wants someone to explain it to her, it is permissible (for her to speak to a man) so long as there is no khulwah (being alone with a member of the opposite sex) involved – so she could have a mahram (close relative) with her, or a group of women, and the man should be a trustworthy Muslim, or a group of trustworthy men who could sit with this woman and teach her about Islam so that she can understand it and proof be established for her. This is permitted.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen

Allaah wants to make the Muslims pure, hence He forbade them all means that may lead to evil, immorality and obscenity. You know that if a man is alone with a woman and starts a relationship with her, this relationship often leads to bad consequences, and that being alone with a member of the opposite sex is the way to immorality and fornication. It is not permissible for a man to praise himself and say, “I will be not affected by being alone with a woman.” Islam does not allow the opportunity for things to get out hand; it keeps people away from the steps that might lead to that in the first place. The rulings of sharee’ah were revealed for all people, it is not the point that there are cases of khulwah which do not lead to haraam actions such as touching and kissing. Why should a person expose himself to temptation?

Is it not the truth that if a man is alone with a non-mahram woman and there is no one else present, that something may cross the mind of either of them, even if nothing actually happens. But frequent meetings may indeed lead to something happening.

In this case, sharee’ah closes all doors that may lead to evil.
If a woman needs to speak to a man for a genuine reason, or vice versa, then that may be achieved by sending letters, without having to meet, or they may meet from behind a screen, or in the presence of others so that no khulwah will be involved. This is provided that both are modest and wear concealing garments.
And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

How the Shaytaan has a share in people’s children

2010-01-29T04:53:00.000-08:00

Is it true that if a person does not say “Bismillaah” before having intercourse, the Shaytaan shares with him in that?

Praise be to Allaah.

With regard to the Shaytaan having a share when one does not say Bismillaah, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“share with them wealth and children (by tempting them to earn money by illegal ways usury, or by committing illegal sexual intercourse),”

[al-Israa’ 17:64]

Al-Qurtubi said: i.e., give yourself a share in that…

“children”: it was said that this means the children of zina (fornication, adultery). This was the view of Mujaahid, al-Dahhaak and ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas. It was also narrated that he said, this refers to the children whom they killed and against whom they committed other crimes. It was also narrated that he said, this refers to when they call them by names such as ‘Abd al-Haarith, ‘Abd al-‘Uzza, ‘Abd al-Laat, ‘Abd al-Shams [i.e., names meaning “slave of…” referring to their false gods]. And it was said that this refers to their initiating their children into kufr so that they make them into Jews or Christians, as the Christians do with their children when they baptize them with water. This was the view of Qutaadah.

The fifth view was narrated from Mujaahid who said: If a man has intercourse and does not mention the name of Allaah, the jinn wraps himself around his penis and has intercourse along with him. This is what is referred to in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

“with whom no man or jinni has had Tamth [sexual intercourse] before them”

[al-Rahmaan 55:56]

Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 10/289

Ibn Katheer said:

“ ‘share with them wealth and children (by tempting them to earn money by illegal ways usury, or by committing illegal sexual intercourse)’

[al-Israa’ 17:64 – interpretation of the meaning]

‘children’: al-‘Awfi said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas, Mujaahid and al-Dahhaak: this means the children of zina. ‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: this refers to their children whom they used to kill from folly, without knowledge. Qutaadah said, narrating from al-Hasan al-Basri: by Allaah, he had a share with them in their children by making them Magians, Jews and Christians, so that they followed a religion other than the religion of Allaah and gave a share of their wealth to the Shaytaan. This was also the view of Qutaadah. Abu Saalih said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: this refers to when they give their children names such as ‘Abd al-Haarith, ‘Abd al-Shams and so on.

Ibn Jareer said: The most correct view is that every child who is born of a woman concerning whom a sin is committed by giving him a name which Allaah dislikes, or by initiating him into a religion other than that with which Allaah is pleased, or by committing adultery with his mother, or by killing him, or by burying him or her alive, or other actions which involve sin and disobedience towards Allaah, all come under the heading of the Shaytaan having a share in that with the one to whom the child is born, because in the aayah ‘share with them wealth and children’ Allaah did not specify one meaning to the exclusion of any other. Every case where Allaah is disobeyed and the Shaytaan is obeyed is a form of his sharing in that.

What he said is sound. Each of the salaf pointed out some aspect in which the Shaytaan has a share. It was proven in Saheeh Muslim (2865) from ‘Iyaad ibn Himaar that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah said, ‘I created My slaves as pure monotheists (haneefs), then the shayaateen (devils) came to them and diverted them from their religion and forbade them that which I had permitted to them.’”

In al-Saheehayn (al-Bukhaari, 3271; Muslim, 1434) it is narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When any one of you want to have intercourse with his wife, let him say, ‘Bismillaah, jannibnaa al-shaytaan wa jannib al-Shaytaan ma razaqtana (In the name of Allaah. Keep the Shaytaan away from us and from what You bestow upon us).’ Then if it is decreed that they should have a child, the Shaytaan will never be able to harm him.”

(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/50-51)

al-Tabari said:

The most correct view is that every child who is born of a woman concerning whom a sin is committed by giving him a name which Allaah dislikes, or by initiating him into a religion other than that with which Allaah is pleased, or by committing adultery with his mother, or by killing him, or by burying him or her alive, or other actions which involve sin and disobedience towards Allaah, all come under the heading of the Shaytaan having a share in that with the one to whom the child is born, because in the aayah ‘are with them wealth and children’ Allaah did not specify one meaning to the exclusion of any other. Every case where Allaah is disobeyed and the Shaytaan is obeyed is a form of his sharing in that is giving Iblees a share in that

(Tafseer al-Tabari, 15/120, 121)

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di said:

“share with them wealth and children”. This includes all kinds of sins that have to do with their wealth and children, such as withholding zakaah, failing to give kafaaraat (expiation) and to give people their dues, not disciplining and training children to do good and give up evil, taking wealth unlawfully or spending it unlawfully, or using earnings gained from haraam sources.

Indeed, many of the mufassireen said that also included in the Shaytaan’s share of wealth and children is neglecting to say Bismillaah when eating, drinking or having intercourse; if one does not say Bismillaah when doing those things, the Shaytaan has a share in them, as was mentioned in the hadeeth.

Tayseer al-Kareem al-Rahmaan, p. 414

I say: with regard to the Shaytaan sharing in intercourse when a person fails to say Bismillaah, we have mentioned above the hadeeth narrated by Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) and the comment of Mujaahid (may Allaah have mercy on him).

Conclusion:

The correct view on the meaning of this aayah is that it should be interpreted in the ways mentioned above, for there is no contradiction between these meanings. Each of the salaf mentioned one aspect of its meanings, and there is no contradiction between them. The basic principle in such a case is that the aayah should be interpreted according to all its meanings.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:

The differences among the salaf concerning tafseer are very small. Their differences concerning rulings are greater than their differences concerning tafseer. Most of the differences narrated from them in saheeh reports have to do with variations, not contradictions. These are of two types:

The first is that each of them expresses the meaning that he has in mind using words that differ from the words used by others, each referring to a different aspect of the same thing… This is similar to the case where different words are used to refer to a sword: al-saarim (that which parts or cuts off) and al-muhannad (made from Indian iron). And it is like the names of Allaah, the names of His Messenger, and the names of the Qur’aan. All of the names of Allaah refer to One; calling upon Him by one of His Most Beautiful Names does not contradict calling upon Him by one of His other Names. Rather it is as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say (O Muhammad): ‘Invoke Allaah or invoke the Most Gracious (Allaah), by whatever name you invoke Him (it is the same), for to Him belong the Best Names’”

[al-Israa’ 17:110]

Each of His names refers to the same Essence and to the attribute referred to in that name. So al-‘Aleem (the All-Knowing) refers to His Essence and His knowledge; al-Qadeer (the All-Powerful) refers to His Essence and His power; al-Raheem (the Most Merciful) refers to His Essence and His mercy…

The second kind is when each of them refers to a specific meaning by way of giving an example or drawing the attention of the listener to an example, not in a precise and exclusive sense. This is like when a non-Arab asks what the word khubz (bread) means, and someone shows him a loaf of bread. He is referring to a type, not this specific loaf.

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 13/333-337

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

what should do when your wife refuse to have sex?

2010-01-28T12:40:00.000-08:00

His wife is not very interested in intercourse so he resorts to masturbation
I am a man of a strong desire. I like to have intercourse everyday. When I try to start it with my wife, she refuses for weak reasons like saying she is tired or lazy to make ghusl or because she wants to delay it to next day. So I have intercourse with her only twice a week. I cannot be patient. So I have to masturbate by my hand fearing to fall into adultery. Although I know it is haram, I masturbate about three times a week while my wife is beside me and she knows what I am doing. My wife cares a lot about beautifying herself and using perfumes, but she becomes annoyed if I ask her for sex. Am I sinful to masturbate by my hand? If yes, then does my wife share in this sin?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The husband has to treat his wife kindly, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

Part of living with one’s spouse honourably is having intercourse, which is obligatory upon the husband, as much as is sufficient to satisfy her, so long as it does not harm him physically or distract him from earning a living.

The wife is obliged to obey her husband if he calls her to his bed, and if she refuses then she is sinning, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (32370 and Muslim (1436) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: She has to obey him if he calls her to his bed, and this is a duty that is obligatory upon her. … If she refuses to respond to his call, then she is being disobedient and wilfully defiant. … as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/145, 146).

But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse. If she has an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse.

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Both slave women and free women are enjoined not to refuse the master or husband if he calls them for intercourse, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and likely to be harmed by intercourse, or observing an obligatory fast. If she refuses with no excuse then she is cursed. End quote from al-Muhalla (10/40).

Al-Bahooti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time, so long as that does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm her; he does not have the right to enjoy her in that case, because that is not part of living with them honourably. But if it does not distract her from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. End quote from Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/189).

The wife whose husband is harming her by having intercourse too often may come to some agreement with her husband concerning a specific number that she can put up with, and if he does more to such an extent that it is harmful to her, then she has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi (judge), who may determine a specific number and oblige both husband and wife to adhere to that.

Secondly:

Masturbation is haraam, because of evidence that we have quoted in the answer to question no. 329.

There is no sin if the husband is masturbated by his wife’s hand, because it is permissible for him to enjoy her; the same applies if he ejaculates outside the vagina, because of the general meaning of the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5,6].

This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 826.

If the wife will be harmed by intercourse, she will not be harmed if her husband enjoys her in other ways, so she has to allow him to do that.

Both spouses have to tackle this problem in a kind, loving and frank manner; and each of them should understand the rights and duties that they have, because most marital problems stem from ignorance of that.

Some husbands are keen to satisfy their own desires, and they hasten to do that without caring about their wives or paying attention to their right to pleasure, so the wife finds no enjoyment in it and is put off by it, and it becomes a problem and a burden for her.

Hence we say: Strive to create love and affection between you and your wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings; avoid that which will harm her or hurt her. Tell her of the shar’i ruling concerning this issue and help her to follow it, and do not put her off, and be moderate in your approach, and you will get what you want.

May Allaah help us and you to obey Him and seek His pleasure.

And Allaah knows best.

Husband and wife taking a bath together and looking at private parts

2010-01-23T00:02:00.000-08:00

Can husband and wife take a bath together and look at each others private parts? I have been told by some people that while having intercourse with ones wife, the room should be completely dark and one cannot take all the clothes off while copulation. Is it true?
May Allah guide us to the right path.

Praise be to Allaah.

It is permissible for a woman to see all of her husband’s body and for a man to see all of his wife’s body, with no need to go into details, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And those who guard their chastity (i.e., private parts, from illegal sexual acts), except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for then, they are free from blame; but whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors.” [al-Mu’minoon 23:5-7]

(Fataawa al-Mar’ah by Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 121).

Al-Bukhaari reported in his Saheeh (no. 250) that ‘Aa’ishah said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)and I used to bathe from one vessel.”

Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath: “Al-Daawoodi interpreted this to mean that it is permissible for a man to look at his wife’s ‘awrah and vice-versa. This is supported by the report narrated by Ibn Hibbaan via Sulaymaan ibn Moosa, who was asked about a man looking at his wife’s private parts. He said: ‘I asked ‘Aa’ishah, and she referred to this hadeeth.’ This is evidence in this matter. And Allaah knows best.”

I say: as for the words that some people attribute to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), that it is makrooh (disliked) for a man to look at his wife’s private parts, this is not saheeh. This includes the reports narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas and Abu Hurayrah according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “When any one of you has intercourse with his wife, let him not look at her private parts, because this causes blindness, and let him not speak, because this causes muteness.” Ibn al-Jawzi said: “(This is) mawdoo’ (fabricated).” (See al-Mawdoo’aat by Ibn al-Jawzi, 2/271-272).

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/3801/bath

Marrying after Zina (adultery)

2010-01-20T02:18:00.000-08:00

Two people got married in accordance with sharee’ah and as enjoined by Allaah, but before marriage they used to get together and be intimate with one another like man and wife. What is the ruling on their marriage; is it valid or invalid? What is the expiation for what they used to do?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Zina (fornication, adultery) is a serious crime and a major sin which takes away the quality of faith from a person, and exposes him to punishment and humiliation unless he repents. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”

[al-Isra’ 17:32]

and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No adulterer is a believer at the time when he is committing adultery” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2475) and Muslim (57).

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man commits zina, faith comes out of him and hovers over him like a cloud, then when he stops, faith returns to him.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4960) and al-Tirmidhi (2625); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has told us of the punishment that those who commit zina will receive in their graves before the Hour begins, and that they will be punished with fire. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1320).

Because of the abhorrent nature of this crime, Allaah has decreed that the punishment for it should be stoning to death if the person is married and flogging if he was not married.

The one who is faced with any such thing should hasten to repent to Allaah and do a lot of good deeds, in the hope that Allaah will forgive him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse ___ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;

70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]

“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)”

[Ta-Ha 20:82]

They must also conceal themselves with the concealment of Allaah, and not tell anyone about that, The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Avoid these filthy things that Allaah has forbidden. Whoever has done any of them, let him conceal himself with the concealment of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 663.

Secondly:

It is not permissible for a man or woman who has committed zina to get married until after he or she has repented, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”

[al-Noor 24:3]

If they had both repented to Allaah before getting married, and they regretted the haraam things that they had done, then their marriage is valid. But if they did the marriage contract before they repented, then the marriage is not valid and they have to repent to Allaah and regret what they have done, and resolve not to do such a thing again, then they should make a new marriage contract. This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 85335.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

The importance of foreplay

2010-01-18T14:36:00.000-08:00

Question: My husband does not like foreplay, kissing on the mouth, or much of anything of that sort, but I would like him to have a desire for these things with me. I have told him several times in a humble way, but I am very shy to tell him again and I feel embarrassed to ask him.

He is religious, though, and may listen to religious advice. Are there any sunnahs that he can read, about playfulness with one’s wife, in regards to the intimacy that leads to intercourse? I am hoping that by understanding and following our Prophet’s (SAWS) example, my husband will not feel shy anymore, inshallah.

Answer: In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Foreplay between the spouses before actually engaging into sexual intercourse is immensely important (especially for the wife) and a vital ingredient for a happy and prosperous marriage, that which should never be neglected.

The husband should sexually arouse his wife before having sex. It is indeed unselfish on the husband’s part that he fulfils his sexual needs and desires, whilst his wife remains unsatisfied and discontented. Failure in satisfying the wife can have terrible consequences on one’s marriage.

It should be remembered that, just as Islam has given the husband his right of sexual intimacy, and extreme emphasis has been laid upon the wife to obey her husband in his request for sexual intimacy, at the same time, Islam also recognizes a woman’s need of love, affection and foreplay. It is quite common in men to demand their sexual rights, but they should also see whether they are giving their women their rights in bed.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) also encouraged foreplay between the spouses.

Sayyiduna Jabir ibn Abd Allah (Allah be pleased with him) narrates: “I was in the company of the messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) in a battle……The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said to me: “Did you marry?” I answered: “yes”. He said: “A virgin or a non-virgin?” I said: “A non-virgin”. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Why not a virgin so that you may play with her and she can play with you?”… (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 1991)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) also stated:

“Every game a person plays is futile except for archery, training one’s horse and playing with one’s wife”. (Sunan Tirmidhi, Musnad Ahmad, Sunan Ibn Majah).

Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said: “One of you should not fulfil one’s (sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal, rather there should be between them foreplay of kissing and words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55)

Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him) reports in his famous “Tibb al-Nabawi” that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay. (See: al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah)

There are many ways and methods that can be exercised during foreplay, and it is best that we leave this to the mutual understanding of the spouses, as each individual differs from another in exactly what arouses and stimulates him/her, although the prohibited acts must be avoided.

However, as the questioner has asked about kissing, I would like to end the article on a few notes with regards to it.

Kissing one’s spouse is also of utmost importance during foreplay and also in general. It is a Sunnah of our blessed Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).

Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss one of his wives and then leave for prayer (salat) without performing ablution (wudu). Urwa says that I asked A’isha: “It must have been you?” (Upon hearing this) A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) smiled.”(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 86, Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 181 & Sunan al-Nasa’i, no. 170))

Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) says: “The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss me before leaving for prayers, and he would not perform an ablution.” (Sunan al-Darqutni, 1/49 and others)

The above two narrations indicate the recommendation of kissing one’s spouse. They also show the importance of greeting the wife when entering the house with a kiss and departing with a kiss. This was the Sunnah of the beloved of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). Thus, it is inappropriate for husbands to leave the home in a hurry without even greeting the wife in a proper manner with hugs and kisses, and then entering the house with the first question on whether the food is cooked or not, or whether had someone called, etc…

Passionate kissing (or French kissing) is also the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).

Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss her whilst he was fasting (m, refer to the fiqh of kissing during fast) and he would suck her tongue.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 2378)

Allama al-Munawi (Allah have mercy on him) states:

“Foreplay and passionate kissing before sexual intercourse is an emphatic Sunnah (sunnah muakkada), and it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise.” (Faidh al-Qadir, 5/115, See: Hadith no. 6536)

In conclusion, it is important that your husband fulfils your right of foreplay and kissing. It is not something that he should be shy or reluctant about. Some individuals regard practices related to foreplay to be “inappropriate” and consider abstinence from such activities to be from piety (taqwa).

However, this is totally incorrect, for who can possibly be more pious, pure and God-fearing than the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), yet not only did he encourage foreplay, etc, but practically engaged in it with his wives, as we have learnt from the many narrations quoted above.

Thus, it is not a sign of piety to abstain from such activities, for there is no place for monasticism (rahbaniyya) in Islam. It is a practical religion where one may fulfil his/her needs in a permissible way. Explain to your husband in a kind and gentle manner, that prosperity in this world and the hereafter lies in following the example of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).

And Allah Knows Best

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
Darul Iftaa, Leicester, UK

Love which ends in marriage – is it haraam?

2010-01-17T01:35:00.000-08:00

Is love that ends in marriage haraam?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: The relationship that develops between a man and a non-mahram woman, which people call “love” is a combination of haraam things that transgress shar’i and moral limits.

No wise person will doubt that this relationship is haraam, because it involves a man being alone with a non-mahram woman, looking at her, touching her, kissing, and speaking words filled with love and admiration, which provokes desire.

This relationship may lead to things that are more serious than that, as is happening nowadays.

We have mentioned a number of these haraam things in the answer to question no. 84089.

Secondly:

Studies have shown that most of the marriages that are based on prior love between a man and woman fail, whereas most marriages that are not based on haraam relationships, which people call “traditional marriages”, succeed.

In a field study done by a French sociologist, the conclusion was:

Marriage is more likely to succeed when the two parties did not fall in love before marriage.

In another study of 1500 families, undertaken by Professor Isma’eel ‘Abd al-Baari, the conclusion was that more than 75% of love marriages ended in divorce, whilst the rate among traditional marriages – those which were not based on prior love – was less than 5%.

We can mention the most important causes of this outcome:

1- Emotion blinds one to seeing faults and dealing with them, as it is said: “Love is blind”. One or both parties may have faults that make them unsuitable for the other, but those faults only become apparent after marriage.

2- The lovers may think that life is an unending journey of love, so we see that they only speak of love and dreams, etc. They never speak about the problems of life and how to deal with them. This notion is destroyed after marriage, when they are confronted with the problems and responsibilities of life.

3- The lovers are not used to debate and discussion, rather they are used to sacrifice and compromise in order to please the other party. Often they have arguments because each party wants to compromise and please the other. Then the opposite happens after marriage, and their arguments lead to a problem, as each one is used to the other agreeing with him or her, without any argument.

4- The image that each lover has of the other is not a true image, because each party is being kind and gentle and trying to please the other. This is the image that each is trying to present to the other during the so-called “love” phase, but no one can carry on doing that throughout his or her life, so the true image appears after marriage, and leads to problems.

5- The period of love is usually based on dreams and exaggerations that do not correspond with the reality that appears after marriage. The lover may think that he is going to bring her a piece of the moon, and he will never be happy unless she is the happiest person in the world, and so on.

But in return, she is going to live with him in one room and on the ground, and she has no requests or demands so long as she has won him, and that is sufficient for her. As one of them said, “A small nest is sufficient for us” and “A small morsel is sufficient for us” and “I will be content if you give me a piece of cheese and an olive”! This is exaggerated emotional talk, and both parties quickly forget it after marriage, and the woman complains about her husband’s miserliness, and his failure to meet her needs. Then the husband begins to complain about having too many demands and too many expenses.

For these reasons and others, we are not surprised when each party says after marriage that they were deceived and that they rushed into it. The man regrets not marrying So and so who was suggested to him by his parents, and the woman regrets not marrying So and so whom her parents approved of, but in fact they rejected him because of her wishes. So the result is this very high rate of divorce for marriages which people thought would be examples of the happiest marriages in the world!

Thirdly:

The reasons mentioned above are real, and have happened in real life, but we should not ignore the real reason for the failure of these marriages, which are based on disobedience to Allaah. Islam can never approve of these sinful relationships, even if the aim is marriage. Therefore they cannot escape the just divine punishment, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur’aan nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship”

[Ta-Ha 20:124]

A hard and difficult life is the result of disobeying Allaah and turning away from His Revelation.

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if the people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwa (piety), certainly, We should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth”

[al-A’raaf 7:96]

Blessings from Allaah are a reward for faith and piety, but if there is no faith or piety, or only a little thereof, the blessing will be reduced or even non-existent.

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”

[al-Nahl 16:97]

A good life is the fruit of faith and righteous deeds.

Allaah indeed spoke the truth when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“Is it then he who laid the foundation of his building on piety to Allaah and His Good Pleasure better, or he who laid the foundation of his building on the brink of an undetermined precipice ready to crumble down, so that it crumbled to pieces with him into the fire of Hell. And Allaah guides not the people who are the Zaalimoon (wrongdoers)”

[al-Tawbah 9:109]

The one whose marriage is based on this haraam foundation must hasten to repent and seek forgiveness and seek a righteous life that is based on faith, piety and righteous deeds.

Please also see the answer to question no. 23420 for more information.

May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/84102/love%20making
And Allaah knows best.
Isam Q&A

Addicted to pornography

2010-01-15T00:39:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who uses the internet and goes to pornographic websites. What is the shar’i ruling on that, and how can I help him to keep away from such things?.
Praise be to Allaah.

It is not permissible to look at pornographic pictures that show the charms of women, either on internet web sites or in newspapers or magazines etc. That is because looking at them is a means of enjoying them and knowing the beauty of the woman in the picture.

This may also be a means that leads to something haraam, so it is also regarded as haraam, because the means come under the same rulings as the ends.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 2424.

Many people take the matter of looking at pictures of non-mahram women lightly, on the grounds that these are just pictures and are not real. But this is a very serious matter, because it inevitably tempts a man to try to look at the woman directly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them”

[al-Noor 24:30]

Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Rasaa’il Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 1/268
You can help your friend to keep away from these things by always advising him and making him fear Allaah, and reminding him that Allaah is always watching him and that nothing is hidden from Him. And remind him of the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon him, such as giving him eyes with which to see things that will benefit him, and He has forbidden him to use them to look at things that He has forbidden. Remind him that Allaah will question him about that, hence Allaah concludes the verse referred to above with the words (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what they do”

[al-Noor 24:30]

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart of each of those ones will be questioned (by Allaah)”

[al-Isra’ 17:36]

If a wise man thinks about it, when he is looking at these haraam pictures, he will realize that there is nothing behind these glances but loss, pain and sorrow, because he cannot really get what he sees in these pictures.

The poet spoke the truth when he said:

“When you give free rein to your eyes, this will cause great pain to your heart.

You will see what you cannot have, and you will feel frustration because you do not have some of what you see.”

So it is clear that there is nothing to be gained from these pictures except the wrath of Allaah, and wasting time and money on things that are not pleasing to Him, and tormenting yourself.

The Muslim has to seek chastity by means of marriage, and try his best to achieve that.

He should also give up bad company who may have a bad effect on him and encourage him to go to these bad web sites.

He should also keep himself busy with things that will benefit him in both religious and worldly terms, such as memorizing the Book of Allaah, attending gatherings of dhikr, and going to useful websites that contain sound knowledge.

Islam Q&A

Masturbating........

2010-01-13T06:21:00.000-08:00

I have a question which I am shy to ask but another sister who has come to Islam recently wants an answer to and I do not have an answer (with dilals from the Qur'an and Sunnah). I hope you can help and I hope Allah will for give me if it is inappropriate but as Muslims we should never be shy in seeking knowledge. Her question was "Is it permissible in Islam to masturbate?".
May Allah increase us all in knowledge
Praise be to Allaah.

Masturbation (for both men and women) is haraam (forbidden) in Islam based on the following evidence:

First from the Qur’aan:

Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning):

"And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7 Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor.

"And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty.

Secondly, from the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him):

Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066. The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done.

There are additional evidences that can be cited to support this ruling on masturbation, but due to the limited space we will not go through them here. Allaah knows what is best and most correct.

As for curing the habit of masturbation, we recommend the following suggestions:

1) The motive to seek a cure for this problem should be solely following Allaah’s orders and fearing His punishment.

2) A permanent and quick cure from this problem lies in marriage as soon as the person is able, as shown in the Prophet’s hadeeth.

3) Keeping oneself busy with what is good for this world and the hereafter is essential in breaking this habit before it becomes second nature after which it is very difficult to rid oneself of it.

4) Lowering the gaze (from looking at forbidden things such as pictures, movies etc.) will help suppress the desire before it leads one to commit the haraam (forbidden). Allaah orders men and women to lower their gaze as shown in the following two verses and in the Prophet’s hadeeth (interpretations of the meanings):

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is all-aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) ..... " 24.30-31

Allaah’s messenger said: "Do not follow a casual (unintentional) look (at forbidden things) with another look." Al-Tirmidhi 2777. This is a general instruction by the Prophet to abstain from all that may sexually excite a person because it might lead him/her to commit the haraam (forbidden).

5) Using one’s available leisure time in worshipping Allaah and increasing religious knowledge.

6) Being cautious not to develop any of the medical symptoms that may result from masturbation such as weak eyesight, weak nervous system, and/or back pain. More importantly, feeling of guilt and anxiety that can be complicated by missing obligatory prayers because of the need to shower (ghusl) after every incidence of masturbation.

7) Avoiding the illusion that some youth have that masturbation is permissible because it prevents them from committing illegal sexual acts such as fornication or even homosexuality.

8) Strengthening one’s willpower and avoiding spending time alone as recommended by the Prophet when he said "Do not spend the night alone" Ahmad 6919.

9) Following the Prophet’s aforementioned hadeeth and fast when possible, because fasting will temper one’s sexual desire and keep it under control. However, one should not overreact and swear by Allaah not to return to the act because if one does not honor one’s promise, one would be facing the consequences of not living up to one’s oath to Allaah. Also, note that medication to diminish one’s sexual desire is strictly prohibited because it might permanently affect one’s sexual ability.

10) Trying to follow the Prophet’s recommendation concerning the etiquette of getting ready for bed, such as reading well-known supplications, sleeping on the right side, and avoiding sleeping on the belly (the Prophet forbade sleeping on the belly).

11) Striving hard to be patient and chaste, because persistence will eventually, Allaah willing, lead to attaining those qualities as second nature, as the Prophet explains in the following hadeeth:
"Whoever seeks chastity Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks help from none but Allaah, He will help him, and whoever is patient He will make it easy for him, and no one has ever been given anything better than patience." Bukhari:1469.

12) Repenting, asking forgiveness from Allaah, doing good deeds, and not losing hope and feeling despair are all prerequisites to curing this problem. Note that losing hope is one of the major sins punishable by Allaah.

13) Finally, Allaah is the Most Merciful and He always responds to whoever calls on Him. So, asking for Allah’s forgiveness will be accepted, by His will.

Wallahu a’lam. And Allah knows what is best and most correct.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/329/masturbating

Breast enhancement surgery

2010-01-10T03:55:00.000-08:00

I am a young woman who is about to get married, but I suffer from the problem of having a small chest. Is it permissible for me to use creams that help to enlarge the breasts?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If the aim in enlarging the breasts is to increase beauty, that is not permissible, because it is changing the creation of Allaah. If the breasts are so small as to cause you embarrassment and distress, then there is nothing wrong with enlarging them in ways that will not cause you harm, such as using creams and so on.

Treating that with creams is easier than having surgery which involves anaesthesia or uncovering the ‘awrah in the event that there is no specialized female doctor available.

What we have mentioned about differentiating between beautification and removing faults is the general guideline with regard to cosmetic procedures. Please see the answer to question no. 47694.

There follow some of the comments of scholars on this issue:

The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas were asked:

I am a young man, eighteen years old. Four years ago my breast became prominent and that was accompanied by some pain. After a while, the pain went away, praise be to Allaah, but the prominence remained. This prominence of my breast is obvious even under clothing. I asked the specialist about that and he said that this can easily be removed by means of cosmetic surgery. Is it permissible to have this surgery? Please note that this problem causes me embarrassment in front of other people.

They replied: It is permissible for you to have cosmetic surgery to remove this prominence if it is thought most likely that the surgery will be successful and that the harms will not outweigh or be equal to the benefits.

And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions. End quote.

‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz, ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afefi, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (25/62).

They were also asked (25/59): one of my colleagues had gotten married, praise be to Allaah, but he came to me and said that his wife wants to have cosmetic surgery on her face and breasts, because her nose is large and wide, and she wants to reduce it by means of the easy methods that modern science has developed. Is there any doubt about this surgery or is there any sin involved? Please note that not doing it may lead to psychological distress because this fault appears so prominently on her face.

They replied: If the situation is as described, and there is the hope that the surgery will be successful and will not lead to a greater or equal harm, then it is permissible to do it in order to achieve the desired purpose, otherwise it is not permissible.

And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions. End quote.

‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz, ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afefi, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about some cosmetic procedures such as straightening the nose, liposuction, breast reduction or enhancement, and so on – what is the ruling on these procedures? What are the guidelines, may Allaah bless and reward you and benefit others through you.

He replied: With regard to the beautification that you mentioned, beautification is of two types. The first type is done to remove faults and the second type is done to increase beauty. The first type – removing faults – is permissible; if a person’s nose is bent, it is permissible for him to have surgery to straighten it, because this is removing a fault. The nose is not normal, rather it is bent, so he wants to straighten it. The same applies to a man who has a squint; this is undoubtedly a fault, so if he wants to have surgery to correct the fault, it is permissible and there is no reason why he should not, because this is removing a fault. If a man’s nose is cut off due to an accident, can he have a prosthetic nose installed? An incident of this type occurred at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The nose of one of the Sahaabah was cut off in battle and the man had a nose of silver made, but the silver tarnished and developed an unpleasant smell, so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave him permissible to have a nose made of gold, so he did that. Hence we say: is it for beautification or to remove a fault? Removing a fault is permissible. The same applies if the lip is cleft (harelip); it is permissible to join the two sides because this is removing a fault.

With regard to the second type, which is increasing beauty, this is what is not permissible. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed women who file their teeth for beauty, i.e., they file them and make gaps between them for the purpose of beautification. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed that, and he cursed women who put on hair extensions by adding hair to their short hair and so on.

It remains for us to examine whether an operation to enhance or reduce the breast is permissible or not. This is a kind of beautification, unless the woman who has small breasts wants to increase them so that they can hold more milk, i.e., if her breast is too small and cannot hold enough milk to satisfy for her child. In that case we may say that there is nothing wrong with it. But for the purpose of beautification it is not permissible. This is the guideline with regard to cosmetic surgery. Cosmetic surgery is of two types: the first is removing faults and there is nothing wrong with that; the second is increasing beauty and that is not permissible. End quote from al-Liqa’ al-Shahri (50/8).

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/108860/breast

Kissing the wife in front of children

2010-01-09T01:29:00.000-08:00

What amount of affection can a husband and wife display in front of their children . Can they hug, kiss lightly, hold hands in front of their children?.
Praise be to Allaah.

The Islamic ruling on this matter is as follows:

Firstly: If this hugging and kissing is of the type that takes place between husband and wife when they are alone, then it is not permissible to do it in front of the children whether they are little or big. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Let your slaves and slave‑girls, and those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask your permission (before they come to your presence) on three occasions: before Fajr (morning) Salaah (prayer), and while you put off your clothes for the noonday (rest), and after the ‘Isha’ (night) Salaah (prayer). (These) three times are of privacy for you; other than these times there is no sin on you or on them to move about, attending to each other. Thus Allaah makes clear the Ayaat (the Verses of this Qur’aan, showing proofs for the legal aspects of permission for visits) to you. And Allaah is All‑Knowing, All‑Wise.

59. And when the children among you come to puberty, then let them (also) ask for permission, as those senior to them (in age). Thus Allaah makes clear His Ayaat (Commandments and legal obligations) for you. And Allaah is All‑Knowing, All‑Wise”

[al-Noor 24:58-59]

Ibn Katheer said: Here servants and children are commanded not to intrude upon the adults of the household at these times, lest the man be in a position of intimacy with his wife and so on. (3/401).

If children are obliged to seek permission lest they see something of that which takes place between husband and wife, then what about doing such things openly in a deliberate manner? Look at the etiquette that was observed in the household of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and how the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) transmitted the details of his life.

The following was narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning that:

It was narrated from Kurayb the freed slave of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas told him that he stayed overnight with Maymoonah, the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who was his maternal aunt. He said: I lay my head on the end of the pillow and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his wife placed their heads on its side. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) slept until midnight, or shortly before or after, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) woke and started to rub the sleep from his eyes with his hands. Then he recited the last ten verses of Aal ‘Imraan…

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4571; Muslim, 763.

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: This indicates that it is permissible for a man to sleep alongside his wife without being intimate with her in the presence of one of her mahrams, even if he has reached the age of discernment. Al-Qaadi said: In some versions of this hadeeth it says: Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I stayed overnight with my maternal aunt one night when she was menstruating. Even though the isnaad of this version is not saheeh, it contains a very interesting idea, because Ibn ‘Abbaas would not have asked to stay overnight on a night when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) may have wanted to be intimate with his wife, and his father would not have sent him there unless he knew that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have no need to be intimate with his wife – because it is well known that he would not have been intimate with her when Ibn ‘Abbaas was there sharing the same pillow with them and he was watching to see what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did, and he did not sleep or he only slept a little.

Sharh Muslim, 6/46

In addition, doing such things openly is an action that is contrary to honour and decency.

Al-Maawardi said: Honour and decency means making sure that one’s deeds befit the circumstances so that no deeds may appear abhorrent or blameworthy.

Adab al-Dunya wa’l-Deen, 392.

The negative effects that such behaviour has on the children’s upbringing is sufficient reason not to do it, for children are created with the natural instinct to imitate their parents in all their affairs. So there is the fear that one of them may try to do that out of ignorance and a lack of understanding of what he is doing, and this is bad enough. Moreover there is no guarantee that small children talk to others about what they have seen, and it is obvious that this will cause embarrassment and loss of geerah (protective jealousy)

Secondly: If the affection that the husband and wife show in front of the children is of the kind that is usually shown, namely compassion, kindness and care, which will fill the house with peace and respect and happiness, especially on occasions such as Eid etc, that is permissible.

Showing that kind of affection will have an effect on the children’s peace of mind and will make them sense that there is mutual understanding and harmony in their family. There is nothing wrong with showing that kind of affection, but only as much as is necessary and without doing anything that is forbidden. And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/31773/kissing

why it is forbidden to have intercourse with wife when she is menstruating

2010-01-07T04:07:00.000-08:00

What is the wisdom behind the prohibition on having intercourse with one's wife when she is menstruating or bleeding following childbirth? If the reason for the prohibition is the blood because it is impure, then is it permissible to have intercourse using a barrier like a condom?. What is the wisdom behind the prohibition on having intercourse with one's wife when she is menstruating or bleeding following childbirth? If the reason for the prohibition is the blood because it is impure, then is it permissible to have intercourse using a barrier like a condom?. Islam Q&A

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has forbidden men to have intercourse with their wives in the vagina at the time of menstruation.

The Qur’aan clearly stated the reason for this prohibition, which is that menstruation is adha (a harmful thing). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses”
[al-Baqarah 2:222]

Scientific studies in this field have disclosed to us some of the harm that is referred to in this verse, but they have not managed to describe all the harms that are referred to in the Qur’aanic text.

Dr. Muhiy al-Deen al-‘Alabi said: “It is essential to refrain from having intercourse with a menstruating women because doing so leads to an increase in the flow of menstrual blood, because the veins of the uterus are congested and prone to rupture, and get damaged easily; and the wall of the vagina is also susceptible to injury, so the likelihood of inflammation is increased, which leads to inflammation in the uterus and in the man’s penis, because of the irritation that occurs during intercourse. Having intercourse with a menstruating woman may also be off-putting to both the man and his wife, because of the presence and smell of blood, which may make the man impotent (i.e., uninterested in sex).

Dr. Muhammad al-Baar said, speaking of the harm that may be caused to the menstruating woman: The lining of the uterus is shed during menstruation, and the uterus is scarred as a result, just like when the skin is flayed. So it is vulnerable to bacteria and the introduction of the bacteria that are to be found at the tip of the penis poses a great danger to the uterus.

Hence the penetration of the penis into the vagina at the time of menstruation is no more than the introduction of germs at a time when the body is unable to fight them.

Dr. al-Baar thinks that the harm is not limited to what he describes of the introduction of germs into the uterus and vagina which is difficult to treat, rather it also extends to other things, namely:

1. The spread of infection to the fallopian tubes, which may then become blocked, which in turn may lead to infertility or ectopic pregnancy, which is the most dangerous kind of pregnancy.

2. The spread of infection to the urethra, bladder and kidneys; diseases of the urinary tract are usually serious and chronic.

3. Increase of germs in the menstrual blood, especially gonorrhea germs.

The menstruating woman is also in a physical and psychological state that is not conducive to intercourse, so if it takes place it will harm her a great deal and cause her pains during her period, as Dr. al-Baar said:

1. Menstruation is accompanied by pains, the severity of which varies from one woman to another. Most women experience pains in the back and lower abdomen. For some women the pain is unbearable and has to be treated with medication and painkillers.

2. Many woman suffer depression and stress during their period, especially at the beginning, and their mental and intellectual state is at the lowest level during menstruation.

3. Some women suffer migraines just before their period starts, and the pain is severe and causes visual disturbances and vomiting.

4. Women’s sexual desire decreases, and many woman have no interest at all in sex during their periods. The entire reproductive system is in a state that is akin to sickness, so intercourse at this time is not natural and serves no purpose, rather it can cause a great deal of harm.

5. A woman’s temperature drops during menstruation, as does her pulse and blood pressure, which makes her feel dizzy, exhausted and lethargic.

Dr. al-Baar also mentions that the harm is not only caused to the woman by having intercourse with her, rather the man is also affected by this action, which may cause infection in his reproductive system which may lead to sterility as a result. The severe pains suffered as a result of this infection may be even worse than the sterility it causes.

And there are many other harmful effects, some of which have not yet been discovered, but Allaah has referred to them when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they are purified (from menses and have taken a bath)”

[al-Baqarah 2:222]

Allaah has described it as adha, a harmful thing both for the wife and for the husband, and other harmful effects about which Allaah knows best.

Thus it becomes clear that the prohibition on intercourse at the time of menstruation is not just because of the blood, rather it is for many reasons as stated above.

The Muslim must also obey the command of Allaah, for He is the Creator and He knows best what is good for His slaves and what is harmful to them. He is the One Who says “keep away from women during menses”, so even if the reason behind this is not clear, we must still submit to the command of Allaah Who has commanded that a man should not have intercourse with his wife during this time.

See al-Hayd wa’l-Nifaas wa’l-Haml bayna al-Fiqh wa’l-Tibb by Dr. ‘Umar al-Ashqar.

Tawdeeh al-Ahkaam by al-Bassaam, 1/362.

However it is permissible for a man to be intimate with his wife, without having intercourse (at the time of menstruation).

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/43028/sex%20during%20menses

Maldivian girls forced to have sex during menses

2010-01-06T05:15:00.000-08:00

Do you know why am writing this post. It’s very sad that many Maldivian girls have faced a similar situation mentioned in the below article.
A few months back I met a Doctor who is working in IGMH, he told me about a shocking trend in Maldives.
Many girls came to IGMH to consult doctors because their “vaginas” have “some problem”, because of which they faced problems in urinating and severe bleeding. Most admitted that they have been forced to have sexual intercourse during menses.

Many Maldivian girls, who are married, faced this difficult situation. Their husbands forcing them to have intercourse while they are in menses, which is strongly forbidden in Islam and which has a lot of health risks associated with it.
For some girls, this is intolerable, against human nature; others went tolerate it for the sake of their marriage, till health risks were arisen.
Read the following paragraphs carefully. It seems like cry of a Maldivian girl who has faced this bitter situation.

Question: I recently married and my husband has on several occasions had intercourse with me during my menses. Despite my refusal he still would not listen, due to which I am greatly distressed. I am also greatly concerned about the future because I am sure he would do the same. I would like to ask you, that if he attempts to do so again, do I have the right to forcefully stop him or not? Will I be sinful for not doing so?
In the state of menstruation, it is permissible for the husband and wife to lay together, kissing and caressing is also allowed. However, to fulfil ones desires to the extent of having intercourse is strictly prohibited. It is also mentioned in the Holy Qur’an:
“O Muhammed, they ask you concerning menstruation. Say: it is an impurity, so keep away from women in their menstruation and do not approach them till they are purified.” (Surah Baqarah)
In a Hadith, the Prophet has mentioned:
“That person who has intercourse with his wife whilst she is menstruating or that person who has intercourse in the unnatural place (anus) or that person who goes to a fortune teller, he has refuted that religion which has been revealed to me.” (Tirmizhi)
Therefore in light of the Qur’an and Hadith, to have intercourse during menstruation in not only strictly prohibited, but a major sin. It has been mentioned in another Hadith:
“That person who has intercourse with his wife whilst she is menstruating should give half a dinar in charity.” (Tirmizhi)
In our terms fifty pence or something to its value.
Furthermore, intercourse during menstruation for both man and woman results in many severe illnesses. This fact has been acknowledged by doctors past and present.
If the Husband in an uncontrollable desire forces his wife to have intercourse even though she is menstruating, it is obligatory for her to refuse. If she does not do so, she will also be sinful. If the woman refuses despite the insistence of her husband, she will not be sinful, rather she will be rewarded for abstaining from sin and causing her husband to do so too. From those sins which Islam has classified as ‘major’, one of them is having sexual relations in the state of menstruation. If the husband due to his overriding passions finds it difficult to control himself then during the days of menstruation, separate sleeping arrangements should be made. Furthermore, both parties should continue to repent for this sin thus far.

Answer From: Shaikh Nazeer Ahmed Qasmi – Head Mufti, Darul Uloom Rahimiya, Bandipora, Kashmir:

When is anal intercourse permissable?

2010-01-04T01:46:00.000-08:00

Please help me for finding the truth.In Bukhari sharif hadesh no-4170 & 4171,said that anal sex is halal/jayaj.But you said (in mail a & q)that its haram.Now i'm confusied.
I want to know what's the truth?Is anal sex haram or not?please response my quetion
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

There are many saheeh ahaadeeth which show that anal intercourse is haraam, such as the following:

1 – It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage has disavowed himself of that which was revealed to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” Narrated by Abu Dawood (3904); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

2 – It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will not look at a man who has intercourse with a woman in her back passage.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1165); classed as saheeh by Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eid in al-Ilmaam (2/660) and by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

3 – It was narrated that Khuzaymah ibn Thaabit (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah is not too shy to tell the truth” three times. “Do not have intercourse with women in their back passages.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1924); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

And there are many similar ahaadeeth. Al-Tahhaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Sharh Ma’aani al-Athaar (3/43): The reports concerning that reach the level of tawaatur. End quote.

Hence the views of the scholars are based on these ahaadeeth.

Al-Maawardi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Haawi (9/319):

Because that is the consensus of the Sahaabah. It was narrated from ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas, Ibn Mas’ood and Abu’l-Darda’. End quote.

It says in al-Mughni (7/32):

It is not permissible to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage according to the majority of scholars, including ‘Ali, ‘Abd-Allaah, Abu’l-Darda’, Ibn ‘Abbaas, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr and Abu Hurayrah. This was also the view of Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab, Abu Bakr ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan, Mujaahid, ‘Ikrimah, al-Shaafa’i, ashaab al-ra’y and Ibn al-Mundhir.

We have discussed this in some detail previously on this site; please see the answers to questions no. 1103 and 52803.

Secondly:

Some people imagine that it is permissible to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage. They understand from the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223] that Allaah has permitted everything in this verse, even intercourse in the back passage. This misinterpretation is reinforced for them when they read the hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh – and perhaps this is the hadeeth referred to by the questioner – in which it says: It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Jews used to say that if (the man) had intercourse from behind, the child would be born with a squint. Then the verse “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223] was revealed.

But this is a misunderstanding of the verse. Allaah says “so go to your tilth when or how you will” which means that all variations of intercourse are permitted, so long as it is in the place of tilth, i.e., the vagina, not the back passage. So it is permissible for a man to have intercourse with his wife from behind or from in front or lying on their sides so long as it is in the place of tilth and not the back passage.

The evidence for that is Muslim’s report (1435) of the hadeeth of Jaabir quoted above about the reason for the revelation of this verse, in which it says: If he wishes, when she is lying on her front and if he wishes when she is not lying on her front, so long as that is in only one opening.

In Abu Dawood’s report of the same hadeeth (2163) it says: It was narrated that Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir said: I heard Jaabir say: The Jews say that if a man has intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind, the child will have a squint. Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223].

In Sunan al-Tirmidhi (2980) in a report which he classed as hasan, it was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: ‘Umar came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, I am doomed! He said: “Why are you doomed?” He said: I changed my direction last night. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not say anything. Then this verse was revealed to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. So approach from the front or the back, but avoid the back passage and the time of menses. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

These ahaadeeth and reports explain what is meant by the verse. So it is not permissible for the Muslim to go beyond that and understand it in ways that are not indicated by the reports or by linguistic usage.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Zaad al-Ma’aad (4/261):

The verse indicates that it is haraam to have intercourse with her in her back passage for two reasons. The first is that it is permitted to have intercourse with her in the tilth, which is the place of birth, and not in the anus which is the place of filth. The place of tilth is what is referred to in the verse “then go in unto them as Allaah has ordained for you”. [al-Baqarah 2:222].

The second reason is that Allaah says “when or how you will” i.e., however you wish, from the front or from the back. Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “go to your tilth” means the vagina. End quote.

Thirdly:

Perhaps the question is also referring to what al-Bukhaari narrated from Naafi’ from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him): “so go to your tilth when or how you will”; he said: “He may approach her from …”

Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari (8/189):

This is how it appears in all the texts. It does not mention what comes after the word “from”. End quote.

And he quoted what is mentioned in some reports elsewhere than in Saheeh al-Bukhaari, that Ibn ‘Umar said: He may approach her in her back passage.

But the scholars answered that in two ways:

1 – That it was a mistake on the part of some of those who narrated it from Ibn ‘Umar, and they understood from it that it was permissible to have intercourse in the back passage, when in fact he was narrating that it is permissible to have intercourse with one's wife in her vagina from behind, based on what is mentioned in saheeh reports from him that he regarded it as haraam to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage. And al-Nasaa’i narrated in al-Sunan al-Kubra (5/315) with a saheeh isnaad that Ibn ‘Umar was asked about that and he said: Would a Muslim do that?!

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Tahdheeb al-Sunan (2/146):

It is narrated in a saheeh report that he interpreted the verse as referring to intercourse in the vagina coming from the back, which is what was narrated from Naafi’. Those who thought that Naafi’ improved of intercourse in the back passage are gravely mistaken; rather what he meant was having intercourse from the back in the vagina. Thus they were confused when they thought that when he said “from the back” he meant the back passage; but what he meant by that was coming from the back but putting it in the place of intercourse, namely the vagina. Those people were confused when they understood the words of Naafi’ “from the back” as meaning “in the back (passage)”. End quote.

The second answer is:

That this was ijtihaad on the part of Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) about the meaning of the verse. The Sunnah and the views of all the Sahaabah indicate that it was an incorrect ijtihaad. Abu Dawood (2164) narrated, in a report that was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, that Ibn ‘Abbaas said:

Ibn ‘Umar – may Allaah forgive him – imagined, and this was a tribe of the Ansaar who had been idol-worshippers, along with this tribe of the Jews, who were people of the Book, and thought that they (the Jews) were superior to them in knowledge; they used to follow their examples in many of their deeds.. The people of the Book did not have intercourse with their wives except on their sides, and that was most concealing for the woman. This tribe of the Ansaar had adopted that from them. And this tribe of Quraysh used to make the woman lie in whatever position they wanted and enjoy them in various ways. When the Muhaajiroon came to Madeenah, one of their men married a woman of the Ansaar, and he went to do that with her but she objected and said: We have intercourse lying on our sides, so do that or keep away from me. Their problem got worse until news of that reached the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]., i.e., from the front or the back or lying, meaning the place of birth.

This could support the reports that Ibn ‘Umar used to say that it was permissible to have intercourse in the back passage, but then perhaps he came back to the correct view, after Ibn ‘Abbaas or someone else explained to him the reason why this verse was revealed and what its correct meaning was. Hence it is proven – as stated above – that he said that it was haraam, and he said: Would a Muslim do that?!

To conclude: Islam forbids this action, and there is nothing to indicate that it is permissible. The one who thinks that there is anything in the Qur’aan and Sunnah to indicate that is mistaken.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/91968/anus

What constitutes intercourse?

2010-01-02T03:39:00.000-08:00

What is meant by intercourse? Is any kind of foreplay regarded as intercourse?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Not all kinds of foreplay are regarded as intercourse; rather intercourse is when the tip of the penis disappears fully into the vagina. If that happens, then intercourse has taken place; if no penetration occurs or if only part of the tip penetrates but not all of it, then this is not intercourse. This is what is indicated by the ahaadeeth:

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man sits between the four parts (arms and legs of his wife) and has intercourse with her, then ghusl is obligatory.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 291; Muslim, 525.

The phrase translated as “[has intercourse with her]” is a metaphor for inserting the penis into the vagina. This was stated by al-Haafiz in al-Fath.

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man sits between the four parts (arms and legs of his wife) and the one circumcised part touches the other, then ghusl is obligatory.” Narrated by Muslim, 349.

Al-Nawawi said in Sharh Muslim:

With regard to the phrase “and the one circumcised part touches the other, then ghusl is obligatory”: the scholars said: what this means is when your penis disappears into her vagina; it does not mean touching in a real sense. That is because the circumcised part of a woman is above the vagina, and the penis does not touch it during intercourse. The scholars are unanimously agreed that if he places his penis on the circumcised part and does not enter (the vagina), then no ghusl is required, neither for him nor for her.

The fact that what is meant is what we have mentioned and that what is meant by touching is the two parts coming in line with one another is indicated by the other report, “when the two circumcised parts meet” i.e., coming in line with one another.

It says in al-Majmoo’ (2/150):

The obligation of ghusl and all other rulings that have to do with intercourse are subject to the condition that the tip of the penis disappears completely into the vagina, and they are not dependent on more than that. None of the rulings have to with part of the tip disappearing only. End quote.

Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath:

What is meant by touching and meeting is coming in line with one another, which is indicated by a report narrated by al-Tirmidhi. It does not mean touching in a literal sense, because that does not happen when the tip of the penis disappears. End quote.

Al-Shawkaani said: The ahaadeeth mention the words coming in line with one another, meeting, touching, but what is meant by meeting is coming in line with one another.

Al-Qaadi Abu Bakr said: If the tip of the penis disappears into the vagina, then ‘meeting’ has taken place. End quote.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

It is well known that the site of circumcision is above the tip. As that is the case, then it cannot touch the site of circumcision of the woman until the tip has penetrated. Hence it is stipulated that for ghusl following intercourse to be obligatory, the tip must disappear. It is narrated in some versions of the hadeeth of ‘Abd-‘Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas: “When the two circumcised parts meet and the tip of the penis disappears, then ghusl becomes obligatory.” End quote. Narrate by Ibn Maajah, 611; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 11/323

Based on this, what is meant by the one circumcised part touching the other and the meeting of the two circumcised parts is when the site of circumcision of the man comes into line with the site of circumcision of the woman, and that happens when the entire tip of the penis disappears into the vagina. If the tip of the penis disappears into the vagina then intercourse has taken place and ghusl is required.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Foreplay with wife using finger

2010-01-01T03:39:00.000-08:00

Is it permissable for the husband to insert his finger into his wife's vagina and to fondle it during intercourse. Praise be to Allaah.

I do not see any reason not to do that, so long as it is done with the left hand.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr.
Islam QA
For the original link go to
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/21676/finger

He is homosexual and wants a remedy

2009-12-30T01:52:00.000-08:00

I am muslim 16 year old boy.i pray and fast regularly,i am straight but the problem is that i am homosexual, i first was thinking of my father , i think i became homosexual genetically, i see usually bad pictures, but i want to give up, i never done any sex in my life, i really am afraid of god, and i always pray for him to help me.
please sir, i beg you, tell me how practically can i get rid of this nasty desire
Praise be to Allaah.

we ask Allaah to heal you quickly from this serious disease, and to cleanse your heart of all evil, for He is Able to do that. For the harm caused by falling into this great sin is not limited to punishment in the Hereafter, rather it goes beyond that and a part of the punishment may happen in this world; even if it is nothing more than the regret and feelings of guilt that result from it, that is enough, so how about if that is accompanied by incurable fatal diseases which the doctors are agreed are widespread among homosexuals and are caused by these perverted practices? The way to deal with your problem is as follows:

Firstly:

You have to repent sincerely from your heart, turn to Allaah, regret what you have done, and pray a great deal to Allaah, asking Him to forgive you and help you to get rid of this problem. For Allaah is most Generous and is Close and always Responsive. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: ‘O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful’”

[al-Zumar 39:53]

So stand before Allaah weeping, beseeching, expressing your need for Him and seeking His forgiveness, and receive the glad tidings from Allaah of a way out and forgiveness.

Secondly:

Strive to plant the seeds of faith in your heart, for when they grow they will bear fruits of happiness in this world and in the Hereafter.

Faith in Allaah is what – after the help of Allaah – protects a person from falling into haraam things. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No adulterer is a believer at the moment when he is committing adultery.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2475; Muslim, 57). So when faith is well established in your heart and fills your heart and emotions, you will not violate His sacred limits, in sha Allaah. If the believer stumbles on one occasion he will quickly wake up. Allaah describes His slaves as follows (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, those who are Al-Muttaqoon (the pious), when an evil thought comes to them from Shaytaan (Satan), they remember (Allaah), and (indeed) they then see (aright)”

[al-A’raaf 7:201]

Thirdly:

Try to follow the advice which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave to young people, which is to get married if you are able to. Do not pay any attention to the fact that you are young, for being young is not a reason not to get married, far from it, so long as you have the need to get married. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and protecting chastity. Whoever cannot afford that should fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065; Muslim, 1400). Strive to follow this advice from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), for this is the solution to your problem, in sha Allaah.

There is nothing wrong with telling your father and mother of your need and desire to get married; don’t let shyness stop you from doing that.

Think seriously about marriage and do not fear poverty, and Allaah will grant you independence of means by His bounty. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people)”

[al-Noor 24:32]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has told us that the one who gets married with a good intention, Allaah will help him. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There are three who are entitled to Allaah’s help: the mujaahid who fights for the sake of Allaah, the slave who made a contract of manumission with his master, wanting to buy his freedom, and the one who gets married, seeking chastity.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1655; al-Nasaa’i, 3120; Ibn Maajah, 2518; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, 1917).

Fourthly:

If it is not easy for you to get married, then there is another solution, which is fasting. So why not think of fasting three days of each month, or on Mondays and Thursdays?

How great is the reward of fasting. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said that Allaah said, “All the deeds of the son of Adam are for him except for fasting, which is for Me and I shall give reward for it.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1904; Muslim 1151).

And Allaah tells us that He has enjoined fasting on us so that we might become pious:

“O you who believe! Observing As-Sawm (the fasting) is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqoon (the pious)”

[al-Baqarah 2:183]

Fasting – as well as offering protection from following whims and desires and bringing a great reward from Allaah – also trains a person to have strong will, patience and forbearance, to rise above the desires and pleasures of the self. So hasten to fast so that Allaah may make things easier for you.

Fifthly:

Beware of thinking little of looking at haraam things in cheap magazines and nude pictures which lead to committing immoral actions that doom a person to Hell, and have deep and bad effects on the heart – Allaah forbid. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what they do”

[al-Noor 24:30]

You should note that if you think little of this evil, this gives the Shaytaan an opportunity to make other actions that lie beyond that seem attractive to you, which is obvious. But he will do that because you gave in to him, even if that only happened once.

Sixthly:

Remember, when the idea of sin come to you, or the Shaytaan whispers to you to commit a sin, that the parts of your body will bear witness against you on the Day of Resurrection for this sin. Do you not know that these limbs and this youthful energy are a blessing from Allaah to you? So can it be an act of gratitude to Allaah that you use them to disobey Allaah and rebel against the commands of Allaah?

There is another matter which you should pay attention to. Read with me the following verse (interpretation of the meaning):

“Till, when they reach it (Hell-fire), their hearing (ears) and their eyes and their skins will testify against them as to what they used to do.

And they will say to their skins, ‘Why do you testify against us?’ They will say: ‘Allaah has caused us to speak.’ He causes all things to speak, and He created you the first time, and to Him you are made to return”
[Fussilat 41:20-21]

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: “We were with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he smiled and said, ‘Do you know why I am smiling?’ We said, ‘Allaah and His Messenger know best.’ He said, ‘Because of how a person will address his Lord. He will say, ‘O Lord, did You not guarantee me protection against injustice?’ He will say, ‘Yes.’ He will say, ‘I do not deem valid any witness against me but my own self.’ Allaah will say, ‘Your own self will be sufficient as a witness against you this Day, and the honourable scribes (recording angels) will also bear witness.’ Then a seal will be placed over his mouth and it will be said to his limbs, ‘Speak!’ And they will speak of his deeds. Then he will be allowed to speak and will say, ‘Away with you! It was for your sake that I argued.’” (Narrated by Muslim, 2969).

Seventhly:

Avoid being alone, for this makes you think about your desires. Try to fill your time with things that will benefit you, such as doing righteous deeds, reading Qur’aan, dhikr and prayer.

Eighthly:

Avoid keeping company with evil and immoral people who discuss these subjects, talk about things that provoke desire, take the matter of sin lightly and encourage it. You have to look for good friends who will remind you of Allaah and help you to obey Him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “A man will follow the religion of his close friend, so be careful about who you make friends with.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2378; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1937).

Ninthly:

If it so happens that you fall into sin in a moment of weakness, do not persist in that, rather be quick to repent to Allaah, lest you become one of those of whom Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who, when they have committed Faahishah (illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allaah and ask forgiveness for their sins; — and none can forgive sins but Allaah — and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:135]

My brother, do not despair of the mercy of Allaah. Beware of letting the Shaytaan have any power over you or letting him whisper to you that Allaah will never forgive you. For Allaah forgives all sins of those who repent to Him.

I hope that Allaah will help you and will make it easy for you to get out of this problem.

For more information on this topic I advise you to read the booklet Kayfa tawaajih al-shahwah: hadeeth ila al-shabaab wa’l-fatayaat.

Islam Q&A

For the original article go to the link
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/20068/homosexual

An orgasm without intercourse

2009-12-29T01:26:00.000-08:00

If a female has an orgasm without intercourse, is she required to perform ghusl before she can say her prayers?

Praise be to Allaah.

If maniy (fluid emitted at the point of climax) comes out of a woman without intercourse, she has to do ghusl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded women to do ghusl if they notice water (fluid), as was reported by Maalik in al-Muwatta’ (1/51), and by al-Bukhaari (282) and al-Nasaa’i (1/114) from Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: Umm Sulaim, the wife of Abu Talhah, came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, Allaah is not too shy to tell the truth. Does a woman have to do ghusl if she has an (erotic) dream?” He said, “Yes, if she sees water (fluid).” In this hadeeth, he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded women to do ghusl if they see water, i.e., maniy.

Al-Baghawi said in Sharh al-Sunnah (2/9): Ghusl for janaabah (impurity following sexual activity) is waajib (obligatory) if either of the following applies: either the tip of the penis penetrates the vagina, or the gushing liquid is emitted by the man or the woman… The scholars said that ghusl does not become obligatory unless one is sure that what one feels of wetness comes from the gushing liquid.

Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (1/200): The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) connected doing ghusl to seeing (the fluid) when he said: “If you see the water and if the water gushed out , then do ghusl.” The ruling does not apply otherwise.

Ibn Hajar said in al-Fath (1/389): This indicates that ghusl is obligatory for women, if they emit fluid at the point of climax.

Ibn Rajab said in al-Fath (1/338): This hadeeth indicates that if a woman sees an (erotic) dream and notices the fluid when she wakes up, she has to do ghusl. This was the view of the majority of scholars and no dissenting view is known except for that of al-Nakha’i, who is the odd one out.

This hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) makes the matter quite clear, which is that if any fluid is emitted by the woman – whether it is a little or a lot – then she has to do ghusl.

On the basis of the above, if a woman feels that some fluid has come out of her vagina, even if it is only a little, then she has to do ghusl, because of the report to that effect. It is not sufficient for her to do wudoo’ in this case unless the fluid which was emitted was not the kind of fluid for which ghusl is required, such as madhiy (lubricating secretion) etc., in which case wudoo’ is sufficient. And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid