I have been married for a few years. During the first two years I was happy with my marriage and I loved my wife, but after that I started to feel that I disliked my wife. That is not because of religion, because she is religiously committed and has a good character, praise be to Allaah. Rather it has to do with her beauty, because she is not beautiful enough to keep me chaste and make me lower my gaze. I am afraid of mistreating her because I do not feel happy with her and sometimes I frown at her for no reason. The problem is that I cannot marry another wife because I am not financially able. I thought of taking a loan in order to marry but then I would be living in poverty because of the loan. I have thought a lot about divorcing her and letting her go in kindness and replacing her with another, but I have children from her and she loves me a lot. I have thought about this a great deal and it is disturbing my sleep, because I do not know what to do. What should I do, may Allaah reward you.
Praise be to Allaah.
My dear brother, I appreciate your confidence in me and I ask Allaah to make us and you strong and steadfast, and to guide us. With regard to your question, I offer the following comments:
1 – The problem you have is not with regard to marrying a second wife, or divorcing your wife. The problem, as you mention, is a financial problem. So long as you are not able to marry another wife, then you should keep the wife with whom Allaah has blessed you.
2 – Whenever you are able and have the financial means, and praise be to Allaah that He has permitted plural marriage to you… In my opinion that is easier for a woman to bear than divorce, especially since you have children from her.
3 – Try to look at the matter from a different angle. You may find many positive things in her, and beauty is not everything, believe me. How she behaves and treats you… and many things which are ultimately more important than appearance. For with time you will get used to her appearance, and how she behaves will be what matters…
4 – Imagine that you find a very beautiful woman and marry her… then she starts to treat you in an arrogant or impolite manner… or she treats you and your family badly… what would you do?!
5 – You should be objective and not burden yourself with more than you can bear. Look at the matter from different aspects. “it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’ 4:19 – interpretation of the meaning]. And remember the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Look for one [a wife] who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!”
May Allaah help you, protect you and make you steadfast in following the path of goodness and truth.
Answered by Ahmad al-Muqbil
www.islamqa.com
Hi buddy!
ReplyDeleteYour call for help looks sincere and fair, not that much so what the old bloke answered you.
I do not know how your wife looks like. But the fact that you have child implies that you used to have sex with her, maybe even loved her.
So, assuming she is not utterly ugly, and taking at a face value that you either cannot, or do not want not leave her (I recommend 2nd option), my comment is: This is COMPLETLEY normal development, after initial infatuation wears down.
Next step, for unhappy couples, is to gradually cool the passion and affection, heading towards divorce in ca 10 years, or towards hell called "ordinary family".
For happy couples - Work together to replace just copulation by Art of Love, I maean, by eroticism, hedonism, mutual sharing of the Wonderful Adventure Sex can be.
The steps.
Comunicate with each other and as partners, your deepest sexual desires, your most hidden kinks. It may take time - sweaten it with mutual kindness, do some marihuana, drink a good wine (+ fruits and sftuff).
Watch porno together...
Find up how you fint with her's, and how she fits yours.
After you find up, Explore.
As partners, conspirators, united in sin.
Should I continue?
brother!!!refrain from marrying if you cannot give your current family a good life.as far as your wife is concerned, she is your children's mother, she loves you and that means she is doing hard work in her marriage. what if she doesnt like your appearance? appearance is not everything,count her good points and if she has at least 3 good points start loving her.nothing kills a woman from the inside more than another woman in her husband's life.try to work this marriage out and think of all the blessings that you will get from Allah by making this decision.i am a woman and you should think from a womans perspective sometime so you remain just with your wife.
ReplyDeleteBrother there are literally hundreds and thousands of men out there who are sad because their wives speak rudely with them.. either their wives don't care about them or are firm with them..
ReplyDeleteBrother be thankful to Allah subhanahu wa taa'ala who has Alhamdulillah blessed you with such a good wife. Be thankful to him, and when you thank Allah for something, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala puts barakah in it.
InshaAllah pray to Allah that he puts her love in your heart inshaAllah. Because he alone puts love in hearts and he alone can make the worst looking lady on earth look like the world's most beautiful women. Its in his reach. He has power over all things!!
And please try and make youself also the best muslim you can be and care about the coming life.
InshaAllah if you have pious wife, she will help you and you can help her in return to become a good Muslim, and when inshaAllah both of you enter Jannah, you will see that your wife will be 70,000 times (seventy thousand!! not seven, not seventy, not seven hundred.. note seven seven thousand, but seventy THOUSAND times) more beautiful than any H'ur of the jannah.
Don't be thankless to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala for the blessing he has made on you.
Fa jazakallahu Khair
Wa aalaikum us salam..
Warahmatullahe Wabaraktuh.
That's a bit harsh..you should of made your mind up when you first agreed to marry her. Surely she cant be that ugly and replusive?
ReplyDeleteNot everyone is perfect, i'm sure there are many imperfections in you but that does not mean go and marry another person. What is the world coming to?
bro, Common beauty and personnel beauty is v different. If you see anything more in positive. You will see the beauty. Some time beauty comes out of nothing. masaALLAH.
ReplyDeleteHi brother first of all you shoild think about Allah and thank him.You have forgotten the gift given to you by Allah.You should thank to him thousand times.Allah has given you a beautiful wife and a good mother to your kids.She is religious ,has a good character and make prayer to Allah.What else you need?Beauty is only temporary.The most beautiful thing in a woman is her character and how she cares you and your kids and family.I married a very beautiful girl and have there kids from her.I am also better than average physically and financially.But from the first few weeks of my marriage she started abusing me verbally and physically and emotionally.She do not follow her prayers properly and get always attracted to worldy thing.She wants a very luxurious life and demands to fulfill her materialistic needs beyond my capasity.Because of that life became hell for me.She also used sex as a weapon to toture me emotionally.If I say something against her she will not sleep with me on same bet for weeks.For me it became a severe mental toture.Not only that but she talks wrong things about me to her family members.She used abusive language and illtreat me in every aspect.She would speak to other men in a very loving an passionate way in front of me.She used abusive language in front of my kids.She scold me so loudly that my whole neighbours can hear.Initially when she get angry she would go to my sons room and sleep on his bed.i told that is very wrong but she did not listen.This continued for years and my son growing and reached 10 years and he started to get involved physically with get then she realized her mistake.But still then she used sex as her strong weapon against me.When she get angry she demand divorce but I didnt divorce her.Then she would beat me when I fall asleep.Onday she brought a knife and tried to kill me because i didnt divorce her.But my kids save me.To fulfill her needs she emotionally blackmails me.life became a living hell.But I took good care of her and my lovely kids.I gave each and everything they demanded.But she wants a very luxurious life beyond my capacity.At last she took me to court and told so many lies against me and took divorce from me after 17 years of marriage.To day she has killed me my inner self.Today I am alive but dead inside.My brother you have got a gem.As you grow old you need a good companion not a sex diva to take care of you.Learn to control your sex fantasy and come to face the reality of life.
ReplyDelete