My wife is not very interested in intercourse.

I am a man of a strong desire. I like to have intercourse everyday. When I try to start it with my wife, she refuses for weak reasons like saying she is tired or lazy to make ghusl or because she wants to delay it to next day. So I have intercourse with her only twice a week. I cannot be patient. So I have to masturbate by my hand fearing to fall into adultery. Although I know it is haram, I masturbate about three times a week while my wife is beside me and she knows what I am doing. My wife cares a lot about beautifying herself and using perfumes, but she becomes annoyed if I ask her for sex. Am I sinful to masturbate by my hand? If yes, then does my wife share in this sin?.
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The husband has to treat his wife kindly, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

Part of living with one’s spouse honourably is having intercourse, which is obligatory upon the husband, as much as is sufficient to satisfy her, so long as it does not harm him physically or distract him from earning a living.

The wife is obliged to obey her husband if he calls her to his bed, and if she refuses then she is sinning, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (32370 and Muslim (1436) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: She has to obey him if he calls her to his bed, and this is a duty that is obligatory upon her. … If she refuses to respond to his call, then she is being disobedient and wilfully defiant. … as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/145, 146).

But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse. If she has an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse.

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Both slave women and free women are enjoined not to refuse the master or husband if he calls them for intercourse, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and likely to be harmed by intercourse, or observing an obligatory fast. If she refuses with no excuse then she is cursed. End quote from al-Muhalla (10/40).

Al-Bahooti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time, so long as that does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm her; he does not have the right to enjoy her in that case, because that is not part of living with them honourably. But if it does not distract her from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. End quote from Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/189).

The wife whose husband is harming her by having intercourse too often may come to some agreement with her husband concerning a specific number that she can put up with, and if he does more to such an extent that it is harmful to her, then she has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi (judge), who may determine a specific number and oblige both husband and wife to adhere to that.


Secondly: Masturbation (for both men and women) is haraam (forbidden) in Islam based on the following evidence: First from the Qur’aan: Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): "And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7 Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor. "And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty. Secondly, from the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him): Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066. The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done.

There is no sin if the husband is masturbated by his wife’s hand, because it is permissible for him to enjoy her; the same applies if he ejaculates outside the vagina, because of the general meaning of the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5,6].

If the wife will be harmed by intercourse, she will not be harmed if her husband enjoys her in other ways, so she has to allow him to do that.

Both spouses have to tackle this problem in a kind, loving and frank manner; and each of them should understand the rights and duties that they have, because most marital problems stem from ignorance of that.

Some husbands are keen to satisfy their own desires, and they hasten to do that without caring about their wives or paying attention to their right to pleasure, so the wife finds no enjoyment in it and is put off by it, and it becomes a problem and a burden for her.

Hence we say: Strive to create love and affection between you and your wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings; avoid that which will harm her or hurt her. Tell her of the shar’i ruling concerning this issue and help her to follow it, and do not put her off, and be moderate in your approach, and you will get what you want.

May Allaah help us and you to obey Him and seek His pleasure.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Why does Islam forbid lesbianism and homosexuality?

Could you please tell me that why is a homosexuality a sin in islam? I know it’s a great sin but my question is why? I haven't able to find the real reason why? So، if you could can you also tell me that what Allah has says in Quran or in hadith about it. Please let me know as soon as possible.

Praise be to Allaah.

The Muslim should not doubt, even for an instant, that what Allaah has prescribed is wise. He should know that there is great wisdom in what Allaah has commanded and what He has forbidden; it is the straight path and is the only way in which man can be safe and at peace, protecting his honour, his mind and his health, in accordance with the natural disposition (fitrah) with which Allaah has created man.

Some heretics have tried to attack Islam and its rulings; they have denounced divorce and plural marriage and permitted alcohol. Those who look at the state of their societies will see the state of misery which those societies have reached.

When they rejected divorce, murder took its place. When they rejected plural marriage, men started to take mistresses instead. When they allowed alcohol, all kinds of shameful and immoral actions became widespread.

They (gays and lesbians) both go against the natural disposition (fitrah) which Allaah has created in mankind – and also in animals – whereby the male is inclined towards the female, and vice versa.
Whoever goes against that goes against the natural disposition of mankind, the fitrah.

The spread of homosexuality has caused man diseases which neither the east nor the west can deny exist because of them. Even if the only result of this perversion was AIDS – which attacks the immune system in humans – that would be enough.

It also causes the breakup of the family and leads people to give up their work and study because they are preoccupied with these perversions.

Since the prohibition has come from his Lord, the Muslim should not wait until medicine proves that harm befalls the one who does that which Allaah has forbidden. Rather he must believe firmly that Allaah only prescribes that which is good for people, and these modern discoveries should only increase his certainty and confidence in the greatness of Allaah’s wisdom.

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

Both of them – fornication and homosexuality – involve immorality that goes against the wisdom of Allaah’s creation and commandment. For homosexuality involves innumerable evil and harms, and the one to whom it is done would be better off being killed than having this done to him, because after that he will become so evil and so corrupt that there can be no hope of his being reformed, and all good is lost for him, and he will no longer feel any shame before Allaah or before His creation. The semen of the one who did that to him will act as a poison on his body and soul. The scholars differed as to whether the one to whom it is done will ever enter Paradise. There are two opinions which I heard Shaykh al-Islam (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrate.”

(al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, p. 115).

2. Lesbianism means one woman doing to another something like that which a man does to a woman. Homosexuality means having intercourse with males in the back passage. This was the action of the accursed people of the Prophet of Allaah Loot (peace be upon him). In sharee’ah terminology it refers to inserting the tip of the penis into the anus of a male.

What is mentioned concerning these actions in the Qur’aan and Sunnah:

A – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And (remember) Loot (Lot), when he said to his people: ‘Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the ‘Aalameen (mankind and jinn)?

Verily, you practise your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds (by committing great sins)’”

[al-A’raaf 7:80-81]

B – “Verily, We sent against them a violent storm of stones (which destroyed them all), except the family of Loot (Lot), them We saved in the last hour of the night”

[al-Qamar 54:34 – interpretation of the meaning]

C – “And (remember) Loot (Lot), when he said to his people: ‘Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the ‘Aalameen (mankind and jinn)?”

[al-A’raaf 7:80 – interpretation of the meaning]

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And (remember) Loot (Lot), when he said to his people: ‘You commit Al‑Faahishah (sodomy the worst sin) which none has preceded you in (committing) it in the ‘Aalameen (mankind and jinn)’”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:28]

D – “And (remember) Loot (Lot), We gave him Hukm (right judgement of the affairs and Prophethood) and (religious) knowledge, and We saved him from the town (folk) who practised Al‑Khabaa’ith (evil, wicked and filthy deeds). Verily, they were a people given to evil, and were Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah)”

[al-Anbiya’ 21:74 – interpretation of the meaning]

E – “And (remember) Loot (Lot)! When he said to his people, ‘Do you commit Al‑Faahishah (evil, great sin, every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse, sodomy) while you see (one another doing evil without any screen)

Do you practise your lusts on men instead of women? Nay, but you are a people who behave senselessly.’

There was no other answer given by his people except that they said: ‘Drive out the family of Loot (Lot) from your city. Verily, these are men who want to be clean and pure!’

So We saved him and his family, except his wife. We destined her to be of those who remained behind.

And We rained down on them a rain (of stones). So evil was the rain of those who were warned”

[al-Naml 27:54-58 – interpretation of the meaning]

These verses refer to the punishment that befell the people of Loot. With regard to the rulings on them:

F – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning]:

“And the two persons (man and woman) among you who commit illegal sexual intercourse, hurt them both. And if they repent (promise Allaah that they will never repeat, i.e. commit illegal sexual intercourse and other similar sins) and do righteous good deeds, leave them alone. Surely, Allaah is Ever All-Forgiving (the One Who forgives and accepts repentance), (and He is) Most Merciful”

[al-Nisa’ 4:16]

Ibn Katheer said:

“The words of Allaah ‘And the two persons (man and woman) among you who commit illegal sexual intercourse, hurt them both’ mean, those who commit immoral actions, punish them both. Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), Sa’eed ibn Jubayr and others said: By condemning them, shaming them and hitting them with shoes. This was the ruling until Allaah abrogated it and replaced it with whipping and stoning. ‘Ikrimah, ‘Ata, al-Hasan and ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Katheer said: This was revealed concerning a man and woman who commit fornication. Al-Saddi said, it was revealed concerning young people before they get married. Mujaahid said: it was revealed concerning two men if they admit it bluntly; a hint is not sufficient – as if he was referring to homosexuality. And Allaah knows best.”

(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/463).

G – It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him): “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘There is nothing I fear for my ummah more than the deed of the people of Loot.’”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1457; Ibn Maajah, 2563. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 1552).

H – It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “… cursed is the one who has intercourse with an animal, cursed is the one who does the action of the people of Loot.”

(Narrated by Ahmad, 1878. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 5891).

I – It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Whoever you find doing the deed of the people of Loot, kill the one who does it and the one to whom it is done.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1456; Abu Dawood, 4462; Ibn Maajah, 2561. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 6589).

And Allaah knows best.


Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Ooh!! I'm wondering !!Will men in Paradise have intercourse with al-hoor aliyn?!!

I'm wondering will the men from amongst the human race that enters paradise, will they have sexual intercourse with the "HOURIS" women in the paradise .

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has prepared for His believing slaves in Paradise that which no eye has seen, no ear has heard and has never even crossed the minds of men, such that even the person who has the least blessings in Paradise will think that he is the most blessed among them. Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The lowest of people in status in Paradise will be a man whose face Allaah turns away from the Fire towards Paradise, and shows him a tree giving shade. He will say, ‘O Lord, bring me closer to that tree so that I may be in its shade… Then he will enter his house [in Paradise] and his two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn will come in and will say to him, ‘Praise be to Allaah who brought you to life for us and brought us to life for you.’ Then he will say, ‘No one has been given what I have been given.’” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 275)

Among the blessings that Allaah has prepared for His slaves are al-hoor al-‘iyn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“So (it will be). And We shall marry them to Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes”

[al-Dhukhaan 44:54]

“They will recline (with ease) on thrones arranged in ranks. And We shall marry them to Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes

[al-Toor 52:20]

Al-hoor al-‘iyn are extremely beautiful, such that the marrow of their shins will be visible from beneath their garments. Every man who enters Paradise will have two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn. Allaah says, describing them (interpretation of the meaning):

“Therein (Gardens) will be Khayraatun‑Hisaan [fair (wives) good and beautiful];

Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinn and men) deny?

Hoor (beautiful, fair females) guarded in pavilions;

Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinn and men) deny?

With whom no man or jinni has had Tamth [opening their hymens with sexual intercourse] before them.

Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinn and men) deny?

Reclining on green cushions and rich beautiful mattresses.”

[al-Rahmaan 55:70-76]

“And (there will be) Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes (as wives for Al-Muttaqoon – the pious).

Like unto preserved pearls”

[al-Waaqi’ah 56:22-23]

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The first group will enter Paradise looking like the moon on the night when it is full, and those who follow them will be like the brightest shining star in the sky. Their hearts will be as one, and there will be no hatred or jealousy among them. Each man will have two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn, the marrow of whose calves can be seen from beneath the bone and flesh.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 3014)

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘Going out and coming back for the sake of Allaah is better than this world and all that is in it. And a spot the size of the bow of one of you in Paradise – or a spot the size of his whip – is better than this world and all that is in it. If a woman from among the people of Paradise were to look at the people of this earth, she would light up all that is in between them and fill it with fragrance. The veil on her head is better than this world and all that is in it.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 2587)

A man will have intercourse in Paradise with his wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn and his wives from among the people of this world, if they enter Paradise with him. A man will be given the strength of a hundred men to eat, drink, feel desire and have sexual intercourse. It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer in Paradise will be given such and such strength for sexual intercourse.” He was asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, will he really be able to do that?” He said, “He will be given the strength of one hundred (men).” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2459. He said, (it is) saheeh ghareeb).

It was narrated from Zayd ibn Arqam that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man among the people of Paradise will be given the strength of a hundred men for eating, drinking, desire and sexual intercourse. A man among the Jews said, ‘The one who eats or drinks needs to excrete!’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him: ‘The excretion of any one of them will be in the form of sweat which comes out through his skin, then his stomach will reduce in size again.’” (Narrated by Ahmad, no. 18509; al-Daarimi, no. 2704)

The mufassireen said concerning the phrase “busy in joyful things” (Yaa-Seen 36:55 – interpretation of the meaning):

‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood and Ibn ‘Abbaas (mayAllaah be pleased with them both), and Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyib, ‘Ikrimah, al-Hasan, Qutaadah, al-A’mash, Sulaymaan al-Taymi and al-Oozaa’i said concerning the aayaah (interpretation of the meaning),

“Verily, the dwellers of Paradise, that Day, will be busy in joyful things” [Yaa-Seen 36:55]

they said, (it means) they will be busy deflowering virgins. Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said, according to a report narrated from him, that “busy in joyful things” means listening to stringed instruments. Abu Haatim said: he misheard the phrase iftidaad al-abkaar (deflowering virgins) and thought it was samaa’ al-awtaar (listening to stringed instruments). In fact the correct phrase is iftidaad al-abkaar (deflowering virgins). (Ibn Katheer, 3/564)

With regard to children, the scholars differed as to whether children would be born as a result of this intercourse or not. Some said that there would be children if the man wants them, but the pregnancy and birth would take just one hour. Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If the believer wants a child in Paradise, the pregnancy and delivery will take only an hour, then the child will be the age that the man wants.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2487; al-Daarimi, no. 2712; Ahmad, no. 11339; Ibn Maajah, no. 4329). And Allaah knows best.

We ask Allaah to admit us to Paradise and to keep us far away from the Fire. May He bless us with the highest Firdaws, for He is the One Who is Able to do that. Praise be to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Sex-change operations

Is it permitted for a person to change his sex from a woman to a man or vice versa? Please give evidence from the Qur’aan and Sunnaah
Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for a person to change sex from male to female or vice versa. The Muslim has to be content with what Allaah has decreed, for He has placed him in a suitable position. He does not know – perhaps if he was female that would not be good for him, or if she was male that would be bad for her. Similarly, there are some people for whom nothing but poverty is good, and if Allaah made such a person rich it would be harmful for him; and there are others for whom nothing but richness is appropriate, and if they became poor that would be harmful to them. Some women wished that they could be men who would fight in the way of Allaah. This was just wishful thinking, but Allaah revealed the prohibition of that wishful thinking in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “And wish not for the things in which Allaah has made some of you to excel others. For men there is reward for what they have earned, (and likewise) for women there is reward for what they have earned” [al-Nisaa’ 4:32] If mere wishful thinking is forbidden, then how about taking action based on that? If the Muslim is forbidden to change the creation of Allaah in minor cases, so how about changing sex altogether? Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr Changing one’s sex is a kind of tampering with the creation of Allaah and following the way of the Shaytaan who vowed that he would misguide the sons of Adam in this way and in others, as Allaah tells us that he said: “and indeed I will order them to change the nature created by Allaah” [al-Nisaa’ 4:119 – interpretation of the meaning] We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Differences between semen (maniy) and urethral fluid (madhiy)

some times when i wake up in the morning, i find some wet coming out. Please don't take it as a wet dream, or urine, becuase the sticky stuff comes out usually just after i have woken up in the morning. Most of the days i have to wash my under wear just becasue of that, and sometimes i wash my pants too. I read it somewhere that if its not semen, just that sticky stuff than we don't need to perform ghusl, and only wuzu is enough to offer prayers. If it is then what about the clothes?. The same stuff comes out during some salacious situations also, though i try to stay away from all that kind of stuff. The first difference: qualities Semen in the case of men is a thick, white liquid, and in the case of women it is thin and yellow. (Translator’s note: the word maniy is used to refer to the fluid secreted by either male or female at the time of orgasm). The source for these descriptions of maniy come from the hadeeth of Umm Sulaym (may Allaah be pleased with her), who asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about a woman who sees a dream like a man sees (i.e., an erotic dream). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman sees that, she should do ghusl.” Umm Sulaym said: I felt shy when I heard that. She asked, “Is that possible?” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How else would the child resemble his father or mother? The water of the man is thick and white, and the water of the woman is thin and yellow. Whichever of the two prevails or comes first decides which parent the child will resemble.” (Agreed upon. Saheeh Muslim, 469). In his commentary on Saheeh Muslim (3/222), Imaam al-Nawawi said, concerning the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “The water of the man is thick and white, and the water of the woman is thin and yellow”: “This is an important criterion in describing maniy. This description applies when a person is healthy, and in most cases. The scholars said: when a man is healthy, his semen is white and thick, and gushes out in spurts accompanied by feelings of pleasure. After it has come out, it is followed immediately by a feeling of being drained and exhausted. Its smell is like that of palm tree pollen, which in turn resembles the smell of dough… (the colour of semen may change for a number of reasons, including the following): … If a person is sick his semen may become thin and yellow, or his testicles may become slack or soft, with the result that the emission of semen is not accompanied by any feelings of pleasure. If a man engages in intercourse too frequently, his semen may become red and resemble the juice that comes from meat, or may even contain blood [‘ameet???]. There are three distinguishing features of semen, the presence of any of which is sufficient for it to be classified as semen: firstly, its emission is accompanied by feelings of pleasure and is immediately followed by exhaustion; secondly, it smells like palm tree pollen, as stated above; and thirdly, it gushes out in spurts. Each one of these three characteristics is sufficient for it to be defined as semen; it is not necessary for all three features to be present. If none of them are present, the substance cannot be described as semen and in all likelihood it is not. All of the above applies to the maniy of men; in the case of women, their maniy is thin and yellow, although it could become white if the woman is strong. It has two distinguishing characteristics, either of which is sufficient to class the substance as maniy: firstly, it smells like the maniy of men, and secondly, its emission is accompanied by feelings of pleasure and is immediately followed by exhaustion.” Madhiy, on the other hand, is a sticky white fluid that is emitted when a person is thinking of or desiring intercourse. Its emission is not accompanied by feelings of pleasure, it does not gush out in spurts, and it is not followed by exhaustion. This may happen to men and women alike, although it is more common among women. This is the comment of Imaam al-Nawawi in his commentary on Muslim (Sharh Muslim, 3/213). The second difference: what should be done after emission of either type of fluid When maniy is emitted, a person must perform ghusl to clean himself from sexual impurity (janaabah), whether this happened during intercourse or otherwise, whether he was awake or it happened because of an erotic dream. Madhiy, on the other hand, means that a person only needs to do wudoo’. The evidence for this is the report of ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: “I was a man who used to experience a lot of urethral discharge, so I told Miqdaad to ask the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about it. So he asked him, and he said: ‘It requires wudoo’.’” (Agreed upon; this version was narrated by al-Bukhaari). Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (1/168), “Ibn al-Mundhir said: ‘The scholars agree that passing stools or urine, the emission of madhiy or passing wind are all things that invalidate tahaarah (purity) [i.e. they mean that wudoo’ must be renewed]’.” The third difference: whether they are taahir (pure) or naajis (impure) Maniy is taahir according to the most correct opinion among the scholars. The evidence for this is the report of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to wash the maniy (from his clothes) then go out to pray wearing the same clothes, and I could see the spot where he had washed it.” (Agreed upon). According to a report narrated by Muslim: “I used to rub it (semen) thoroughly from the garment of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), then he would pray in it.” According to another version: “I would scratch it from his garment with my nail when it had become dry.” It is proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to leave it without washing it when it was wet; it was sufficient just to wipe it with ‘ood (a kind of aromatic wood) or something similar, as was reported by Imaam Ahmad in his Musnad (6/243) from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to remove maniy from his garment with a twig of adhkhar (a kind of tree), then pray in that garment, and he would rub it from his garment once it was dry, and would pray in the same garment.” Ibn Khuzaymah reported it in his Saheeh, and Shaykh al-Albaani classed it as hasan in al-Irwa’ (1/197). Madhiy (urethral discharge) is naajis (impure), because of the hadeeth of ‘Ali quoted above, in some versions of which it is reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded him to wash his penis and testicles and do wudoo’, as was reported by Abu ‘Awaanah in al-Mustakhraj. Ibn Hajar said in al-Talkhees: “There is nothing at fault in this isnaad.” So madhiy is naajis and the penis and testicles must be washed, as it nullifies tahaarah. Ruling concerning clothing on which there is semen or urethral discharge As maniy is deemed to be taahir, if it gets on a person’s clothes it does not make them impure, and if he prays in those clothes there is nothing wrong with that. Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (1/763): “Even though we say it is taahir, it is better to rub it, but if one prays (in those clothes) without rubbing it, this is acceptable.” In the case of madhiy, it is sufficient to sprinkle water on it, because of the difficulty of doing otherwise. The evidence for this is the hadeeth narrated by Abu Dawud in his Sunan from Sahl ibn Haneef, who said: “I used to experience a lot of urethral discharge, and I used to do ghusl a lot. I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about it and he said: ‘It is sufficient for you to do wudoo’ (to purify yourself) from that.’ I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, what about when it gets on my clothes?’ He said: ‘It is sufficient for you to take a handful of water and sprinkle it on your clothes wherever you think (the madhiy) is.’” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi. He said: This is a saheeh hasan hadeeth, and the only other hadeeth about madhiy that we know is the hadeeth of Muhammad ibn Ishaaq). The author of Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi (1/373) said: “This may be taken to prove that if madhiy gets on one's clothes, it is sufficient to sprinkle water on it; one does not have to wash it.” And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

He wants to photograph his wife naked so that he can look at the pictures when he is away!

Can a husband video tape his wife while she is naked or showing off her body parts, so he can watch the video when he is away or when she is not there, and get the pleassure that way for time being rather than watching something else which might be haram.

Praise be to Allaah.

The action mentioned in the question is one of the most abhorrent of actions. It is haraam in and of itself and because of what it leads to. As for it being haraam in and of itself: a woman in principle is entirely ‘awrah and it is not permissible to take her picture in the first place, even if nothing appears but her face and hands, so how about if what appears is more than that. What if the picture shows her most private ‘awrah? Undoubtedly this is more abhorrent and sinful and leads to greater punishment.

The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:

Is a picture of a woman in her passport or elsewhere ‘awrah or not? Is it acceptable for a woman, if she refuses to have her picture taken, to delegate someone to perform Hajj on her behalf, because she cannot get a passport for that reason? And what is the limit of covering for women according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah?

They replied:

She does not have the right to allow her face to be photographed, whether in a passport or otherwise, because it is ‘awrah, and because having her picture in a passport or elsewhere is a cause of people being tempted because of her. But if she cannot travel for Hajj without doing that, then she is granted a concession allowing her to have her picture taken so that she may perform the obligatory duty of Hajj, and it is not permissible for her to delegate someone else to do it on her behalf. The entire woman is ‘awrah according to the evidence of the Qur'aan and Sunnah, so what she is required to do is to cover all of her body before non-mahrams, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers …”

[al-Noor 24:31]

“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts”

[al-Ahzaab 33:53]

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood. Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (1/718, 719).

In the answer to question no. 13342 we quoted Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzan as saying:

Taking pictures of women is not permitted at all, because of the temptation and evil that results from that, in addition to the fact that taking pictures is forbidden in and of itself. So it is not permissible to take pictures of women when traveling or for any other reason. The Council of Senior Scholars has issued a statement that this is haraam. End quote.

The husband has no excuse for taking pictures of his wife naked because he is her husband. That does not make it permissible for him to do this abhorrent act, and his being away from his wife is not regarded as an excuse for him, because it is haraam to take pictures of women in the first place – we have quoted fatwas of the scholars concerning that – and because of the evil consequences to which it leads. Among the consequences to which keeping pictures of one’s wife when she is naked or immodestly dressed may lead are the following:

1. The husband’s belongings may be stolen or he may lose or forget the picture in a public place, so the picture may be spread far and wide and it may fall into the hands of fools who would make use of the picture to cause more evil and corruption.

2. He and his wife may get divorced, in which case she would become a stranger (non-mahram) to him, in which case it would not be permissible for him to look at her after the divorce which makes her a stranger to him.

3. The husband may use it against his wife. There have been many such cases where the husband uses such things against his wife to make her give up her financial rights or fulfil his haraam desires or keep quiet about his abhorrent actions, and all of that happens because he possesses pictures or a video of her when she is naked or semi-naked.

4. The husband’s looking at a picture of his naked wife when he is away from her will never extinguish his desire, rather the opposite is the case. It will inflame his desires and they cannot be extinguished – in most cases – except by doing haraam actions such as the secret habit – which is the least of them – or zina or homosexuality – Allaah forbid.

So his excuse for taking pictures of his wife and keeping them so he can look at them when he is away from her is unacceptable, and his action is a cause of him falling into haraam, because of the picture-taking itself, and because of the evils to which it leads.

It is not permissible for the husband to take a picture of his wife when she is naked or semi-naked. He should have the attitude of protective jealousy for his honour, and do whatever he can to protect his honour and not neglect it by doing such actions. Similarly, it is not permissible for the wife to agree to do that and she should denounce him and not respond to him.

Allaah has made each spouse a libaas (screen) for the other. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They are Libaas [i.e. body-cover, or screen, or Sakan (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with them) Tafsir] for you and you are the same for them”

[al-Baqarah 2:187]

The husband should pay attention to that: he is a screen for his wife, so how could he seek to uncover her by means of this action when the basic principle is that he should be a screen and conceal her?

The husband should not stay away from his wife and family a great deal, because he needs them and they need him. His wife needs him so that they can keep one another chaste, and the children need him to raise them and look after them. If the husband has to go away and the wife agrees to that, then he must fear Allaah, his Lord, and keep away from anything that may provoke his desire such as mixing with women, being alone with a member of the opposite sex or looking. He should do a lot of acts of worship, especially fasting, and he should choose righteous companions who will guide him to do good and encourage him to obey Allaah.

We ask Allaah to help him to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Virtue of pregnancy, giving birth and breastfeeding

I recently came across some ahadith thatI had never heard before. The subjects which they are talking about are very important to me, so if you could please kindly tell me their status (if they are authentic). The ahadith are listed below, Jazak Allah khair for yor help. 1.The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said; "Homemaking (Allah-willing) raises the station of a woman to the level of those who make Jihad “ (Kanz) 2.The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "The birds in flight, the fish in the rivers, the angels in heaven and the animals in the jungles seek repentance for the woman who is obedient and submits to her husband." 3.The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "O women, the pious among you will enter Paradise before pious men. When the husbands will enter Paradise these women will be presented to their husbands after being bathed and perfumed. These women will be on red and yellow coloured conveyances accompanied by children (as beautiful) as scattered pearls." 4.Addressing Salamah (radhiallaho anha), the nurse of his son Ibrahim (radhiallaho anho), the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said, "Does it not please any one of you that if she conceives by her husband and he is satisfied with her that she receives the reward of fasting and vigil for Allah's sake. And none of the dwellers of Heaven or Earth know about the coolness of her eyes (a unique repose) she will get for the labor pains she suffered. When she delivers, not mouthful of milk flows from her and not an instance of the child's suck, but that she receives for every suck and mouthful, the reward of a good deed. If she is kept awake by her child during the night she receives the reward of freeing seventy slaves for the sake of Allah." The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) then said: "O Sallamah do you know which women are being referred to? Those who despite piety and enjoying a respectable position obey their husbands and do not belittle them.".

Praise be to Allaah.

This hadeeth was narrated by Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him):

Salaamah – the nurse of Ibraaheem, the son of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) – said: O Messenger of Allaah, you give glad tidings of all good to the men and you do not give glad tidings to women. He said: “Have your friends put you up to asking this?” She said: Yes, they told me (to ask). He said: “Doesn’t it please one of you that if she is pregnant from her husband and he was pleased with her, she will have a reward like that of one who fasts and prays qiyaam for the sake of Allaah. When her labour starts, neither the people of heaven nor the people of earth know what is hidden for her of delight, and when she gives birth, not one drop of her milk comes out and (her infant) does not suck once, but for each drop and each suck she will have one hasanah, and if he keeps her awake at night she will have a reward like that of freeing seventy slaves for the sake of Allaah? O Salaamah, do you know who I mean by this? It is the chaste and righteous women who are obedient to their husbands, those who are not ungrateful for kind treatment.”

Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Mu’jam al-Awsat (7/20); Abu Na’eem in Mu’jam al-Sahaabah (no. 7049); Ibn ‘Asaakir in Tareekh Dimashq (43/347); Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat (2/274) and others,

Via Hishaam ibn ‘Ammaar; Abu ‘Ammaar ibn Nusayr told me, from ‘Amr ibn Sa’eed al-Khawlaani, from Anas ibn Maalik.

Then al-Tabaraani said: This hadeeth was not narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) except via this isnaad in which Hishaam ibn ‘Ammaar is the only one who narrated it. End quote.

This is a fabricated, false hadeeth. Ibn Hibbaan ruled it to be fabricated (mawdoo’) in al-Majrooheen (2/34), as did Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat (Baab Thawaab al-Mar’ah idha hamalat wa wada’at, 2/273).

Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said concerning it:

A fabricated hadeeth, with clear signs of being fabricated. The problem with the hadeeth is al-Khawlaani. Al-Dhahabi said: He narrated fabricated reports. Then he quoted this hadeeth. It was narrated by Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat (2/274) from the report of al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat, and he said: Ibn Hibbaan said: ‘Amr ibn Sa’eed who narrated this fabricated hadeeth from Anas: he should not be quoted except by way of giving an example of a fabricated hadeeth. al-Suyooti agreed with him in al-La’aali’ (2/175). It was quoted via al-Khawlaani by Ibn Mandah in al-Ma’rifah (2/329/2) and also by al-Hasan ibn Sufyaan in his Musnad, and also in al-Fayd. End quote.

Al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah (no. 2055).

Anyone who wants to study the Prophet’s hadeeth concerning the virtue of a woman obeying her husband and looking after him should refer to the book by Imam al-Mundhiri entitled al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb. In part three (p. 31) he has a chapter entitled Targheeb al-Zawj fi’l-Wafa’ bi Haqq Zawjatihi wa Husn ‘Ashratiha, wa’l-Mar’ah bi Haqq Zawjiha wa Taa’atihi wa Tarheebuha min Isqaatihi wa Mukhaalafatihi (Encouraging the husband to fulfil his wife’s rights and treat her kindly, and (encouraging) the wife to fulfil her husband’s rights and obey him, and warning her against neglecting his rights and disobeying him).

In this chapter he compiled all the ahaadeeth that have to do with this topic, most of which are saheeh, but some of them are da’eef (weak). The one who wants to read only the reports which the scholars classed as saheeh may read the book called Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb by Shaykh al-Albaani (2/193), and read the same chapter from which the da’eef ahaadeeth have been excluded.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'

Remember when you and your friend were always close and you could tell each other anything? You were the closest to each other and nobody else came between you two?
After some time, you noticed that this friend was acting a bit strange, and they weren't giving you the attention you usually had.. wassup with him/her? you asked yourself. This friend gradually started hanging out with you less and you never spoke to each other that much. They started acting a bit more 'kool' and they felt that you were oldskool..
What if it's a guy, or a gyal? you thought to yourself.. i've never seen them act this strange before.
Turns out, what you thought was right. They wanted to join the scene too and you were left behind, you're still a kid in their eyes but they've grown up. I'm hangin with the bad boyz now, or the 'thuggetez.'
You either had two options; you could do the same, or you could stay quiet and be a good practisin muslim right? Yeah man, you're bare shareef, that's what they all say... you felt uncomfortable with that, but you were scared about what the rentz [parents] would say, so you decided to stay on the back rowz for a bit.
Turns out, this mate that you had - they weren't interested in knowing you no more, they were with their crew and had their gyal/kuri or their thug with them. Man, why did this have to happen to me for.. you thought to yourself. Deep down inside, you were kinda jealous - how come this person got all the popularity, even though you were the 'good one.'?
A little time passed, a while later.. this friend came back to you. He/she was sad, but still you saw your friend was dressed the same way as his/her crew. Hoodie on, and rockiez.. or was it the big hoops and foundation?
"What's up?" you mumbled..
"Nothin much, u?" your friend said.
You were still kinda sad, confused and not sure what was goin on. You wanted to talk to him/her like the times before, but you knew that loads of things had changed now. What if things could get better? You weren't practisin full time, but you knew that dating was wrong, you knew that because you weren't allowed to talk to that gyal/guy on parents evenings when your parents came over to check up on your progress at school..
"I got sumthn to tell you yeah.."
You were confused, not knowing what to do or how to respond..
"Yeah?" you asked.. not knowing what tone of voice to use.
"It's about this person i got to know a little while back..."
You had noticed that your 'friend' had been hangin out with different people for quite a while now.. most weren't upto any good.
"Yeah, well it was this gurlthat i knew.." he said.
You didn't expect your friend to be like this just two years ago, subhan Allaah things really had changed a lot.
What am i supposed to say? you asked yourself..
"er..yeah? what about her?"
"I got to know this person some weeks back, that's what you gota do init to get known. When you got a gurl you get popular.. it was more like a dare if you get meh."
"Oh, ok.. b..but erm, you know its haraam right?"
"Look, i came to you for advice, so hear me out.. they don't understand what i'm goin thru man."
"Yeah..?"
You had noticed that your friend had been effected by these people a lot, the personality was much harsher than before and he swears a lot now too.
"She don't want to talk to me no more.. it wasn't even my fault..."
His face seems sad now, you can see it. Your heart sinks down..
"Who? who doesn't talk to you no more?"
You still care, you don't want your friend to get hurt. Was it the people your friend hung out with, or was it someone else? You had forgotten about the time he turned away from you, because deep down inside you wanted him to come back to talk to you, so you could be friends again.. like before.
Your friend didn't respond, you could see in his face that he actually wanted to control himself.. trying to control the tears from coming out. You knew what had happened, you didn't need to ask any more. Your friend was crying, you could feel his pain..
The heart beats faster.. a big lump in the throat, it hurts... You can't control the tears, they flood out no matter how hard you try to hold them in. Your head hurts. Whether you're a guy or a gurl, its the same.. if it's your first time - you're going to feel this pain. This is what your friend was experiencing.. the cold wind whipped the face, a harsh wind.
" [like when you've been running for so long and you need to rest, otherwise you get a sour/tangy feeling in your muscles
[if you want to get scientific: due to the lack of oxygen and building up of lactic acid]]
This is why you have to close your eyes (to ease that pain), and when you do this - the muscles push against your tear glands which are already building up on the amount of water being produced,[this is the reason for the pain.] and when you close your eyes [the muscles which are holding the tears relax] which releases the water & your eyes overflow with tears."
It doesn't matter what the people think now.. "I tried..i swear.. i really tried.. how can people..d-do this..?" he said.
You can't do nothing, all you can do is watch and make him feel that things will get better with time insha'Allaah. You have to reassure him, you're there for him.. You pass him a tissue, come closer to him.. and give him a hug.
When a person experiences love, their whole life changes and they feel two extremes:
1) a sense of joy which can get so extreme where you feel that you can accomplish anything.
2) the second extreme is feeling hopeless, exhausted and sad because the 'other half' isn't there.
The person usually experiences no.1 when they're with the person that they love or after they've met with them, and the person experiences no.2 if they haven't contacted them for a while, or if it had ended..
When a person really has fallen for a person, they feel that their whole life is surrounded around them. They may even obey that person in matters which contradict islaam, which obviously isn't the right thing to do.
There are 4 types of love in islaam:
1) Divine Love - which is specifically for Allaah alone. And none should be loved divinely more than Allaah.
2) Love for the sake of Allaah, which is love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the companions and the righteous etc.
3a) Love of the permissible: wives/husband, children, parents etc.
b) Love of food, water, clothing etc.
4) Love of any other deity besides Allaah, such as something which contradicts what Allah has ordered us to do etc. which isn't permitted.
1) The person has to have divine love for Allaah only, which is compulsory in islaam. It isn't permitted that a person's love for anything else goes against the commandments of Allaah.
2) We also have to love the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) more than we love ourselves - this is needed in order to perfect faith. [check tafsir ibn kathir Qur'an 9:24]
3) The 3rd love is a permissible love but it can either lead to sin [if the person disobeys Allah in order to please the creation] or it can lead to reward if the believer has the intention of pleasing Allah.
4) The 4th love is what stops a disbeliever from coming closer to Allah, it may be something else worshipped instead of Allah, such as an idol, a person, the persons desires etc. We should seek refuge in Allah from this.
Most people who fall into haraam love usually don't understand islaam properly. They might start off with desire, and gradually be played into falling in love with the person. However, one has to realize that no love is real, no love is really lasting - unless it is done for the sake of Allah. This is why love which is done while disobeying Allah is usually broken, ends up in hurt, and both people usually end up as enemies, or go down other evil after this, unless Allah saves them and blesses them in hidaayah (guidance.)
There was a lecture i heard last year, and in this lecture the brother discussed good and bad endings of people.
There was a man who was waiting to go on a date with his girlfriend, i think he was muslim. He was waiting for her somewhere, but for some reason - she was taking a really long time. He was so desperate to meet her, why was she taking so long? After a while, she came. He was WELL HAPPY! He got so happy, he fell down and.. prostrated to her. What? Yeah, he did that.. but guess what? He never got up after that again. He died in that state. May Allaah protect us. You know what's shocking? We will be raised on the day of judgement on the last position we were in.
Here's a good one though.
There was a woman who was getting prepared on her wedding day. The people were putting her makeup on her, her gel and all that women wear on one of their most special days of their life. She finds out its maghrib salaah (prayer.)
"I need to do my wudhu.."
"You've got your makeup on now, you can't do that now.."
"I have to pray salaah!"
She got up and ran to do her wudhu. She washed off her gel, her makeup. Starts praying maghrib salaah.
What's the last thing she does?
She moves her head to the side to finish her prayer; "Asalaamu 'alykum warahmatulah..." the angel takes away her soul.. that's the last words that come out from her mouth..
What will happen on the day of Resurrection? We'll be raised up on our last physical action that we did.
Ask yourself - What death do I want? Where do I want to die? How do I want to die?

Arguments with her husband – she is asking how to become a righteous wife

I am a new muslimah and am fromthe U.S. I have been raised not to let a man controll me. Now the problem is that my husband is not from here and we tend to argue alot.I know more of the laws and common everyday things more than he does.His english is not that great, so, I have to explain to him sometimes and he is used to how his country and culture are, so, in public I tend to do the talking alot.This makes him mad sometimes but I feel it is the only way to get things done right most of the time. Now we argue alot and I don't know how to be the "wife" that I am supposed to be Islamically. I am still in the learning process, but that is were I have my biggest problem.How can I change that or try to make the problem better.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We praise Allaah for guiding you to Islam, which is the greatest blessing that Allaah can bestow upon His slaves.

We would like to tell you that Allaah has given you rights over your husband, and has enjoined upon you duties towards him. You can read question no. 10680 to find out more about this.

You have to do the duties towards your husband which Allaah has enjoined upon you. Islam regards the husband’s rights as great because of the husband’s great importance in building the Muslim household, and because Allaah has enjoined him (the husband) to look after his family’s interests and take care of them.

The Muslim woman should be wise in her dealings with her husband, because man – usually – is pleased with kind words and appreciates kind treatment. So if that comes from his life-partner, that will have a greater effect. The wise woman must also keep away from all kinds of behaviour that will offend her husband, and rid herself of every kind of action that annoys him, and try not to control him. The man has the role of qawwaam (protector and maintainer), and the responsibility is his. Making him feel that he is falling short in certain situations may make him angry and not treat his wife well. One of them said: “The best wife is the one who knows how to create harmony in her marriage and strikes a balance between obeying and respecting her husband and expressing her own strong personality.”

Your speaking to people on his behalf – because he does not speak your people’s language well – is permissible according to sharee’ah, but as stated above, you have to be wise in doing this. When doing these things you should not make him feel that he is lacking or that he is not important. Rather you should refer to him when speaking to the people, and consult with him, and do not make decisions in his presence without asking his permission. You should do that in front of the people to whom you are speaking so that he will feel that he is important. Try to make him feel that he speaks his own language better than you do, and that you complement one another; and you can help him to learn your language, and he can help you to learn his language.

This is what we advise you to do, and this is what may reduce his anger and stop him from behaving in this manner. It seems that it is only a matter of time, and you have to be careful in handling this situation until he becomes more fluent in your language and is able to do things himself, on his own.

Secondly:

In order to become a good wife, you have to learn what Allaah has enjoined upon you, so that you can do it. You have to know how righteous women behave, their attitude and the way they interact with their husbands. You will need to strive hard until you get used to it, but it is not impossible. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Knowledge comes by learning, and patience comes by trying to be patient. Whoever seeks goodness will be given it, and whoever fears evil will be protected from it.” Narrated by al-Daaraqutni in al-Afraad; this is a hasan hadeet, as was stated by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2328.

Some of these characteristics and attitudes are those of which a wise mother advised her daughter before marriage, which is comprehensive advice. We ask Allaah to help you to achieve this. That mother said to her daughter:

“O my daughter, you are leaving your house in which you grew up, and going to live with a man whom you do not know, a companion whom you are unfamiliar with. Be like a slave woman to him and he will be like a slave to you. Remember ten characteristics which will be a stored treasure for you:

The first and second are to be devoted to him and be content, listen to him and obey.

The third and the fourth are to consider his nose and eyes; do not let him see anything ugly of you, or let him smell anything but a good fragrance.

The fifth and the sixth are consider the time of his sleeping and eating, for hunger burns and disturbance of sleep causes anger.

The seventh and the eighth are to look after his wealth and to take care of his family and his dependents.

The ninth and the tenth are to look after his wealth and take care of his dependents.”

Thirdly:

The husband has to fear Allaah his Lord, and not transgress the rights of his wife. He should give her her rights as Allaah has enjoined upon him. He should realize that people vary, and that what he knows, many people are ignorant of, and what he is ignorant of, many people know. For him to have a wife who will translate for him and show him what will benefit him and how things are done is better for him than having someone with him whom he cannot trust. Knowledge can only be acquired by learning, and the way to learn is by striving and working hard.

Advise him to try to control himself at times of anger, and not to get angry unless you have transgressed one of the sacred limits of Allaah. This is the kind of anger that is regarded as praiseworthy.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Kissing wife in the street in front of people

I am in alot of trouble. I can not ask local Iman because he is not good in his knowledge and i am embarassed to ask friends or family. You see, the problem is I got married recently and I think i might of committed zina with my wife. This is how, we were driving my sisters car and me and wife stopped the car in a quiet place and we kissed alot, quite alot. a man walked passed and he saw us, but we did not stop. i feel i have committed open zina. do we need to pay kafarah, or confess to our elders. my second very very important question is after kissing, i let out (we were both wearing clothes all the time mufti saab) sperm in my underwear. Now i feel very bad because this is my sisters car and she has been driving it after me. i can not wash the car seat as she will get suspicious and confront me. i do not want to lie, now she sits in the car sits on the floor to eat dinner, sits on the sofa, her and her children and i feel very very bad as to what to do. is the car and sofa and place were we sit not clean anymore, and my wife and i are arguing she blames me for worrying. i think she is a bad muslim, because she does not fear Allah, becuase she made me stop the car and kiss, i hate her for that. dear sir, i await your reply as i am disturbed by what has happened, i like to keep paak and clean at all times to please Allah.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Please note that you will never be able to live your life without sins and mistakes. This is the nature of man. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2499; Ibn Maajah, 4251; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. This hadeeth clearly indicates that man will inevitably commit sin, but what matters after that is what he does about his sin. The believer repents to Allaah from all his sins, gives them up and asks Allaah for forgiveness every time he commits a sin, and he regrets doing it and resolves sincerely not to do it again. If you do that, then understand that Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful; He forgives all sins for the righteous believer who repents sincerely and admits his sin humbly before Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Zumar 39:53]

The sin that you have admitted to is not zina with your wife! Rather it is kissing her in front of other people, because there is no zina with one's wife, rather zina is done with a woman whom it is not permissible for a man to touch. But in the case of a wife, it is permissible to touch her.

It is not permissible for a man or a woman to speak to anyone else of what happens between them in bed which no one else should see but them, because of the evils and temptations that result from that and because it opens the door to the shaytaan. This has to do with one who speaks about what he did with his wife, so how about one who does things in front of people where they can see him!

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his Fataawa (10/277) that kissing one’s wife in front of people is not permissible.

Secondly:

As for the expiation for this sin, there is no expiation except sincere repentance and firm resolve not to do it again, and true regret for having committed this sin.

As for confessing to your parents, there is no need for that. The sin that you have admitted to is a sin against Allaah, so confession should be made to Allaah. It is between you and Allaah and you should not tell anyone about it, but be sincere in your repentance to Allaah and Allaah will forgive you. Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

The fact that your wife is the one who told you to do this deed does not mean that she is not a righteous woman or that she does not fear Allaah. You also agreed with her to do it, and you did not stop even when that man saw you. So you should also shoulder your share of responsibility for what you did.

May Allaah help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.


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