Showing affection infront of kids

In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāh wa-barakātuh.

As part of the tarbiyah (proper upbringing) of a child, parents must teach their children about love, kindness, and affection. The children will learn these characteristics when they see how their parents care for them, hug and kiss them, and always look out for their best interests. Such actions towards the children will instill these noble characteristics in them, as well.

Furthermore, the children will also observe the love between their parents in the way that the couple behaves with gentleness and kindness towards each other. It is not necessary for the parents to display physical acts of affection in front of the children. Children are smart enough to recognize the love and affection between their parents without ever needing to see them engage in physical acts of affection.

In fact, the parents should avoid displaying physical acts of affection, such as intimate hugging and kissing, in front of their children in order to instill the principles on hayā’ (modesty, shame) in them. Rather, they should focus on their akhlāq (character) and behavior with each other, as well as with the children.

And Allāh knows best.

pls read this. Kissing on the mouth among women

I have an important question which I hope you will answer. Please excuse us for this question, but we need to explain it to you so that we may avoid something haraam.
It has become very common among girls who claim Islamic sisterhood to kiss one another in an exaggerated fashion, such as kissing on the mouth or elsewhere, and they claim that this is part of complete love. When we explain to them that it is haraam, they say that there is no shar’i evidence to show that it is haraam, and that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to bite the tongue of Zayd ibn Haarithah, and that they are prepared to stop doing this if they are shown any shar’i evidence that it is haraam.


Praise be to Allaah.

In order to establish a shar’i ruling, it is not essential that there be a text which speaks specifically of it in a Qur’aanic verse or a hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). There is no end to issues and new matters. Hence Islam has set out basic principles which cover thousands of issues and explain their rulings. These major principles include the principle of sadd al-dharaa’i (blocking the means). In I’laam al-Muwaqqi’een, Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned ninety-nine texts from the Qur’aan and Sunnah which point to the soundness of this principle. What is meant by “blocking the means” is that everything that is a means that leads to falling into something haraam is also forbidden, even if it is permissible in principal.

It is well known that Islam closes the door to things that lead to immorality, whether it is zina or perversions thereof such as homosexuality or lesbianism. Among the ways in which it has closed the door to that are the following:

Forbidding men to look at women and vice versa, forbidding a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman or to shake hands with her, forbidding a woman to travel alone, and so on. Another example is the way in which Islam closes the door to perversion and immorality that may occur between males or between women, so Islam forbids a woman to look at the ‘awrah of another woman, or a man to look at the ‘awrah of another man; it forbids sleeping in one bed beneath one cover; and it forbids looking, touching and kissing if that is done with desire, even between one woman and another, or between one man and another.

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should look at the ‘awrah of another man, and no woman should look at the ‘awrah of another woman. No man should lie down with another man beneath a single cover, and no woman should lie down with another woman beneath a single cover.” Narrated by Muslim (338).

The scholars have also clearly stated that this applies even between mahrams (close blood relatives). They have stated that it is forbidden for a father to kiss his daughter on the mouth and that it is even more forbidden for a brother to kiss his sister on the mouth, let alone other relatives.

Imam Ahmad was asked about a man kissing a woman who is his mahram. He said: If he has come from a journey and he does not fear that there may be any temptation. Ibn Muflih said: But he should never do that on the mouth; it should be on the cheek or on the head.

Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah (2/256)

Imam Ahmad has mentioned the following limitations with regard to kissing mahrams:

1 – There should be a special reason for it, such as having come from a journey.

2 – There should be no risk of fitnah (temptation).

Ibn Muflih (may Allaah have mercy on him) has explained an important point which is that there should be no kissing on the mouth, rather it should be on the cheek or head, because kissing the mouth has to do with desire, not the kissing of emotion such as that of a father or brother. This is clear to anyone who thinks about it.

In al-Iqnaa’ (3/156) it says:

There is nothing wrong with one who has come from a journey kissing his female mahrams, so long as he does not fear that there may be any temptation, but he should not kiss on the mouth, rather it should be on the forehead or head. End quote.

In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (13/130) it says:

It is not permissible for a man to kiss the mouth or hand or anything else of another man, or for a woman to kiss another woman, or to embrace or touch their bodies, etc, if that is done by way of desire. There is no difference of opinion among the fuqaha’ on this matter …

But if that is not done on the mouth, and it is done by way of respect and honouring, or to express emotion upon meeting and parting, then there is nothing wrong with it. End quote.

If these are the words of our scholars and imams with regard to kissing mahrams such as a daughter, then how can they allow non-mahram females to kiss one another on the mouth on a daily basis, with no reason such as travelling or a lengthy absence?
It should be noted that we cannot find the hadeeth mentioned in the question about the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) biting the tongue of Zayd ibn Haarithah, and we do not know where this comes from.

In al-Tirmidhi (2732) it is narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: Zayd ibn Haarithah came to Madeenah and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was in my house. He came to him and knocked at the door, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stood up and embraced him and kissed him.

But this is a da’eef (weak) hadeeth, which was classed as such by al-Albaani in Da’eef al-Tirmidhi.


And Allaah knows best.
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My wife is not very interested in intercourse.

I am a man of a strong desire. I like to have intercourse everyday. When I try to start it with my wife, she refuses for weak reasons like saying she is tired or lazy to make ghusl or because she wants to delay it to next day. So I have intercourse with her only twice a week. I cannot be patient. So I have to masturbate by my hand fearing to fall into adultery. Although I know it is haram, I masturbate about three times a week while my wife is beside me and she knows what I am doing. My wife cares a lot about beautifying herself and using perfumes, but she becomes annoyed if I ask her for sex. Am I sinful to masturbate by my hand? If yes, then does my wife share in this sin?.
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The husband has to treat his wife kindly, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

Part of living with one’s spouse honourably is having intercourse, which is obligatory upon the husband, as much as is sufficient to satisfy her, so long as it does not harm him physically or distract him from earning a living.

The wife is obliged to obey her husband if he calls her to his bed, and if she refuses then she is sinning, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (32370 and Muslim (1436) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: She has to obey him if he calls her to his bed, and this is a duty that is obligatory upon her. … If she refuses to respond to his call, then she is being disobedient and wilfully defiant. … as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/145, 146).

But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse. If she has an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse.

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Both slave women and free women are enjoined not to refuse the master or husband if he calls them for intercourse, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and likely to be harmed by intercourse, or observing an obligatory fast. If she refuses with no excuse then she is cursed. End quote from al-Muhalla (10/40).

Al-Bahooti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time, so long as that does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm her; he does not have the right to enjoy her in that case, because that is not part of living with them honourably. But if it does not distract her from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. End quote from Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/189).

The wife whose husband is harming her by having intercourse too often may come to some agreement with her husband concerning a specific number that she can put up with, and if he does more to such an extent that it is harmful to her, then she has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi (judge), who may determine a specific number and oblige both husband and wife to adhere to that.


Secondly: Masturbation (for both men and women) is haraam (forbidden) in Islam based on the following evidence: First from the Qur’aan: Imam Shafi’i stated that masturbation is forbidden based on the following verses from the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): "And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (the captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors." 23.5-7 Here the verses are clear in forbidding all illegal sexual acts (including masturbation) except for the wives or that their right hand possess. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor. "And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His bounty." 24.33. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations (including masturbation) until Allah enriches them of His bounty. Secondly, from the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him): Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066. The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done.

There is no sin if the husband is masturbated by his wife’s hand, because it is permissible for him to enjoy her; the same applies if he ejaculates outside the vagina, because of the general meaning of the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5,6].

If the wife will be harmed by intercourse, she will not be harmed if her husband enjoys her in other ways, so she has to allow him to do that.

Both spouses have to tackle this problem in a kind, loving and frank manner; and each of them should understand the rights and duties that they have, because most marital problems stem from ignorance of that.

Some husbands are keen to satisfy their own desires, and they hasten to do that without caring about their wives or paying attention to their right to pleasure, so the wife finds no enjoyment in it and is put off by it, and it becomes a problem and a burden for her.

Hence we say: Strive to create love and affection between you and your wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings; avoid that which will harm her or hurt her. Tell her of the shar’i ruling concerning this issue and help her to follow it, and do not put her off, and be moderate in your approach, and you will get what you want.

May Allaah help us and you to obey Him and seek His pleasure.

And Allaah knows best.
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