Men going to women for massage

I pray daily five times. Sometimes my body pain and I will go for lady massage but not for sex. Is it a sin, if so what is punishment? I need further answer relating to the above.
Praise be to Allaah.

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uhaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows:

It is not permissible for him to give her a massage or for her to give him a massage. Something is bound to happen, especially if they are both young.

Islam came to close all the doors that may lead to temptation and provocation for one or both parties. Massage involves uncovering part of the body and direct touching, so it poses a serious danger of temptation and the provocation of desires. You have to look for male masseurs who can do this for you when you need it it, or let some of your family members learn how to do massage so that they can do that for you. May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

The punishment for zina (fornication, adultery) and how to keep oneself from going back to it

The problem is that I am a young man of thirty years of age. I got to know a girl who is nineteen years old who used all kinds of means to get to know me and get close to me. Without much talk or discussion, she went with me to my flat and I had intercourse with her dozens of times. There was a moment when I felt that I was about to die and I wanted to repent. I went to my father and asked him to get me married, and in fact I got married to a righteous girl from a respectable family. My main aim in marriage was to seek a woman who was religiously-committed, and this is what happened, for she is religious and is the daughter of a respected shaykh.
But my problem has become worse. Despite the fact that I have been successfully married – in everyone else’s eyes – for over a year and a half, I suddenly realized that I still feel love for the first girl with whom I had intercourse, and I am not able to leave her. Since I got married, I have not touched her or gone near her, but not a day goes by without me getting in touch with her by phone, and I do not want to hide from you the fact that I masturbate with my hand while I am speaking to her on the phone. I feel as if I am trapped by this girl and now she is not after me as much as I am after her. When we meet I feel scared to touch her, because I fear going back to zina.
My problem is simply psychological, which is how to discipline [?] myself and convince myself to keep away from this girl for once and for all, even though my wife is more beautiful than her and is better and she does everything she can to keep me chaste. Hence I despair of myself and I do not know how to sort myself out, despite the fact that everyone around me describes me as being good-hearted, loving good for people, shedding tears for the calamities and needs that befall people; they say that I try harder to do good for people than they do themselves, happily and willingly, and without them knowing about that, following the words of the Messenger of Allaah, “A man who gives in charity and conceals it so that his left hand does not know what his right hand is giving.”
Please help me to that I can be content with myself and be a righteous person.

Praise be to Allaah.

We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and that of everyone who is distressed. From your question we may note the following:

1 – The fact that you have cut off the route to the Shaytaan, and are preventing him from continuing to tempt you, by getting married is something commendable, which points – in sha Allaah – to the goodness in your heart.

2 – In order for you to be sincere towards your Lord in your repentance, and so that Allaah may change your bad deeds (sayi’aat) into good deeds (hasanaat), you have to stop thinking about the first woman. Do not follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and do not get carried away thinking about her, let alone speaking to her on the telephone, let alone meeting her, let alone doing anything that is more serious than that.

3 – Since it was thinking of death that led you to leave the first woman and get married, you should never stop thinking of it. This is the best advice a person may be given, whether he is falling short in obeying Allaah, or he is doing something that earns the wrath of Allaah. This is what gives the one who is falling short the motive to strive, because when death comes, good deeds are no longer recorded. It also gives the one who is doing evil actions the motive to stop and give them up, because a person’s deeds are judged according to his last deeds. It is sufficient for you to think of one thing: what if Allaah were to take your soul when you were masturbating while talking to this woman? What if Allaah were to take your soul when you were having unlawful intercourse with her?

My brother, think about it. Do you want to come out of your grave on the day when mankind is resurrected, holding onto your private part? Do you not see the great difference between this and between being resurrected prostrating or reciting the Talbiyah (as on Hajj or ‘Umrah) or remembering Allaah?

4 – The way in which you describe yourself makes us feel that there is much that is good in you, so beware of losing the reward for this goodness by having a bad end. Beware of depriving yourself of the reward for these virtues by committing such a major sin that will bring the wrath of your Lord upon you.

5 – You have no excuse for this relationship, for you are married to a woman who – as you say – is more beautiful and is better than the first one, so why not thank Allaah for giving you a halaal means of satisfying your desires? Why are you not content with that which Allaah has decreed for you of permissible things?

Your sin in doing these haraam deeds is worse than if you were not married. You are not single, rather Allaah has blessed you with the means of satisfying your desires in a permissible way. So whenever the Shaytaan makes you think of her (the first woman), go to your wife and seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan.

6 – We give you the best advice, which is to make du’aa’. Get up in the latter part of the night and beseech your Lord, submitting yourself to Him and humbling yourself before His Majesty, asking Him to rid you of the problem. Turn to your Lord and call upon Him, for He is the best One to be asked – may He be glorified – and He does not turn away His slaves if they are sincere.

7 – Do you know that by thinking of this girl, getting in touch with her and meeting her, the Shaytaan may cause you to fall into that which you did before? I hope that you will not be over-confident and think that you will be able to resist, for the one who is ruled by his desires is weak, and whoever walks for a few steps with the Shaytaan will walk with him to the end. But you should know that you are incurring the wrath of the Compeller (al-Jabbaar) and that you are committing one of the gravest acts of disobedience against Allaah after shirk.

Imaam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: I do not know of any sin after murder that is worse than zina, and he quoted as evidence the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood who said: “O Messenger of Allaah, which sin is the worst?” He said, “Setting up a rival to Allaah when He is the One Who created you.” [‘Abd-Allaah] said: “Then what?” He said, “Killing your child for fear that he may eat with you.” [‘Abd-Allaah] said, “Then what?” He said, “Committing adultery with your neighbour’s wife.” And confirmation of that was revealed in the Qur’aan:

“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment”
[al-Furqaan 25:68]

You must also understand the effects that zina has on the soul (or on one’s psyche). Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Zina encompasses all the characteristics of evil: lack of religious commitment, loss of piety, loss of chivalry, lack of protective jealousy (gheerah). You will not find any adulterer who is pious, or keeps his promises, or speaks truthfully, or is a good friend, or has complete protective jealousy towards his family. Treachery, lying, betrayal, lack of modesty, lack of awareness that Allaah is always watching, lack of chivalry, loss of protective jealousy from the heart – these are the effects and implications of zina.

One of the effects of zina is that it earns the wrath of Allaah because His sacred limits are transgressed. If a man were to do such a thing to any king, he would meet the direst consequences. Another effect of zina is the darkening of the face, and the grimness and misert of face that are apparent to other people. Another effect of zina is darkness of the heart and the extinguishing of its light, which is what causes the extinguishing of light in the face and the darkening thereof. Another effect of zina is the poverty that it leads to. Another effect of zina is the loss of respect towards the one who does it, and the lowering of his status in the eyes of his Lord and in the eyes of His slaves. Another effect of zina is that is causes him to lose the best of attributes, namely chastity, goodness and righteousness, and it earns him their opposites, namely immorality, evildoing, adultery and betrayal. Another effect of zina is that it causes him to lose the title of believer, as it was narrated in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No adulterer is a believer at the moment when he is committing adultery.” Another of the effects of zina is that it exposes one to the possibility of being one of the inhabitants of the oven (tannoor) in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw the adulterers and adulteresses. Another of the effects of zina is that it takes away the goodness which Allaah described as the attribute of those who are chaste, and replaces it with the evil which Allaah described as the attribute of the adulterers, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women)”

[al-Noor 24:26]

Allaah has forbidden Paradise to every evil person, and He has made Paradise the abode of the good, and no one will enter it but those who are good. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Those whose lives the angels take while they are in a pious state (i.e. pure from all evil, and worshipping none but Allaah Alone) saying (to them): Salaamun ‘Alaykum (peace be on you) enter you Paradise, because of that (the good) which you used to do (in the world)”

[al-Nahl 16:32]

“and its keepers will say: Salaamun ‘Alaykum (peace be upon you)! You have done well, so enter here to abide therein”

[al-Zumar 39:73]

So they will deserve the greeting of the angels and admission to Paradise because of their goodness. But the adulterers are among the most evil of creation, and Allaah has made Hell the abode of evil and its people. When the Day of Resurrection comes, the evil will be distinct from the good, and the evil will be piled up together, then it and its people will be thrown into Hell. No one who is good will enter Hell and no one who is evil will enter Paradise. Another of the effects of zina is the sense of alienation which Allaah instills in the heart of the adulterer, and this is like the alienation that shows on his face. For the one who is chaste has sweetness in his face and contentment in his heart, and whoever sits with him feels at ease with him. But the adulterer has signs of alienation in his face and whoever sits with him will feel uneasy. Another of the effects of zina is lack of respect, as his family, friends and others lose respect for him, and he becomes the most despicable thing in their sight; this is in contrast to the chaste person, who is blessed with dignity and sweetness. Another of the effects of zina is that people will regard him as a traitor and no one will trust him with regard to his wife or child. Another of the effects of zina is the foul odour that will emanate from him and be detected by everyone who has a sound heart; it will emanate from his mouth and body, and were it not for the fact that there are all the people have a similar odour, that smell would spread far and wide.

Another of the effects of zina is that he will feel uneasy and distressed, for adulterers are doing the opposite of what they are seeking. Whoever seeks the enjoyment and good things of life by means of that which Allaah has forbidden, Allaah will punish him by letting him get the opposite of that which he is trying to achieve. For that which is with Allaah can only be attained by obeying Him, and Allaah never makes disobedience towards Him the means of attaining anything good. If the immoral person only knew what delight, happiness, ease and good living there is in chastity, he would realize that the delights that he has missed out on are many times greater than those which he may have enjoyed, let alone the consequences in the Hereafter, when the chaste person will attain the reward of Allaah and will be honoured by Him. Another of the effects of zina is that he has exposed himself to missing out on the delights of al-hoor al-‘iyn in the beautiful abodes of the Garden of Eden (Jannaat ‘Adan). We have stated above that Allaah will punish those who wear silk in this world by depriving them of it on the Day of Resurrection, and He will punish those who drink wine in this world by depriving them of it on the Day of Resurrection. Similarly, those who enjoy forbidden images in this world will also be deprived of such in the Hereafter. Indeed, everything that a person gets in this world, if he indulges in it by permissible means, his share of it on the Day of Resurrection will be reduced to the extent that he indulged in it. And if he got it from haraam sources, he will lose out on it altogether on the Day of Resurrection. Another of the effects of zina is that zina leads to cutting the ties of kinship, disobedience towards parents, haraam earnings, mistreating others, neglect of one's wife and children, and it may even lead a person to shed blood unlawfully. He may seek help to commit zina by means of sihr (witchcraft) and shirk, and he may or not know that this sin inevitably includes other sins committed beforehand or alongside it, and that it leads to other kinds of sins that come after it. It is surrounded by a host of other sins that come before and after. It is the thing that is most likely to bring about evil in this world and the Hereafter, and the most likely to prevent good in this world and in the Hereafter. If a person falls into its traps and snares, it will be hard for sincere people to save him and for doctors to treat him; its prisoner cannot easily be ransomed, and its victim cannot be rescued. It also leads to the loss of blessings. If a person falls into this trap, let him bid farewell to the blessings of Allaah, for blessings may easily depart from a person and vanish. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“That is so because Allaah will never change a grace which He has bestowed on a people until they change what is in their ownselves. And verily, Allaah is All-Hearer, All‑Knower”

[al-Anfaal 8:53]

“But when Allaah wills a people’s punishment, there can be no turning back of it, and they will find besides Him no protector”

[al-Ra’d 13:10]

These are some of the harmful effects of this action.

Rawdat al-Muhibbeen, p. 360-363

We advise you to read a book by Ibn al-Qayyim which is very useful with regard to this topic. It is al-Jawaab al-Kaafi li man sa’ala ‘ala al-Dawaa’ al-Shaafi.

Finally, we ask Allaah to keep you safe and sound with regard to your religious commitment and your worldly affairs, and to help you put your affairs in order before you meet your Lord. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Sex Education in Islam

At the time of the prophet, muslims men and women were never too shy to ask the prophet about all affairs, including such private affairs as sexual life, so as to know the teachings and rulings of their religion concerning them. As Aisha, the wife of the prophet testified, "Blessed are the women of the Ansar (the citizens of Madina). Shyness did not stand in their way seeking knowledge about their religion." (All except Termizi
The way the ladies asked the prophet-directly or through his wives is a proof that sexual matters were not taboo but were fully acknowldged and respected. "Shyness is part of the faith" as the prophet taught, but he also taught "There is no shyness in matters of religion" even entailing the delicate aspects of sexual life.

It is our firm belief that facts about sex should be taught to children in a way commensurate with their age as they grow up both by the family and the school. We emphasize that this should be done within the total context of Islamic ideology and Islamic teaching, so that the youth-beside getting the correct physiologic knowledge become fully aware on the sanctity of the sexual relation in Islam and the grave sin of blemishing such sanctity whether under Islamic law, or far more important in the sight of God. Provided the Islamic conscience is developed we see no reason to shun sex education (unfortunately the rule in many muslim countries), and we believe it is better to give the correct teaching rather than leave this to chance and to incorrect sources and to the concomitant feeling of guilt by the hush-hush atmosphere in which this is done.

Teaching about sex should also have its presence in the curricula of medical schools. We have done this in our medical school as part of the gynaecology and obstetrics program. We had no difficulty whatsoever with our religious and rather conservative men and women students, for the subject is given within an Islamic perspective.

Sex is an important area of marital life, and when people are in trouble they have only the doctor to resort to: and unless the doctor has had some basic teaching of sex, he or she will be quite helpless to help out. Sexual problems may manifest as strained family relations, psychosomatic symptoms or infertility. Medical treatment may affect sex such as some antihypertensive or antidepressant drugs. Sexual counsel is often a neglected aspect of managing such varied diseases as coronary thrombosis, diabetes, incipient heart failure etc. The role of lack of sexual education in some cases of infertility is well known. Surgery may influence sex in men and women. A carelessly repaired episiotomy, or colporrhaphy may have a devastating effect on marital happinnes. The psychological premath and after-math of the operation of hysterectomy is only too well known. On top of all of this, muslim women patients would wish to know the religious ruling on the multitude of gynaecological and obstetric situations relating to worship, and their reference is their doctor. It is therefore a religious, dictate that medical education preparing doctors who will cater for the needs of muslim communities, should equip them with the knowledge necessary to answer this need.

By Dr. Shahid Athar ( Shahid Athar, M.D., F.A.C.P., F.A.C.E. is a practicing Endocrinologist,= Clinical Associate Professor at Indiana University School of Medicine. He is author of Isla= mic Perspectives in Sex Education, (Kazi) which can be read at http://www.Islam-USA.com)

Is watching pornography with one's wife Permissible?

Pornography is prohibited in islam. How big a sin is "watching" pornographic material with your wife once in a while?
Praise be to Allaah.
Watching pornography is forbidden, whether a person is married or not. The one who does that has to repent to Allaah. How can a person watch such things with his wife and he can he permit her to watch it too? Women are weak and are easily influenced; indeed watching such things may lead to problems between the spouses which may end up in divorce – Allaah forbid. Undoubtedly if a man approves of such a thing he is lacking in gheerah (protective jealousy), which is what distinguishes a Muslim from others, from kaafirs and duyooths (cuckolds) who approve of obscenity and immorality in their families. Moreover, watching such material makes one take the matter of immorality lightly and encourages promiscuity. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. Let the one who has committed such a sin beware of the punishment of Allaah; let him hasten to repent. He should be keen to look for anything that may help his wife to remain chaste, not for things that will encourage immoral actions. And Allaah knows best.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

SEX, VIAGRA, AND ISLAM

The desire to have a better sexual performance for men is again, not a new preoccupation. Muslim Hakims (traditional physicians') have been working on medications for over one thousand years trying to achieve a magic love pill. Now that this "love pill" seemingly has arrived, wealthy Muslims' are ecstatic. Viagra which is sold around $10 per pill in the U.S.A., is being sold at $100 per pill on the black market in Saudi Arabia. Kuwait recently had allowed the sale at about $49 per pill officially. The grand religious scholar of Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Baaz has allowed it to be used by men if it does not cause any harm to the body.

Recently a visitor from Pakistan wanted to get some samples of Viagra, and I asked him why. He stated " that he wanted to give them as a gift to his boss". Obviously, he did not get the gift.

Sexual desire is a gift from God, just like all other desires that He has built in us. It is not our fault that we get aroused at sexual thoughts. These are built in physiology. In order to have a legitimate outlet for this built in desire, God has created mates for us.

Quran says, "He that created you mates from among yourselves that you can dwell in them in tranquility". (30:21)
Sex outside of marriage is not permitted in Islam.

Impotency is a disease and should be dealt with as any disease. To seek a cure for a disease is advised by Prophet Mohammed (P) who said that "God has created no disease unless he created a cure for it as well, except old age". Thus, before we physicians' start a new treatment, we either must find out the cause for impotency which could be vascular, neurogenic, infection, diabetes, or hormonal deficiency. To treat all the causes with one type of treatment would be wrong, and that is why many patients' on Viagra do not respond because they have not been screened properly to see if they would be good candidates. In addition, if the mental stimulation is not present before, then Viagra alone will not achieve the desired results as the brain is the most important sex organ.

The appropriate way for a man to deal with this is to see his physician for a thorough evaluation, hormone testing, and psychological testing. There is some suggestion that patient's who may have underlying coronary artery disease, who have not been actively involved in sex, should be screened first for coronary artery disease before using Viagra. About 20 men have died after sex while taking Viagra. It is not clear that any of these deaths were directly related to Viagra.

I see several social problems in the use of Viagra indiscriminately. It may lead to more sexual promiscuity and infidelity. Recently and old man in New York who used Viagra, left his wife and then went for a much younger lady. His wife sued the company. It is also being called "the party drug", or the "love pill", and it is being distributed by some of the night clubs. What is the difference between getting high on marijuana and cocaine, or on Viagra? Many women are also complaining that they are being subject to Viagra attacks by their husbands' and boyfriends even if they are not in a mood.

Sex is an expression and extension of love. In the absence of love, sex becomes a boring routine. Forced sex even in marriage is rape. Instead of trying to achieve potency, men should try to achieve love and respect for and from their wives. Prophet Mohammed (P), who was ahead of his time, had encouraged foreplay before intercourse saying "Do not attack your women like a wild beast, but send a message before". He also was known to have said, "Do not leave her before she is satisfied". Thus Islamic sexuality is based on nature and not attempting to achieve a quick result. The human body is a wonderful creation of God, but not a sex machine. It will not run better on a high octane oil or any potency drug.

By Dr. Shahid Athar ( Shahid Athar, M.D., F.A.C.P., F.A.C.E. is a practicing Endocrinologist,= Clinical Associate Professor at Indiana University School of Medicine. He is author of Isla= mic Perspectives in Sex Education, (Kazi) which can be read at http://www.Islam-USA.com)

If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent

Remember that the rib is bent
The good Muslim husband should keep in mind that women of the world always come with their shortcomings - they are, at times, cranky, emotional, irrational, moody, sharp-tongued, gullible and prone to tattle. They have two hormones gushing in their bodies, as a result of which their moods and feelings swing between extremities like a pendulum. Put up with her irrational behavior - the unjust accusations, suspicion, complaining, crying, screaming, and shouting - for the sake of Allah. Remember that Allah made her that way - i.e. she's beautiful to behold; you can't do without her company; the house seems desolate when she leaves; but when she's with you, she will display her negative traits too. Be patient and overlook them.

Narrated Abu Hurairah [may Allah be pleased with him], Allah's Messenger [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] said:
"Woman was created from a bent rib. If you want to enjoy her, you enjoy her while she is still bent. If you will try to straighten her, you will break her."
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim]

Is LOVE Before MARRIAGE Better?

What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage?

Praise be to Allaah.

The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other.

If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:
The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”
But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.
Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.
Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.
With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)
But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/23420

An invalid marriage contract must be done again, even if ten years have passed

My question is that we know that a girl’s marriage without the consent of the guardian is invalid according to the shareeah. Then there are a lot of cases where the couple have eloped and got married. My question is, if the marriage is invalid, how do these people make it valid, lets say after 5 years of marriage or 10years of marriage and they have children now.
My other question is that if a couple runs away and gets married and then after certain period, lets say 2years or 4years the parents then give consent or come to acceptance of their marriage, then is the marriage valid.

How do some one make this marriage valid?

Praise be to Allaah.
If a woman gets married without the consent of her wali (guardian), her marriage is invalid and is not valid even if ten years have passed and even if they have children. It is essential to repeat the marriage contract after her guardian’s approval is obtained, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no valid marriage without a wali and two witnesses.” (Narrated by Ahmad and the authors of Sunan except al-Nasaa’i. See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558).

There is a stern warning against a woman who arranges her own marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman should not arrange another woman’s marriage and a woman should not arrange her own marriage, for the zaaniyah (adulteress) is the one who arranges her own marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298).

With regard to the second question, which has to do with the approval of the wali; in this case it is essential to repeat the marriage contract, because the first nikaah was not valid. The couple must also repent sincerely to Allaah for what they have done, and Allaah is Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Marrying a woman who is not CHASTE

I am in state of confusion. I am engaged, i love my fiancee however before engage, she used to act like Canadian girls which i knew but smoked cigarette etc while she was in high school I did not know. When we got engaged she told me that she loved and was crazy about this guy but never had a boyfriend, she used to hung around with rougth bad and black guys just like friends and she is virgin, she escaped so many school days and the reason is that she used sat with friend in the back of school or in their house watching Indian movies and used smoke because her friend led her to this path. HOwever, she stopped everything after we got engaged. But I did not liked these things she said and i start disliking her little by little because i thought she is lying to me. The quesiton is i always thougth to myself that a girl like her being so open to guys, wearing open cloths and her parenth did not care much how come she would not have a boyfriend(in this easthern society)it is impossible. As a result, everyday i start to hate(dislike) her and we had alot of fights. As a result, i used to worked in a restaurant and there, i meet a girl and right after a week i sleep with her for one night, i don't know how it happened but it did. I repent for my bad deeds because i see my fiancee is very sincere to me after we have engaged. My question is brother, what should i do, how i could solve this issue in my life. I really need help?.
Praise be to Allaah.
If the women was as you describe before you got engaged, then it is not permissible to marry her unless she repents sincerely for the sake of Allaah, not for the purpose of getting engaged to you. If you see that she has repented and regrets what she did, and that she is serious about keeping away from non-mahram men and avoiding being alone with them, then it is permissible for you to marry her.

My advice to you is to look for a righteous and chaste women, for a righteous wife will bring you happiness in this world and will be one of the means of your salvation in the Hereafter, because she will one day be the mother of your children, and she will guard your honour and your wealth, and in that way there will be the love, compassion and tranquility that form the basis of marital happiness. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy”
[al-Room 30:21]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are married for four reasons: wealth, beauty, lineage and religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3/242; Muslim, 2/1086.

According to another hadeeth: “This world is temporary pleasures and the best of the temporary pleasures of this world is a righteous wife.” Narrated by Muslim, 2668.

With regard to what you mention about what happened with that other girl, praise be to Allaah for having enabled you to repent. This is the bounty of Allaah towards you. You have to strive to control yourself and avoid the things which lead to such serious consequences.

We wish to point out that repentance must be for the sake of Allaah, not for the sake of your fiancée and so that she will be sincere towards you. So we advise you to renew your repentance and to pray for forgiveness and to make a promise to Allaah not to do such a thing again.

I also offer the following advice, and hope that Allaah will benefit you thereby:

1 – Lower your gaze and do not look at that which Allaah has forbidden.

2 – Keep yourself busy with reading Qur’aan and hadeeth, stories of the righteous, the scholars and ascetics.

3 – Beware of being alone with women who are not mahrams.

4 – Keep company with righteous people who will help you with religious and worldly matters.

5 – Beware of listening to music and songs, for they are a means that lead to zina.

6 – Strive to offer prayers regularly with the Muslims, and strive to observe all the essential parts of prayer with proper focus and humility, and having wudoo’, for it keeps one away from evil actions, and those who observe regular prayer are the ones who will succeed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Successful indeed are the believers.
Those who offer their Salaah (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:1]

May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good, and may He make things easy for you.
Islam Q&A

Why is it forbidden for a man and a woman who are not mahrams to have a relationship?

Praise be to Allaah.

Islam forbids a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman (one who is not his wife or a close relative) even if he is teaching her the Qur’aan, which is the Book of Allaah, That is because the Shaytaan (Satan) would come between them. The Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan will be the third one present.” If this woman wants to hear about Islam and read about it in detail, she can look at books about Islam that have been translated into different languages, so she can take the language that she understands, then if she understands what attracts her to Islam, she can become Muslim. If she does not understand something and wants someone to explain it to her, it is permissible (for her to speak to a man) so long as there is no khulwah (being alone with a member of the opposite sex) involved – so she could have a mahram (close relative) with her, or a group of women, and the man should be a trustworthy Muslim, or a group of trustworthy men who could sit with this woman and teach her about Islam so that she can understand it and proof be established for her. This is permitted.

Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen

Allaah wants to make the Muslims pure, hence He forbade them all means that may lead to evil, immorality and obscenity. You know that if a man is alone with a woman and starts a relationship with her, this relationship often leads to bad consequences, and that being alone with a member of the opposite sex is the way to immorality and fornication. It is not permissible for a man to praise himself and say, “I will be not affected by being alone with a woman.” Islam does not allow the opportunity for things to get out hand; it keeps people away from the steps that might lead to that in the first place. The rulings of sharee’ah were revealed for all people, it is not the point that there are cases of khulwah which do not lead to haraam actions such as touching and kissing. Why should a person expose himself to temptation?

Is it not the truth that if a man is alone with a non-mahram woman and there is no one else present, that something may cross the mind of either of them, even if nothing actually happens. But frequent meetings may indeed lead to something happening.

In this case, sharee’ah closes all doors that may lead to evil.
If a woman needs to speak to a man for a genuine reason, or vice versa, then that may be achieved by sending letters, without having to meet, or they may meet from behind a screen, or in the presence of others so that no khulwah will be involved. This is provided that both are modest and wear concealing garments.
And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.

Islam Q&A

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid