Differences between semen (maniy) and urethral fluid (madhiy)

some times when i wake up in the morning, i find some wet coming out. Please don't take it as a wet dream, or urine, becuase the sticky stuff comes out usually just after i have woken up in the morning. Most of the days i have to wash my under wear just becasue of that, and sometimes i wash my pants too. I read it somewhere that if its not semen, just that sticky stuff than we don't need to perform ghusl, and only wuzu is enough to offer prayers. If it is then what about the clothes?. The same stuff comes out during some salacious situations also, though i try to stay away from all that kind of stuff. The first difference: qualities Semen in the case of men is a thick, white liquid, and in the case of women it is thin and yellow. (Translator’s note: the word maniy is used to refer to the fluid secreted by either male or female at the time of orgasm). The source for these descriptions of maniy come from the hadeeth of Umm Sulaym (may Allaah be pleased with her), who asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about a woman who sees a dream like a man sees (i.e., an erotic dream). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman sees that, she should do ghusl.” Umm Sulaym said: I felt shy when I heard that. She asked, “Is that possible?” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How else would the child resemble his father or mother? The water of the man is thick and white, and the water of the woman is thin and yellow. Whichever of the two prevails or comes first decides which parent the child will resemble.” (Agreed upon. Saheeh Muslim, 469). In his commentary on Saheeh Muslim (3/222), Imaam al-Nawawi said, concerning the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “The water of the man is thick and white, and the water of the woman is thin and yellow”: “This is an important criterion in describing maniy. This description applies when a person is healthy, and in most cases. The scholars said: when a man is healthy, his semen is white and thick, and gushes out in spurts accompanied by feelings of pleasure. After it has come out, it is followed immediately by a feeling of being drained and exhausted. Its smell is like that of palm tree pollen, which in turn resembles the smell of dough… (the colour of semen may change for a number of reasons, including the following): … If a person is sick his semen may become thin and yellow, or his testicles may become slack or soft, with the result that the emission of semen is not accompanied by any feelings of pleasure. If a man engages in intercourse too frequently, his semen may become red and resemble the juice that comes from meat, or may even contain blood [‘ameet???]. There are three distinguishing features of semen, the presence of any of which is sufficient for it to be classified as semen: firstly, its emission is accompanied by feelings of pleasure and is immediately followed by exhaustion; secondly, it smells like palm tree pollen, as stated above; and thirdly, it gushes out in spurts. Each one of these three characteristics is sufficient for it to be defined as semen; it is not necessary for all three features to be present. If none of them are present, the substance cannot be described as semen and in all likelihood it is not. All of the above applies to the maniy of men; in the case of women, their maniy is thin and yellow, although it could become white if the woman is strong. It has two distinguishing characteristics, either of which is sufficient to class the substance as maniy: firstly, it smells like the maniy of men, and secondly, its emission is accompanied by feelings of pleasure and is immediately followed by exhaustion.” Madhiy, on the other hand, is a sticky white fluid that is emitted when a person is thinking of or desiring intercourse. Its emission is not accompanied by feelings of pleasure, it does not gush out in spurts, and it is not followed by exhaustion. This may happen to men and women alike, although it is more common among women. This is the comment of Imaam al-Nawawi in his commentary on Muslim (Sharh Muslim, 3/213). The second difference: what should be done after emission of either type of fluid When maniy is emitted, a person must perform ghusl to clean himself from sexual impurity (janaabah), whether this happened during intercourse or otherwise, whether he was awake or it happened because of an erotic dream. Madhiy, on the other hand, means that a person only needs to do wudoo’. The evidence for this is the report of ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: “I was a man who used to experience a lot of urethral discharge, so I told Miqdaad to ask the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about it. So he asked him, and he said: ‘It requires wudoo’.’” (Agreed upon; this version was narrated by al-Bukhaari). Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (1/168), “Ibn al-Mundhir said: ‘The scholars agree that passing stools or urine, the emission of madhiy or passing wind are all things that invalidate tahaarah (purity) [i.e. they mean that wudoo’ must be renewed]’.” The third difference: whether they are taahir (pure) or naajis (impure) Maniy is taahir according to the most correct opinion among the scholars. The evidence for this is the report of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to wash the maniy (from his clothes) then go out to pray wearing the same clothes, and I could see the spot where he had washed it.” (Agreed upon). According to a report narrated by Muslim: “I used to rub it (semen) thoroughly from the garment of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), then he would pray in it.” According to another version: “I would scratch it from his garment with my nail when it had become dry.” It is proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to leave it without washing it when it was wet; it was sufficient just to wipe it with ‘ood (a kind of aromatic wood) or something similar, as was reported by Imaam Ahmad in his Musnad (6/243) from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to remove maniy from his garment with a twig of adhkhar (a kind of tree), then pray in that garment, and he would rub it from his garment once it was dry, and would pray in the same garment.” Ibn Khuzaymah reported it in his Saheeh, and Shaykh al-Albaani classed it as hasan in al-Irwa’ (1/197). Madhiy (urethral discharge) is naajis (impure), because of the hadeeth of ‘Ali quoted above, in some versions of which it is reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded him to wash his penis and testicles and do wudoo’, as was reported by Abu ‘Awaanah in al-Mustakhraj. Ibn Hajar said in al-Talkhees: “There is nothing at fault in this isnaad.” So madhiy is naajis and the penis and testicles must be washed, as it nullifies tahaarah. Ruling concerning clothing on which there is semen or urethral discharge As maniy is deemed to be taahir, if it gets on a person’s clothes it does not make them impure, and if he prays in those clothes there is nothing wrong with that. Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (1/763): “Even though we say it is taahir, it is better to rub it, but if one prays (in those clothes) without rubbing it, this is acceptable.” In the case of madhiy, it is sufficient to sprinkle water on it, because of the difficulty of doing otherwise. The evidence for this is the hadeeth narrated by Abu Dawud in his Sunan from Sahl ibn Haneef, who said: “I used to experience a lot of urethral discharge, and I used to do ghusl a lot. I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about it and he said: ‘It is sufficient for you to do wudoo’ (to purify yourself) from that.’ I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, what about when it gets on my clothes?’ He said: ‘It is sufficient for you to take a handful of water and sprinkle it on your clothes wherever you think (the madhiy) is.’” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi. He said: This is a saheeh hasan hadeeth, and the only other hadeeth about madhiy that we know is the hadeeth of Muhammad ibn Ishaaq). The author of Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi (1/373) said: “This may be taken to prove that if madhiy gets on one's clothes, it is sufficient to sprinkle water on it; one does not have to wash it.” And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

He wants to photograph his wife naked so that he can look at the pictures when he is away!

Can a husband video tape his wife while she is naked or showing off her body parts, so he can watch the video when he is away or when she is not there, and get the pleassure that way for time being rather than watching something else which might be haram.

Praise be to Allaah.

The action mentioned in the question is one of the most abhorrent of actions. It is haraam in and of itself and because of what it leads to. As for it being haraam in and of itself: a woman in principle is entirely ‘awrah and it is not permissible to take her picture in the first place, even if nothing appears but her face and hands, so how about if what appears is more than that. What if the picture shows her most private ‘awrah? Undoubtedly this is more abhorrent and sinful and leads to greater punishment.

The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked:

Is a picture of a woman in her passport or elsewhere ‘awrah or not? Is it acceptable for a woman, if she refuses to have her picture taken, to delegate someone to perform Hajj on her behalf, because she cannot get a passport for that reason? And what is the limit of covering for women according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah?

They replied:

She does not have the right to allow her face to be photographed, whether in a passport or otherwise, because it is ‘awrah, and because having her picture in a passport or elsewhere is a cause of people being tempted because of her. But if she cannot travel for Hajj without doing that, then she is granted a concession allowing her to have her picture taken so that she may perform the obligatory duty of Hajj, and it is not permissible for her to delegate someone else to do it on her behalf. The entire woman is ‘awrah according to the evidence of the Qur'aan and Sunnah, so what she is required to do is to cover all of her body before non-mahrams, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers …”

[al-Noor 24:31]

“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts”

[al-Ahzaab 33:53]

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood. Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (1/718, 719).

In the answer to question no. 13342 we quoted Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzan as saying:

Taking pictures of women is not permitted at all, because of the temptation and evil that results from that, in addition to the fact that taking pictures is forbidden in and of itself. So it is not permissible to take pictures of women when traveling or for any other reason. The Council of Senior Scholars has issued a statement that this is haraam. End quote.

The husband has no excuse for taking pictures of his wife naked because he is her husband. That does not make it permissible for him to do this abhorrent act, and his being away from his wife is not regarded as an excuse for him, because it is haraam to take pictures of women in the first place – we have quoted fatwas of the scholars concerning that – and because of the evil consequences to which it leads. Among the consequences to which keeping pictures of one’s wife when she is naked or immodestly dressed may lead are the following:

1. The husband’s belongings may be stolen or he may lose or forget the picture in a public place, so the picture may be spread far and wide and it may fall into the hands of fools who would make use of the picture to cause more evil and corruption.

2. He and his wife may get divorced, in which case she would become a stranger (non-mahram) to him, in which case it would not be permissible for him to look at her after the divorce which makes her a stranger to him.

3. The husband may use it against his wife. There have been many such cases where the husband uses such things against his wife to make her give up her financial rights or fulfil his haraam desires or keep quiet about his abhorrent actions, and all of that happens because he possesses pictures or a video of her when she is naked or semi-naked.

4. The husband’s looking at a picture of his naked wife when he is away from her will never extinguish his desire, rather the opposite is the case. It will inflame his desires and they cannot be extinguished – in most cases – except by doing haraam actions such as the secret habit – which is the least of them – or zina or homosexuality – Allaah forbid.

So his excuse for taking pictures of his wife and keeping them so he can look at them when he is away from her is unacceptable, and his action is a cause of him falling into haraam, because of the picture-taking itself, and because of the evils to which it leads.

It is not permissible for the husband to take a picture of his wife when she is naked or semi-naked. He should have the attitude of protective jealousy for his honour, and do whatever he can to protect his honour and not neglect it by doing such actions. Similarly, it is not permissible for the wife to agree to do that and she should denounce him and not respond to him.

Allaah has made each spouse a libaas (screen) for the other. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“They are Libaas [i.e. body-cover, or screen, or Sakan (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with them) Tafsir] for you and you are the same for them”

[al-Baqarah 2:187]

The husband should pay attention to that: he is a screen for his wife, so how could he seek to uncover her by means of this action when the basic principle is that he should be a screen and conceal her?

The husband should not stay away from his wife and family a great deal, because he needs them and they need him. His wife needs him so that they can keep one another chaste, and the children need him to raise them and look after them. If the husband has to go away and the wife agrees to that, then he must fear Allaah, his Lord, and keep away from anything that may provoke his desire such as mixing with women, being alone with a member of the opposite sex or looking. He should do a lot of acts of worship, especially fasting, and he should choose righteous companions who will guide him to do good and encourage him to obey Allaah.

We ask Allaah to help him to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Virtue of pregnancy, giving birth and breastfeeding

I recently came across some ahadith thatI had never heard before. The subjects which they are talking about are very important to me, so if you could please kindly tell me their status (if they are authentic). The ahadith are listed below, Jazak Allah khair for yor help. 1.The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said; "Homemaking (Allah-willing) raises the station of a woman to the level of those who make Jihad “ (Kanz) 2.The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "The birds in flight, the fish in the rivers, the angels in heaven and the animals in the jungles seek repentance for the woman who is obedient and submits to her husband." 3.The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: "O women, the pious among you will enter Paradise before pious men. When the husbands will enter Paradise these women will be presented to their husbands after being bathed and perfumed. These women will be on red and yellow coloured conveyances accompanied by children (as beautiful) as scattered pearls." 4.Addressing Salamah (radhiallaho anha), the nurse of his son Ibrahim (radhiallaho anho), the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) said, "Does it not please any one of you that if she conceives by her husband and he is satisfied with her that she receives the reward of fasting and vigil for Allah's sake. And none of the dwellers of Heaven or Earth know about the coolness of her eyes (a unique repose) she will get for the labor pains she suffered. When she delivers, not mouthful of milk flows from her and not an instance of the child's suck, but that she receives for every suck and mouthful, the reward of a good deed. If she is kept awake by her child during the night she receives the reward of freeing seventy slaves for the sake of Allah." The Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) then said: "O Sallamah do you know which women are being referred to? Those who despite piety and enjoying a respectable position obey their husbands and do not belittle them.".

Praise be to Allaah.

This hadeeth was narrated by Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him):

Salaamah – the nurse of Ibraaheem, the son of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) – said: O Messenger of Allaah, you give glad tidings of all good to the men and you do not give glad tidings to women. He said: “Have your friends put you up to asking this?” She said: Yes, they told me (to ask). He said: “Doesn’t it please one of you that if she is pregnant from her husband and he was pleased with her, she will have a reward like that of one who fasts and prays qiyaam for the sake of Allaah. When her labour starts, neither the people of heaven nor the people of earth know what is hidden for her of delight, and when she gives birth, not one drop of her milk comes out and (her infant) does not suck once, but for each drop and each suck she will have one hasanah, and if he keeps her awake at night she will have a reward like that of freeing seventy slaves for the sake of Allaah? O Salaamah, do you know who I mean by this? It is the chaste and righteous women who are obedient to their husbands, those who are not ungrateful for kind treatment.”

Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Mu’jam al-Awsat (7/20); Abu Na’eem in Mu’jam al-Sahaabah (no. 7049); Ibn ‘Asaakir in Tareekh Dimashq (43/347); Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat (2/274) and others,

Via Hishaam ibn ‘Ammaar; Abu ‘Ammaar ibn Nusayr told me, from ‘Amr ibn Sa’eed al-Khawlaani, from Anas ibn Maalik.

Then al-Tabaraani said: This hadeeth was not narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) except via this isnaad in which Hishaam ibn ‘Ammaar is the only one who narrated it. End quote.

This is a fabricated, false hadeeth. Ibn Hibbaan ruled it to be fabricated (mawdoo’) in al-Majrooheen (2/34), as did Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat (Baab Thawaab al-Mar’ah idha hamalat wa wada’at, 2/273).

Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said concerning it:

A fabricated hadeeth, with clear signs of being fabricated. The problem with the hadeeth is al-Khawlaani. Al-Dhahabi said: He narrated fabricated reports. Then he quoted this hadeeth. It was narrated by Ibn al-Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat (2/274) from the report of al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat, and he said: Ibn Hibbaan said: ‘Amr ibn Sa’eed who narrated this fabricated hadeeth from Anas: he should not be quoted except by way of giving an example of a fabricated hadeeth. al-Suyooti agreed with him in al-La’aali’ (2/175). It was quoted via al-Khawlaani by Ibn Mandah in al-Ma’rifah (2/329/2) and also by al-Hasan ibn Sufyaan in his Musnad, and also in al-Fayd. End quote.

Al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah (no. 2055).

Anyone who wants to study the Prophet’s hadeeth concerning the virtue of a woman obeying her husband and looking after him should refer to the book by Imam al-Mundhiri entitled al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb. In part three (p. 31) he has a chapter entitled Targheeb al-Zawj fi’l-Wafa’ bi Haqq Zawjatihi wa Husn ‘Ashratiha, wa’l-Mar’ah bi Haqq Zawjiha wa Taa’atihi wa Tarheebuha min Isqaatihi wa Mukhaalafatihi (Encouraging the husband to fulfil his wife’s rights and treat her kindly, and (encouraging) the wife to fulfil her husband’s rights and obey him, and warning her against neglecting his rights and disobeying him).

In this chapter he compiled all the ahaadeeth that have to do with this topic, most of which are saheeh, but some of them are da’eef (weak). The one who wants to read only the reports which the scholars classed as saheeh may read the book called Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb by Shaykh al-Albaani (2/193), and read the same chapter from which the da’eef ahaadeeth have been excluded.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'

Remember when you and your friend were always close and you could tell each other anything? You were the closest to each other and nobody else came between you two?
After some time, you noticed that this friend was acting a bit strange, and they weren't giving you the attention you usually had.. wassup with him/her? you asked yourself. This friend gradually started hanging out with you less and you never spoke to each other that much. They started acting a bit more 'kool' and they felt that you were oldskool..
What if it's a guy, or a gyal? you thought to yourself.. i've never seen them act this strange before.
Turns out, what you thought was right. They wanted to join the scene too and you were left behind, you're still a kid in their eyes but they've grown up. I'm hangin with the bad boyz now, or the 'thuggetez.'
You either had two options; you could do the same, or you could stay quiet and be a good practisin muslim right? Yeah man, you're bare shareef, that's what they all say... you felt uncomfortable with that, but you were scared about what the rentz [parents] would say, so you decided to stay on the back rowz for a bit.
Turns out, this mate that you had - they weren't interested in knowing you no more, they were with their crew and had their gyal/kuri or their thug with them. Man, why did this have to happen to me for.. you thought to yourself. Deep down inside, you were kinda jealous - how come this person got all the popularity, even though you were the 'good one.'?
A little time passed, a while later.. this friend came back to you. He/she was sad, but still you saw your friend was dressed the same way as his/her crew. Hoodie on, and rockiez.. or was it the big hoops and foundation?
"What's up?" you mumbled..
"Nothin much, u?" your friend said.
You were still kinda sad, confused and not sure what was goin on. You wanted to talk to him/her like the times before, but you knew that loads of things had changed now. What if things could get better? You weren't practisin full time, but you knew that dating was wrong, you knew that because you weren't allowed to talk to that gyal/guy on parents evenings when your parents came over to check up on your progress at school..
"I got sumthn to tell you yeah.."
You were confused, not knowing what to do or how to respond..
"Yeah?" you asked.. not knowing what tone of voice to use.
"It's about this person i got to know a little while back..."
You had noticed that your 'friend' had been hangin out with different people for quite a while now.. most weren't upto any good.
"Yeah, well it was this gurlthat i knew.." he said.
You didn't expect your friend to be like this just two years ago, subhan Allaah things really had changed a lot.
What am i supposed to say? you asked yourself..
"er..yeah? what about her?"
"I got to know this person some weeks back, that's what you gota do init to get known. When you got a gurl you get popular.. it was more like a dare if you get meh."
"Oh, ok.. b..but erm, you know its haraam right?"
"Look, i came to you for advice, so hear me out.. they don't understand what i'm goin thru man."
"Yeah..?"
You had noticed that your friend had been effected by these people a lot, the personality was much harsher than before and he swears a lot now too.
"She don't want to talk to me no more.. it wasn't even my fault..."
His face seems sad now, you can see it. Your heart sinks down..
"Who? who doesn't talk to you no more?"
You still care, you don't want your friend to get hurt. Was it the people your friend hung out with, or was it someone else? You had forgotten about the time he turned away from you, because deep down inside you wanted him to come back to talk to you, so you could be friends again.. like before.
Your friend didn't respond, you could see in his face that he actually wanted to control himself.. trying to control the tears from coming out. You knew what had happened, you didn't need to ask any more. Your friend was crying, you could feel his pain..
The heart beats faster.. a big lump in the throat, it hurts... You can't control the tears, they flood out no matter how hard you try to hold them in. Your head hurts. Whether you're a guy or a gurl, its the same.. if it's your first time - you're going to feel this pain. This is what your friend was experiencing.. the cold wind whipped the face, a harsh wind.
" [like when you've been running for so long and you need to rest, otherwise you get a sour/tangy feeling in your muscles
[if you want to get scientific: due to the lack of oxygen and building up of lactic acid]]
This is why you have to close your eyes (to ease that pain), and when you do this - the muscles push against your tear glands which are already building up on the amount of water being produced,[this is the reason for the pain.] and when you close your eyes [the muscles which are holding the tears relax] which releases the water & your eyes overflow with tears."
It doesn't matter what the people think now.. "I tried..i swear.. i really tried.. how can people..d-do this..?" he said.
You can't do nothing, all you can do is watch and make him feel that things will get better with time insha'Allaah. You have to reassure him, you're there for him.. You pass him a tissue, come closer to him.. and give him a hug.
When a person experiences love, their whole life changes and they feel two extremes:
1) a sense of joy which can get so extreme where you feel that you can accomplish anything.
2) the second extreme is feeling hopeless, exhausted and sad because the 'other half' isn't there.
The person usually experiences no.1 when they're with the person that they love or after they've met with them, and the person experiences no.2 if they haven't contacted them for a while, or if it had ended..
When a person really has fallen for a person, they feel that their whole life is surrounded around them. They may even obey that person in matters which contradict islaam, which obviously isn't the right thing to do.
There are 4 types of love in islaam:
1) Divine Love - which is specifically for Allaah alone. And none should be loved divinely more than Allaah.
2) Love for the sake of Allaah, which is love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the companions and the righteous etc.
3a) Love of the permissible: wives/husband, children, parents etc.
b) Love of food, water, clothing etc.
4) Love of any other deity besides Allaah, such as something which contradicts what Allah has ordered us to do etc. which isn't permitted.
1) The person has to have divine love for Allaah only, which is compulsory in islaam. It isn't permitted that a person's love for anything else goes against the commandments of Allaah.
2) We also have to love the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) more than we love ourselves - this is needed in order to perfect faith. [check tafsir ibn kathir Qur'an 9:24]
3) The 3rd love is a permissible love but it can either lead to sin [if the person disobeys Allah in order to please the creation] or it can lead to reward if the believer has the intention of pleasing Allah.
4) The 4th love is what stops a disbeliever from coming closer to Allah, it may be something else worshipped instead of Allah, such as an idol, a person, the persons desires etc. We should seek refuge in Allah from this.
Most people who fall into haraam love usually don't understand islaam properly. They might start off with desire, and gradually be played into falling in love with the person. However, one has to realize that no love is real, no love is really lasting - unless it is done for the sake of Allah. This is why love which is done while disobeying Allah is usually broken, ends up in hurt, and both people usually end up as enemies, or go down other evil after this, unless Allah saves them and blesses them in hidaayah (guidance.)
There was a lecture i heard last year, and in this lecture the brother discussed good and bad endings of people.
There was a man who was waiting to go on a date with his girlfriend, i think he was muslim. He was waiting for her somewhere, but for some reason - she was taking a really long time. He was so desperate to meet her, why was she taking so long? After a while, she came. He was WELL HAPPY! He got so happy, he fell down and.. prostrated to her. What? Yeah, he did that.. but guess what? He never got up after that again. He died in that state. May Allaah protect us. You know what's shocking? We will be raised on the day of judgement on the last position we were in.
Here's a good one though.
There was a woman who was getting prepared on her wedding day. The people were putting her makeup on her, her gel and all that women wear on one of their most special days of their life. She finds out its maghrib salaah (prayer.)
"I need to do my wudhu.."
"You've got your makeup on now, you can't do that now.."
"I have to pray salaah!"
She got up and ran to do her wudhu. She washed off her gel, her makeup. Starts praying maghrib salaah.
What's the last thing she does?
She moves her head to the side to finish her prayer; "Asalaamu 'alykum warahmatulah..." the angel takes away her soul.. that's the last words that come out from her mouth..
What will happen on the day of Resurrection? We'll be raised up on our last physical action that we did.
Ask yourself - What death do I want? Where do I want to die? How do I want to die?

Arguments with her husband – she is asking how to become a righteous wife

I am a new muslimah and am fromthe U.S. I have been raised not to let a man controll me. Now the problem is that my husband is not from here and we tend to argue alot.I know more of the laws and common everyday things more than he does.His english is not that great, so, I have to explain to him sometimes and he is used to how his country and culture are, so, in public I tend to do the talking alot.This makes him mad sometimes but I feel it is the only way to get things done right most of the time. Now we argue alot and I don't know how to be the "wife" that I am supposed to be Islamically. I am still in the learning process, but that is were I have my biggest problem.How can I change that or try to make the problem better.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We praise Allaah for guiding you to Islam, which is the greatest blessing that Allaah can bestow upon His slaves.

We would like to tell you that Allaah has given you rights over your husband, and has enjoined upon you duties towards him. You can read question no. 10680 to find out more about this.

You have to do the duties towards your husband which Allaah has enjoined upon you. Islam regards the husband’s rights as great because of the husband’s great importance in building the Muslim household, and because Allaah has enjoined him (the husband) to look after his family’s interests and take care of them.

The Muslim woman should be wise in her dealings with her husband, because man – usually – is pleased with kind words and appreciates kind treatment. So if that comes from his life-partner, that will have a greater effect. The wise woman must also keep away from all kinds of behaviour that will offend her husband, and rid herself of every kind of action that annoys him, and try not to control him. The man has the role of qawwaam (protector and maintainer), and the responsibility is his. Making him feel that he is falling short in certain situations may make him angry and not treat his wife well. One of them said: “The best wife is the one who knows how to create harmony in her marriage and strikes a balance between obeying and respecting her husband and expressing her own strong personality.”

Your speaking to people on his behalf – because he does not speak your people’s language well – is permissible according to sharee’ah, but as stated above, you have to be wise in doing this. When doing these things you should not make him feel that he is lacking or that he is not important. Rather you should refer to him when speaking to the people, and consult with him, and do not make decisions in his presence without asking his permission. You should do that in front of the people to whom you are speaking so that he will feel that he is important. Try to make him feel that he speaks his own language better than you do, and that you complement one another; and you can help him to learn your language, and he can help you to learn his language.

This is what we advise you to do, and this is what may reduce his anger and stop him from behaving in this manner. It seems that it is only a matter of time, and you have to be careful in handling this situation until he becomes more fluent in your language and is able to do things himself, on his own.

Secondly:

In order to become a good wife, you have to learn what Allaah has enjoined upon you, so that you can do it. You have to know how righteous women behave, their attitude and the way they interact with their husbands. You will need to strive hard until you get used to it, but it is not impossible. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Knowledge comes by learning, and patience comes by trying to be patient. Whoever seeks goodness will be given it, and whoever fears evil will be protected from it.” Narrated by al-Daaraqutni in al-Afraad; this is a hasan hadeet, as was stated by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2328.

Some of these characteristics and attitudes are those of which a wise mother advised her daughter before marriage, which is comprehensive advice. We ask Allaah to help you to achieve this. That mother said to her daughter:

“O my daughter, you are leaving your house in which you grew up, and going to live with a man whom you do not know, a companion whom you are unfamiliar with. Be like a slave woman to him and he will be like a slave to you. Remember ten characteristics which will be a stored treasure for you:

The first and second are to be devoted to him and be content, listen to him and obey.

The third and the fourth are to consider his nose and eyes; do not let him see anything ugly of you, or let him smell anything but a good fragrance.

The fifth and the sixth are consider the time of his sleeping and eating, for hunger burns and disturbance of sleep causes anger.

The seventh and the eighth are to look after his wealth and to take care of his family and his dependents.

The ninth and the tenth are to look after his wealth and take care of his dependents.”

Thirdly:

The husband has to fear Allaah his Lord, and not transgress the rights of his wife. He should give her her rights as Allaah has enjoined upon him. He should realize that people vary, and that what he knows, many people are ignorant of, and what he is ignorant of, many people know. For him to have a wife who will translate for him and show him what will benefit him and how things are done is better for him than having someone with him whom he cannot trust. Knowledge can only be acquired by learning, and the way to learn is by striving and working hard.

Advise him to try to control himself at times of anger, and not to get angry unless you have transgressed one of the sacred limits of Allaah. This is the kind of anger that is regarded as praiseworthy.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Kissing wife in the street in front of people

I am in alot of trouble. I can not ask local Iman because he is not good in his knowledge and i am embarassed to ask friends or family. You see, the problem is I got married recently and I think i might of committed zina with my wife. This is how, we were driving my sisters car and me and wife stopped the car in a quiet place and we kissed alot, quite alot. a man walked passed and he saw us, but we did not stop. i feel i have committed open zina. do we need to pay kafarah, or confess to our elders. my second very very important question is after kissing, i let out (we were both wearing clothes all the time mufti saab) sperm in my underwear. Now i feel very bad because this is my sisters car and she has been driving it after me. i can not wash the car seat as she will get suspicious and confront me. i do not want to lie, now she sits in the car sits on the floor to eat dinner, sits on the sofa, her and her children and i feel very very bad as to what to do. is the car and sofa and place were we sit not clean anymore, and my wife and i are arguing she blames me for worrying. i think she is a bad muslim, because she does not fear Allah, becuase she made me stop the car and kiss, i hate her for that. dear sir, i await your reply as i am disturbed by what has happened, i like to keep paak and clean at all times to please Allah.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

Please note that you will never be able to live your life without sins and mistakes. This is the nature of man. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2499; Ibn Maajah, 4251; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. This hadeeth clearly indicates that man will inevitably commit sin, but what matters after that is what he does about his sin. The believer repents to Allaah from all his sins, gives them up and asks Allaah for forgiveness every time he commits a sin, and he regrets doing it and resolves sincerely not to do it again. If you do that, then understand that Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful; He forgives all sins for the righteous believer who repents sincerely and admits his sin humbly before Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Zumar 39:53]

The sin that you have admitted to is not zina with your wife! Rather it is kissing her in front of other people, because there is no zina with one's wife, rather zina is done with a woman whom it is not permissible for a man to touch. But in the case of a wife, it is permissible to touch her.

It is not permissible for a man or a woman to speak to anyone else of what happens between them in bed which no one else should see but them, because of the evils and temptations that result from that and because it opens the door to the shaytaan. This has to do with one who speaks about what he did with his wife, so how about one who does things in front of people where they can see him!

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his Fataawa (10/277) that kissing one’s wife in front of people is not permissible.

Secondly:

As for the expiation for this sin, there is no expiation except sincere repentance and firm resolve not to do it again, and true regret for having committed this sin.

As for confessing to your parents, there is no need for that. The sin that you have admitted to is a sin against Allaah, so confession should be made to Allaah. It is between you and Allaah and you should not tell anyone about it, but be sincere in your repentance to Allaah and Allaah will forgive you. Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

The fact that your wife is the one who told you to do this deed does not mean that she is not a righteous woman or that she does not fear Allaah. You also agreed with her to do it, and you did not stop even when that man saw you. So you should also shoulder your share of responsibility for what you did.

May Allaah help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.


Islam Q&A

Breastfeeding

The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms…If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If ye decide on a foster-mother for your offspring there is no blame on you, provided ye pay (her) what ye offered, on equitable terms. But fear Allah and know that Allah sees well what ye do." (2:233)
Given the importance of breastfeeding in the Islamic religion, the low rates of compliance among Muslim women in North America are puzzling. Although a formal research study has not been conducted, it seems upon observation that the breastfeeding rate among Muslim women is actually lower than among the population at large. There are small pockets of "fundamentalist" Muslim women who are well educated and adamant about nursing their children under their chadors, and who often practice natural childbirth and home schooling. However, those mothers who nurse their babies past the age of one year are the exception rather than the rule. There seems to be a lighthearted attitude among the general Muslim populace towards the bottle-feeding of infants. It is not frowned upon, and it is rarely something people even question. Perhaps it is a lack of education about the benefits of breastfeeding, combined with an absence of a support network to assist the new mother. Perhaps it is a misunderstanding of the meaning of weaning.
Understood in the general sense, weaning means the gradual transfer from feeding the baby exclusively breast-milk to table foods only. This can happen sometime during the toddler period of life, usually between the ages of 1 and 3. Transferring the child to animal and vegetable foods before he even had any teeth, was not done by the early Muslims. The most likely option, if a mother declined to breastfeed her infant, was the employment of a wet-nurse for the child. For the newborn Muslim child, the intimate breastfeeding relationship is a right. It is beyond dispute that two full years of breast-milk provide a baby with long-term health benefits such as the prevention of ear infections and allergies, as well as providing a foundation of trust between mother and child. It has been proven that a bottle-fed baby will be a weaker child, and that breastfed babies often have higher IQ's and are more emotionally well adjusted.

In Islamic terms, weaning is a process that is administered by mutual consent, with the full intention of both parents who have decided that this is the best thing for the family. But in my conversations with sisters in various states who had given up nursing in favor of bottle-feeding, the sense is a feeling of powerlessness over the situation. These mothers often wanted very much to nurse their child. But somehow, they lost their chance. This tragedy is largely caused by a hospital system that does little to promote exclusive breastfeeding of newborns. In most hospitals, the new mothers receive free samples of formula to take home. This is a result of multi-million dollar deals between hospitals and pharmaceutical companies who pay the doctors to promote their products. This practice is highly unethical because little or no education about the dangers of bottle-feeding the infant is given to the new mothers. Many Muslim mothers, especially those who don't speak English well and therefore are not able to question the nurses, come home with their babies already addicted to the bottle. Although at this point, all is not yet beyond hope, coaxing a newborn child to breastfeed, after he has been bottle-fed even just once or twice, can be a big struggle. It may not succeed without the aid of a lactation counselor, because unfortunately, even the older generation of mothers and mothers-in-law lack the knowledge of how to breastfeed. Thus, the likelihood of bottle-feeding is very high among immigrant and minority women in the U.S.

So many women have given up nursing out of a feeling of powerlessness to get the baby to nurse. Because this is not a decision to wean, but rather the result of lack of adequate help, this situation cannot simply be dismissed under the heading, "there is no blame." Something is terribly wrong when Muslim women are giving up breastfeeding due to lack of education, counseling, and support. It reveals a stripping away at the postnatal rights of the Muslim woman to be in a state of rest for 40 days after childbirth. It also points to a fundamental lack of self-esteem in the mothers, that already at the age of 4 days old, she is allowing the child to make important decisions that will hurt him, rather than taking command of the situation and turning it around. If the child is rejecting the breast, the most common reaction is to try for a while, and then give up and give him a bottle. This teaches him that all he has to do is fuss and refuse to nurse, and he will be rewarded by a free-flowing bottle of formula. The only solution to this power struggle is for the mother to practice a bit of "tough love," to refuse to give the baby a bottle, even if it takes several hours for the baby to nurse willingly. (If the baby gets dehydrated, he can take water with a cup or medicine dropper). All this requires the support and help of the father and other family members, to allow the mother and child to be together undisturbed as much as possible for the first 40 days of the baby's life.

Many Muslim women manage to make it through those hardest days in the beginning and then give up breastfeeding after the baby is less than 6 months old. The most common reason given is, "I was afraid I wasn't producing enough milk." At this point, a lactation advisor could have told her to increase her own consumption of calories and to get adequate rest. Under no circumstances should she give the baby a bottle because this will only decrease her supply of breast-milk. But it is so rare for Muslim women to seek advice further than their doctors, who often do not give adequate help. Sometimes it is actually the doctor's advice to start feeding their babies solids at age 3 months that leads to problems. Only with independent research will a mother be able to compare the "fun" of spoon-feeding her infant versus the risks of premature rejection of the breast.

How can we help the Muslim women of today to understand that Allah has made her able to feed her baby with the milk of her body? She needs to read books about breastfeeding and understand fully the commitment she is facing. She needs encouragement to seek help from a LaLeche League Leader or midwife if she runs into problems getting help from her doctor. Help is available. Women who receive adequate counseling are often able to sustain nursing even after returning to work outside the home. Premature infants can and should be breastfeed for the best odds in life. In fact, women who have never even been pregnant can actually stimulate the production of breast-milk for a foster child through the use of a special infant feeding device. The ability to feed your child the best that nature has to offer is your choice. Only after a successful and long-lasting breastfeeding relationship can weaning the baby truly be done by mutual and conscious consent. It will not simply be a tragic mistake to look back on with regret.

By Maria Hussain( a freelance writer from New Jersey )

Sexual effects of alcohol

Unfortunately, the list of ‘bad’ effects of alcohol is much longer! Here they are:
Alcohol makes people far more likely to have unwise sex with the wrong person – and therefore to get pregnant, to catch infections, and to embark on affairs that cause marriage break-ups. In fact, booze is the main reason why in 2005, there is a massive demand for the ‘morning-after pill’ on Saturday, Sunday and Monday mornings.
Alcohol makes people fuddled, so that they don’t take proper contraceptive precautions.
Alcohol is bad for the unborn baby – so it should only be taken very sparingly in pregnancy. During 2008, there have been conflicting reports about how safe it is for pregnant women. Some authorities feel that during pregnancy it should be avoided totally. At present we don’t know whether alcohol taken on the night of conception could be bad for the baby.
Alcohol is a major cause of impotence (erectile dysfunction). A lot of younger males don’t realise this, because they think that booze boosts ‘horniness'. But as Shakespeare says in the Scottish play: ‘It increases the desire, but it takes away the performance.’
A lot of men who are hooked on alcohol develop permanent ‘Brewer’s droop’ – and often loss of interest in sex as well.
We do not yet know if excessive alcohol use can cause female sexual problems, but on the basis of probabilities it does seem likely that some cases of diminished libido are due to excessive alcohol consumption

His wife is not very interested in intercourse so he resorts to masturbation

I am a man of a strong desire. I like to have intercourse everyday. When I try to start it with my wife, she refuses for weak reasons like saying she is tired or lazy to make ghusl or because she wants to delay it to next day. So I have intercourse with her only twice a week. I cannot be patient. So I have to masturbate by my hand fearing to fall into adultery. Although I know it is haram, I masturbate about three times a week while my wife is beside me and she knows what I am doing. My wife cares a lot about beautifying herself and using perfumes, but she becomes annoyed if I ask her for sex. Am I sinful to masturbate by my hand? If yes, then does my wife share in this sin?.
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The husband has to treat his wife kindly, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

Part of living with one’s spouse honourably is having intercourse, which is obligatory upon the husband, as much as is sufficient to satisfy her, so long as it does not harm him physically or distract him from earning a living.

The wife is obliged to obey her husband if he calls her to his bed, and if she refuses then she is sinning, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (32370 and Muslim (1436) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: She has to obey him if he calls her to his bed, and this is a duty that is obligatory upon her. … If she refuses to respond to his call, then she is being disobedient and wilfully defiant. … as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/145, 146).

But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse. If she has an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse.

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Both slave women and free women are enjoined not to refuse the master or husband if he calls them for intercourse, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and likely to be harmed by intercourse, or observing an obligatory fast. If she refuses with no excuse then she is cursed. End quote from al-Muhalla (10/40).

Al-Bahooti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time, so long as that does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm her; he does not have the right to enjoy her in that case, because that is not part of living with them honourably. But if it does not distract her from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. End quote from Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/189).

The wife whose husband is harming her by having intercourse too often may come to some agreement with her husband concerning a specific number that she can put up with, and if he does more to such an extent that it is harmful to her, then she has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi (judge), who may determine a specific number and oblige both husband and wife to adhere to that.

Secondly:

Masturbation is haraam, because of evidence that we have quoted in the answer to question no. 329.

There is no sin if the husband is masturbated by his wife’s hand, because it is permissible for him to enjoy her; the same applies if he ejaculates outside the vagina, because of the general meaning of the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5,6].

This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 826.

If the wife will be harmed by intercourse, she will not be harmed if her husband enjoys her in other ways, so she has to allow him to do that.

Both spouses have to tackle this problem in a kind, loving and frank manner; and each of them should understand the rights and duties that they have, because most marital problems stem from ignorance of that.

Some husbands are keen to satisfy their own desires, and they hasten to do that without caring about their wives or paying attention to their right to pleasure, so the wife finds no enjoyment in it and is put off by it, and it becomes a problem and a burden for her.

Hence we say: Strive to create love and affection between you and your wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings; avoid that which will harm her or hurt her. Tell her of the shar’i ruling concerning this issue and help her to follow it, and do not put her off, and be moderate in your approach, and you will get what you want.

May Allaah help us and you to obey Him and seek His pleasure.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Does a husband have to be patient with his wife all the time and not divorce her?

We know that the wife of Nuh (as), and the wife of Lut (as) went to jahannam, may Allah protect us from his displeasure, amin. Is this evidence that brothers should patient with their wives all the time, and not divorce them? I have heard that the Messenger of Allah, (pbuh), divorced women. What is the difference between keeping a woman with bad behavior and counseling her, and getting rid of a woman with bad behavior?

Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly the wives of Nooh and Loot (peace be upon them) will enter Hell with those who will enter it, but they did not commit any obvious sin that would imply kufr, otherwise it would not have been permissible for these Prophets to have remained married to kaafir women, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives” [al-Mumtahanah 60:10]

Perhaps the wife of Nooh was concealing kufr, or perhaps, despite the fact that Nooh had been calling people to Allaah for so long, she was influenced by the call of her people when she saw that all of her people were following kufr, so she became doubtful and wondered how he alone could be a believer when all of these people were disbelievers, and they formed the majority of their nation. So her kufr may have been secret. The same applies to the wife of Loot, of whom they said that her only sin was that she told her people about his guests, i.e., she called them to come and commit obscene actions with them. This was her sin, but it is possible that she was also a kaafir in secret. Hence Allaah said (interpretation of the meaning):

“… except his wife, she will be of those who remain behind” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:32]

This is a summary of the response given by Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen, may Allaah preserve him.

It is permissible for a husband to divorce his wife so long as there is a shar’i reason for doing so, such as a lack of religious commitment, a bad attitude, lack of chastity, negligence, etc., even if she is not a kaafir. But if she is a righteous believer, let him keep her, even if he dislikes some of her characteristics, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her attributes, he will be pleased with another.” (Narrated by Muslim from Abu Hurayrah, 1469).

When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) wanted to divorce Hafsah, Allaah revealed to him: Go back to Hafsah, for she fasts a lot and prays a lot at night, and she will be your wife in Paradise. Al-Mundhiri said: this was narrated by al-Nasaa’i and Ibn Maajah. ‘Awn al-Ma’bood Sharh Sunan Abi Dawood, hadeeth no. 2283.

The husband has to strive to reform his wife and pray to Allaah to reform her. Allaah will reform a wife in whom there is some crookedness, if He wills, as He said concerning His slave Zakariya (interpretation of the meaning):

“… and [We] cured his wife for him…” [al-Anbiya’ 21:90]

Some of the mufassireen (commentators) said that she used to have a sharp tongue, i.e., her speech towards her husband was offensive, so Allaah reformed her.

A man may put up with the difficulty of keeping his wife in order to ward off a greater difficulty, which is that of separating the children and dividing the family. But if the harm caused by staying with one’s wife is greater than the harm caused by separating from her, there is nothing wrong with him divorcing her. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid