help me!?...My wife is not beautiful and it is disturbing my sleep!!!

I have been married for a few years. During the first two years I was happy with my marriage and I loved my wife, but after that I started to feel that I disliked my wife. That is not because of religion, because she is religiously committed and has a good character, praise be to Allaah. Rather it has to do with her beauty, because she is not beautiful enough to keep me chaste and make me lower my gaze. I am afraid of mistreating her because I do not feel happy with her and sometimes I frown at her for no reason. The problem is that I cannot marry another wife because I am not financially able. I thought of taking a loan in order to marry but then I would be living in poverty because of the loan. I have thought a lot about divorcing her and letting her go in kindness and replacing her with another, but I have children from her and she loves me a lot. I have thought about this a great deal and it is disturbing my sleep, because I do not know what to do. What should I do, may Allaah reward you.

Praise be to Allaah.

My dear brother, I appreciate your confidence in me and I ask Allaah to make us and you strong and steadfast, and to guide us. With regard to your question, I offer the following comments:

1 – The problem you have is not with regard to marrying a second wife, or divorcing your wife. The problem, as you mention, is a financial problem. So long as you are not able to marry another wife, then you should keep the wife with whom Allaah has blessed you.

2 – Whenever you are able and have the financial means, and praise be to Allaah that He has permitted plural marriage to you… In my opinion that is easier for a woman to bear than divorce, especially since you have children from her.

3 – Try to look at the matter from a different angle. You may find many positive things in her, and beauty is not everything, believe me. How she behaves and treats you… and many things which are ultimately more important than appearance. For with time you will get used to her appearance, and how she behaves will be what matters…

4 – Imagine that you find a very beautiful woman and marry her… then she starts to treat you in an arrogant or impolite manner… or she treats you and your family badly… what would you do?!

5 – You should be objective and not burden yourself with more than you can bear. Look at the matter from different aspects. “it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’ 4:19 – interpretation of the meaning]. And remember the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Look for one [a wife] who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!”

May Allaah help you, protect you and make you steadfast in following the path of goodness and truth.

Answered by Ahmad al-Muqbil

www.islamqa.com

Ooh!! I'm wondering !!Will men in Paradise have intercourse with al-hoor aliyn?!!

I'm wondering will the men from amongst the human race that enters paradise, will they have sexual intercourse with the "HOURIS" women in the paradise .

Praise be to Allaah.

Allaah has prepared for His believing slaves in Paradise that which no eye has seen, no ear has heard and has never even crossed the minds of men, such that even the person who has the least blessings in Paradise will think that he is the most blessed among them. Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The lowest of people in status in Paradise will be a man whose face Allaah turns away from the Fire towards Paradise, and shows him a tree giving shade. He will say, ‘O Lord, bring me closer to that tree so that I may be in its shade… Then he will enter his house [in Paradise] and his two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn will come in and will say to him, ‘Praise be to Allaah who brought you to life for us and brought us to life for you.’ Then he will say, ‘No one has been given what I have been given.’” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 275)

Among the blessings that Allaah has prepared for His slaves are al-hoor al-‘iyn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“So (it will be). And We shall marry them to Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes”

[al-Dhukhaan 44:54]

“They will recline (with ease) on thrones arranged in ranks. And We shall marry them to Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes

[al-Toor 52:20]

Al-hoor al-‘iyn are extremely beautiful, such that the marrow of their shins will be visible from beneath their garments. Every man who enters Paradise will have two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn. Allaah says, describing them (interpretation of the meaning):

“Therein (Gardens) will be Khayraatun‑Hisaan [fair (wives) good and beautiful];

Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinn and men) deny?

Hoor (beautiful, fair females) guarded in pavilions;

Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinn and men) deny?

With whom no man or jinni has had Tamth [opening their hymens with sexual intercourse] before them.

Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinn and men) deny?

Reclining on green cushions and rich beautiful mattresses.”

[al-Rahmaan 55:70-76]

“And (there will be) Hoor (fair females) with wide lovely eyes (as wives for Al-Muttaqoon – the pious).

Like unto preserved pearls”

[al-Waaqi’ah 56:22-23]

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The first group will enter Paradise looking like the moon on the night when it is full, and those who follow them will be like the brightest shining star in the sky. Their hearts will be as one, and there will be no hatred or jealousy among them. Each man will have two wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn, the marrow of whose calves can be seen from beneath the bone and flesh.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 3014)

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘Going out and coming back for the sake of Allaah is better than this world and all that is in it. And a spot the size of the bow of one of you in Paradise – or a spot the size of his whip – is better than this world and all that is in it. If a woman from among the people of Paradise were to look at the people of this earth, she would light up all that is in between them and fill it with fragrance. The veil on her head is better than this world and all that is in it.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 2587)

A man will have intercourse in Paradise with his wives from among al-hoor al-‘iyn and his wives from among the people of this world, if they enter Paradise with him. A man will be given the strength of a hundred men to eat, drink, feel desire and have sexual intercourse. It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer in Paradise will be given such and such strength for sexual intercourse.” He was asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, will he really be able to do that?” He said, “He will be given the strength of one hundred (men).” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2459. He said, (it is) saheeh ghareeb).

It was narrated from Zayd ibn Arqam that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man among the people of Paradise will be given the strength of a hundred men for eating, drinking, desire and sexual intercourse. A man among the Jews said, ‘The one who eats or drinks needs to excrete!’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him: ‘The excretion of any one of them will be in the form of sweat which comes out through his skin, then his stomach will reduce in size again.’” (Narrated by Ahmad, no. 18509; al-Daarimi, no. 2704)

The mufassireen said concerning the phrase “busy in joyful things” (Yaa-Seen 36:55 – interpretation of the meaning):

‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood and Ibn ‘Abbaas (mayAllaah be pleased with them both), and Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyib, ‘Ikrimah, al-Hasan, Qutaadah, al-A’mash, Sulaymaan al-Taymi and al-Oozaa’i said concerning the aayaah (interpretation of the meaning),

“Verily, the dwellers of Paradise, that Day, will be busy in joyful things” [Yaa-Seen 36:55]

they said, (it means) they will be busy deflowering virgins. Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said, according to a report narrated from him, that “busy in joyful things” means listening to stringed instruments. Abu Haatim said: he misheard the phrase iftidaad al-abkaar (deflowering virgins) and thought it was samaa’ al-awtaar (listening to stringed instruments). In fact the correct phrase is iftidaad al-abkaar (deflowering virgins). (Ibn Katheer, 3/564)

With regard to children, the scholars differed as to whether children would be born as a result of this intercourse or not. Some said that there would be children if the man wants them, but the pregnancy and birth would take just one hour. Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If the believer wants a child in Paradise, the pregnancy and delivery will take only an hour, then the child will be the age that the man wants.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2487; al-Daarimi, no. 2712; Ahmad, no. 11339; Ibn Maajah, no. 4329). And Allaah knows best.

We ask Allaah to admit us to Paradise and to keep us far away from the Fire. May He bless us with the highest Firdaws, for He is the One Who is Able to do that. Praise be to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Breastfeeding

The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms…If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If ye decide on a foster-mother for your offspring there is no blame on you, provided ye pay (her) what ye offered, on equitable terms. But fear Allah and know that Allah sees well what ye do." (2:233)
Given the importance of breastfeeding in the Islamic religion, the low rates of compliance among Muslim women in North America are puzzling. Although a formal research study has not been conducted, it seems upon observation that the breastfeeding rate among Muslim women is actually lower than among the population at large. There are small pockets of "fundamentalist" Muslim women who are well educated and adamant about nursing their children under their chadors, and who often practice natural childbirth and home schooling. However, those mothers who nurse their babies past the age of one year are the exception rather than the rule. There seems to be a lighthearted attitude among the general Muslim populace towards the bottle-feeding of infants. It is not frowned upon, and it is rarely something people even question. Perhaps it is a lack of education about the benefits of breastfeeding, combined with an absence of a support network to assist the new mother. Perhaps it is a misunderstanding of the meaning of weaning.
Understood in the general sense, weaning means the gradual transfer from feeding the baby exclusively breast-milk to table foods only. This can happen sometime during the toddler period of life, usually between the ages of 1 and 3. Transferring the child to animal and vegetable foods before he even had any teeth, was not done by the early Muslims. The most likely option, if a mother declined to breastfeed her infant, was the employment of a wet-nurse for the child. For the newborn Muslim child, the intimate breastfeeding relationship is a right. It is beyond dispute that two full years of breast-milk provide a baby with long-term health benefits such as the prevention of ear infections and allergies, as well as providing a foundation of trust between mother and child. It has been proven that a bottle-fed baby will be a weaker child, and that breastfed babies often have higher IQ's and are more emotionally well adjusted.

In Islamic terms, weaning is a process that is administered by mutual consent, with the full intention of both parents who have decided that this is the best thing for the family. But in my conversations with sisters in various states who had given up nursing in favor of bottle-feeding, the sense is a feeling of powerlessness over the situation. These mothers often wanted very much to nurse their child. But somehow, they lost their chance. This tragedy is largely caused by a hospital system that does little to promote exclusive breastfeeding of newborns. In most hospitals, the new mothers receive free samples of formula to take home. This is a result of multi-million dollar deals between hospitals and pharmaceutical companies who pay the doctors to promote their products. This practice is highly unethical because little or no education about the dangers of bottle-feeding the infant is given to the new mothers. Many Muslim mothers, especially those who don't speak English well and therefore are not able to question the nurses, come home with their babies already addicted to the bottle. Although at this point, all is not yet beyond hope, coaxing a newborn child to breastfeed, after he has been bottle-fed even just once or twice, can be a big struggle. It may not succeed without the aid of a lactation counselor, because unfortunately, even the older generation of mothers and mothers-in-law lack the knowledge of how to breastfeed. Thus, the likelihood of bottle-feeding is very high among immigrant and minority women in the U.S.

So many women have given up nursing out of a feeling of powerlessness to get the baby to nurse. Because this is not a decision to wean, but rather the result of lack of adequate help, this situation cannot simply be dismissed under the heading, "there is no blame." Something is terribly wrong when Muslim women are giving up breastfeeding due to lack of education, counseling, and support. It reveals a stripping away at the postnatal rights of the Muslim woman to be in a state of rest for 40 days after childbirth. It also points to a fundamental lack of self-esteem in the mothers, that already at the age of 4 days old, she is allowing the child to make important decisions that will hurt him, rather than taking command of the situation and turning it around. If the child is rejecting the breast, the most common reaction is to try for a while, and then give up and give him a bottle. This teaches him that all he has to do is fuss and refuse to nurse, and he will be rewarded by a free-flowing bottle of formula. The only solution to this power struggle is for the mother to practice a bit of "tough love," to refuse to give the baby a bottle, even if it takes several hours for the baby to nurse willingly. (If the baby gets dehydrated, he can take water with a cup or medicine dropper). All this requires the support and help of the father and other family members, to allow the mother and child to be together undisturbed as much as possible for the first 40 days of the baby's life.

Many Muslim women manage to make it through those hardest days in the beginning and then give up breastfeeding after the baby is less than 6 months old. The most common reason given is, "I was afraid I wasn't producing enough milk." At this point, a lactation advisor could have told her to increase her own consumption of calories and to get adequate rest. Under no circumstances should she give the baby a bottle because this will only decrease her supply of breast-milk. But it is so rare for Muslim women to seek advice further than their doctors, who often do not give adequate help. Sometimes it is actually the doctor's advice to start feeding their babies solids at age 3 months that leads to problems. Only with independent research will a mother be able to compare the "fun" of spoon-feeding her infant versus the risks of premature rejection of the breast.

How can we help the Muslim women of today to understand that Allah has made her able to feed her baby with the milk of her body? She needs to read books about breastfeeding and understand fully the commitment she is facing. She needs encouragement to seek help from a LaLeche League Leader or midwife if she runs into problems getting help from her doctor. Help is available. Women who receive adequate counseling are often able to sustain nursing even after returning to work outside the home. Premature infants can and should be breastfeed for the best odds in life. In fact, women who have never even been pregnant can actually stimulate the production of breast-milk for a foster child through the use of a special infant feeding device. The ability to feed your child the best that nature has to offer is your choice. Only after a successful and long-lasting breastfeeding relationship can weaning the baby truly be done by mutual and conscious consent. It will not simply be a tragic mistake to look back on with regret.

By Maria Hussain( a freelance writer from New Jersey )

Sexual effects of alcohol

Unfortunately, the list of ‘bad’ effects of alcohol is much longer! Here they are:
Alcohol makes people far more likely to have unwise sex with the wrong person – and therefore to get pregnant, to catch infections, and to embark on affairs that cause marriage break-ups. In fact, booze is the main reason why in 2005, there is a massive demand for the ‘morning-after pill’ on Saturday, Sunday and Monday mornings.
Alcohol makes people fuddled, so that they don’t take proper contraceptive precautions.
Alcohol is bad for the unborn baby – so it should only be taken very sparingly in pregnancy. During 2008, there have been conflicting reports about how safe it is for pregnant women. Some authorities feel that during pregnancy it should be avoided totally. At present we don’t know whether alcohol taken on the night of conception could be bad for the baby.
Alcohol is a major cause of impotence (erectile dysfunction). A lot of younger males don’t realise this, because they think that booze boosts ‘horniness'. But as Shakespeare says in the Scottish play: ‘It increases the desire, but it takes away the performance.’
A lot of men who are hooked on alcohol develop permanent ‘Brewer’s droop’ – and often loss of interest in sex as well.
We do not yet know if excessive alcohol use can cause female sexual problems, but on the basis of probabilities it does seem likely that some cases of diminished libido are due to excessive alcohol consumption

His wife is not very interested in intercourse so he resorts to masturbation

I am a man of a strong desire. I like to have intercourse everyday. When I try to start it with my wife, she refuses for weak reasons like saying she is tired or lazy to make ghusl or because she wants to delay it to next day. So I have intercourse with her only twice a week. I cannot be patient. So I have to masturbate by my hand fearing to fall into adultery. Although I know it is haram, I masturbate about three times a week while my wife is beside me and she knows what I am doing. My wife cares a lot about beautifying herself and using perfumes, but she becomes annoyed if I ask her for sex. Am I sinful to masturbate by my hand? If yes, then does my wife share in this sin?.
Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The husband has to treat his wife kindly, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably”

[al-Nisa’ 4:19]

Part of living with one’s spouse honourably is having intercourse, which is obligatory upon the husband, as much as is sufficient to satisfy her, so long as it does not harm him physically or distract him from earning a living.

The wife is obliged to obey her husband if he calls her to his bed, and if she refuses then she is sinning, because of the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (32370 and Muslim (1436) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come to him, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: She has to obey him if he calls her to his bed, and this is a duty that is obligatory upon her. … If she refuses to respond to his call, then she is being disobedient and wilfully defiant. … as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/145, 146).

But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse. If she has an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse.

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Both slave women and free women are enjoined not to refuse the master or husband if he calls them for intercourse, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and likely to be harmed by intercourse, or observing an obligatory fast. If she refuses with no excuse then she is cursed. End quote from al-Muhalla (10/40).

Al-Bahooti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The husband has the right to enjoy his wife at any time, so long as that does not keep her from performing obligatory duties or harm her; he does not have the right to enjoy her in that case, because that is not part of living with them honourably. But if it does not distract her from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. End quote from Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/189).

The wife whose husband is harming her by having intercourse too often may come to some agreement with her husband concerning a specific number that she can put up with, and if he does more to such an extent that it is harmful to her, then she has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi (judge), who may determine a specific number and oblige both husband and wife to adhere to that.

Secondly:

Masturbation is haraam, because of evidence that we have quoted in the answer to question no. 329.

There is no sin if the husband is masturbated by his wife’s hand, because it is permissible for him to enjoy her; the same applies if he ejaculates outside the vagina, because of the general meaning of the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5,6].

This has been discussed in the answer to question no. 826.

If the wife will be harmed by intercourse, she will not be harmed if her husband enjoys her in other ways, so she has to allow him to do that.

Both spouses have to tackle this problem in a kind, loving and frank manner; and each of them should understand the rights and duties that they have, because most marital problems stem from ignorance of that.

Some husbands are keen to satisfy their own desires, and they hasten to do that without caring about their wives or paying attention to their right to pleasure, so the wife finds no enjoyment in it and is put off by it, and it becomes a problem and a burden for her.

Hence we say: Strive to create love and affection between you and your wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings; avoid that which will harm her or hurt her. Tell her of the shar’i ruling concerning this issue and help her to follow it, and do not put her off, and be moderate in your approach, and you will get what you want.

May Allaah help us and you to obey Him and seek His pleasure.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

What constitutes intercourse?

What is meant by intercourse? Is any kind of foreplay regarded as intercourse?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Not all kinds of foreplay are regarded as intercourse; rather intercourse is when the tip of the penis disappears fully into the vagina. If that happens, then intercourse has taken place; if no penetration occurs or if only part of the tip penetrates but not all of it, then this is not intercourse. This is what is indicated by the ahaadeeth:

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man sits between the four parts (arms and legs of his wife) and has intercourse with her, then ghusl is obligatory.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 291; Muslim, 525.

The phrase translated as “[has intercourse with her]” is a metaphor for inserting the penis into the vagina. This was stated by al-Haafiz in al-Fath.

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man sits between the four parts (arms and legs of his wife) and the one circumcised part touches the other, then ghusl is obligatory.” Narrated by Muslim, 349.

Al-Nawawi said in Sharh Muslim:

With regard to the phrase “and the one circumcised part touches the other, then ghusl is obligatory”: the scholars said: what this means is when your penis disappears into her vagina; it does not mean touching in a real sense. That is because the circumcised part of a woman is above the vagina, and the penis does not touch it during intercourse. The scholars are unanimously agreed that if he places his penis on the circumcised part and does not enter (the vagina), then no ghusl is required, neither for him nor for her.

The fact that what is meant is what we have mentioned and that what is meant by touching is the two parts coming in line with one another is indicated by the other report, “when the two circumcised parts meet” i.e., coming in line with one another.

It says in al-Majmoo’ (2/150):

The obligation of ghusl and all other rulings that have to do with intercourse are subject to the condition that the tip of the penis disappears completely into the vagina, and they are not dependent on more than that. None of the rulings have to with part of the tip disappearing only. End quote.

Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath:

What is meant by touching and meeting is coming in line with one another, which is indicated by a report narrated by al-Tirmidhi. It does not mean touching in a literal sense, because that does not happen when the tip of the penis disappears. End quote.

Al-Shawkaani said: The ahaadeeth mention the words coming in line with one another, meeting, touching, but what is meant by meeting is coming in line with one another.

Al-Qaadi Abu Bakr said: If the tip of the penis disappears into the vagina, then ‘meeting’ has taken place. End quote.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

It is well known that the site of circumcision is above the tip. As that is the case, then it cannot touch the site of circumcision of the woman until the tip has penetrated. Hence it is stipulated that for ghusl following intercourse to be obligatory, the tip must disappear. It is narrated in some versions of the hadeeth of ‘Abd-‘Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas: “When the two circumcised parts meet and the tip of the penis disappears, then ghusl becomes obligatory.” End quote. Narrate by Ibn Maajah, 611; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 11/323

Based on this, what is meant by the one circumcised part touching the other and the meeting of the two circumcised parts is when the site of circumcision of the man comes into line with the site of circumcision of the woman, and that happens when the entire tip of the penis disappears into the vagina. If the tip of the penis disappears into the vagina then intercourse has taken place and ghusl is required.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Sucking wife's breast during sex

Is it permissible for a man to suck on his wife’s breasts during intercourse?.
Praise be to Allaah.

The husband may enjoy intimacy with his wife in whatever way he wishes; the only thing that is forbidden is anal intercourse and intercourse during the wife’s menstrual period or nifaas (post-partum bleeding). Apart from that, he may enjoy his wife in whatever way he wants, such as kissing, touching, looking, etc.

Even if he sucks on her nipples, this comes under the heading of the intimacy that is permissible, and it cannot be said that the milk has any effect on him, because if an adult breastfeeds, it does not have any effect of making him a mahram. Rather the breastfeeding that has this effect is that which takes place during the first two years of life.

The scholars of the Standing Committee said:

It is permissible for a husband to enjoy all of his wife’s body, apart from the back passage and intercourse during the wife’s menstrual period or nifaas (post-partum bleeding), or when in ihraam for Hajj or ‘Umrah, until he has exited ihraam completely.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood.

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 19/351, 352.

The scholars of the Standing Committee said:

It is permissible for the husband to suck his wife’s breasts, and if any milk reaches his stomach it does not have the effect of making him a mahram.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah al-Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said:

Breastfeeding by an adult does not have the effect of making him a mahram, because the breastfeeding that has that effect is five breastfeedings or more within the first two years of life before weaning. Breastfeeding by an adult does not have that effect. Based on this, if we assume that someone breastfed from his wife or drank her milk, he cannot become a son to her.

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/338.

With regard to it being permissible to enjoy anything concerning which there is no prohibition, there follow some of the views of the scholars:

Ibn Qudaamah said:

There is nothing wrong with enjoying the area between the buttocks without any penetration, because what is forbidden is the back passage, which is mentioned specifically, which is forbidden because of the filth, and that is specific to the back passage, therefore it expressly forbidden.

Al-Mughni, 7/226.

Al-Kasaani said:

Among the saheeh rulings on marriage is that it is permissible to look at and touch every part of her from head to foot when she is alive, because intercourse goes beyond looking and touching, so it is more appropriate that touching and looking should be permitted.

Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’, 2/231

Ibn ‘Aabideen said:

Abu Yoosuf asked Abu Haneefah about a man who touches his wife’s private part and she touches his to stimulate arousal – did he see anything wrong with that? He said: No, and I hope that the reward will be greater.

Radd al-Muhtaar, 6/367.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stated that this is permissible when he forbade intercourse in the vagina with a menstruating woman, but he permitted all other parts of her body. So it is more obvious that it is permissible at times other than menstruation.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The words “He may enjoy everything else of her apart from that” means that the man may enjoy every part of the menstruating woman apart from the vagina.

It is permissible to enjoy what is above and below the waist wrapper (izaar), but the woman should be wrapped in a waist wrapper, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to tell ‘Aa’ishah to wrap herself in a waist-wrapper when she was menstruating, then he would be intimate with her. He told her to do that lest he saw something that he disliked, namely the menstrual blood. But if the husband wants to enjoy the area between the thighs, for example, there is nothing wrong with that.

If it is said: What do you say about the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he was asked what part of his wife is permissible for a man when she is menstruating and he said, “You have that which is above the waist-wrapper” and this indicates that one may only enjoy that which is above the waist-wrapper?

The answer is as follows:

1 – That is in order to be on the safe side and to avoid that which is forbidden.

2 – It may vary according to circumstances. The words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Do everything apart from intercourse” may be taken as being addressed to one who can control himself, and the words, “You have that which is above the waist-wrapper” may be taken as being addressed to one who cannot control himself, either because his religious commitment is too weak or his desire is too strong.

Al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 1/417.

And Allaah knows best.


Islam Q&A

When is intercourse haraam?

I would like to know on which nights of the Islamic month sexual intercourse is NOT allowed? This is in regard to the moon. Example - I heard that intercourse is not allowed on the evening of the new moon (per Hadith?). Are there other nights as well?.
Praise be to Allaah.

What you have heard about intercourse not being allowed when seeing the new moon at the beginning of the month is not correct, and we do not know of any hadeeth concerning that. It is permissible for a man to have intercourse with his wife at any time, except when one of them is in ihraam for Hajj or ‘Umrah, or is fasting, so it is not allowed during the day when one of them is fasting, but it is allowed at night; it is also haraam when the woman is menstruating or bleeding following childbirth.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The Hajj (pilgrimage) is (in) the well-known (lunar year) months (i.e. the 10th month, the 11th month and the first ten days of the 12th month of the Islamic calendar, i.e. two months and ten days). So whosoever intends to perform Hajj therein (by assuming Ihraam), then he should not have sexual relations (with his wife), nor commit sin, nor dispute unjustly during the Hajj”

[al-Baqarah 2:197]

“It is made lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives on the night of As-Sawm (the fasts). They are Libaas [i.e. body-cover, or screen, or Sakan (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with them)] for you and you are the same for them”

[al-Baqarah 2:187]

“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they are purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allaah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina). Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts and bodies for their prayers)”

[al-Baqarah 2:222]

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Etiquette of having sex

Islam teaches us everthing..as to how to eat , dress, etc...is there also a Sunnah way of sleeping with one's wife.is any position Sunnah ..or is there nothing in Saheeh Hadith with regard to this?Praise be to Allaah.
Yes, you are right: Islam teaches us all things and has brought all good teaching to mankind concerning their livelihood, religion, living and dying, because it is the religion of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted.

Sexual relations are among the important matters of life which Islam came to explain and to prescribe proper conduct and rulings which elevate it from the level of mere bestial pleasure and physical desire. Islam connects it to a righteous intention, supplications (adhkaar) and proper conduct which lift it up to the level of worship for which the Muslim will be rewarded. The Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explains this. Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) says in his book Zaad al-Ma’aad:

“Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) brought the most perfect guidance, whereby health may be preserved and people may find pleasure and enjoyment, and it may fulfil the purpose for which it was created, because sex was created for three basic purposes:

The preservation and propagation of the human race, until they reach the number of souls that Allaah has decreed should be created in this world.

Expulsion of the water (semen) which may cause harm to the body if it is retained.

Fulfilling physical desires and enjoying physical pleasure. This alone is the feature that will be present in Paradise, because there will be no producing of offspring there, and no retention which needs to be relieved by ejaculation.

The best doctors suggest that sex is one of the means of maintaining good health.

(al-Tibb al-Nabawi, p. 249).

And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

Among its benefits is that it helps to lower the gaze, brings self-control, enables one to keep away from haraam things, and achieves all of these things for the woman too. It brings benefit to a man with regard to this world and the Hereafter, and benefits the woman too. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to enjoy regular intimate relations with his wives, and he said, “In your world, women and perfume have been made dear to me.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 3/128; al-Nasaa’i, 7/61; classed as saheeh by al-Haakim).

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it helps him to lower his gaze and protect his chastity. And whoever cannot do that, let him fast, for it will be a protection for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/92; Muslim, 1400).

(al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 251).

Among the important matters which should be paid attention to when engaging in intimate relations:

Having the sincere intention of doing this thing only for the sake of Allaah. One should intend to do this to protect oneself and one's wife from doing haraam things, to increase the numbers of the Muslim ummah so as to raise its status, for there is honour and pride in large numbers. It should be known that one will be rewarded for this action, even if he finds immediate pleasure and enjoyment in it. It was reported from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “In the sexual intercourse of any one of you there is reward” (meaning, when he has intercourse with his wife). They said, O Mesenger of Allaah, when any one of us fulfils his desire, will he have a reward for that? He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you not see that if he were to do it in a haraam manner, he would be punished for that? So if he does it in a halaal manner, he will be rewarded.” (Narrated by Muslim, 720).

This is the great bounty of Allaah towards this Ummah; praise be to Allaah Who has made us among them.

Intercourse should be preceded by kind words, playfulness and kisses. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to play with his wives and kiss them.

When a man has intercourse with his wife, he should say: “Bismillaah, Allaahumma jannibnaa al-shaytaan wa jannib al-shaytaan maa razqtanaa (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah Keep us away from the Shaytaan and keep the Shaytaan away from what You bestow on us (our children)).” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: If Allaah decrees that they should have a child, the Shaytaan will never harm him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/187)

It is permissible for the husband to have intercourse with his wife in her vagina in whatever manner he wishes, from behind or from the front, on the condition that it is in her vagina, which is the place from which a child is born. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Jews used to say that if a man had intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind, the child would have a squint. Then this aayah was revealed: Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “From the front or from the back, so long as it is in the vagina.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 8/154; Muslim, 4/156).

It is not permissible for the husband under any circumstances whatsoever to have intercourse with his wife in her back passage. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. It is known that the place of tilth is the vagina, which is the place from which one hopes for a child. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is cursed who has intercourse with women in their back passages.” (Narrated by Ibn ‘Udayy, 1/211; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 105). This is because it [anal intercourse] goes against the fitrah [natural inclinations of man] and is an action which is revolting to those of a sound human nature; it also causes the woman to miss out on her share of pleasure; and the back passage is a place of filth and dirt – and there are other reasons which confirm the fact that this deed is haraam. For more information see Question #1103.

If a man has intercourse with his wife and wants to come back to her a second time, he should do wudoo’, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any one of you has intercourse with his wife then wants to repeat it, let him do wudoo’ between the two (actions), for it is more energizing for the second time.” (Narrated by Muslim, 1/171). This is mustahabb (recommended), not waajib (obligatory); if he is able to do ghusl between the two actions, this is better, because of the hadeeth of Abu Raafi’ who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went around his wives one day and did ghusl in this one’s house and in this one’s house. He (Abu Raafi’) said: I said to him, O Messenger of Allaah, why do you not do one ghusl? He said, “This is cleaner and better and purer.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and al-Nasaa’i, 1/79)

One or both of the spouses have to do ghusl in the following situations:

when the “two circumcised parts” meet, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When the circumcised part meets the circumcised part (according to another report: when the circumcised part touches the circumcised part), ghusl becomes waajib (obligatory).” (Narrated by Ahmad and Muslim, no. 526). This ghusl is obligatory whether ejaculation takes place or not. The touching of the circumcised parts means that the glans or tip of the penis penetrates the vagina; it does not mean mere touching.

Emission of semen, even if the two circumcised parts do not touch, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Water is for water [i.e., the water of ghusl is necessary when the “water” of semen is ejaculated].” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 1/269).

Al-Baghawi said in Sharh al-Sunnah (2/9): “Ghusl for janaabah [impurity following sexual discharge] is waajib in either of two cases: when the tip of the penis enters the vagina, or when gushing water is emitted by either the man or the woman.” For more information on the details of ghusl as prescribed in sharee’ah, see Question # 415. It is permissible for the husband and wife to do ghusl together in one place, even if he sees her and she sees him, because of the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl together from one vessel between me and him; we would take turns dipping our hands in the vessel and he would take more than me until I would say, ‘Leave some for me, leave some for me.’” She said, and they were both junub (in a state of janaabah). Narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim.

It is permissible for a person who has to make ghusl to sleep and delay the ghusl until before the time of prayer, but it is definitely mustahabb for him to do wudoo’ before sleeping, because of the hadeeth of ‘Umar, who said that he asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), Can any one of us sleep when he is junub? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Yes, but let him do wudoo’ if he wishes.” (Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, 232).

It is forbidden to have intercourse with a woman when she is menstruating (having her period), because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an adhaa (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have prufieied themselves, then go in unto them as Allaah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina). Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers, etc.).” [al-Baqarah 2:222]. The person who has intercourse with his wife whilst she is menstruating has to give a dinar or half a dinar in charity, as it was reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) obliged a man to do when he came and asked him about that. This was reported by the authors of al-Sunan and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 122. But it is permissible for the husband to enjoy his menstruating wife without having intercourse, because of the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would tell one of us, when she was menstruating, to wear a waist-wrapper, then her husband would lie with her.” (Agreed upon).

It is permissible for the husband to withdraw (‘azl) if he does not want to have a child; by the same token it is permissible for him to use condoms – if his wife gives her permission, because she has the right to pleasure and to children. The evidence for this is the hadeeth of Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said, “We used to do ‘azl at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) heard about that, and he did not forbid us.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/250; Muslim, 4/160).

But it is better not to do any of that, for several reasons, including the fact that it deprives the woman of pleasure or reduces the pleasure for her; and that it cancels out one of the purposes of marriage, which is to increase the number of offspring, as mentioned above.

It is forbidden for both spouses to spread the secrets of what happens between them in their private marital life; indeed, this is one of the most evil things. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Among the most evil of people before Allaah on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who comes to his wife and has intercourse with her, then he spreads her secrets.” (Narrated by Muslim, 4/157).

It was reported from Asmaa’ bint Yazeed that she was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and men and women were sitting with him, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Would any man say what he did with his wife? Would any woman tell others what she did with her husband?” The people kept quiet and did not answer. I [Asmaa’] said: “Yes, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, they (women) do that, and they (men) do that.” He said, “Do not do that. It is like a male devil meeting a female devil in the road and having intercourse with her whilst the people are watching.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, no. 1/339; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 143).

This is what we were able to mention about the etiquette of sexual relations. Praise be to Allaah Who has guided us to this great religion with its sublime manners. Praise be to Allaah Who has shown us the best of this world and the next. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.


Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid