Complete solution for addiction to masturbation and pornography

This is a delicate subject and some people have strong opinions about it. Therefore please, if interested in the subject, read the whole article to understand the point.

Teen Years
The human mind during the teen years, due to physiological changes, is constantly reminded of sex and sexuality. At this age a human's sexuality is the most active. It is very important that Muslim teenagers learn how to deal with it, and it is our duty to teach them on this important subject.

Required understanding: Who are the best believers? What does being Muslim really mean?
Being Muslim means submitting to Allah. True Muslims are those who have completely, totally, devoted their lives to Islam. Their only wish is to serve Allah. They spend all of their everyday lives doing what they believe is Allah's wish. They live for Islam. They have let go of their ego, of their 'personal lives', they know their owner, their master and their guide is Allah. You might ask, "THIS IS SLAVERY!". Yes it is. We are Allah's powerless slaves. Do you think otherwise?

The best Muslims during the Prophet's times were those whose only desire was avoiding the fire of Jahannam and entering Jannah. This is what they thought about most of their waking time, as Surah Al-Imran mentions:

Those who remember God (always, and in prayers) standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and think deeply about the creation of the heavens and the earth, (saying): "Our Lord! You have not created (all) this without purpose, glory to You! (Exalted be You above all that they associate with You as partners). Give us salvation from the torment of the Fire. [Quran, 3:190]

This is the type of humans that Islam aims to create.

In contrast, most unguided people are obsessed with gratifying their desires. They eat, please themselves in different ways and sleep, as the Quran says, just like animals.

Islam's Ruling on Masturbation

The late prominent scholar Sheikh Mustafa Az-Zarqa, may Allah bless his soul, has analyzed the issue of masturbation in detail and, after discussing the different views of scholars and jurists regarding it, issued the following fatwa:

“The only legal text used as evidence for the prohibition of masturbation is Allah’s saying describing the believers: “Those who guard their sexual organs except with their spouses or those whom their right hands possess, for (with regard to them) they are without blame. But those who crave something beyond that are transgressors.” (Al-Mu'mun: 5-7)

Commenting on this verse, some scholars hold the view that this habit (masturbation) falls under the category of those who seek fulfillment of their sexual desires outside the framework of marriage, and as such they are deemed transgressors. Those scholars put masturbation under the list of the forbidden categories of sexual fulfillment since it constitutes transgression of boundaries. This view is held by the Shafi`ites (followers of the Shafi`i school of Fiqh).

Is it haram or not then?
It is haram. Masturbation is not allowed and it is a sin. You might have a good reason, but it will still be a sin, just like the way you can have a good reason for stealing.
Some people say (including a scholar) that semen is something that needs to excreted. I don't think this is correct. Because a male's body does this automatically when he has too many sperms. He will have what is known as a wet dream, which is a perfectly normal and acceptable thing.
Problems that stem from masturbation

1. To Masturbate is to fall short of Islam's high morals. The best believers would never masturbate since they have completely devoted their lives to Islam. They welcome pain and hardship since they know it is better for their future. And resisting sexual temptations is a great act of self-discipline and contribute greatly to a person's spiritual growth, and there will sure be great rewards for it in the Hereafter.
2. Masturbation edges on sin. And as humans in a situation like this, we can never be sure if our actions are according to Islam or we have transgressed.
3. Masturbation can obsess a person's mind with sex. Some teenagers report on online forums that all they think about during the day and night is sex. How can someone like this help the world become a better place?
4. Masturbation will make the person lose self-respect.
5. For a male, losing semen can cause problems. To quote one of their readers: "I didn't masturbate until I was 17 years old. I didn't exercise much and yet I had this amazing 8 pack. I started masturbating about 1- 5 times a day and my 8 pack turned into a vague 4 pack. I noticed muscle loss in other parts of my body as well and I started having back problems and my eyes started getting really dry." The problem could have been caused by the high frequency. A book called The Garden of Fertility says typically a man needs 36 hours to replenish ejaculated sperm [copyright 2004, Katie Singer]. I expect when a man ejaculates more frequently than is healthy, his body will go into overdrive, trying to compensate for the lost semen by burning muscle protein to create energy. And for the dry eyes, I have read that tears and semen share some components. Since the body gives priority to procreation, the amount of fluid in the eyes and/or the helpful lubricants inside the fluid decrease.
6. Masturbation can cause the individual to miss prayers, since a male cannot pray after ejaculation until he makes ghusl (takes a shower). This can be problematic when he lives with parents, who might embarrass him by asking why he showered twice in one day.
7. For females, inserting a finger or an object into the vagina can break the hymen.

Pornography
Muslims are not allowed to invigorate their sexual appetite so that they have to masturbate.
The best Muslims are those who dedicate all of their time to serving Allah by (but not limited to) doing useful work, learning about Islam, socializing with people, and making a living. A Muslim must also take care of his or her mind and body's needs. One should eat and enjoy food when hungry. But watching porn is like swallowing a pill that induces hunger after you have eaten. It traps the person in a vicious cycle of never ending desire, exhausting the person's body and mind.
As mentioned earlier, it is the unguided nations that are only after gratifying their desires. Islam is the opposite of this.

Punishment for watching pornography
Watching porn is, as I said, like taking a hunger pill. By watching porn one is rejecting all of Islam's great teachings, transgressing on Allah's limits, and accepting to descend the ladder of enlightenment to the darkest pits of ignorance. That is what a Muslim is not, that is what Islam came to stop people from doing.
By watching porn a person doesn't just commit one crime, rather a plethora of others. Such as wasting time, weakening relationships, abusing the body and mind, letting life pass one by, forgetting the Day of Judgment, and most importantly, ignoring Allah's existence. Therefore, watching porn, even though it is a simple act in itself, indicates critical deviation from Islam's teachings.
From this study I have realized that watching porn is not the problem, it is a symptom of deeper problems. A well educated Muslim knows that the purpose of life is not chasing pleasures, it is accomplishing Islam's missions.

Solution
About resisting temptation

Researchers from Duke University, the University of Southern California, and the University of Pennsylvania found that asking college students about their vices actually causes them to stop resisting temptation. "We demonstrate that asking consumers to report their expectations regarding how often they will perform a vice behavior increases the incidence of these behaviors." Resisting temptation is difficult when you think about that which you're trying to resist!

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy: the study participants thought they'd succumb, so they did. Resisting temptation was difficult because of their thought processes.

Resisting the temptation to shop

Regarding purchasing power, these researchers found that even seemingly kind or harmless questions about advertised products lowers consumers' will. That is, even a few gentle questions leads people to purchase products they wouldn't normally buy - which makes resisting temptation difficult. The more they talk about the product, the more they give into their desires and the less they resist temptation. In fact, the Law of Attraction came alive and their thoughts became action.

Not surprisingly, these results were especially evident in people with low self-control. The lower your self-control is, the more trouble you'll have resisting temptation.

To resist temptation, turn temptation around. Instead of thinking about not eating chocolate chip cookies, focus on eating fresh fruit or veggies, or going out for a walk or run. Your focus will go far in resisting temptation. Instead of focusing on not gambling, think about other ways to spend your money. Those other ways will help you resist temptation. Instead of thinking about not surfing the internet, consider the benefits of sleeping all night long or spending time with family or friends. The more you learn about resisting temptation, the easier it'll get.

From Resisting Temptation on Suite101.com

To apply this to masturbation, Muslims should spend their time serving Allah. By focusing on working for Islam, the thought of masturbation will leave their minds.
How to serve Allah
What kinds of things can you do to serve Allah? I know that each of us is different, and some of my suggestions might not work for you. That is why you have to get creative. Use that brain!

1. Submit your soul to Allah. Tame your mind. Learn to think like this; "Everything, every second of my life, is meant to serve Allah. I am made for serving Allah. What is the best thing I can do right now to serve Allah?" This will reprogram your brain to start working for Allah's favor, not your own personal one.
2. Educate yourself in Islam. Start with books about Islamic belief, not Shari'ah ! Shari'ah won't do you much good if you do not have a strong moral and spiritual base that can allow applying it. It is like wanting to play a CD without a CD-player. The first thing you should do is read books on correct Islamic thinking.
3. Follow Islam to the fullest. Don't miss fajr prayers. Pray all of the prayers on time. Train your self-discipline. It is like a muscle, the more you train it, the stronger it gets.
4. Read Qur'an.
5. Start learning Arabic.
6. Start a blog on Islam. Make some friends. This will help you feel more accountable to your actions. Write about your growth in Islam. (But as a commenter pointed out, getting online is dangerous in itself because of all the tempting things we are shown on most websites. So it might be a good idea to stay away from the internet until you have enough self-discipline to resist temptation.)
7. Don't give up. I've read that a person needs 21 days to start a new habit. Spend all of this time teaching your brain the fact that you are Allah's servant, not your own personal desires'. And...
8. You will be sure to succeed. If you follow the teachings of this study follow, it will be impossible for you to fail.
9. Islam is not an easy religion. Giving up masturbation and resisting temptation is very hard too. Islam is very challenging. There is no 'beating' it. There are always higher grounds to conquer. But it is fun and will make you a strong, mature person. I wouldn't trade the sense of working for a higher purpose (the highest purpose!), the sense of having a great mission, for all the money and power in the world.
10. Tell your friends about this page.

Conclusion
Masturbation and porn are both parts of the darkness that Islam has come to enlighten. We have to devote our souls, our selves, totally to Islam. We have to stop thinking from a "me" perspective, we should train ourselves to think from an "Allah's servant" one.

Zina of heart,tongue and eyes

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah

Al-Salaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmat-Allaahi Wa Barakaatuhu (Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings)

Allaah has commanded us to lower our gaze and has forbidden us to look at women because of the great evil and mischief that result from that. For looking is the harbinger of zina (unlawful sexual relationships) – Allaah forbid. Hence it says in the hadeeth that Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina, which will inevitably catch up with him, and the zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking; the heart wishes and hopes and the private parts confirm that or deny it.” [Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Qadar, 6122].

So if a person lowers his gaze and refrains from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden, how could he be motivated to commit immoral actions? What the Muslim must do is to keep away from everything that may lead to immorality, whether that is looking at women, or thinking thoughts that provoke and increase desire. Whoever does those things will only make more worry and distress for himself, to no avail.

As the poet said: “If you let your gaze wander, this will cause you a lot of heartache.

You will see things that you will desire but you are unable to acquire them, yet you are unable to bear that with patience.”

“How many looks have been fatal to the heart of the one who looked, as fatal as an arrow, but with no bow and no string.”

And it was said that being patient in lowering one's gaze is easier than trying to put up with the pain that comes afterwards.

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)” [Al-Noor 24:30]

“And let those who oppose the Messenger’s (Muhammad’s) commandment (i.e. his Sunnah legal ways, orders, acts of worship, statements) (among the sects) beware, lest some Fitnah (disbelief, trials, afflictions, earthquakes, killing, overpowered by a tyrant) should befall them or a painful torment be inflicted on them” [Al-Noor 24:63]

This is a command from Allaah to His believing slaves to lower their gaze and refrain from looking at that which is forbidden to them. So they should not look at anything except that which they are permitted to look at, and they should lower their gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things. If it so happens that a person’s gaze accidentally falls upon something forbidden, he should quickly avert his gaze. [Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/282]

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts” [Al-Ahzaab 33:53]

It was narrated that Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allah said: “I asked the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) about a sudden glance, and he commended me to avert my gaze.” [Narrated by Muslim 2159]

Al-Nawawi said: What is meant by a “sudden glance”? It is when a person’s glance unintentionally falls upon a non-mahram woman. There is no sin on him for the first glance, but he must avert his gaze immediately. If he averts his gaze immediately there is no sin on him, but if he continues looking, then he will be a sinner, because of this hadeeth, for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded him to avert his gaze, and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [Al-Noor 24:30]

There are means which help a person to lower his gaze, and we ask Allaah to help you to do them:

1 – Bearing in mind the fact that Allah is watching you, that He sees you and is with you (by His Knowledge) wherever you go. It may be secretive glance of which your neighbors is unaware, but Allaah know of it. Allah Says (interpretation of the meaning): “Allah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal” [Quran – (Ghaafir 40:19)]

2 – Seeking the help of Allah, beseeching Him and calling upon Him (du’aa) Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And your Lord said: Invoke Me {i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything, I will respond to your Invocation. [Quran – (Ghaafir 40:60)]

3 – You should know that every blessing you enjoy comes from Allah, and requires that you should give thanks, Part of the gratitude for the blessing of sight means that you should protect it from looking at that which Allah has forbidden. Is there any reward for good, other than good? [cf. Al-Rahmaan 55:60]

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah [Quran – (Al-Nahl 16:53)]

4 – Striving with your self and training yourself to lower your gaze and be patient in doing so, and not giving up. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah’s religion — Islamic Monotheism)” [Quran - (Al-Ankaboot 29:69)]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allaah will make him patient…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1400)

5 – Avoiding places where a person feels he will be exposed to the temptation of looking, if he can manage to avoid them, such as going to marketplaces or malls, and sitting in the street. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of sitting in the street.” They said, “We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk.” He said, “If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights.” They said, “What are the rights of the street?” He said, “Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2333; Muslim, 2121).

6 – You should realize that you have no choice in this matter, regardless of what the circumstances are and no matter how great the temptation or motive to do evil, and no matter what emotions and overwhelming desires stir in your heart. You must lower your gaze and refrain from looking at haraam things in all places and at all times. You cannot use excuses such as the environment being corrupt or justify your mistakes by saying that there is a lot of temptation around. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error” [Al-Ahzaab 33:36]

7 – Doing a lot of naafil acts of worship, because doing a lot of them whilst also regularly doing obligatory acts of worship is a means of protecting one's physical faculties. According to a hadeeth qudsi, Allaah said: “… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory (naafil) works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (Al-Bukhaari, 6137)

8 – Remembering that the earth on which sin is committed will bear witness. Allaah says: “That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil)” [Al-Zalzalah 99:4]

9 – Remembering the angels who are recording your deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of mankind) to watch you, Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your deeds),They know all that you do” [Quran - (Al-Infitaar 82:10-12)]

10 – Bearing in mind some of the texts which forbid letting the gaze wander freely, such as the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [Al-Noor 24:30]

11 – Avoiding looking unnecessarily, so that you only look at what you need to look at, and you do not let your gaze wander right and left so that it falls upon something the effects and fitnah of which cannot be got rid of quickly.

12 – Marriage, which is one of the most effective remedies. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1806; Muslim, 1400).

13 – Fasting – because of the hadeeth quoted above.

14 – Doing obligatory acts of worship as Allaah has commanded, such as prayer. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahshaa’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)” [Quran - (Al-‘Ankaboot 29:45)]

15 – Remembering al-hoor al-‘ayn, which will give you a motive to be patient in avoiding that which Allaah has forbidden, hoping to get al-hoor al-‘ayn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Companions of Equal Age” [Quran – (Al-Naba’ 78:33]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “… If a woman of the people of Paradise were to look out over the people of this earth, it would light up everything in between and fill it with fragrance, and the veil of her head is better than this world and everything in it.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2643).

16 – Bearing in mind the shortcomings of the one who is looked at and the filth and waste material they carry in their gut.

17 – Being ambitious and focusing on nobler things.

18 – Checking on yourself from time to time and striving to make yourself lower your gaze whilst realizing that everyone makes mistakes.

19 – Thinking of the pain and regret that will result from this looking, and the effects of letting one’s gaze wander.

20 – Understanding the benefits of lowering one's gaze, as mentioned above.

21 – Bringing up this topic in meetings and gatherings, and explaining its dangers.

22 – Advising your relatives, telling them not to wear clothes that attract attention and show their attractions, such as how they dress, wearing bright colours, how they walk, speaking too softly, etc.

23 – Warding off passing thoughts and whispers from the Shaytaan before they take hold and are acted upon. Whoever lowers his gaze after the first glance will be saved from innumerable problems, but if he keeps looking he cannot be certain that seeds that will be difficult to remove will not be planted in his heart.

25 – Being afraid of a bad end, and of feeling regret at the point of death.

26 – Keeping company with good people, because you are naturally affected by the characteristics of the people you mix with, and a person will follow the way of his close friend, and a friend will pull you to follow his way.

27 – Knowing that the zina of the eye is looking, and that should be sufficient to put you off. Adapted from an essay entitled Ghadd al-Basr (Lowering the Gaze) by a student of sharee’ah.

We ask Allaah to guide us all. And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

And Allaah knows best.

Kissing the wife in front of children

What amount of affection can a husband and wife display in front of their children . Can they hug, kiss lightly, hold hands in front of their children?.
Praise be to Allaah.

The Islamic ruling on this matter is as follows:

Firstly: If this hugging and kissing is of the type that takes place between husband and wife when they are alone, then it is not permissible to do it in front of the children whether they are little or big. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Let your slaves and slave‑girls, and those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask your permission (before they come to your presence) on three occasions: before Fajr (morning) Salaah (prayer), and while you put off your clothes for the noonday (rest), and after the ‘Isha’ (night) Salaah (prayer). (These) three times are of privacy for you; other than these times there is no sin on you or on them to move about, attending to each other. Thus Allaah makes clear the Ayaat (the Verses of this Qur’aan, showing proofs for the legal aspects of permission for visits) to you. And Allaah is All‑Knowing, All‑Wise.

59. And when the children among you come to puberty, then let them (also) ask for permission, as those senior to them (in age). Thus Allaah makes clear His Ayaat (Commandments and legal obligations) for you. And Allaah is All‑Knowing, All‑Wise”

[al-Noor 24:58-59]

Ibn Katheer said: Here servants and children are commanded not to intrude upon the adults of the household at these times, lest the man be in a position of intimacy with his wife and so on. (3/401).

If children are obliged to seek permission lest they see something of that which takes place between husband and wife, then what about doing such things openly in a deliberate manner? Look at the etiquette that was observed in the household of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and how the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) transmitted the details of his life.

The following was narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning that:

It was narrated from Kurayb the freed slave of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas told him that he stayed overnight with Maymoonah, the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who was his maternal aunt. He said: I lay my head on the end of the pillow and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his wife placed their heads on its side. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) slept until midnight, or shortly before or after, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) woke and started to rub the sleep from his eyes with his hands. Then he recited the last ten verses of Aal ‘Imraan…

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4571; Muslim, 763.

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: This indicates that it is permissible for a man to sleep alongside his wife without being intimate with her in the presence of one of her mahrams, even if he has reached the age of discernment. Al-Qaadi said: In some versions of this hadeeth it says: Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I stayed overnight with my maternal aunt one night when she was menstruating. Even though the isnaad of this version is not saheeh, it contains a very interesting idea, because Ibn ‘Abbaas would not have asked to stay overnight on a night when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) may have wanted to be intimate with his wife, and his father would not have sent him there unless he knew that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have no need to be intimate with his wife – because it is well known that he would not have been intimate with her when Ibn ‘Abbaas was there sharing the same pillow with them and he was watching to see what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did, and he did not sleep or he only slept a little.

Sharh Muslim, 6/46

In addition, doing such things openly is an action that is contrary to honour and decency.

Al-Maawardi said: Honour and decency means making sure that one’s deeds befit the circumstances so that no deeds may appear abhorrent or blameworthy.

Adab al-Dunya wa’l-Deen, 392.

The negative effects that such behaviour has on the children’s upbringing is sufficient reason not to do it, for children are created with the natural instinct to imitate their parents in all their affairs. So there is the fear that one of them may try to do that out of ignorance and a lack of understanding of what he is doing, and this is bad enough. Moreover there is no guarantee that small children talk to others about what they have seen, and it is obvious that this will cause embarrassment and loss of geerah (protective jealousy)

Secondly: If the affection that the husband and wife show in front of the children is of the kind that is usually shown, namely compassion, kindness and care, which will fill the house with peace and respect and happiness, especially on occasions such as Eid etc, that is permissible.

Showing that kind of affection will have an effect on the children’s peace of mind and will make them sense that there is mutual understanding and harmony in their family. There is nothing wrong with showing that kind of affection, but only as much as is necessary and without doing anything that is forbidden. And Allaah knows best.


Islam Q&A

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/31773/kissing

Maldivian girls forced to have sex during menses

Do you know why am writing this post. It’s very sad that many Maldivian girls have faced a similar situation mentioned in the below article.
A few months back I met a Doctor who is working in IGMH, he told me about a shocking trend in Maldives.
Many girls came to IGMH to consult doctors because their “vaginas” have “some problem”, because of which they faced problems in urinating and severe bleeding. Most admitted that they have been forced to have sexual intercourse during menses.

Many Maldivian girls, who are married, faced this difficult situation. Their husbands forcing them to have intercourse while they are in menses, which is strongly forbidden in Islam and which has a lot of health risks associated with it.
For some girls, this is intolerable, against human nature; others went tolerate it for the sake of their marriage, till health risks were arisen.
Read the following paragraphs carefully. It seems like cry of a Maldivian girl who has faced this bitter situation.

Question: I recently married and my husband has on several occasions had intercourse with me during my menses. Despite my refusal he still would not listen, due to which I am greatly distressed. I am also greatly concerned about the future because I am sure he would do the same. I would like to ask you, that if he attempts to do so again, do I have the right to forcefully stop him or not? Will I be sinful for not doing so?
In the state of menstruation, it is permissible for the husband and wife to lay together, kissing and caressing is also allowed. However, to fulfil ones desires to the extent of having intercourse is strictly prohibited. It is also mentioned in the Holy Qur’an:
“O Muhammed, they ask you concerning menstruation. Say: it is an impurity, so keep away from women in their menstruation and do not approach them till they are purified.” (Surah Baqarah)
In a Hadith, the Prophet has mentioned:
“That person who has intercourse with his wife whilst she is menstruating or that person who has intercourse in the unnatural place (anus) or that person who goes to a fortune teller, he has refuted that religion which has been revealed to me.” (Tirmizhi)
Therefore in light of the Qur’an and Hadith, to have intercourse during menstruation in not only strictly prohibited, but a major sin. It has been mentioned in another Hadith:
“That person who has intercourse with his wife whilst she is menstruating should give half a dinar in charity.” (Tirmizhi)
In our terms fifty pence or something to its value.
Furthermore, intercourse during menstruation for both man and woman results in many severe illnesses. This fact has been acknowledged by doctors past and present.
If the Husband in an uncontrollable desire forces his wife to have intercourse even though she is menstruating, it is obligatory for her to refuse. If she does not do so, she will also be sinful. If the woman refuses despite the insistence of her husband, she will not be sinful, rather she will be rewarded for abstaining from sin and causing her husband to do so too. From those sins which Islam has classified as ‘major’, one of them is having sexual relations in the state of menstruation. If the husband due to his overriding passions finds it difficult to control himself then during the days of menstruation, separate sleeping arrangements should be made. Furthermore, both parties should continue to repent for this sin thus far.

Answer From: Shaikh Nazeer Ahmed Qasmi – Head Mufti, Darul Uloom Rahimiya, Bandipora, Kashmir:

What constitutes intercourse?

What is meant by intercourse? Is any kind of foreplay regarded as intercourse?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Not all kinds of foreplay are regarded as intercourse; rather intercourse is when the tip of the penis disappears fully into the vagina. If that happens, then intercourse has taken place; if no penetration occurs or if only part of the tip penetrates but not all of it, then this is not intercourse. This is what is indicated by the ahaadeeth:

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man sits between the four parts (arms and legs of his wife) and has intercourse with her, then ghusl is obligatory.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 291; Muslim, 525.

The phrase translated as “[has intercourse with her]” is a metaphor for inserting the penis into the vagina. This was stated by al-Haafiz in al-Fath.

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man sits between the four parts (arms and legs of his wife) and the one circumcised part touches the other, then ghusl is obligatory.” Narrated by Muslim, 349.

Al-Nawawi said in Sharh Muslim:

With regard to the phrase “and the one circumcised part touches the other, then ghusl is obligatory”: the scholars said: what this means is when your penis disappears into her vagina; it does not mean touching in a real sense. That is because the circumcised part of a woman is above the vagina, and the penis does not touch it during intercourse. The scholars are unanimously agreed that if he places his penis on the circumcised part and does not enter (the vagina), then no ghusl is required, neither for him nor for her.

The fact that what is meant is what we have mentioned and that what is meant by touching is the two parts coming in line with one another is indicated by the other report, “when the two circumcised parts meet” i.e., coming in line with one another.

It says in al-Majmoo’ (2/150):

The obligation of ghusl and all other rulings that have to do with intercourse are subject to the condition that the tip of the penis disappears completely into the vagina, and they are not dependent on more than that. None of the rulings have to with part of the tip disappearing only. End quote.

Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath:

What is meant by touching and meeting is coming in line with one another, which is indicated by a report narrated by al-Tirmidhi. It does not mean touching in a literal sense, because that does not happen when the tip of the penis disappears. End quote.

Al-Shawkaani said: The ahaadeeth mention the words coming in line with one another, meeting, touching, but what is meant by meeting is coming in line with one another.

Al-Qaadi Abu Bakr said: If the tip of the penis disappears into the vagina, then ‘meeting’ has taken place. End quote.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

It is well known that the site of circumcision is above the tip. As that is the case, then it cannot touch the site of circumcision of the woman until the tip has penetrated. Hence it is stipulated that for ghusl following intercourse to be obligatory, the tip must disappear. It is narrated in some versions of the hadeeth of ‘Abd-‘Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas: “When the two circumcised parts meet and the tip of the penis disappears, then ghusl becomes obligatory.” End quote. Narrate by Ibn Maajah, 611; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah.

Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 11/323

Based on this, what is meant by the one circumcised part touching the other and the meeting of the two circumcised parts is when the site of circumcision of the man comes into line with the site of circumcision of the woman, and that happens when the entire tip of the penis disappears into the vagina. If the tip of the penis disappears into the vagina then intercourse has taken place and ghusl is required.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Using a machine that leads to orgasm

I have an embarrassing question, but need to know. If a woman uses a massager on her vagina, is this considered masturbation. What is the ruling concerning using this if the woman is under alot of stress and sees good-looking men at work but her husband is living in another country?
Praise be to Allaah.
You have to keep away from everything that leads to a provocation of desire, for these means will no doubt ultimately lead you to fall into doing the “secret habit”, which is haraam. What counts is doing that which leads to a climax, whether that is done directly by the hand or by using a machine whose vibrations lead to a climax. So strive against yourself (jihaad al-nafs) and do not do that. You must keep away from and avoid places where you may mix with men, because that is haraam according to sharee’ah, because the Shaytaan will make you commit evil actions so long as you meet with them every day, especially since your husband is absent. You have to get in touch with your husband and tell him that he has to be there so that you will not end up doing something haraam. And Allaah knows best.Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Intercourse and masturbation with one's fiancee

I have a young friend who had excepted the Islamic faith some time ago. Prior to excepting his new Faith he was sexually active with his girlfriend. After excepting his new Faith he would masterbate to relieve him of his sexual tensions. I advised him that masturbating was forbidden as well. Now he is engaged to be married in a couple of years and him and his Fiance have sex and masterbate for each other. The reason for the delay in the marriage is that they are financially unstable at this point. He wants to know if masterbation and intercourse is permisble under these circumstances and if they are not what can he do to remedy this?
Praise be to Allaah.

We praise Allaah for having blessed your friend and guided him to Islam, as we ask Allaah to make him steadfast in adhering to it until death. He has succeeded in attaining the greatest achievement in life, which is coming forth from the darkness of kufr and shirk to the light of Islam and guidance, and the worship of Allaah alone with no partner or associate. Whatever blameworthy former customs are left, it will be easy for him to give them up in sha Allaah, if he seeks the help of Allaah, because whoever gives up the religion that he grew up in and enters the true religion, it will become easy for him to give up the habits that he was accustomed to during his jaahiliyyah. The secret habit (i.e. masturbation) is a disease which harms the one who does it. See question no. 329, 12277.

So he has to give up this bad habit and follow the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said, “ Young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering one’s gaze and guarding one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford that, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065; Muslim, 1400).

With regard to his question about having sex with his fiancée – if what he means by fiancée is the woman with whom he has made a marriage contract according to sharee’ah, then whatever sexual activities he does with her are correct, good and halaal. But if he is referring to a woman to whom he has proposed marriage but has not yet made a marriage contract, then what they are doing is haraam and is a kind of zina (fornication or adultery) and evil action, and both of them have exposed themselves to the wrath and punishment of Allaah.

The fact that he is financially unable to get married does not justify doing the things that he has done with his fiancée, if he had not made a proper marriage contract with her. It should be noted that the fiancée is considered to be a stranger (non-mahram) to the fiancé, like any other non-mahram woman, so it is not permissible for him to be alone with her, or for her to masturbate him with her hand, or for him to kiss her, or for him to speak to her unless that is for a specific purpose and from behind a screen and without any feelings of desire. See question no. 8994.

The solution in this case is for him to do the marriage contract with her, because if he does the marriage contract with a woman it is then permissible for him to do everything with her, as she has now become his wife, even if the wedding party has not yet taken place. See question no. 13886.

It is also permissible for a husband to be masturbated by his wife’s hand. See question no. 826.

If he is not able to get married, then he has to be patient, as stated above. And Allaah is the Source of strength.


Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid