Her husband had intercourse with her and he did not know that she was menstruating

What does my husband have to do in repentance if he has intercourse with me and I discovered aftter we were finished that my period had come ?

Praise be to Allaah.

If a man has intercourse with his wife and does not know that she is menstruating, then there is no blame on him. It says in a hadeeth narrated from Abu Dharr al-Ghifaari that the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Allaah will forgive my ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, al-Talaaq, 2033; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah, 1662).

But the wife should tell him of her situation and let him know that she is bleeding in menstruation, because a man may not realize that and he may have intercourse with her whilst she is menstruating, which is haraam according to sharee’ah. In that case the sin is on her. Menstrual blood is something that is well known to women, and when it starts the woman is considered to be menstruating.

If what happened happened without either party knowing, then they are not sinners, because they did not know and they did not do it deliberately. And Allaah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
Islam QA

Zina of heart,tongue and eyes

Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah

Al-Salaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmat-Allaahi Wa Barakaatuhu (Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings)

Allaah has commanded us to lower our gaze and has forbidden us to look at women because of the great evil and mischief that result from that. For looking is the harbinger of zina (unlawful sexual relationships) – Allaah forbid. Hence it says in the hadeeth that Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina, which will inevitably catch up with him, and the zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking; the heart wishes and hopes and the private parts confirm that or deny it.” [Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Qadar, 6122].

So if a person lowers his gaze and refrains from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden, how could he be motivated to commit immoral actions? What the Muslim must do is to keep away from everything that may lead to immorality, whether that is looking at women, or thinking thoughts that provoke and increase desire. Whoever does those things will only make more worry and distress for himself, to no avail.

As the poet said: “If you let your gaze wander, this will cause you a lot of heartache.

You will see things that you will desire but you are unable to acquire them, yet you are unable to bear that with patience.”

“How many looks have been fatal to the heart of the one who looked, as fatal as an arrow, but with no bow and no string.”

And it was said that being patient in lowering one's gaze is easier than trying to put up with the pain that comes afterwards.

Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)” [Al-Noor 24:30]

“And let those who oppose the Messenger’s (Muhammad’s) commandment (i.e. his Sunnah legal ways, orders, acts of worship, statements) (among the sects) beware, lest some Fitnah (disbelief, trials, afflictions, earthquakes, killing, overpowered by a tyrant) should befall them or a painful torment be inflicted on them” [Al-Noor 24:63]

This is a command from Allaah to His believing slaves to lower their gaze and refrain from looking at that which is forbidden to them. So they should not look at anything except that which they are permitted to look at, and they should lower their gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things. If it so happens that a person’s gaze accidentally falls upon something forbidden, he should quickly avert his gaze. [Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/282]

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts” [Al-Ahzaab 33:53]

It was narrated that Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allah said: “I asked the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) about a sudden glance, and he commended me to avert my gaze.” [Narrated by Muslim 2159]

Al-Nawawi said: What is meant by a “sudden glance”? It is when a person’s glance unintentionally falls upon a non-mahram woman. There is no sin on him for the first glance, but he must avert his gaze immediately. If he averts his gaze immediately there is no sin on him, but if he continues looking, then he will be a sinner, because of this hadeeth, for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded him to avert his gaze, and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [Al-Noor 24:30]

There are means which help a person to lower his gaze, and we ask Allaah to help you to do them:

1 – Bearing in mind the fact that Allah is watching you, that He sees you and is with you (by His Knowledge) wherever you go. It may be secretive glance of which your neighbors is unaware, but Allaah know of it. Allah Says (interpretation of the meaning): “Allah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal” [Quran – (Ghaafir 40:19)]

2 – Seeking the help of Allah, beseeching Him and calling upon Him (du’aa) Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And your Lord said: Invoke Me {i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything, I will respond to your Invocation. [Quran – (Ghaafir 40:60)]

3 – You should know that every blessing you enjoy comes from Allah, and requires that you should give thanks, Part of the gratitude for the blessing of sight means that you should protect it from looking at that which Allah has forbidden. Is there any reward for good, other than good? [cf. Al-Rahmaan 55:60]

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah [Quran – (Al-Nahl 16:53)]

4 – Striving with your self and training yourself to lower your gaze and be patient in doing so, and not giving up. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah’s religion — Islamic Monotheism)” [Quran - (Al-Ankaboot 29:69)]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allaah will make him patient…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1400)

5 – Avoiding places where a person feels he will be exposed to the temptation of looking, if he can manage to avoid them, such as going to marketplaces or malls, and sitting in the street. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of sitting in the street.” They said, “We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk.” He said, “If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights.” They said, “What are the rights of the street?” He said, “Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2333; Muslim, 2121).

6 – You should realize that you have no choice in this matter, regardless of what the circumstances are and no matter how great the temptation or motive to do evil, and no matter what emotions and overwhelming desires stir in your heart. You must lower your gaze and refrain from looking at haraam things in all places and at all times. You cannot use excuses such as the environment being corrupt or justify your mistakes by saying that there is a lot of temptation around. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error” [Al-Ahzaab 33:36]

7 – Doing a lot of naafil acts of worship, because doing a lot of them whilst also regularly doing obligatory acts of worship is a means of protecting one's physical faculties. According to a hadeeth qudsi, Allaah said: “… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory (naafil) works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (Al-Bukhaari, 6137)

8 – Remembering that the earth on which sin is committed will bear witness. Allaah says: “That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil)” [Al-Zalzalah 99:4]

9 – Remembering the angels who are recording your deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of mankind) to watch you, Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your deeds),They know all that you do” [Quran - (Al-Infitaar 82:10-12)]

10 – Bearing in mind some of the texts which forbid letting the gaze wander freely, such as the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [Al-Noor 24:30]

11 – Avoiding looking unnecessarily, so that you only look at what you need to look at, and you do not let your gaze wander right and left so that it falls upon something the effects and fitnah of which cannot be got rid of quickly.

12 – Marriage, which is one of the most effective remedies. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1806; Muslim, 1400).

13 – Fasting – because of the hadeeth quoted above.

14 – Doing obligatory acts of worship as Allaah has commanded, such as prayer. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahshaa’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)” [Quran - (Al-‘Ankaboot 29:45)]

15 – Remembering al-hoor al-‘ayn, which will give you a motive to be patient in avoiding that which Allaah has forbidden, hoping to get al-hoor al-‘ayn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Companions of Equal Age” [Quran – (Al-Naba’ 78:33]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “… If a woman of the people of Paradise were to look out over the people of this earth, it would light up everything in between and fill it with fragrance, and the veil of her head is better than this world and everything in it.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2643).

16 – Bearing in mind the shortcomings of the one who is looked at and the filth and waste material they carry in their gut.

17 – Being ambitious and focusing on nobler things.

18 – Checking on yourself from time to time and striving to make yourself lower your gaze whilst realizing that everyone makes mistakes.

19 – Thinking of the pain and regret that will result from this looking, and the effects of letting one’s gaze wander.

20 – Understanding the benefits of lowering one's gaze, as mentioned above.

21 – Bringing up this topic in meetings and gatherings, and explaining its dangers.

22 – Advising your relatives, telling them not to wear clothes that attract attention and show their attractions, such as how they dress, wearing bright colours, how they walk, speaking too softly, etc.

23 – Warding off passing thoughts and whispers from the Shaytaan before they take hold and are acted upon. Whoever lowers his gaze after the first glance will be saved from innumerable problems, but if he keeps looking he cannot be certain that seeds that will be difficult to remove will not be planted in his heart.

25 – Being afraid of a bad end, and of feeling regret at the point of death.

26 – Keeping company with good people, because you are naturally affected by the characteristics of the people you mix with, and a person will follow the way of his close friend, and a friend will pull you to follow his way.

27 – Knowing that the zina of the eye is looking, and that should be sufficient to put you off. Adapted from an essay entitled Ghadd al-Basr (Lowering the Gaze) by a student of sharee’ah.

We ask Allaah to guide us all. And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

And Allaah knows best.

Showing affection infront of kids

In the Name of Allāh, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāh wa-barakātuh.

As part of the tarbiyah (proper upbringing) of a child, parents must teach their children about love, kindness, and affection. The children will learn these characteristics when they see how their parents care for them, hug and kiss them, and always look out for their best interests. Such actions towards the children will instill these noble characteristics in them, as well.

Furthermore, the children will also observe the love between their parents in the way that the couple behaves with gentleness and kindness towards each other. It is not necessary for the parents to display physical acts of affection in front of the children. Children are smart enough to recognize the love and affection between their parents without ever needing to see them engage in physical acts of affection.

In fact, the parents should avoid displaying physical acts of affection, such as intimate hugging and kissing, in front of their children in order to instill the principles on hayā’ (modesty, shame) in them. Rather, they should focus on their akhlāq (character) and behavior with each other, as well as with the children.

And Allāh knows best.

Haram Relationships

Pre-marital relationships (boy/girlfriends) are strictly Haram (forbidden) in Islam. For non permissible males to have a relationship with non permissible females is one of the major sins in today’s era.

Unfortunately we see this western influence spreading like an illness amongst the Muslim youth. As barriers of work and study have been relaxed by parents, as they would like to see their children prosper, it has brought its evils with it.

In today’s youth the most common of sins after missing prayers, disobeying parents, cheating and lying is harram relationships, freely mixing with opposite sex and pornography. All that starts from online media to the physical act of sins.

Allah Subhana Watala says:

“Tell them (O Muhammad): ‘My Lord has only forbidden indecent acts, whether open or hidden [Quran 7:33]

Pre-marital relationships (boy/girlfriends) are strictly Haram (forbidden) in Islam. For non permissible males to have a relationship with non permissible females is one of the major sins in today’s era.

Unfortunately we see this western influence spreading like an illness amongst the Muslim youth. As barriers of work and study have been relaxed by parents, as they would like to see their children prosper, it has brought its evils with it.

In today’s youth the most common of sins after missing prayers, disobeying parents, cheating and lying is harram relationships, freely mixing with opposite sex and pornography. All that starts from online media to the physical act of sins.

Allah Subhana Watala says:

“Tell them (O Muhammad): ‘My Lord has only forbidden indecent acts, whether open or hidden [Quran 7:33]

Keeping Sins A Secret

From among the teachings of Allah's Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him) is to keep sins a secret matter. If someone commits a sinful act which is against the Commandments of Allah, or is against the moral character, or is such an act that may cause harm to one's honor, then he should keep it a secret and seek forgiveness from Allah in the darkness of night.

The Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings be upon him) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O Fulan! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Sahih al-Bukhari]

Zayd ibn Aslam narrated, 'At the time of the Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings be upon him), a man admitted that he had committed fornication, so the Messenger of Allah asked for a whip. He was brought a broken whip, so he said: "Better than this." Then he was brought a new whip..., he then said: "Lesser than this.' So, he was brought a whip that was used and had thus become soft, and the Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him) ordered that he be whipped with it (a hundred times). He then said: "O People! It is time for you to refrain from transgressing Allah's limits. He who commits some of these filthy acts (such as fornication), let him hide under Allah's cover, for whoever admits what he has committed, we will establish Allah's Book as regards him (by applying the warranted punishment for this sin)." [Musnad Ahmad]

Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud related, 'A man came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.' Umar Ibn al-Khattab then said: 'Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret?' [Sharh Muslim]

Similarly, if one becomes aware of somebody else's sin, he should keep it a secret.

Allah's Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him) said: "He, who relieves a hardship of this Dunya (word) for a believer, Allah will relieve (from him) a hardship of the Day of Resurrection; he who makes easy an indebted person, Allah will make it easy for him in the Dunya and the Hereafter; he who covers a Muslim (meaning his mistakes and shortcomings), Allah will cover him in the Dunya and the Hereafter..." [Muslim]

Abdullah Ibn Umar related, "The Messenger of Allah (Peace and blessings be upon him) once rose above the podium and then said with a loud voice, "O those who have embraced Islam only with their tongue, while Iman has not yet entered their hearts, neither harm Muslims, nor mock them, nor try to expose their mistakes, for he who follows (searches for) the errors of his brother, Allah will follow his errors, and he whom Allah follows his errors, He will expose him even if he was in the middle of his home." [Sahih al-Jami]

Imam an-Nawawi writes, 'This Hadith indicates that following and then exposing people's mistakes only occurs by the hypocrites and those whose Iman is so weak, that it did not yet fill their hearts..."

Exposing sins lead to humiliation and embarrassment, which ceases the possibility that the sinner might someday regret his mistake, seek forgiveness from Allah and purify his soul from sins because one of the things that prevent one from committing sins is the fear of humiliation. However, if the sinner knows that the people are already aware of his sins, then he does not experience the shame and distraction which he used to feel before and this might encourage him to commit sins openly!

Secondly, when sins are repeatedly mentioned in gatherings, etc. the fear of committing sins vanishes from the people's hearts. First the sin will become easy on people's tongue and gradually he, who does not feel any shame in mentioning the sin, will not find it difficult to even commit the sin. This is how, sins spread in the society!

So, if someone becomes aware of his brother's sins and realizes that nobody except him has seen him committing the sin, then he should keep the sin a secret. He should not encourage people towards sins by exposing his faults. Allah, the Exalted, has not only condemned committing sins in the Quran but He has also condemned those people who mention sins in public. He said:

"Verily, those who like that Fahishah should be circulated among those who believe, they will have a painful torment." [Noble Quran 24:19]

Meaning, those who like to see evil talk about them (the believers) appear. [Tafsir Ibn Kathir]

Allah says:

"Allah does not like that evil should be uttered in public except by him who has been wronged." [Noble Quran 4:148]

Ibn Abbas commented on this verse, "Allah does not like that anyone should invoke Him against anyone else, unless one was wronged. In this case, Allah allows one to invoke Him against whoever wronged him...Yet, it is better for one if he observes patience." [Tafsir Ibn Kathir]

Today sins have become widespread in the society because we have forgotten the teachings of Allah's Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him), who discouraged people from revealing one's mistakes and sins as well as others. As a result, people have lost the fear of committing not only minor sins but even major sins - Moreover, we find people proudly attributing sins to themselves!!

Today, there are also many novel channels through which sins are propagated in the society; like such book, magazines and television programs that mention the crimes of others, illicit acts, and immorality under the name of creating awareness among the people. These programs which are meant to help the people against the crimes are in reality, helping the crime to spread fast in the society! Crimes, which were previously unknown to people have become common offense! It is therefore necessary for the Muslims to avoid all such avenues which may lead to the destruction of our Muslim Ummah.

Compiled by Shawana A Aziz

ShareIslam

Islamic Perspective on Sex

Islam considers sex an essential human need which need not be suppressed, rather satisfied in a proper manner. It is not something looked down upon disdainfully and a thing a person must refrain from.

Islam has set certain laws by which it is controlled and through which one can satisfy this need. One is not to satisfy this in an animalistic or lustful uncontrolled manner; it should be satisfied through marriage.

The ultimate goal of marriage in Islam is to achieve psychological and emotional stability for both spouses.

Allah says:

(They are Libas (i.e. body cover, or screen or Sakan [i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with them]) for you and you are the same for them.) (2:187)

Islam safeguards the individual and society by forbid- ding everything which excites the sexual desire for fear that a person would commit fornication or sodomy either willingly or forcefully (i.e. rape).

This of course would result in illegitimate children proliferating in society, who have no parents to raise them morally. They would then emerge in society as a group who harbor animosity and hate towards others. Also, diseases would spread across society.

Allah says:

(And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily it is a Fahishah (a great sin and an evil way that leads one to Hell).) (17:32)

http://www.thekeytoislam.com/en/islamic-perspective-on-sex.shtml

POLYGAMY

It is left to the societies and individuals , within the freedoms and prohibitions laid down by Islam, to regulate their conduct as they may desire. What is important to note is that it takes a woman, in addition to a man, to make a polygamous marriage; for no marriage in Islam can never take place without her consent. And the first wife can also claim a divorce if she cannot live with the situation. Hence it is entirely within the power of individuals virtually to eliminate polygamy without recourse to law.

Polygamy is permitted by the Qur'an; though it is not enjoined, as some people apparently believed. Justice is enjoined, as far as is humanly possible, otherwise one should remain monogamous. Thus, disadvantages of a polygamous marriage are recognized, but not to the extent of prohibiting it legally. This legal provision can be properly understood only in the context of Islam's position on two important issues, as already explained. Firstly, that the family is the cornerstone of human society and any extra-marital sex is completely prohibited. Married life is the most desirable way of life - Islam wants a woman to be a wife and never a mistress. Both man and woman have to make some sacrifice to make a success of family life. Secondly, Islam's law is for all times to come and should therefore, as far as is practical, cater for all possible social and individual situations. Legal provision, like a total ban on divorce or polygamy may indeed result in far more serious consequences than they may solve. Even in countries where polygamy is illegal, it may be argued, monogamy is fairly rare, so sex outside marriage is considered as polygamy, as it should be.

From: Shariah: The way of Justice by Khurram Murad

Problems that stem from masturbation

To Masturbate is to fall short of Islam's high morals. The best believers would never masturbate since they have completely devoted their lives to Islam. They welcome pain and hardship since they know it is better for their future. And resisting sexual temptations is a great act of self-discipline and contribute greatly to a person's spiritual growth, and there will sure be great rewards for it in the Hereafter.Masturbation edges on sin. And as humans in a situation like this, we can never be sure if our actions are according to Islam or we have transgressed.
Masturbation can obsess a person's mind with sex. Some teenagers report on online forums that all they think about during the day and night is sex. How can someone like this help the world become a better place?
Masturbation will make the person lose self-respect.
For a male, losing semen can cause problems. More on this at semenloss.info. To quote one of their readers: "I didn't masturbate until I was 17 years old. I didn't exercise much and yet I had this amazing 8 pack. I started masturbating about 1- 5 times a day and my 8 pack turned into a vague 4 pack. I noticed muscle loss in other parts of my body as well and I started having back problems and my eyes started getting really dry." The problem could have been caused by the high frequency. A book called The Garden of Fertility says typically a man needs 36 hours to replenish ejaculated sperm [copyright 2004, Katie Singer]. I expect when a man ejaculates more frequently than is healthy, his body will go into overdrive, trying to compensate for the lost semen by burning muscle protein to create energy. And for the dry eyes, I have read that tears and semen share some components. Since the body gives priority to procreation, the amount of fluid in the eyes and/or the helpful lubricants inside the fluid decrease.
Masturbation can cause the individual to miss prayers, since a male cannot pray after ejaculation until he makes ghusl (takes a shower). This can be problematic when he lives with parents, who might embarrass him by asking why he showered twice in one day. I haven't found rulings that would require females to shower after masturbation, but it is required to wash the body's sexual fluids off before one can pray, so some cleaning is necessary.
For females, inserting a finger or an object into the vagina can break the hymen.

Taken from islamonline

help me!?...My wife is not beautiful and it is disturbing my sleep!!!

I have been married for a few years. During the first two years I was happy with my marriage and I loved my wife, but after that I started to feel that I disliked my wife. That is not because of religion, because she is religiously committed and has a good character, praise be to Allaah. Rather it has to do with her beauty, because she is not beautiful enough to keep me chaste and make me lower my gaze. I am afraid of mistreating her because I do not feel happy with her and sometimes I frown at her for no reason. The problem is that I cannot marry another wife because I am not financially able. I thought of taking a loan in order to marry but then I would be living in poverty because of the loan. I have thought a lot about divorcing her and letting her go in kindness and replacing her with another, but I have children from her and she loves me a lot. I have thought about this a great deal and it is disturbing my sleep, because I do not know what to do. What should I do, may Allaah reward you.

Praise be to Allaah.

My dear brother, I appreciate your confidence in me and I ask Allaah to make us and you strong and steadfast, and to guide us. With regard to your question, I offer the following comments:

1 – The problem you have is not with regard to marrying a second wife, or divorcing your wife. The problem, as you mention, is a financial problem. So long as you are not able to marry another wife, then you should keep the wife with whom Allaah has blessed you.

2 – Whenever you are able and have the financial means, and praise be to Allaah that He has permitted plural marriage to you… In my opinion that is easier for a woman to bear than divorce, especially since you have children from her.

3 – Try to look at the matter from a different angle. You may find many positive things in her, and beauty is not everything, believe me. How she behaves and treats you… and many things which are ultimately more important than appearance. For with time you will get used to her appearance, and how she behaves will be what matters…

4 – Imagine that you find a very beautiful woman and marry her… then she starts to treat you in an arrogant or impolite manner… or she treats you and your family badly… what would you do?!

5 – You should be objective and not burden yourself with more than you can bear. Look at the matter from different aspects. “it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’ 4:19 – interpretation of the meaning]. And remember the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Look for one [a wife] who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!”

May Allaah help you, protect you and make you steadfast in following the path of goodness and truth.

Answered by Ahmad al-Muqbil

www.islamqa.com

pls read this. Kissing on the mouth among women

I have an important question which I hope you will answer. Please excuse us for this question, but we need to explain it to you so that we may avoid something haraam.
It has become very common among girls who claim Islamic sisterhood to kiss one another in an exaggerated fashion, such as kissing on the mouth or elsewhere, and they claim that this is part of complete love. When we explain to them that it is haraam, they say that there is no shar’i evidence to show that it is haraam, and that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to bite the tongue of Zayd ibn Haarithah, and that they are prepared to stop doing this if they are shown any shar’i evidence that it is haraam.


Praise be to Allaah.

In order to establish a shar’i ruling, it is not essential that there be a text which speaks specifically of it in a Qur’aanic verse or a hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). There is no end to issues and new matters. Hence Islam has set out basic principles which cover thousands of issues and explain their rulings. These major principles include the principle of sadd al-dharaa’i (blocking the means). In I’laam al-Muwaqqi’een, Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned ninety-nine texts from the Qur’aan and Sunnah which point to the soundness of this principle. What is meant by “blocking the means” is that everything that is a means that leads to falling into something haraam is also forbidden, even if it is permissible in principal.

It is well known that Islam closes the door to things that lead to immorality, whether it is zina or perversions thereof such as homosexuality or lesbianism. Among the ways in which it has closed the door to that are the following:

Forbidding men to look at women and vice versa, forbidding a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman or to shake hands with her, forbidding a woman to travel alone, and so on. Another example is the way in which Islam closes the door to perversion and immorality that may occur between males or between women, so Islam forbids a woman to look at the ‘awrah of another woman, or a man to look at the ‘awrah of another man; it forbids sleeping in one bed beneath one cover; and it forbids looking, touching and kissing if that is done with desire, even between one woman and another, or between one man and another.

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should look at the ‘awrah of another man, and no woman should look at the ‘awrah of another woman. No man should lie down with another man beneath a single cover, and no woman should lie down with another woman beneath a single cover.” Narrated by Muslim (338).

The scholars have also clearly stated that this applies even between mahrams (close blood relatives). They have stated that it is forbidden for a father to kiss his daughter on the mouth and that it is even more forbidden for a brother to kiss his sister on the mouth, let alone other relatives.

Imam Ahmad was asked about a man kissing a woman who is his mahram. He said: If he has come from a journey and he does not fear that there may be any temptation. Ibn Muflih said: But he should never do that on the mouth; it should be on the cheek or on the head.

Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah (2/256)

Imam Ahmad has mentioned the following limitations with regard to kissing mahrams:

1 – There should be a special reason for it, such as having come from a journey.

2 – There should be no risk of fitnah (temptation).

Ibn Muflih (may Allaah have mercy on him) has explained an important point which is that there should be no kissing on the mouth, rather it should be on the cheek or head, because kissing the mouth has to do with desire, not the kissing of emotion such as that of a father or brother. This is clear to anyone who thinks about it.

In al-Iqnaa’ (3/156) it says:

There is nothing wrong with one who has come from a journey kissing his female mahrams, so long as he does not fear that there may be any temptation, but he should not kiss on the mouth, rather it should be on the forehead or head. End quote.

In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (13/130) it says:

It is not permissible for a man to kiss the mouth or hand or anything else of another man, or for a woman to kiss another woman, or to embrace or touch their bodies, etc, if that is done by way of desire. There is no difference of opinion among the fuqaha’ on this matter …

But if that is not done on the mouth, and it is done by way of respect and honouring, or to express emotion upon meeting and parting, then there is nothing wrong with it. End quote.

If these are the words of our scholars and imams with regard to kissing mahrams such as a daughter, then how can they allow non-mahram females to kiss one another on the mouth on a daily basis, with no reason such as travelling or a lengthy absence?
It should be noted that we cannot find the hadeeth mentioned in the question about the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) biting the tongue of Zayd ibn Haarithah, and we do not know where this comes from.

In al-Tirmidhi (2732) it is narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: Zayd ibn Haarithah came to Madeenah and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was in my house. He came to him and knocked at the door, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stood up and embraced him and kissed him.

But this is a da’eef (weak) hadeeth, which was classed as such by al-Albaani in Da’eef al-Tirmidhi.


And Allaah knows best.
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